I am not sure how to approach this situation anymore...

[flauterfli]

Try hanging out with her!

My husband's mother told me the night before the wedding that she was so grateful his ex broke up with him, because he always went to her place and she never came over.

I made the effort to visit with her (to the point that he gets irritated because we spend so much time chatting!)

If you want the relationship to develop and last then you gotta put the effort into getting along with his family, or at the very least exchange strained pleasantries.

You did say hi once, good! That's a start. I dunno how interactions were before, but she might be irate because she feels that you
re "stealing" her son. She's fearful that one day you two will move in together and she'll never see him again.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I wouldn't want to be in that sort of environment either.

If the situation doesn't improve, which often it does not, then work out a compromise.

Sometimes I absolutely cannot stand my father-in-law. He's a real nice guy, sure, but he's also a pigheaded sexist homophobe. Once he goes on political rants (which is often, due to the pain killers for his back) I have to get up and leave the room or I will snap (even if he just grilled that delicious steak I was gobbling up.)

We learn to get along and resolve our stark differences because, damnit, family matters.

 

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Yokies

From what I've read in all your posts, it does seem very much like she's angry about other things and is taking it out on the only thing she can; her son and his girlfriend. It doesn't sound to me that she has much else to let her anger out on, that she doesn't know how to do that healthily without rubbing it off on someone else. It could also be since it seems he's been over at your house more often than before, she might just really be starting to miss her son. Maybe she feels jealous or angry that it seems he'd rather spend all his time with you rather than any time with her or at their home. She could even be thinking in her head that you're monopolizing all his time because he helps you and that you might be taking advantage of his kindness.

There are a lot of possibilities, but no matter what it is, he needs to ask what is up. Either way, you're uncomfortable. You don't like the vibe she's giving you and he needs to see if there really is an issue. It's not like you can go and ask her because she wont even respond to a simple hi. The least he can do is find out what is going on and give you reassurance that it's not you, or if it is, to find out what reasons there are and why his mom feels the way she does.

Well thats the thing we actually hardly see each due to the fact the I have school and he has work. Now the situation has changed, he is currently working a few days a week like about 3 to 2 day or so. I have school in different days and different times.
Monday and wednesday I classes from 9:30 to 10:50 which during those days he has work.
Tuesday and Thrusday I have classes from 12:45 to 4:10 so I get home until like 6pm because its basically about an hour or so on the bus.
Just his thrusday he actually didn't work but had to do some things so he told me he would pick me after class which he did.
We only spend about 3 hours together at night and thats it. Sometimes I do go over and still don't see her at all.

Now his mom works so she is hardly home. She doesn't arrive at home until around 4pm or 5pm from the times I have been there in the afternoon. My bf usually works from 7:30am to 5pm so they do see each other. There are times where he goes into work from 5am to 5pm and those are the days he stays home to catch some sleep.
He also stayed at him when it was his step dad's birthday which I understood and told him to stay.
Either way whether she hardly see him or not, she isn't usually home on the weekends. She goes out partying. And when she is home, she just in her room and just comes in and check on us and leaves without even staying in the room. or she goes out somewhere.

I still say hi because its the polite thing to do and usually my boyfriend tells me.
We spend time at his house as the equal amount at my house. I just usually dont like there because we hardly have privacy and such.

He has also reassures me that the reason why his mom isn't a good mood isn't my fault and that its his brother and sister fault or a family member. :/

We have talked about this and everything he still thinks I am overreacting and thinking too negative about her and such.  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Yokies

From what I've read in all your posts, it does seem very much like she's angry about other things and is taking it out on the only thing she can; her son and his girlfriend. It doesn't sound to me that she has much else to let her anger out on, that she doesn't know how to do that healthily without rubbing it off on someone else. It could also be since it seems he's been over at your house more often than before, she might just really be starting to miss her son. Maybe she feels jealous or angry that it seems he'd rather spend all his time with you rather than any time with her or at their home. She could even be thinking in her head that you're monopolizing all his time because he helps you and that you might be taking advantage of his kindness.

There are a lot of possibilities, but no matter what it is, he needs to ask what is up. Either way, you're uncomfortable. You don't like the vibe she's giving you and he needs to see if there really is an issue. It's not like you can go and ask her because she wont even respond to a simple hi. The least he can do is find out what is going on and give you reassurance that it's not you, or if it is, to find out what reasons there are and why his mom feels the way she does.

Well thats the thing we actually hardly see each due to the fact the I have school and he has work. Now the situation has changed, he is currently working a few days a week like about 3 to 2 day or so. I have school in different days and different times.
Monday and wednesday I classes from 9:30 to 10:50 which during those days he has work.
Tuesday and Thrusday I have classes from 12:45 to 4:10 so I get home until like 6pm because its basically about an hour or so on the bus.
Just his thrusday he actually didn't work but had to do some things so he told me he would pick me after class which he did.
We only spend about 3 hours together at night and thats it. Sometimes I do go over and still don't see her at all.

Now his mom works so she is hardly home. She doesn't arrive at home until around 4pm or 5pm from the times I have been there in the afternoon. My bf usually works from 7:30am to 5pm so they do see each other. There are times where he goes into work from 5am to 5pm and those are the days he stays home to catch some sleep.
He also stayed at him when it was his step dad's birthday which I understood and told him to stay.
Either way whether she hardly see him or not, she isn't usually home on the weekends. She goes out partying. And when she is home, she just in her room and just comes in and check on us and leaves without even staying in the room. or she goes out somewhere.

I still say hi because its the polite thing to do and usually my boyfriend tells me.
We spend time at his house as the equal amount at my house. I just usually dont like there because we hardly have privacy and such.

He has also reassures me that the reason why his mom isn't a good mood isn't my fault and that its his brother and sister fault or a family member. :/

We have talked about this and everything he still thinks I am overreacting and thinking too negative about her and such.  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

flauterfli

Try hanging out with her!

My husband's mother told me the night before the wedding that she was so grateful his ex broke up with him, because he always went to her place and she never came over.

I made the effort to visit with her (to the point that he gets irritated because we spend so much time chatting!)

If you want the relationship to develop and last then you gotta put the effort into getting along with his family, or at the very least exchange strained pleasantries.

You did say hi once, good! That's a start. I dunno how interactions were before, but she might be irate because she feels that you
re "stealing" her son. She's fearful that one day you two will move in together and she'll never see him again.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I wouldn't want to be in that sort of environment either.

If the situation doesn't improve, which often it does not, then work out a compromise.

Sometimes I absolutely cannot stand my father-in-law. He's a real nice guy, sure, but he's also a pigheaded sexist homophobe. Once he goes on political rants (which is often, due to the pain killers for his back) I have to get up and leave the room or I will snap (even if he just grilled that delicious steak I was gobbling up.)

We learn to get along and resolve our stark differences because, damnit, family matters.

Well the thing about that is that she and I don't really have anything in common. She is sorta like a party person and I am not. We actually just hi and make a bit of small talk ever now and than depending on our situation.
I actually say hi when I see her. I hardly see her at home actually. She is either out on doing her things, she gone to a party or she is in her room.
But when I do, I actually say sometimes she says hi back or gives me a nod.
Well she knows her son and I havent really been together for that long so the talk about moving together and all doesn't really come up much aside in case I end up pregnant or something(he and I like to think ahead)
Well I usually tell him to stay over when he is either really tired or sick or something family related happens like a happy birthday.
If he decide to come on his own free will or whatever than what was his decision and she knows that but my bf does listen to me when I tell him to stay home and relax catch up on his sleep or take care of his business before coming over :/
Well she and I are hardly in the same room so yea.
Well for me, I'm not much of a family person so yea n.n; but I know to my bf and to her family matters and I can understand that.  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Yokies

xXNi-ChanXx

I'm honestly at a loss at what else to suggest. If he truly believes she's just upset because of other people then it doesn't seem like he'll be of much help in that department. I would just take his word for it and continue to be as polite as you can to her even if she gives you a look or doesn't respond. At least you can say you were never rude and you actually tried.

Thats true. I'll probably do that.
Like today, the only person I saw was his step dad. His mom no where to be seen at all today :/  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Yokies

Maybe she just doesn't even want to be home right now. It's odd that she'd be away so much.

Yea, and I find it more odd that she is complaining that her son is never home when she is the one that hardly even leaves her room or is out partying...
But oh well...
Right now, I am just going to be polite and thats it.
If she says hi back or something thats fine.
If she doesn't than I won't try to let it get to me.
I just don't want to keep having this problem with him about his mom.  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

Yokies

She could be projecting her own issues onto him about not being home since she's home even less. Someone else in the family might not like that she's away so much and instead of dealing with it herself, she sees her son "getting away" with the same thing and takes it out on you since you're one of reasons he leaves the home. She can't get mad at him for going to work (as that's seen as more important by most people), so you're the only other thing she can get angry about. Its stupid, but that would be one way to explain what is going on. But even if that is the case, the original plan on just being polite is still really the only thing you can do, as it's still her own problem and you and him can't fix it. Just be as nice as possible and hope she gets over it sooner rather than later. I know it can be tough but I'm sure you can pull through it.

Yea.. I'll just continue to being polite to her when I see her and hope all this blows over.