I'm so confused

[Cadenza of the Heart]

I'm in a totally happy relationship with a wonderful man
and I've always considered myself to be straight
because I've never found myself to be sexually attracted to a female
but now I'm really starting to doubt being totally straight

I've got this newer female friend
we met briefly years ago and through random happenstance reconnected
and a few months ago we started to socialize more and actually hang out
and I think we're pretty close friends now, we've just sort of clicked
but now I'm starting to think my friend crush is actually becoming a romantic crush

she's been single for a year now, and she laments that fact quite often
and she's becoming very lonely and doesn't believe anyone will love her
plus there's the fact that her mother belittles her bisexuality
and tells her things like she'll never find a girlfriend because girls won't like her
so she ends up doubting whether she should even be open about her sexuality at all

and I just want to snuggle her in my arms and kiss her face and tell her that I would date her
because I totally would, I've been open to possible romantic relationships with girls
but I thought it was just a deep platonic love for her
then last night I had a sexual dream about her, and it didn't feel wrong
and I think I'm actually romantically in love with her, or at least falling for her that way

now this is where it gets complicated, see I mentioned having a boyfriend right?
I love him too, so very much. My feelings for him haven't changed a bit
it's just these new feelings for my friend are starting to be added on to the side
I've told him about my confusion because we're totally honest with one another
and he says he's okay with that, and he believes it now, but I don't know how he'd feel later

would he really be okay if I pursued a poly relationship?
and would she be okay with a poly relationship? I don't even know if she's considered ever being with me because I already have someone
I'm worried that if I tell her how I feel, and she's uncomfortable with it, that our friendship will end up weird
and it's been going so well, to have someone who actually wants to hang out with me
and who connects with me and shares a similar value system and personality

I'm not even entirely sure about my feelings yet,
let alone how they will affect my relationships with
these two wonderful people in my life

 

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Cadenza of the Heart

I'm in a totally happy relationship with a wonderful man
and I've always considered myself to be straight
because I've never found myself to be sexually attracted to a female
but now I'm really starting to doubt being totally straight

I've got this newer female friend
we met briefly years ago and through random happenstance reconnected
and a few months ago we started to socialize more and actually hang out
and I think we're pretty close friends now, we've just sort of clicked
but now I'm starting to think my friend crush is actually becoming a romantic crush

she's been single for a year now, and she laments that fact quite often
and she's becoming very lonely and doesn't believe anyone will love her
plus there's the fact that her mother belittles her bisexuality
and tells her things like she'll never find a girlfriend because girls won't like her
so she ends up doubting whether she should even be open about her sexuality at all

and I just want to snuggle her in my arms and kiss her face and tell her that I would date her
because I totally would, I've been open to possible romantic relationships with girls
but I thought it was just a deep platonic love for her
then last night I had a sexual dream about her, and it didn't feel wrong
and I think I'm actually romantically in love with her, or at least falling for her that way

now this is where it gets complicated, see I mentioned having a boyfriend right?
I love him too, so very much. My feelings for him haven't changed a bit
it's just these new feelings for my friend are starting to be added on to the side
I've told him about my confusion because we're totally honest with one another
and he says he's okay with that, and he believes it now, but I don't know how he'd feel later

would he really be okay if I pursued a poly relationship?
and would she be okay with a poly relationship? I don't even know if she's considered ever being with me because I already have someone
I'm worried that if I tell her how I feel, and she's uncomfortable with it, that our friendship will end up weird
and it's been going so well, to have someone who actually wants to hang out with me
and who connects with me and shares a similar value system and personality

I'm not even entirely sure about my feelings yet,
let alone how they will affect my relationships with
these two wonderful people in my life

I cannot tell you to be in a poly relationship... The thing is maybe there are people in the world that are in a poly relationship and they are totally fine. However, we grew up in a society that dating one person is acceptable.

If your friend tells you that no ones will like her. Tell her that's not the case at all ! Something like: Don't think like that. I believe you are very lovable etc.

I cannot help you more about your feelings with that friend and your dreams...
However, I know I had a friend that was in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend and she loves another man too. She loves both of them.

I believe it is possible to love many people...

I cannot say more.. @_@  

[Aquatic_blue]

Cadenza of the Heart

I'm in a totally happy relationship with a wonderful man
and I've always considered myself to be straight
because I've never found myself to be sexually attracted to a female
but now I'm really starting to doubt being totally straight

I've got this newer female friend
we met briefly years ago and through random happenstance reconnected
and a few months ago we started to socialize more and actually hang out
and I think we're pretty close friends now, we've just sort of clicked
but now I'm starting to think my friend crush is actually becoming a romantic crush

she's been single for a year now, and she laments that fact quite often
and she's becoming very lonely and doesn't believe anyone will love her
plus there's the fact that her mother belittles her bisexuality
and tells her things like she'll never find a girlfriend because girls won't like her
so she ends up doubting whether she should even be open about her sexuality at all

and I just want to snuggle her in my arms and kiss her face and tell her that I would date her
because I totally would, I've been open to possible romantic relationships with girls
but I thought it was just a deep platonic love for her
then last night I had a sexual dream about her, and it didn't feel wrong
and I think I'm actually romantically in love with her, or at least falling for her that way

now this is where it gets complicated, see I mentioned having a boyfriend right?
I love him too, so very much. My feelings for him haven't changed a bit
it's just these new feelings for my friend are starting to be added on to the side
I've told him about my confusion because we're totally honest with one another
and he says he's okay with that, and he believes it now, but I don't know how he'd feel later

would he really be okay if I pursued a poly relationship?
and would she be okay with a poly relationship? I don't even know if she's considered ever being with me because I already have someone
I'm worried that if I tell her how I feel, and she's uncomfortable with it, that our friendship will end up weird
and it's been going so well, to have someone who actually wants to hang out with me
and who connects with me and shares a similar value system and personality

I'm not even entirely sure about my feelings yet,
let alone how they will affect my relationships with
these two wonderful people in my life

If you loved him as you say, "I love him too, so very much." Then you wouldn't be cheating on him. Personally, I think it's too much drama to get yourself into because soon it's probably going to be, "Oh I love him and her..." and then one person may get upset, the other be fine and it seems like a time bomb waiting to explode. If you love a guy and you're truly committed to him, you wouldn't be running after someone else because if this guy is supplying you with all the love you need and it's a healthy relationship then this kind of thing wouldn't happen. Perhaps find out what is lacking in you and your boyfriend's relationship and what can be fixed, or if it's better to split up.  

[the mage-girl]

Some things to think about:

* How invested are you in your current boyfriend? How many years have you been dating? Do you live together? Are there kids involved? Are you looking at marriage as a possibility? How do you think he would handle you being in a relationship besides with him?

* Do you think your friend is hitting on you, or just voicing her frustrations? I have a lesbian friend (best friend actually), who tells me that I am great, I have a lot to offer, etc. But I don't get a vibe from her that she wants more than a friend relationship with me. How about you and your friend? Is there romantic chemistry? Does hanging out feel more like a date? Or do you have the feeling things are pretty platonic?

* Try not to be overly worried about your dreams. I have had sexual dreams before about people I would never think about in real life. Most recently, one of my instructors in day program. eek But I would never even consider something like that in reality. We have no relationship outside of class and he is married. Married pretty much means he's out of consideration for me.

* Not sure what I can tell you about trying a poly relationship. I will say that I personally could not deal with having a boyfriend who also had another girlfriend (or boyfriend). One person + one person is still kind of the default in our society. However, that is not to say poly relationships are impossible.

I would warn you to be sure that your friend is even into you before you considered it. Heck, she may find you attractive, but not really care about doing something with her feelings. You don't want to risk what you have with your boyfriend on a "maybe".

I hope this helps. smile