I simply feel as if no one understands me
and, worse, no one tries.
Today, my mom took me outside. She took me to a bowling alley,
somewhere loud and full of people. I've been going once a week to
watch my brother bowl, trying to "grow up". I still get anxious. But, today,
she and my brother took me to bowl. I felt as if I wanted to cry. I'm not
used to being in the crowd as it is-- But now, I'm in front of everyone and
they're all watching me. I knew they were and even if they really weren't,
my head still filled with all the things they could be thinking about me.
I started to shake and I could not find my voice after the first game.
Now, I am home. Shaken and on the verge of tears. Not because I was
dragged out of my comfort zone, but because no one will ever understand
what I feel.
Not even me.
I have a severe social anxiety, I've had it ever since I was a child. Being
in public, around strangers, outside of my house and even around my
family makes me extremely nervous. My heart races, I feel hot, I get
a pressure in my chest and I begin to shake.
When asked about it, as a child, I tried to explain but no one would really
listen. They just kept saying "Why". With no real question, just saying it for
no real reason. As a teenager, I just stopped trying
to explain myself and now, as an adult, everyone just tells me to grow up.
I can't just get over it, I don't know what started it. It's like I was born with
this fear of people and no one seems to want to understand, just make me
feel bad that I'm a coward.
I can't explain why I'm I feel this way and, right now, I don't care.
This is a rant and I don't expect any one to help. I'm just going to
assume that whoever reads this will just question me and this is why
I'm probably not going to come back to read this.
Thank you for your time though.
and, worse, no one tries.
Today, my mom took me outside. She took me to a bowling alley,
somewhere loud and full of people. I've been going once a week to
watch my brother bowl, trying to "grow up". I still get anxious. But, today,
she and my brother took me to bowl. I felt as if I wanted to cry. I'm not
used to being in the crowd as it is-- But now, I'm in front of everyone and
they're all watching me. I knew they were and even if they really weren't,
my head still filled with all the things they could be thinking about me.
I started to shake and I could not find my voice after the first game.
Now, I am home. Shaken and on the verge of tears. Not because I was
dragged out of my comfort zone, but because no one will ever understand
what I feel.
Not even me.
I have a severe social anxiety, I've had it ever since I was a child. Being
in public, around strangers, outside of my house and even around my
family makes me extremely nervous. My heart races, I feel hot, I get
a pressure in my chest and I begin to shake.
When asked about it, as a child, I tried to explain but no one would really
listen. They just kept saying "Why". With no real question, just saying it for
no real reason. As a teenager, I just stopped trying
to explain myself and now, as an adult, everyone just tells me to grow up.
I can't just get over it, I don't know what started it. It's like I was born with
this fear of people and no one seems to want to understand, just make me
feel bad that I'm a coward.
I can't explain why I'm I feel this way and, right now, I don't care.
This is a rant and I don't expect any one to help. I'm just going to
assume that whoever reads this will just question me and this is why
I'm probably not going to come back to read this.
Thank you for your time though.
