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 Posted: Sat Nov 23, 2013 11:06 pm
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K.
I need help here.
Chris and I were on okcupid.com. We met up and BOOM! we were dating. eek It surprised me.
So there was no 'falling'--just to be clear.
We met in June. So 6 months-ish?? I think. I don't know.
I feel that we both want different things from a relationship and we're just not who we are looking for.
I've felt this way for a little bit...but had to make sure I knew what it was.
Also I told him not to say he loves me unless it's true.
He's been saying it and so have I; but lately, I've been studying myself, and found it's not true and not fair of me to say that.
I ...am and am not..attracted to him. His chest is amazing, but he dresses like crap. He's big but full of muscle. I think I like big ones honestly.
He clearly wants a girl who can be there for him and just hang out. That's my definition of friends.
When I envision a relationship, I want the whole romance deal--Flowers, random hugs and kisses, gazing into my eyes...music and poetry would make me melt... Plus he's not emotional, and that bugs me a little bit.
We haven't been together long enough to have a big emotional ...thing... happen but I get the feeling that...he's just not that way.
I think my idea of a relationship stems from movies...so...I'm trying to put a stop to that, because it seems horribly expensive.
He took me to Holiday World/Spashin' Safari at the end of August.
He obviously loves spending time with me. We're at his house every weekend but this one.
He's great....it seems that I just want a step or a few steps maybe above what he wants.
I don't want to ..,hurt him, but dealing with this now would be better then dealing with it after we return from Disney World, ya know??
He's just a different personality then me, and....I'm not sure how to approach this topic with him.
Staying like how we are now, would be perfect--but, like I said, I think of that as friends.
Also the sex--um...I'm really not sure how much detail I should go into..but...he's ...not for me that way either.
But keeping what we have now--sex included--would be totally fine with me until we have another relationship going.
I'm no virgin, but I might as well be. He's the only one who's actually cared.
I know nothing of sex...I have no clue what I like. He's helping me learn that.
I told him I wanted to loose my flabby tummy, and he showed me a youtube workout video. and I'm looking better.
He's done so much for me and just...spending all his free time with me...I fear this is being ungrateful. And go figure now, tears are welling up.
I talked to my hairdresser just briefly about it, telling her I wanted the romance, and she got me thinking...should I brake up because I totally deserve what I want...or ...what should I do??
Also, I was abused by my father for 24 years. A large portion of it was psychological.
Now, I am scared that if I reject anything from a male, i will be humiliated and shunned and hit. Thank you dad. Saying yes is literally all I do.
So...I'm....between a rock and a hard place here....I mean, Chris has feelings and I don't want to hurt them, but....I...can't get out of this.
If a breakup does happen, it's not like we'll be forced to go out of our way to avoid each other; and, anyway, I really don't expect the "breakup" to be that bad.
Part of this is because of location.
Lawrenceville, IL is literally in the middle of nowhere. I'm up here in farmland. He has to drive 20 minutes to come get me.
We have a bank, walmart, grocery store, mcdonalds and my job that I can walk to from here.
Nothing fun.
In Vincennes, IN, Applebee's is the nicest restaurant and there's a movie theater and nothing else.
People up here farm. There's sex, drinking, drugs and internet. That's it.
There's no one out here...that's why I got on the dating site.
I am a non-driver. So if I loose him, I loose the money AND the car.
There's so much to loose, that the logical thing is to stay with him. Why the problem?? I have no feelings for him.
I want to be swept off my feet. I want romance and roses and ....all of it.
He is exactly what I want for a friend.
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Posted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 10:44 am
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Posted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 1:37 pm
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Posted: Sun Nov 24, 2013 2:21 pm
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Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 10:52 am
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Posted: Mon Nov 25, 2013 12:27 pm
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You two could benefit from some talking, that much is certain. I want to start off with you not looking into this situation thinking of what he can do for you. Monetarily, I mean. How you feel about a relationship should never reflect the trips he can take you on or the car or money he has. Those are nice things, but please don't take them into consideration. How you feel should be based solely on how he treats you as a person, physically and emotionally.
Putting the money/trips/car aside, I think many of these problems could be worked on if you just talked to him about it. I know people tend to believe that romance needs to come solely from your partner and you shouldn't have to ask for it, but it's not unheard of to just say "hey, I thought about it and we don't really do a lot of romantic things, like getting flowers or chocolates". Also romanticism doesn't always have to include expensive things like that. He could just take you for a nice drive, go look at a sunset, even have a simple picnic in the park. You don't have to be afraid of asking for this since he wont know what you want if you don't tell him. Though I do suggest not going off of movie romance when looking into your own relationship because I assure you relationships are not how they are in the movies.
So just saying how you feel is the best you can do. Remember, this man is not for your father. Not all men are like your father. You can talk to this man. It's quite obvious he cares for you, so I'm sure he'd listen to you too. If he heard what you've been feeling then he could very well try to switch things up for the both of you. Of course that includes effort on your part as well, as he can't do it all on his own. Talk it out and see what comes of it and if nothing really changes after the fact, then it's probably best to end it. You can say you gave it a shot going a different route and whether it works out or not, at least you tried. |
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