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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:48 pm
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You see, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, be a dancer (specifically in ballet and ballroom) and maybe teach dancing later on (my plan B is to go into culinary). I have that all figured out, I'm going back to college in the Fall, and getting my A.A. in Dance, and maybe transferring to a 4-year program.
But here's the problem: My long-distance relationship.
I've been with him for 2 years come July, and we've had our fights, our breaks, and just about every up and down of relationships and we've still managed to be together, stronger each time. Here's the thing though:
Me and him have never met in person. Not even once.
Sure, we've Skyped, I've seen his face, heard his voice, and I know he's a legit person and all, but... lately, we've been cracking. We can't take the long-distanceness. And neither of us has a way to come down/go up to see each other in person.
I haven't told him that I switched my major over to Dance, and that I'm going back to college in the Fall. (In the mix of that, I haven't told him that I shaved down both sides of my head and got a sleeked back mohawk ((Had to shave the sides because of my cartilage piercings and yeah..x.x;;; ))). I keep promising that I'm going to go upstate to see him, but I have no way to go up there. I don't have the money, no ride at all. I've been trying to get a job, but no-one's called back. No-one's requested knitting or drawing commissions in months either. My guy's trying to get a job too, but he's gotta help his mum out with stuff.
Another thing about him, he's sometimes over-controlling (I can't do certain things like get more ear piercings, or get certain piercings, and stuff) and when he gets mad, he takes it out on me (but later apologizes like crazy and beats himself up for a while) and sometimes I feel like a marionette doll. And the relationship always goes through this kind of cycle where everything is fine, then something happens, we fight, then we don't talk for a while, and then he apologizes and earns my forgiveness, and then the cycle restarts itself... But usually he's a total dork and a total sweetie when everything is going right...
I'm happy with him and love him with all my heart when he's not being a total a*****e... but it's getting tough that we haven't seen each other in person yet, and I don't know what to do. sad
What do y'all think I should do??
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 8:41 pm
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Lollipop Kittie You see, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, be a dancer (specifically in ballet and ballroom) and maybe teach dancing later on (my plan B is to go into culinary). I have that all figured out, I'm going back to college in the Fall, and getting my A.A. in Dance, and maybe transferring to a 4-year program. But here's the problem: My long-distance relationship. I've been with him for 2 years come July, and we've had our fights, our breaks, and just about every up and down of relationships and we've still managed to be together, stronger each time. Here's the thing though: Me and him have never met in person. Not even once.Sure, we've Skyped, I've seen his face, heard his voice, and I know he's a legit person and all, but... lately, we've been cracking. We can't take the long-distanceness. And neither of us has a way to come down/go up to see each other in person. I haven't told him that I switched my major over to Dance, and that I'm going back to college in the Fall. (In the mix of that, I haven't told him that I shaved down both sides of my head and got a sleeked back mohawk ((Had to shave the sides because of my cartilage piercings and yeah..x.x;;; ))). I keep promising that I'm going to go upstate to see him, but I have no way to go up there. I don't have the money, no ride at all. I've been trying to get a job, but no-one's called back. No-one's requested knitting or drawing commissions in months either. My guy's trying to get a job too, but he's gotta help his mum out with stuff. Another thing about him, he's sometimes over-controlling (I can't do certain things like get more ear piercings, or get certain piercings, and stuff) and when he gets mad, he takes it out on me (but later apologizes like crazy and beats himself up for a while) and sometimes I feel like a marionette doll. And the relationship always goes through this kind of cycle where everything is fine, then something happens, we fight, then we don't talk for a while, and then he apologizes and earns my forgiveness, and then the cycle restarts itself... But usually he's a total dork and a total sweetie when everything is going right... I'm happy with him and love him with all my heart when he's not being a total a*****e... but it's getting tough that we haven't seen each other in person yet, and I don't know what to do. sad What do y'all think I should do??
This isn't a healthy relationship anymore, unfortunately. If he verbally abuses you in any way, at all, then it's definitely the kind of relationship you should drop. It doesn't matter if it's long-distanced at all, and it doesn't matter if you're "happy" with him; quite frankly, you can't be too happy with someone when they're abusing you in any way. If he's impeding you from seeking the things that make you happy (such as piercings, doing things to YOUR body which is YOURS), then it's time to drop this relationship, mend your heart, and move on. If dancing is a passion you harbor and you fear that he'll disagree and attempt to verbally abuse you again (even if he does feel sorry, but sorry honey, sometimes sorry shouldn't cut it), then it's time to drop it.
You're both in a tight bind, both emotionally, mentally, and financially. I understand that, in the end, you two make yourselves a semblance of comfortable, but you have to work at your future, and so does he. I apologize if I was a bit too critical or severe, but it's not always a good idea to sugercoat things, at all. And even if I'm not aware of the whole situation, what you depicted in this post you created shows the clear signs of a relationship that has gone awry, will go awry, or needs to be stopped before it ends badly for the both of you.
TL;SR: Your body is your body and no one can tell you otherwise. Your emotions come first and so does your future. If someone's restraining you from doing so, no matter the distance or the past affections, I think you should try to let it go and venture forth.
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Seraphim of Forgiveness Captain
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 8:43 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:47 pm
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Her Imperial Splendour Lollipop Kittie You see, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, be a dancer (specifically in ballet and ballroom) and maybe teach dancing later on (my plan B is to go into culinary). I have that all figured out, I'm going back to college in the Fall, and getting my A.A. in Dance, and maybe transferring to a 4-year program. But here's the problem: My long-distance relationship. I've been with him for 2 years come July, and we've had our fights, our breaks, and just about every up and down of relationships and we've still managed to be together, stronger each time. Here's the thing though: Me and him have never met in person. Not even once.Sure, we've Skyped, I've seen his face, heard his voice, and I know he's a legit person and all, but... lately, we've been cracking. We can't take the long-distanceness. And neither of us has a way to come down/go up to see each other in person. I haven't told him that I switched my major over to Dance, and that I'm going back to college in the Fall. (In the mix of that, I haven't told him that I shaved down both sides of my head and got a sleeked back mohawk ((Had to shave the sides because of my cartilage piercings and yeah..x.x;;; ))). I keep promising that I'm going to go upstate to see him, but I have no way to go up there. I don't have the money, no ride at all. I've been trying to get a job, but no-one's called back. No-one's requested knitting or drawing commissions in months either. My guy's trying to get a job too, but he's gotta help his mum out with stuff. Another thing about him, he's sometimes over-controlling (I can't do certain things like get more ear piercings, or get certain piercings, and stuff) and when he gets mad, he takes it out on me (but later apologizes like crazy and beats himself up for a while) and sometimes I feel like a marionette doll. And the relationship always goes through this kind of cycle where everything is fine, then something happens, we fight, then we don't talk for a while, and then he apologizes and earns my forgiveness, and then the cycle restarts itself... But usually he's a total dork and a total sweetie when everything is going right... I'm happy with him and love him with all my heart when he's not being a total a*****e... but it's getting tough that we haven't seen each other in person yet, and I don't know what to do. sad What do y'all think I should do??
This isn't a healthy relationship anymore, unfortunately. If he verbally abuses you in any way, at all, then it's definitely the kind of relationship you should drop. It doesn't matter if it's long-distanced at all, and it doesn't matter if you're "happy" with him; quite frankly, you can't be too happy with someone when they're abusing you in any way. If he's impeding you from seeking the things that make you happy (such as piercings, doing things to YOUR body which is YOURS), then it's time to drop this relationship, mend your heart, and move on. If dancing is a passion you harbor and you fear that he'll disagree and attempt to verbally abuse you again (even if he does feel sorry, but sorry honey, sometimes sorry shouldn't cut it), then it's time to drop it.
You're both in a tight bind, both emotionally, mentally, and financially. I understand that, in the end, you two make yourselves a semblance of comfortable, but you have to work at your future, and so does he. I apologize if I was a bit too critical or severe, but it's not always a good idea to sugercoat things, at all. And even if I'm not aware of the whole situation, what you depicted in this post you created shows the clear signs of a relationship that has gone awry, will go awry, or needs to be stopped before it ends badly for the both of you.
TL;SR: Your body is your body and no one can tell you otherwise. Your emotions come first and so does your future. If someone's restraining you from doing so, no matter the distance or the past affections, I think you should try to let it go and venture forth.
It's perfectly okay that you were being severe! I really appreciate it!
It's honestly feels horrid when he takes his anger out on me and when he tells me I can't do something (he tells me not to get ear piercings out of his discomfort with the thought of ear pain due to past things that happened with him), though I got two new sets in the past 7 months, and shaved the other side of my head even when he told me he didn't care for me shaving the right side of my head (had to do it for my cartilage piercings), and after explaining my reasons, he learned to live with it. But I still feel like his little rules are ridiculous (and they are..) and he needs to not drag me into his anger because of his own personal issues...
I love dancing, and it's a huge passion of mine, but I'm scared of what he'll react because it'd force me to stay where I am for a while and such. I've been trying to put my emotions first (told him off about some stuff that bothered me a few days ago, and we got in a small argument and we both worked the issues out (well, not all the issues in the relationship, but a few). I'm gonna dance regardless of what he'll think, I know that much. I just don't know how to bring it up or how he'll react... |
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Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 10:50 pm
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Lollipop Kittie Her Imperial Splendour Lollipop Kittie You see, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, be a dancer (specifically in ballet and ballroom) and maybe teach dancing later on (my plan B is to go into culinary). I have that all figured out, I'm going back to college in the Fall, and getting my A.A. in Dance, and maybe transferring to a 4-year program. But here's the problem: My long-distance relationship. I've been with him for 2 years come July, and we've had our fights, our breaks, and just about every up and down of relationships and we've still managed to be together, stronger each time. Here's the thing though: Me and him have never met in person. Not even once.Sure, we've Skyped, I've seen his face, heard his voice, and I know he's a legit person and all, but... lately, we've been cracking. We can't take the long-distanceness. And neither of us has a way to come down/go up to see each other in person. I haven't told him that I switched my major over to Dance, and that I'm going back to college in the Fall. (In the mix of that, I haven't told him that I shaved down both sides of my head and got a sleeked back mohawk ((Had to shave the sides because of my cartilage piercings and yeah..x.x;;; ))). I keep promising that I'm going to go upstate to see him, but I have no way to go up there. I don't have the money, no ride at all. I've been trying to get a job, but no-one's called back. No-one's requested knitting or drawing commissions in months either. My guy's trying to get a job too, but he's gotta help his mum out with stuff. Another thing about him, he's sometimes over-controlling (I can't do certain things like get more ear piercings, or get certain piercings, and stuff) and when he gets mad, he takes it out on me (but later apologizes like crazy and beats himself up for a while) and sometimes I feel like a marionette doll. And the relationship always goes through this kind of cycle where everything is fine, then something happens, we fight, then we don't talk for a while, and then he apologizes and earns my forgiveness, and then the cycle restarts itself... But usually he's a total dork and a total sweetie when everything is going right... I'm happy with him and love him with all my heart when he's not being a total a*****e... but it's getting tough that we haven't seen each other in person yet, and I don't know what to do. sad What do y'all think I should do??
This isn't a healthy relationship anymore, unfortunately. If he verbally abuses you in any way, at all, then it's definitely the kind of relationship you should drop. It doesn't matter if it's long-distanced at all, and it doesn't matter if you're "happy" with him; quite frankly, you can't be too happy with someone when they're abusing you in any way. If he's impeding you from seeking the things that make you happy (such as piercings, doing things to YOUR body which is YOURS), then it's time to drop this relationship, mend your heart, and move on. If dancing is a passion you harbor and you fear that he'll disagree and attempt to verbally abuse you again (even if he does feel sorry, but sorry honey, sometimes sorry shouldn't cut it), then it's time to drop it.
You're both in a tight bind, both emotionally, mentally, and financially. I understand that, in the end, you two make yourselves a semblance of comfortable, but you have to work at your future, and so does he. I apologize if I was a bit too critical or severe, but it's not always a good idea to sugercoat things, at all. And even if I'm not aware of the whole situation, what you depicted in this post you created shows the clear signs of a relationship that has gone awry, will go awry, or needs to be stopped before it ends badly for the both of you.
TL;SR: Your body is your body and no one can tell you otherwise. Your emotions come first and so does your future. If someone's restraining you from doing so, no matter the distance or the past affections, I think you should try to let it go and venture forth.
It's perfectly okay that you were being severe! I really appreciate it! It's honestly feels horrid when he takes his anger out on me and when he tells me I can't do something (he tells me not to get ear piercings out of his discomfort with the thought of ear pain due to past things that happened with him), though I got two new sets in the past 7 months, and shaved the other side of my head even when he told me he didn't care for me shaving the right side of my head (had to do it for my cartilage piercings), and after explaining my reasons, he learned to live with it. But I still feel like his little rules are ridiculous (and they are..) and he needs to not drag me into his anger because of his own personal issues... I love dancing, and it's a huge passion of mine, but I'm scared of what he'll react because it'd force me to stay where I am for a while and such. I've been trying to put my emotions first (told him off about some stuff that bothered me a few days ago, and we got in a small argument and we both worked the issues out (well, not all the issues in the relationship, but a few). I'm gonna dance regardless of what he'll think, I know that much. I just don't know how to bring it up or how he'll react...
He'll react however he'll react, but no matter what, you shouldn't circumvent your passion just because he may disagree with it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:29 pm
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Seraphim of Forgiveness So after reading your issue heres my thoughts. Personally it sounds like he may have anger management issues. I am nervous for you about this. Because i fear you getting into a controlling relationship, but nervous about any possible abuse verbal or physical. As for relationships all relationships are a two way street. Not a one way street. You both need to work together, so if hes controlling it sounds more like a one way street. Also everyone in a relationship fights. Trust me, no relationship is always peaches and cream, we all fight. My other opinion about your piercings is, i think you should be able to do what makes you happy. So personally if you want piercings i think its your body, you should be able to make the choices for it. You need to focus on yourself, so as for school. You shouldnt be worried about telling him you switched majors. He should support you no matter what.
Sorry for my late reply D:
I think that he might too. And I really hope that if me and him do meet each other that he doesn't hurt me physically or verbally or at all. I've been in those kind of relationships before, and I've made him perfectly aware of it. With the piercings, I'm actually considering getting the ones I want done, but not right now, of course, I don't have the money. sweatdrop I agree completely, I really need to focus on myself. I'm planning on telling him soon enough about my major-switch. |
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Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2014 1:46 am
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Reply
