I think I am getting worse... (updated)

[dandykaiju]

So I already have self esteem issues and a constant feeling of never-ending loneliness, but this week has just been plan awful...
I've thought of killing myself four times this week and even knew what I was gonna do for two of the times... (overdosing on ibuprofen/crashing my car)
I feel like a burden on everyone and that no one really likes me... I have about two friends... Both of which aren't around all the time... I just cut myself.. Always had urges to.. but never did... but today was just enough to push me over the edge... They aren't bleeding, but they are a soft pink color... I know that may not count I guess but I just didn't want to get caught... I don't have the heart to tell my two friends I did that... I feel they will leave me... Or get mad... or something that is bad... I'm really upset.. I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tonight... and I wish my two friends weren't busy... I need them now more than ever....

Update:
So I finally decided to talk to my mom. I will be getting therapy within the next few months. Thank you all for your concern and advice.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

WhenFlyingMuffinsAttack

So I already have self esteem issues and a constant feeling of never-ending loneliness, but this week has just been plan awful...
I've thought of killing myself four times this week and even knew what I was gonna do for two of the times... (overdosing on ibuprofen/crashing my car)
I feel like a burden on everyone and that no one really likes me... I have about two friends... Both of which aren't around all the time... I just cut myself.. Always had urges to.. but never did... but today was just enough to push me over the edge... They aren't bleeding, but they are a soft pink color... I know that may not count I guess but I just didn't want to get caught... I don't have the heart to tell my two friends I did that... I feel they will leave me... Or get mad... or something that is bad... I'm really upset.. I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tonight... and I wish my two friends weren't busy... I need them now more than ever....

There was a time I felt very lonely. I thought if no one ask me to hang out with them well... I'll be the one who will ask them... Like hey ! There's a new movie I really want to watch do you want to come? Do you want to play video games ? Do you want to go shopping? DO you want to go swimming ?

People that are interested will become your friends (close friends). It takes time to build friendship sometimes !
Try to socialize with people at school or at work... You can make colleagues, coworkers and maybe eventually FRIENDS.

Another thing, if my friends are busy I'll do things that I like. LIVING IS ABOUT DOING WHAT YOU LIKE. So, I'll watch my favorite shows. I'll read...

There was also a time that I felt no one liked me, but people don't always say that they like you. I have a classmate that told me, X said it's more fun when you're there you make things cute.
It really brighten up my day. If she never told me that. I'll never know that I am capable of being cute or fun lol...

I hope it helped you.  

[the mage-girl]

I am so sorry for you. cry I too struggle with urges to self-harm. You are not alone. Heck, only a few minutes ago I was thinking about stabbing myself in the wrist. sad

It is so hard to explain to other people... If I tell my mom, she just says "Stop thinking like that!" and most of my friends are like "I don't know what to tell you". Sigh.

Do you have a friend or relative you can really trust? Or access to a doctor or therapist? I think you need someone to talk to who is not going to judge you. There are some people out there that think people who self-harm are doing it for attention. A lot of us who think about self-harm are not doing it for attention. We are doing it because our internal pain is so bad, we don't know what else to do.

When I get my urges, I have to STOP and EXAMINE what I'm doing right now. What made me feel bad? What was I doing/thinking? Money is a big trigger for me. So is disappointing people. If you can learn your triggers, it will give you some control over your urges.

Another thing you can do when you feel like harming yourself is change activities. If you are on the computer, get off the computer and go take a walk. Or write in your journal. Or call a friend to chat. Do something different. Don't allow yourself to get into a thinking rut.

You can do something and not hurt yourself. It will take time. I hope you can find someone to work with you and help you. smile

Take care, and keep us posted.  

[buckwolvhoosier]

You are concerned about what your friends will think. That right there is a good reason for you to live. If you are concerned about what they think, then it means you know they still care. They may be busy at the moment, but they are not ditching you or anything. When they are not busy, be sure to spend some time with them. Also, you should tell them how you are feeling. If they do not know, then how can they help you?

Talking about your feelings of self-harm may help you out a lot. Suicide is never the answer. Please listen to one who has lost a good friend to suicide 8 months ago and is still hurting because he was not strong enough to make it through his problems. I never even knew how depressed he was and now he's gone. He used his car to take his own life, so hearing you mention that made me want to cry.

Don't do something that will hurt your family and friends in the fiercest way. You may be feeling lonely, but that is no reason to kill yourself. I get lonely a lot and I just try to do something to keep me occupied. If I have nothing to do, I just lay down on my bed and sleep. The day will pass and I hope that the next day will be better.

Hold fast and it will be alright. ((HUGS))