I just... Don't... know..?

[thetinykiwi]

Okay.
So two months ago, my boyfriend became my ex. Over what I thought was a big deal. I didn't talk to him for a while but I eventually said we could be friends.... and we never talked after that (my choice).

Andddd Sunday I went to a party at my friend's house. My ex showed up for a bit. I didn't say a single word to him while he was there. But when he was leaving he just looked at me like "Are you mad at me again?! You didn't say hi and now you won't say bye?!" So I waved a bit and he left all huffy. Then he started to text me. We caught up, actually. We became friends over this week. He has a girlfriend, but he let me come over any way. And he showed me some texts where she said she doesn't CARE if we cuddle. She'd even let him cheat once. (okay that sounds mega suspicious to me... but whatever) She lives four and a half hours away from him so idk. Not the point. Point is... we did cuddle.


And oh my God it felt so right. It was like we never stopped. All we did was cuddle because he doesn't cheat. He told her point blank he wasn't that sorry of a person. I don't mind.

People say he's toying with my emotions... but here's the thing. it's a mutual agreement. He's told me he wishes I never left but that he doesn't know if we'll be getting back together. He really likes his girl, ya know? So he isn't getting my hopes up. We're just buddies with cuddles.

So we did this for a few days....
The first time it was just simple spooning. The next day, I didn't sleep much so I noticed he was cuddling closer and closer and holding me tighter. I didn't mind of course XD (I think I still love him and I cut him off just to try and deny it...). But that night he went to start running his hands through my hair and just pulled away with a sigh and whispered "Damn it all..." Before rolling over and falling asleep. At that point I went to bed too.

The third day (and this morning) is where I get mega confused. Once again I wasn't sleeping. I was staring at the wall. And he was holding me like he used to when we dated. He was nuzzling my neck and everything. Then he kissed my head. He woke up a little later and laid there. Then he rolled on top of me a bit like I was pillow (like we used to..) And I was running my fingers through his hair. And he said "I wish we didn't have to stop..."
Because his girl had texted saying she was starting to get jealous of me. Which I get.
So we did the whole separation again and went to bed. The next morning I woke him up cause we both had to leave. He just held me again like "no stay and cuddle..."
And after we got dressed, he pulled me in his arms like "Just hug me, okay?"
But then I said "Dude, you have a girlfriend. We can't." And kinda left.


So part of me thinks when he gets THAT cuddly, he's thinking of his girl.
My friend thinks he likes me more than he's letting on.

But either way I'm determined to respect his girlfriend and wait for things to unfold.  

[anticupid16]

I'm not entirely sure about this situation either. I think you're right to be suspicious of the idea that his girlfriend okayed him cheating on her, unless you know them to be in an officially open/polyamorous relationship. Such relationships do exist, but they are based in a lot of communication, and it sounds like he's avoiding communication. You're also right to want to respect her and her relationship. If this guy can't be held accountable to do so, at least you're doing so. On that note, if you decide you have feelings for him or anything, it is not wrong. And if they do have an open relationship then perhaps you should try to contact this girl and work out an arrangement between the three of you.

However: scientifically it's been proven that cuddling released chemicals that create strong feelings of trust. This might be what's confusing you, and it might be confusing for your ex as well. The cuddling all sounds at least reasonably platonic except for towards the end. It sounds like your ex might want more from you than he's letting on, and I don't know if his girlfriend is totally in the loop.

Ultimately, if you keep the "cuddle buddy" relationship up you might end up developing return feelings for your ex, and he for you. If he is willing to break up with his girlfriend and date you, this might not be such a bad thing. If he's not willing, then I suggest you put a stop to this before your feelings start developing.

Of course this is just my opinion and I clearly don't know the full situation. Whatever you think is right, you should do.

 

[NC_Nana]

It sounds cute and all but unhealthy, one or all of you are going to end up getting hurt over this. I think there's a love triangle somewhere there and that's never good. If he leaves her for you, she gets hurt and if he stops talking to you because she's jealous, you'll get hurt.

This might make me sound bad but, I wouldn't ever be comfortable with my bf being close friends with his ex, much less cuddle her. There's always a bit of chemistry left in couples and its hard to resist when the two people are constantly together.

On the up side, if you stop the cuddling and treat him like a friend, he might actually develop stronger feelings than 'cuddle buddy' since guys tend to like what they cant easily get. Just be friendly and nice but stop him from doing anything romantic, using him having a gf as an excuse. It can work, if he's really interested.