On financial stability and love

[Malice Melantha]

I know it sounds really bad to put it bluntly like that, but lately I've been feeling uneasy about my future with my boyfriend. I don't have that sense of security with him, although I know he loves me. He's mentioned not wanting to go to college and he seems to be throwing out career ideas that seem like he's settling for less. I am a dreamer and I want to go big or go home. I've gone through a lot to have a chance to be with him and I'm willing to go through a lot more, but I feel like he will get lazy and I'd end up being the only bread winner in the house. I've considered joining the Air force and I have mentioned that to him.. He's considered being a house husband! I feel like I'm losing my feelings for him because I don't feel that sense of security. I love him, but I do not want to struggle.

(This sounds like a rant, sorry)  

[cool4]

I'm guessing you guys are still in Highschool?

A lot of people aren't ready for College when they graduate, they need sometime to figure out if it's something they want to do. Or figure out what they would study, whether the trades are a better fit or not.

So he may change his mind and go back to school later in life, or he might not.

You have to decide what kind of life you want,
Goals
Family Life
Career ambitions

Can this person support me in my life goals, if he chooses not to go to a College/Trades program.

Anything else that may pertain to the future. If your goals have to be sacrificed to be with him, the relationship isn't worth it.

Though doesn't mean you should break up right now, he may just need sometime to figure out his future goals, and right now he's just not sure, though you should talk to him about what you want from him in the future if he's apart of it.  

[grateful kate]

My BF is 24 and I just turned 23-- been dating for 5 years now. Life goes so differently for some people... for me, college is taking FOREVER (going to be an elementary school teacher, not going to be making big bank). Boyfriend has juggled odd jobs that never lead up to anything really. He was an EMT up north, but we moved to Florida and found that he could not be. He got a job as a person who goes to clients homes. Hes basically been wiping butts for 10$ an hour, but with not enough hours. I've been struggling to find a job-- its been a huge struggle for us. But, as open as we are, we know we want to work through it and still be together. My boyfriend dreams but doesnt want to work hard or go to college either. The only classes he has taken is non college credit. I've kind of made a few guidelines for him. When we moved to Florida, I told him he would have to work hard to keep our first place, and he did work hard! Now I'm starting to tell him that he needs to do some soul searching. He talks about having kids in our life later, but I continue encouraging him to find a job that will give him benefits and security for later on.

You are worth a lot, sometimes men just need a push and some guidelines ;3 Cause you know, they totally landed the girl of their dreams and they should work a little for it! Haha~ I hope things work out  

[Isis Sister Of Osiris]

We are living in a time where "good" jobs are scarce unless you know someone or have an extremely specialized skill. That he's working at all is a good thing.

grateful kate

going to be an elementary school teacher, not going to be making big bank

So he has to make more money so you can indulge in your dream job? Also, why is it intrinsically wrong for a man to be the homemaker? Especially if he doesn't work as many hours as you expect him to? Does the idea of you being the main breadwinner bother you that much?

I'm not saying you're totally wrong, only that you really need to think about why you feel this way aside from social expectations.

Also: have you considered he could be depressed, therefore not really making an effort to find anything "better"? Or maybe he finds personal fulfillment in "wiping butts for $10 an hour", which is entirely possible. There's nothing degrading about that, and it's one of those jobs even Mike Rowe wouldn't cover. Someone's got to do it, and it needs a lot of human kindness.

By the way, why exactly can't he work as an EMT there? I'm confused about that part. You'd think that with all the crazy s**t that goes down in the Sunshine State they'd be ecstatic to get another one...  

[johnlennonandcupcakes]

The only boyfriends I've had that had steady work and enough pay were tradesmen. One got a credit card and bought some camera gear, and it's been paying for itself ever since. The other got a job at a marina and learned how to fix boats. As long as the economy is okay, people will spend money on that.

Another tradesman I know is my brother in law. He apprenticed under his father to learn how to refinish furniture. He's amazing at it, and people still spend big bucks for nice furniture.

Going to college is not always the best plan, and it certainly isn't the only plan. Encourage him to explore new things, and figure out what tickles his fancy. He'll do well as long as he's enjoying his work.

College costs a lot, not just in dollars, but in the never-ending debt you will be stuck in. As of right now, there are basically no jobs unless you know someone or you are spectacular at selling yourself. None of this has to do with education. It's a decision that we are forced to make when we are 16 and it sucks.