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What if Jesus meant every word He said? 

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Nenanah

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:17 pm
Recently my group of friends had a beef with a person in our group.
His name is Tyler.

See what made the pot boil over was that they were all at IHOP (restaurant) and he decided to take our friend Beth's 100$ bill as a joke, he was pretty much playing keep-away.
No big deal, thing was he kept ignoring everyone when we said to give it back.
He kept it then said he hid it in her car.
Our whole group searched through that car, took all the items out, looked under and behind seats, took door panels off... We could not find that money anywhere. We have a big supission that he kept it because when he hid it he also ran back inside the restaurant with a funny look on his face.

. He does not have a good track record when it comes to theft, he stole some Magic The Gathering cards from our friend Shawn awhile back.

He also keeps calling our friend Tina the "b word" along with the other girls in the group. Sometimes he's joking and sometimes he isn't. And it's hard to tell when he is joking. Tina's boyfriend kept telling him to stop too but he didn't.

He also was joking around at IHOP with a knife, one of our friends works there and he is usually our server. Something was said and Tyler decided to joke around by pulling a knife out, he just set the knife on the table so no he was not waving it around or anything like that but our friend the server hates knives because he had a bad experience with them when he lived in a bad neighborhood. The server asked him to put it away as did the rest of the group and he totally disregarded us and kept the joke going when he needed to stop.

.He has a nasty habit of dragging stuff out to the point of where it causes drama and headaches.

He also does some annoying things like...
.Pulling victim cards when we talk to him about faults, sometimes he even goes as far as threatening suicide.

.He gets attached to girls easily and gets mad if they aren't interested in him or if the breakup with him. He wanted to date our friend Tina but she wasn't interested because she was dating our friend Scott, Tyler got all depressed and had a sour attitude twords all of us the rest of the night and he just met Tina not even a month ago.
He also dated our friend Brooklyn awhile back (like over a year ago?) and she broke up with him because he was too clingy and forceful when it came to romantic actions, he then started sitting outside of her house at all hours of the night and pretty much stalking her after the breakup.

After all of that went down we got the whole group together to talk to him about his actions. We have been on him about him not listening and him having bad judgement when it comes to pulling jokes. He said he has been working on it, then all of this happened.
So we told him what the beef was and we had a vote if we as a whole wanted to keep him around or if we wanted him to leave us as a whole alone until he fixed himself.
We only had two people vote to keep him in the group when about four others voted him out.

I was one of the four that voted him out.
I feel extremely guilty because I know everyone has faults, and we all have stuff that we need to work on.
I also have a listening problem, it's not as bad as Tyler's but I do have my moments when I do some boneheaded things.
But at the same time these were some BIG blunders (drama at IHOP, missing money, knife thing) that happened all in the same night, so it showed me that he didn't have interest in working on himself. Plus we talked to him a couple of days before all of this happened about him not listening and having bad judgement...
I know that it's also not good to keep bad company...
So I voted him out... Did I do the wrong or right thing?
I feel like a hypocrite.
 
PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:51 pm
I think you did the right thing, for yourself. I mean, if other people in the group wish to hang out with him then that is up to them, but if you don't then by all means you shouldn't. It doesn't sound to me like he has any respect whatsoever for your - or anyone else's for that matter - boundaries and limits.

He is never going to learn or even have any reason to change if you allow him to keep crossing the line, because there are no consequences for his actions that way.

You've tried talking with him and reasoning with him and he hasn't listened or respected your boundaries, and so I think the logical thing to do would be to not hang out with him if all he is going to do is continue to cross the line.

Everybody has faults, yes, but he doesn't even sound like he's the least bit remorseful in the ways he hurts people. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Just realize that if other people want to still spend time with him, that's their choice, and doesn't make your choice to stay away from him any less valid.  

Jewelies

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Nenanah

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:05 pm
Jewelies
I think you did the right thing, for yourself. I mean, if other people in the group wish to hang out with him then that is up to them, but if you don't then by all means you shouldn't. It doesn't sound to me like he has any respect whatsoever for your - or anyone else's for that matter - boundaries and limits.

He is never going to learn or even have any reason to change if you allow him to keep crossing the line, because there are no consequences for his actions that way.

You've tried talking with him and reasoning with him and he hasn't listened or respected your boundaries, and so I think the logical thing to do would be to not hang out with him if all he is going to do is continue to cross the line.

Everybody has faults, yes, but he doesn't even sound like he's the least bit remorseful in the ways he hurts people. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Just realize that if other people want to still spend time with him, that's their choice, and doesn't make your choice to stay away from him any less valid.

Yeah I actually think that he might be a sociopath, he likes to use people. And he never seems like he is sorry for anything... And I don't care if others hang out with him, the vote was for mainly to see where we stand on when we all get together, if we are all together he cant come around unless he apologizes and shows us that he is going to put fourth some effort on fixing himself.  
PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2013 5:53 am
The Bible shows the steps needed until it comes to literally left him out.

Matthew 18:15-17 ESV.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.


I'm just wondering on a sentence:
Quote:
But at the same time these were some BIG blunders (drama at IHOP, missing money, knife thing) that happened all in the same night, so it showed me that he didn't have interest in working on himself.


I know that night was a peak of emotion, but please don't judge him as he isn't working on himself just based on that. Who knows that actually he got lots of hidden stress that night, so he turned out that way?

Most importantly, ask Holy Spirit to guide your action and keep him on your prayer. Guide him step by step on what is needed to be changed. I believe it will work better rather than abandoning him and let him realize by himself.

I'll pray for patience and wisdom for you too =)  

Meili Kyumee Youichi

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apiyo

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 23, 2013 8:44 am
You've all told him to stop doing some major things, stalking, theft, name calling, etc. and he didn't stop. You can't always cave or he'll learn he can do whatever he wants and keep running over the group. If any of you want to help him work on himself then fine, but you followed the Matthew 18:15 verse to a t. Ya'll aren't under obligation to keep this guy around being abusive, ultimately it was his choice because you all set the rules of the group and he didn't want to oblige. Don't feel like a hypocrite, we all have flaws but that's not an excuse to let bad/illegal behavior continue. Coddling him isn't in his best interest. If you, or any others in the group want to help him work on himself or get the resources to do that then that would be a better way to not feel like a hypocrite. But he sounds like he needs to be ejected, not enabled.  
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