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Hey, amigas. If you wanna skip the long story part, here's my question for y'all: what are appropriate interactions between you and your (male) boss?
I started working with my boss about four months ago. He is 33, married, and has a kid (I'm 22). We get along really well, and I see him as a combination of a mentor and a friend.
Shortly after I began working there, he texted me late at night when I hadn't given him my number. (Nothing bad, just kind of a hi, it's me.) I felt a little bit uncomfortable about it and asked a coworker about it the next day, she made me take it to HR, HR said it wasn't appropriate for me and boss to have one-on-one contact together outside of work (which we had done twice), and generally it kind of sucked. The thing is, I think my boss was just trying to be friendly. Yeah he wasn't going about it the best way socially, necessarily, but the man is married and has a kid, and except for sending me a text, he never made me feel uncomfortable. However, the coworker I went to has worked with him for three years, and she said that he had never spent time with her outside of work and that she found it odd.
Even though HR had to inform my boss that he wasn't allowed to hang out with me one-on-one after work, boss was cool about it. Didn't treat me differently or anything. He said that he had many female mentors when he was starting out and was frustrated that it was evidently an issue here (he said this to both me and HR).
I don't think he's really pushed me to do anything. Sometimes I'll go into his office with a question for work and he'll ask me a more interpersonal question after so I end up staying in there longer. Another coworker has said that her female boss does the same, though. Sometimes I'll stop by his office on the way out (so I'm off the clock and not getting paid to just talk to him) and we'll discuss life. Sometimes these talks last a while. Apart from these talks in his office before I go home, we haven't spent any time together outside of work, nor has he suggested we do so.
However, there have been a few things that seem slightly off to me. Mind you, people say my boss isn't the most socially adept, so I think some of it could be just him being socially unaware. Once, he challenged me to a staring contest of four minutes. He said it was supposed to be impossible. I told him that I didn't see a point to it and refused. He didn't object or anything, but a few days later, I read that article trending about how staring for four minutes into someone's eyes creates a deeper bond. That was a bit weird.
He also wants to eat lunch with me a lot. I have only allowed it to happen a couple of times. The other day, I was going to teach him chess during lunch. He wanted to go on a walk instead. We ended up climbing over a gate and going up a building. He was very excited to eat lunch again soon after that. I haven't let it happen yet.
I'm pretty sure that sneaking up to the top of a building goes outside the realm of things that you're supposed to do with your boss. But I don't really know if just that action is inappropriate or if his whole attitude towards me is inappropriate. I don't know how to handle it. Am I ok to continue talking to him about things other than work? How am I supposed to stop if not? He doesn't think it's inappropriate, and he doesn't usually make me feel uncomfortable. (I felt uncomfortable after we had climbed the building and I thought about what happened, but I was fine during it.) GUYS HELP ME PLEEEEASE
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