Cret's Crazy Compilations

[Cret-chan]

About Me:
Hi! My name is Cret. Or Anna. Whichever you'd prefer. I am from the Philippines but I have lived in Canada for a good portion of my life. I am usually online on Gaia almost everyday. I am a Psychology major. I love to edit videos and make vector art. I own a very fluffy tabby cat and a small black and white kitty. I play League of Legends a lot with my friends. I love support. Nami is <3 Although I'm trying out Janna. My favorite color is blue, pink and black in no particular order. I don't bite and would love to talk :] I do kind of have a passive aggressive kind of mood and thinking. If you wanna know more, check my profile XD Oh and a random fact about me, I always scream "kitty!" when I see a cat. So here's my journal. I hope to write every so often.

 

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

3nodding Hi there!  

[Cret-chan]

I want to die right now.

I have anger problems that are so uncontrollable that I am losing people close to me. I can tell.Their patience is gone.What happy loving thoughts they had towards me are gone now because they are finally fed up.

I deserve this. I thought I was doing well with managing my controlling and nagging issues. But I guess I will always be a stupid girl. I'll never graduate college. I'll never stop crying like a baby over the stupidest things.

I really want to disappear.
Please let me disappear.

If anyone is reading this, I know its a stupid place to ask for help.
But please.I need help.

 

[Cret-chan]

Thank you to the person who sent me a heartfelt message. It really helped. And I appreciate it so much.

I'm doing a little better but school is so stressful sometimes I think I am going to explode. On the upside, I found a tutorial on youtube that showed me how to make my own clay charms. I hope I'll have time to experiment on it.

 

[Cret-chan]

This is what I wrote 5 days ago. This is how I felt 5 days ago. One of the worst feelings I've had in a while. I'm not proud of it but this is how I think sometimes. I wrote down everything I thought during that low point.

show spoilerhide spoiler

I feel like slamming my head on the door.
I want to cut my throat so I can feel something else.
I feel like puking.
I want to scratch all my skin off, I've done it before on my knuckles.
I want to bite my tongue off so I can drown in my blood.
I dont want to feel anymore.
The bad feelings hurt too much.
I want it to stop.
Please make it stop.
No one will care.
E will finally be able to be free of this bitchy girlfriend.
M will finally stop getting texts and calls in the middle of the night to a crybaby.
My dad will finally be able to use his money on his favorite child. The one who will actually do and accomplish what he wanted in a child.
The room I am in will be clean and tidy.
The maid doesnt have to clean and wash my stuff and clothes.
One good reason why?
I dont have one.
I am a terrible controlling b***h who pretends to be nice whos ******** immature and loves to randomly pick fights.
I should have been the one to die.Not Mommy.
It would have solved everything.
I should have died as a baby.
I should have been left to die.
Do you know why I like ninjas or want to be a master sniper?
It requires patience, discipline, control.
Things I cannot and probably will not have.
I am already sorry. HAHAHAHAHA
SORRY?!?!
What the ******** does that mean coming from me?
IT MEANS NOTHING ANYMORE ANNA.
YOU SAY SORRY TOO MUCH.
it annoys everyone to hell.
You use to call yourself a nice quiet girl.
yeah? Well now youre the controlling angry b***h!
YOUR ******** FRIENDS ARE stuffed animals!
Theyre FORCED to be with you. FORCED to like you.
Theyre not real. Theyre just want you wish people genuinely want to treat you.
DELUSIONS!
You may not exactly know me. I'm one of the voices in your ******** head. The b***h. Thats right youre a ******** b***h. Youre crying right now right? Boohoo. No one ******** cares. You are a crybaby and people can only take so much.
Youre single now b***h. GOOD JOB. YOU ******** RETARDED PIECE OF CRAP. One of the best things in your life gone. Awww youre still crying? Well maybe youll die of dehydration.
Youre a pathetic s**t I hope you know that.
Come on! Thinkof a good reason for him to stay go on!
AWWW boo frickin hoo. You cant think of anything cause you know you suck.

Now that that's settled, I am going to try to write something positive.  

[Cret-chan]

I have 3 more projects due.
One statistics project.
Still need at least 70 people to answer my survey. //dies
Then the analysis of that. //dies again.


Then there's my Developmental Psych Workshop on Adolescence Self Identity Awareness. What in God's name can I do with that? What activities do I make?


Then there's my "Recreate a story and try to not have gender biases and stereotypes."

///dies on inside. So much to do. So stressed out.

 

[Cret-chan]

I should be working on my statistics final project but I don't have motivation right now. Its due tomorrow. Procrastination! //cries


Everyone in the house is out today, all dressed up and fancy. They're all going to a wedding and didn't even tell me. WTF. I know I'm not very into those kinds of things but they didn't tell me and I felt left out. I woke up and opened my door to see everyone with nice hair and make up and new fancy clothes. I looked in the mirror and saw a sleep deprived college student with eye bags that could be mistaken for raccoon eyes. I know its stupid but I just feel left out.


On the upside, a new update for Zed x Syndra is out.
Still don't have presents for my brothers.
I am three drinks away from the starbucks planner for next year. I usually just have it when my friends and I order.
I need a new LoL champion to play. I love my supports but I don't think I'm doing well enough anymore.

Yup thats life right now.

 

[Cret-chan]

Its almost new year and I am stressed so much.
My bf and his family went on a vacation in one of our country's tropical vacation spots. I told him to be careful cause that place would be a low pressure area zone when they leave. Fast forward to now. There is a storm there now and the waves reach at least 5 meters or like 16 feet. I am worried about him so much. If they manage to find a ship that can take them to another island that has the airport, they can maybe get back by new year. They can stay but the next flight (not tomorrow) is around friday or sunday. The resort is expensive as all hell. An extra 2 days, they can afford but it is not cheap at all.I know my bf and he is very impulsive. He wants to make it back so we can spend new year together. The thought is sweet but way way too dangerous.

I am really stressed out. I have multiple tabs open with flight schedules and weather reports and hotline numbers to call. I just want them to be safe. I don't care if I'll be alone this new year. I just don't want anything bad to happen to them.

edit: Looks like I cant reach his cell now. ********>  

[Cret-chan]

Let me try to write some good things.

1. I have my starbucks planner.
2. I ate at a buffet yesterday.
3. I got two new nice pens at the bookstore.
4. I can kind of play League of Legends.
5. My cough is kinda going away.
6. My bf still has signal at times so I can contact him.
7. He just messaged me on FB right now. Can't stay long but its something.
8. I found some nice art in the Art Shops forum.
9. I found a good design for a custom House Bolton for my bf.
10. I got a new pillow that is kind of fluffy.
11. I got to contact my brothers earlier.
12. I haven't totally broken down crying out of fear that they might die.


I'm trying to stay positive...

 

[Cret-chan]

Around 2 years ago, I was in this casual roleplay with a really good friend. It was a Fairy Tail 1x1 and our characters were sisters. We both became so busy with RL stuff that the rp never progressed. This happens a lot in roleplaying I know but those characters were so alive to me.

I've been thinking of writing a oneshot or more just to satisfy my craving to know what happens to them. I'm thinking of giving it as a gift to my friend.

heart

In other news, I have been drinking tea since the start of the year. I have gone a little over two weeks without drinking any form of soft drinks. I'm proudof my little achievement c:

 

[Cret-chan]

Group works are such a drag. I hate them. I have several classes where group projects are involved and it is pissing me off crying

In other news, I've been playing Neverwinter. Its a game based on DnD. :3 Its fun and I am saving up for a cat pet. I also played Varus in League today. He's hard but sniping people is fun xD

Here's to having classes while everyone else has summer