Trying to rebuild life after major destruction | Page 1 | 24. ✿ - - - Life Issues | Guild Forums

Lain Julett

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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:31 pm

Hi all, I'm sure most of you don't know me...as I have hardly been active at all on gaia's forums/guilds for the last couple of years... so I imagine no one knows what I've been going through.

Long story short, if that's possible, my stepfather met his 16 year old daughter for the first time almost two years ago, invited her to live with us, and then turned a blind eye to all the destruction she brought. This ended in a divorce and my family living on my $400 a month paycheck for almost 3 months since he took every dime when he left. We live in a house that is about $2300 a month. Yeah we had to borrow money.

He and his child lead to DAILY conflict and drama. She stole valuables from us, rummaged through my room (until I put a lock on my door) and lied so constantly we have no idea what the truth was when she was around. There was no sanctuary and he would do NOTHING but REWARD the god awful behavior, saying that it was the family's fault for not being 'nice' to her. That continued even after she accused my autistic brother of trying to hit on her (which of course he never did, but then again he lil brother was never sexually assaulted by her mom's boyfriend either, as the police had reported back she was full of it then too) as a small example of what we went through for two years.

Now that they have FINALLY moved out (and she dropped out of school and went BACK to the state she was from....go figure) everyone is trying to rebuild their lives.

I lost what very few friends I had, I dropped my college courses, and any hobbies I had....this whole thing literally consumed my life. Now I'm at the starting point of recovery...but I have no clue where to go or who to turn to. I am friendless, with the exception of my boyfriend, who moved in with us in May to help with the bills.

Any tips?

Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:57 pm

I've got some ideas. I'll make a list.

- Take it a day at a time. The level of destruction is so immense, you'll want to break it into more manageable pieces.

- Go no contact with them, if possible. You do not need this. The end.

- For now, work on just- the essentials. Bills and repayments. They're the most important things when it comes to rebuilding.

- If the help is needed, try looking into local places that offer help for free or at a low cost. This one is a big IF.

- Try and do what you can to just- be normalish. Not normal, normalish.

- If you need to, reach out to us. I'll be here, and I'm sure many others will feel the same.

Lady Vendetta Iceflame

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Lain Julett

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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:16 pm

Lady Vendetta Iceflame

That's a good start. Thank you for replying.
The day at a time thing, I've been trying....and there's no worries about having to talk to either of them. She's GONE gone, and he moved in with a new girlfriend and her two kids like asap, so we were replaced in a snap.
The debts part, we JUST finished the divorce and he actually has to give us money to cover our loans, so that's not so bad. We are starting to stabilize, mom's trying to find work...just taking forever, ya know?
I just find myself feeling drained and withdrawn daily, mostly because that's what I became used to after two years of this. I lack motivation maybe?

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:11 am

No problem. i can always make time.

Most of it seems down pat. It will take time, but persistence and patience.

As for you.. do you have your own work? Are you able to work? I don't know.

Perhaps try to find a cheap/free counseling/therapy, even if short-term. It might help. Again, I don't know what type of town/city you're in.

Get out slowly, and at a pace you're comfortable with. Nature is always good for reflection, unwinding and much more. Try not to push too hard.

Lain Julett

Lady Vendetta Iceflame

That's a good start. Thank you for replying.
The day at a time thing, I've been trying....and there's no worries about having to talk to either of them. She's GONE gone, and he moved in with a new girlfriend and her two kids like asap, so we were replaced in a snap.
The debts part, we JUST finished the divorce and he actually has to give us money to cover our loans, so that's not so bad. We are starting to stabilize, mom's trying to find work...just taking forever, ya know?
I just find myself feeling drained and withdrawn daily, mostly because that's what I became used to after two years of this. I lack motivation maybe?

Lady Vendetta Iceflame

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