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 Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:49 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 6:58 pm
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What's hard in a relationship is very subjective and dependent on the people in it. What one person may find hard may not be a big deal to another. Some things are deal breakers and some things people are willing to put up with in the long run. Some find compromise and work things out.
In the cases you brought up, these are just things either your friends will deal with or eventually it'll become too annoying and something will have to change. Regardless of who you are, you should know and be wiling to clean up after yourself. If these men are adults, there is no reason for their partners to constantly be reminding them to do something so simple and them still not complete the task. If that's something a person is willing to deal with, then more power to them, but it's completely understandable to be upset about things like that.
As far as children go, they're certainly not for everyone. I don't blame someone for not wanting to have kids. It's not selfish or wrong, if you don't want a child that's your right. Do keep in mind I'm not talking about situations where your partner becomes pregnant and you don't want the child, that's a different situation entirely. I'm only referring to people who talk about having children and one side being completely against it. Something like that can be a deal breaker for some, because some people just really do want to have kids one day. There may be a day where your partner might change their mind, but you can't count on that and should never try to convince someone of something so life-changing if they're adamant against it. If children are something you absolutely want one day and you can't let the dream go, then it might be time to move on in that case.
Family can be a tough issue. Your partner is tied to their family and if you don't get along with them or don't enjoy their company it can be taxing on you and your relationship in general if your partner is still very close to them. If your partner is close to their family but you're not into the whole familial bonds deal, it can make your partner upset if you don't want anything to do with them. If their family does not like you, it can make you upset to have to deal with people who'd rather avoid you and your partner not address it. Combating such things is different for everyone. I think at some point you do need to decide which "family" is more worth your effort. Is the family you want with your partner more important than what your childhood family thinks of them (and yes, you can still be a "family" even if it's just the two of you). Now that doesn't mean you have to abandon your family for your partner, but you do need to put your foot down and make sure they realize your partner is here to stay and they also need to deal with that. The reverse can also be true, in the situation where your partner isn't a very family type of person. They will need to understand that your family is important and they can't give them up, and there will have to be a compromise.
Like I said to begin with though, it's all very subjective. There are so many options on how to deal with these kinds of things and whatever path you take is dependent on you. As I said, people deal with different things, people compromise and find a peaceful solution to their issues, and some people end things if they feel it's not worth it.
For me personally, I haven't found anything about my relationship with my husband hard. Has life been hard? Absolutely, but it's had nothing to do with him. I think the only thing I've ever found "annoying" that he does is falling asleep in terrible positions in chairs rather than just laying down in the bed haha, but that's obviously not a big deal. So I guess for me I don't find anything particularly hard, we're just people doing what people do. |
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 7:11 pm
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Yokies What's hard in a relationship is very subjective and dependent on the people in it. What one person may find hard may not be a big deal to another. Some things are deal breakers and some things people are willing to put up with in the long run. Some find compromise and work things out.
In the cases you brought up, these are just things either your friends will deal with or eventually it'll become too annoying and something will have to change. Regardless of who you are, you should know and be wiling to clean up after yourself. If these men are adults, there is no reason for their partners to constantly be reminding them to do something so simple and them still not complete the task. If that's something a person is willing to deal with, then more power to them, but it's completely understandable to be upset about things like that.
As far as children go, they're certainly not for everyone. I don't blame someone for not wanting to have kids. It's not selfish or wrong, if you don't want a child that's your right. Do keep in mind I'm not talking about situations where your partner becomes pregnant and you don't want the child, that's a different situation entirely. I'm only referring to people who talk about having children and one side being completely against it. Something like that can be a deal breaker for some, because some people just really do want to have kids one day. There may be a day where your partner might change their mind, but you can't count on that and should never try to convince someone of something so life-changing if they're adamant against it. If children are something you absolutely want one day and you can't let the dream go, then it might be time to move on in that case.
Family can be a tough issue. Your partner is tied to their family and if you don't get along with them or don't enjoy their company it can be taxing on you and your relationship in general if your partner is still very close to them. If your partner is close to their family but you're not into the whole familial bonds deal, it can make your partner upset if you don't want anything to do with them. If their family does not like you, it can make you upset to have to deal with people who'd rather avoid you and your partner not address it. Combating such things is different for everyone. I think at some point you do need to decide which "family" is more worth your effort. Is the family you want with your partner more important than what your childhood family thinks of them (and yes, you can still be a "family" even if it's just the two of you). Now that doesn't mean you have to abandon your family for your partner, but you do need to put your foot down and make sure they realize your partner is here to stay and they also need to deal with that. The reverse can also be true, in the situation where your partner isn't a very family type of person. They will need to understand that your family is important and they can't give them up, and there will have to be a compromise.
Like I said to begin with though, it's all very subjective. There are so many options on how to deal with these kinds of things and whatever path you take is dependent on you. As I said, people deal with different things, people compromise and find a peaceful solution to their issues, and some people end things if they feel it's not worth it.
For me personally, I haven't found anything about my relationship with my husband hard. Has life been hard? Absolutely, but it's had nothing to do with him. I think the only thing I've ever found "annoying" that he does is falling asleep in terrible positions in chairs rather than just laying down in the bed haha, but that's obviously not a big deal. So I guess for me I don't find anything particularly hard, we're just people doing what people do. |
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 8:07 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 8:39 pm
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Yokies hit it head on; what's hard for some people isn't hard for others. Since you also asked for ups, I'll address some of those in addition to giving my experiences with some of the downs.
In the case of my family, I've never been too fond of them, always able to be detached because I was largely left to my own devices, with my brother being "the perfect one." However, my wife is very family oriented, and when I told her "You don't want to meet my parents" (no, really, I did), she didn't believe me. For reference, this happened around a decade and a half ago, when bigotry against homosexuality was hardly even recognized as such. Short version, my parents insulted her repeatedly (almost always in a "joking" manner), causing us to be stressed about seeing them, but thanks to how she was raised, she was just as stressed not doing things with them, like visiting for holidays. Fortunately, in recent years, my parents have warmed up to her and no longer seem to dislike her.
For ups, there's a lot of little things. She loves to cuddle and watch things with me, from movies to me struggling through video games, and I enjoy the heavy amount of contact we have. Her reading habit is more research-based than mine, and a good deal of my knowledge comes from her reading; this helps keep her interesting to talk to. Neither of us are much for celebrating some holidays in the "traditional" fashion (we're happier at home having homemade ice cream than dining at a fancy restaurant for Valentine's Day, for example), and she laughs at most of my jokes.
Here's some reality, though. Most relationships follow a predictable pattern; they start off high in satisfaction, then drop some. Left alone, the drop will likely level off, staying near constant in that newer, lower place. If kids are introduced, another drop happens, this one much deeper and longer, and only begins to approach the level of the second level of satisfaction as the child is gearing up to leave for college. On the other hand, couples who have children tend to report higher satisfaction in the relationship post-rise than the couples that never have children.
I suspect this has changed somewhat, with the housing economy being what it is. Though, maybe it hasn't.
The point of that aside was that my experience is now a bit "rose-tinted," since we've been together for so long. Our early years were fraught with getting used to each other, fighting about the relationship and how to live together, and other troubles.
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Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2016 12:32 am
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Because I'm young, my problems don't revolve around housing and children. I'm just 18, I'm not planning my wedding or hoping for children any time soon, though there are still struggles. These are some of mine personally :
1. It's not giving up when my feelings go away. I don't always love the person I'm with, I used to ignore boyfriends for weeks. I was an a**, I'm not going to lie. It felt as if when the magic faded, I didn't want them around and that was when it should end. It was immature. Sometimes you'll adore him/her, sometimes you'll wonder why you're even together, it happens.
2. Jealousy. Yep, I'm Latina, I'm pretty close to crazy with jealousy. If he does anything that sparks my jealousy, even his breathing will have me wreaking havoc. It's fine to be jealous, but it's not good to bottle it up, it's poison. It'll build up until something small becomes a huge issue. I'll usually play it off jokingly and jab at him with 'trying to make me jealous' lines if it's light. If it's too bad, I'll send glares until I can go apeshit on him.
3. Insecurity. I'm really confident when I'm single because I'm not worried what someone else thinks. When I'm in a relationship, I'm always cautions and worried about how I look, what I wear, my friends being prettier, my guy looking at someone else, a pretty girl who's just too friendly with him, ex-girlfriends, ect... It's killer.
4. Needing to fight. I need to get all the stress out, yell and cuss, the whole shebang. It's kind of frustrating when you're trying to get stress off and he's all 'let's talk about it. I understand' and all that sweet guy stuff. I'm not saying it's bad, it's good for most of the relationship but... once in a while, I feel we both need to get all that bottled up negativity out.
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Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2016 11:06 pm
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 6:14 pm
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pure as snow Depends if it's long distance or not. I have been in both and I (speaking for myself) can pretty much summarize it down to it's a pain but like everything you have your ups and down. I think of a relationship as a team member. So that means knowing our strengths and weakness ( Not every guy fits). It really depends on your relationship on you and the other person.
Most guys want kids lol I don't. I guess opposites mix.
A relationship is a responsibility so i can understand why some guys don't want. Think with your head not heart.
I never had a problem meeting, it's always weird at first like meeting your own family member during the holidays lol but it's really not a big deal.
Honestly I enjoy being single because you literally feel free xD And i don't mean that in a flirting way, I mean you have less things to worry about. Can't talk with boys because you are taken. Can't hang out with friends. Blah blah. There is a limit in everything. But I haven't meet my "soul mate" and really not in a rush. Enjoy your life because there are things you will never experience the same. <3 Hahaha sorry im rambling.
I noticed that in couples, someone will get jealous but they talk about it and solve the issue. I know a girl that have 3 best guy friends, this group of friends' partners must accept that they have friends from the opposite gender and cannot cut contact they are BEST friends...
I want to try to understand also how people feel great being single because I want to be this way too.
My aunt is divorced and she loves it. She says she has no one that bothers her, she doesn't want to take care of anyone than herself. Basically, she wants to be single. However, my mom says that yeah your aunt can enjoy it because she went through the good and the bad already. She has 2 grown up children, she can be financially independent and her ex-husband is like a friend to her now.
My mom said if I stay single all my life, it's my problem, and no one will take care of me when I'm old (like children). |
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Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:46 pm
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XxAriaxX The person that you date should not put a limit in seeing friends or talking to the opposite gender. I noticed that in couples, someone will get jealous but they talk about it and solve the issue. I know a girl that have 3 best guy friends, this group of friends' partners must accept that they have friends from the opposite gender and cannot cut contact they are BEST friends... I want to try to understand also how people feel great being single because I want to be this way too. My aunt is divorced and she loves it. She says she has no one that bothers her, she doesn't want to take care of anyone than herself. Basically, she wants to be single. However, my mom says that yeah your aunt can enjoy it because she went through the good and the bad already. She has 2 grown up children, she can be financially independent and her ex-husband is like a friend to her now. My mom said if I stay single all my life, it's my problem, and no one will take care of me when I'm old (like children).
Yea, that was my mistake when i started the couple thing and I have done many mistakes like being jealous. I mean you don't notice it at the time because you are hurt but you can learn from it. haha Relationships or love will change you for better or worse.
I never had/have a best male friend. Most of them lost touch when they found a girl...Well most people are married now around my age and i am only 23!!! So i can't really say anything about marriage and how it feels to be a "single older adult" but I CAN help you with the single life part from my point of view haha.
I understand where your mom is coming from but let's look at it from another side, that isn't true, that's what cousins and "alive family members " are for or you can join a foster house hahaha but you will always have someone to take care of you. For example I live with my mom and grandma, I CHOOSE to take care of both of them but I don't plan on taking care of my mother when she gets old because I have my life. Yea it's mean but i don't know if people understand HOW HARD it is to take care of the elders it's 10x more work then a baby!! It's like having a baby that can walk which is very dangerous because they can fall down and they have memory lose. So it's really stressful and yes you do lose sleep taking care of elders..
When I think of myself and how I want to live my life is pretty much with a dog ( for protection and a friend of course) like a vacation really. You have more money to spend on yourself. I don't know what do you like to do in your free time or want to do, that should really make you happy. I gave up my dreams and myself over a guy and he wasn't bad but I didn't want to settle down and have a child. . . . Some careers can be stressful for the relationships so keep that in mind haha I don't want you to break down just when you are starting to build yourself up <3 Have hobbies and join clubs and make friends ( both who are single and not ) it's really the freedom that makes single wonderful..
If you ask a person why they are single it really is the same reason. I have asked my friends. I haven't asked the married ones sweatdrop they might take it the wrong way but I like asking questions.
Like the song "Call me when your sober- Evanescence" She picks success (herself) over love. Which for me is a strong message and it's something I am following, ignoring all the gossip and drama people say about the song haha.
I mean if you want a relationship go for it, it is a nice thing to have but it's a roller coaster and you BOTH have to give up things.You won't stay single forever because there are lots of people out there. Im not implying be single because im saying nothing but negative things. What I just want you to take is the Head side of things and not just Heart.
I mean I am in love with the same person for four years, sure there are times were I think to myself " Let's be a couple, I know you are the one for me!!!! but we both enjoy our friendship. We just aren't ready to give it up even though we have feelings. That also doesn't mean you can't have feelings or tell them to a person. I told the guy how i feel and he agree with me, sure he didn't accept my feelings but he didn't reject them. Just given the way things are it wouldn't go far if we became something.
I think it really has to do with age. It really is different from high school. The older you get the more likely you will get marry with the person you are with. Now that I think of it would explain all the fast marriages hahaha.
Sorry it's so long hahaha. |
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Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 9:59 am
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Maybe it's how long I've been in my relationship, but I don't really see it as giving up much.
Yes, you're not going to be able to do everything you want, because the other person is going to have some say. Neither are they, because you should have some say. On the other hand, you shouldn't get together with someone whose interests don't align with yours (mostly - don't expect perfection), so you don't feel like you're sacrificing a lot.
Of course, one of the perks of a good relationship is that you always have someone to talk to, vent at, share physical contact with, and reminisce. Many times, you'll be able to share hobbies (though apparently, that's something that guys don't always like to do), or, if not, you'll be able to do something else you want while the other is engaging in his or her hobby.
Yes, kids are expensive. Very very expensive. We easily spend more on our kid than we do ourselves.
However, I have to disagree with the success/love dichotomy. I have a successful* career and a family. It's a myth that's perpetuated by a group of people who don't seem to think it's possible for women to be happy unless they have a husband-oriented family - which is complete crap for the women who do find happiness with both a career and a family, and those who find happiness without needing a spouse or partner or kids.
*I claim this because I have been employed near constantly since my first real job, as well as received numerous top-of-the group raises.
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Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:14 am
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:30 pm
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