[PRP] Better Left Forgotten (Migel & Shahera)

[DruidTigeress]

faesinger

Migel had been quiet since the Touching. Well, quieter. It was hard to tell with him.. Still, some things had left him deep in thought. And the effort he made to be sociable and project his usual facade had lessened somewhat in recent days. Ostensibly waiting for Cesare to get out of chores, he leaned against the wall near the entrance to the Lower Caverns. He was thinking about his parents. Or, rather, he was wondering when it was that he ever stopped thinking about them.

The loss he felt so powerfully at the time, that the Banshee egg had dragged out of him, had all but faded in the turns since. Why did he never think of them? They were his parents after all. He had loved them once, he was sure. He remembered missing them when he first got to the hold. He used to secretly observe the day they died, though he'd always been too shy to tell anyone about that, afraid it would make him seem tiresome and ungrateful. Yet at some point, their memory had faded beyond the back of his mind. Unreachable to all except that darkly colored egg.  

[faesinger]

She had finished her chores only recently and was on her way to the dining hall when Shahera spotted Migel lurking alone. He was often lurking according to her but very rarely alone. Usually Cesare was somewhere nearby. It was rare that she had the chance to catch up with her friend without the threat of being overheard. And they did have things that neither wanted Cesare to overhear. So Shahera decided to let food wait a little.

Migel had been off since the Touching. At least, Shahera thought that he had been off. It was always hard to tell with Migel. What was clear was that he was lost in thought, and she assumed that he was not completely unaware, so it was safe to basically invade personal space. She stepped up beside him and gave his arm a bump with her shoulder. An inquiring look was sent up towards his face. If he wanted to talk, she was here, it said. If he didn't he knew she would respect that.

DruidTigeress

 

[DruidTigeress]

faesinger

Off his game, and indeed deep in thought, Migel didn't notice the person moving towards him until they were relatively close. Closer than he would like, anyway. Yet if he was startled by her approach, it would take a careful eye to spot it. In any case, he relaxed at soon at her realized who it was.

If there was anyone in the Weyr he should be worried about standing close to him, it was Shahera. Still, somehow, it didn't bother him. They'd shared something like a master student relationship at the courtesan hall. Only she had been a journeyman at the time, and he an apprentice assigned to work with her. They both knew things about the other that no one else did. Not even Cesare, with whom he usually shared everything. Yet the rules of their craft were clear. There were some things you simply didn't talk about, for everyone's safety.

He didn't say much (on the best of days he didn't say much) but he leaned into her arm at the nudge to let her know he 'heard' her and that he was fine and was just trying to find the words.. If he'd wanted to be alone, he could have told her that too without ever saying the words. This kind of silent communication was something they'd both mastered.

"Some Touching," he said after a moment. Hesitating, he eventually asked her; "Did... Did you touch the dark blue egg?"  

[faesinger]

Shahera was aware that she had caught Migel off guard, and a little alarmed by it, though the only indication was a brief eyelid flicker. For Migel to be truly lost in thought meant something was eating at him. She believed him when his body told her that he was fine, or at least that he thought that he was fine. She was a little less sure considering. Yet she waited and was rewarded with some indication of what was going on in the locked mind of Migel.

A light noise of agreement met the first statement and a wealth of understanding arose from the second. The dark blue egg. She had not had the chance to touch it, but she had heard whispers about it and understood that it was the one that had caused the first round of dramatics. It had focused on certain memories in the candidates that did touch it. “I’m afraid I did not.” She said, tone casual. “Unfortunately, I did not touch many of the eggs.” After pausing, she continued while watching the corridor as if waiting for someone. “Did it resonate with you?"

DruidTigeress

 

[DruidTigeress]

faesinger

"Resonate... Well, that's one way to put it." he said with a small dry laugh. "It reminded me of something that happened a long time ago, something I don't often think about." he explained. But he could still summon up his parent's faces. And little bit of what it was like when they were alive. Warm meals, goodnight kisses, toy soldiers made of sticks.. But that child hardly seemed like him at all.

"I wonder who I would be if they were still alive.." he muttered, not really meaning to say it out loud. "Would I be a better person, or was that beyond their control?" They'd risked their lives to protect his friend. And even though that's what he was still doing, he wasn't sure they'd be proud of the path he took. Or what he'd become.

Ever polite, he shook his head and turned towards Shahera instead. "I'm sorry you didn't get touch most of the eggs." he said. "I'm not sure you were missing too much with some though.."  

[faesinger]

Shahera hummed lightly. “Who we would be…” She paused thoughtfully before turning to look at Migel. “If we start questioning the what ifs of who we could have been, we might as well question everything. What if I had turned left instead of right, said no instead of yes, walked away… There are really too many points of change in our lives to single any one out. There is no way to know what the most pivotal point was.” A grin appeared. “It could be anything so why worry about what it was that lead us down these paths?”

Stretching her hands over her head she continued. “Good or bad, better or worse, right or wrong…usually depends on where you are standing and who you are standing with. Do you like where you are standing? Do you like the company you keep?”

She let her hands fall back down to her sides and shrugged. “It is what it is, I touched what I touched. I can just hope if there is a dragon there for me, that they sensed me.”

DruidTigeress

 

[DruidTigeress]

"I guess you're right." he said. There was no way he would ever get an answer anyway. And even if he did, so what then? If the ghost of his parents came and told him to quit what he was doing, would be just up and leave? Unlikely.

Migel glanced over at the other assassin. Very sneaky, bringing her into it. How could he say no? "I don't mind the company." he said, giving her a lopsided grin. It was true, anyway. But he still wouldn't call it 'good'. He leaned his head back against the wall and smiled. "I don't really mind where I'm standing either." The truth was, he liked the dark and ugly world they lived in. The same world as everyone else, only some chose not to look at it with clear eyes. But he liked the danger and the intrigued and the challenge. At least he had a purpose. Still, he doubted if it was the one they would have wanted for him.

"What about you?" he asked. For a while he had a theory that no one with a normal childhood would go on to become an assassin, but Shahera seemed to buck the trend by being amazingly well adjusted. Probably the most sane assassin he'd ever met. "Did your parents know what you did at the Hall? Did they approve?"

faesinger

 

[faesinger]

Shahera returned Migel’s grin. “And you will mind it even less once he arrives.” She knew some of what was going on between Migel and Cesare. Not much, only what she had observed, but enough. “Well, then.” She said, as if that settled matters. “If you like the company and where you stand, what does the rest matter? The whole world will never approve of all that one does. There is too much variety in it.”

Shahera looked back out at the crowd. “They knew some of what I did, the parts I wanted them to. That which I knew they would approve of.” Perhaps it was because of her parents, and their studies in cultures, that she was so adjusted and yet an assassin. She knew the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly of the world, by the time she was ten. They had never kept things from her. If she asked they answered. She had read their papers. She had inquired about it all. For all that she had been a very active child, she had also been a curious one. “Sometimes one must protect the ones you love. Even from oneself.”

DruidTigeress

 

[DruidTigeress]

Migel turned back to watching the entrance of the cavern, hiding whatever was given away in his expression from view. But he lifted his shoulders a little shyly in response. She wasn't wrong... he thought, trying to suppress a smile. Scarily perceptive that one. In fact, he was sure just the sight of his friend would dispel any lingering doubts he had. Just seeing him was enough to remind him why he was glad to live in this world. Every scheme, every gambit, every ploy they pulled off filled him with the same sense of excitement, wanting to see how much they could push things, how far they could go.

He didn't know what to say in response to Shaehera's conclusion, so he just nodded. He wasn't sure if he believed it or not, but debating philosophy was never his strong suit. He'd have to think on it more before he could figure out his own mind.

"I can't help but feel like a bad son. I guess it doesn't matter though." If it took his parents dying for him to be standing here now, at this Weyr, with these people, if it took them dying for him to stay by his side, then he couldn't wish it back.. no matter how harsh that sounded.

faesinger

 

[faesinger]

Ah, now there was the meat of what was troubling Migel. A difficult idea to grapple with indeed. What memory had the blue egg brought up to cause this unusual doubt in her friend? Whatever the memory was didn’t really matter though, not right now. He said the worry didn’t matter either, yet it clearly did. “Why?” She asked with honest curiosity in her voice. “Would they not approve of your loyalty to your friends? Would they not like the way you care about them? Is it a bad thing that you are doing so well in your life? What is it that you believe you have done that is so terrible in their eyes?” Vague statements were not easily countered. Specifics would be needed. If Migel would allow himself to say them.

DruidTigeress