[ENROLLMENT] Charybdis the Sea Witch-- Accepted

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

Amityville Enrollment Ready!

AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Charybdis
Nicknames: Char
Gender: Female
Age: appears 17. (But older in non-human years)

Faction: Monster
Race: Sea Witch

Natural Ability: Water Manipulation: Can form and control small orbs of water (no bigger than a softball) for a limited amount of time--usually by breaking her concentration.


Personality:
Quirky--she is terrified of flowers, mesmerized by books, and has the overwhelming desire to touch new things.
Haughty when challenged--anyone who dismisses her strength, her beliefs, or who makes fishy jokes at her expense.
Prone to fits of black rage
Introspective but sly
Loves to sew, knit, crochet--she's crafty.
Collects seashells, she's a little bit obsessed.
(I'm waiting to RP her to figure her out more).



Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? She is enrolled to learn more about other monsters (not just sea monsters/witches) and to learn to control her fits of black rage.

FEAR Ability:
Offensive: The Mind
Inking--can temporarily blind or cloud her enemies vision by emitting ink--if she's lucky enough to hit them.


Physical Description:

Eye Colour: Green
Hair Colour/Style: Tentacle hair--black with green
Skin Colour: Purple
Clothing Style/Colours: Tentacle and Seaweed Wrap
Extra: Crustacean Spikes
References: Char  

[lizbot]

BASIC CHARACTER KIT WHAT DO I DO NEXT

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Quote:

Note on naming: generally if it's a name found in myth and legend, it's simply considered extremely common among that race. Like naming a Valkyrie "Freya" would be considered about the same as naming a human baby "Jane"

 

[Nyx Queen of Darkness]

iStoleYurVamps

Hi just coming to leave a bit of crit!

Enroll/approval pert-
-I'd recommend changing her name. Charybdis is an actual 'character' of single origins myth. Its like naming a vampire Dracula. Your character cannot be the actual Charybdis. Its confusing even if not. Changing her name, perhaps to something Greek with the meaning of something relative, would be more suited.

Other-
- Define her fits of 'black rage' as right now all I can do is guess. Since this is one of her main reasons for enrollment, expansion is almost required for justification.
-Expand on how she is introspective, on how she is sly. Saying she IS something is fine, but without expansion on how the trait is unique to her leaves me guessing a lot. A great way is by using journalistic questions for each trait; who, what, where, when, why, and how. Applying to how each trait works for her will help flesh her out more and give a reader a better understanding of her. Also factoring in how each trait makes HER work with others and how SHE reactions with others will give a reader a better grasp on potential rp situations!
-Avoid absolutes unless they are absolutes. IE: Always, never, without exception. Very few traits are absolutes, but many can be very close. Simple word changes such as from 'anyone who dismisses her strength' to 'almost anyone' sudden provides a much more fluid and versatile ability to interpret possible reactions and situations. Saying what exceptions are and how they occur also adds a layer of depth.

Overall you have great ground work, and both her fear an nat. ability check out. To me, what you'd benefit most from is expansion.

Nyx Queen of Darkness

Thank you for the crit!

I am going to work on a few of those things now. I had a lot more in my mind that I did not have time to write down (super fast disney trip, house-cleaning for in-laws, then said in-laws being here). So I'm looking forward on taking some time to really flesh her out now now that I JUST saw all this! So excited!

I also did decide to change her name so that she'll be named in honour of Charybdis (and keep the Char nickname), but have a unique name. Thanks for the crits!