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 Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:38 am
He took too long, Illiandinth reminded C'sar as the pair stood, awaiting Migel's explanation... if an explanation he meant to give. The Bronze had taken the opportunity to attempt to thread doubt throughout his rider's thoughts. Thus far, C'sar had not budged. He was not pleased with Migel, no, but Migel was Migel. There was only one person that C'sar had loved before Illiandinth, and the dragonet had not forgiven Migel for that slight. Standing in stoic silence, C'sar presented quite a picture. He was as composed as any statue, and might have as easily been carved from stone.
When the flit had dived on Marinel he'd felt a flicker of amusement, of almost... fondness. That sense had vanished quickly when it had failed to overcome his disquiet. His guard had left him to stand there alone, to play the fool. Not even a greeting had passed Migel's lips before he'd left him. That was going to take awhile to forgive. Yes, do not forget, my C'sar. A cool, quelling look was bestowed upon the dragonet, but the young man did not yet speak.
He was still angry. Still hurt. Still showed no sign of either thing. He'd been giving Migel the cold shoulder for some time now. No amount of groveling would have satisfied him; he wanted a real explanation for that behavior. None had yet come.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:58 am
On the surface, Migel acted the same as they ever did within a crowd. All smiles and small talk. Someone on the outside would be hard pressed to notice anything different between them at all. But Migel could feel it, the cold waves of anger coming off his friend. He knew he should feel bad, but honestly, there was a larger part of him that was relieved. He wasn't afraid of C'sar's angry, but he was afraid of his indifference. If he was angry at least it meant some part of him still cared what he did and who he talked to.
Finally, at some point, the two of them were left alone, and his graceful demeanor fell away. He glanced over at C'sar, who was clearly waiting for him to say something.
"Did you want to walk down to the bonfire?" he asked, seemingly, so they could pay their respects, though really he just wanted to make sure the moment they finally had alone would last for more than just a moment before they were interrupted again. And if his intentions weren't clear enough at that, he added, "We should talk."
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:25 am
Ah, how lovely. Migel had decided that he was finished ignoring C'sar, and pretending his friend didn't exist. ... C'sar shook the young Bronze's influence, staring at his dragon, frustrated that he couldn't even think without having those thoughts subverted. But it was true that Migel had made it very plain that he was not important to him. He had not expected more than a hello, or a congratulations, but he had gotten neither. He had gotten, essentially, told to hold that thought.
If he truly cared for you as you do him, he would not have made you wait.
C'sar did not deign to give his dragon the response that he wished, merely turning to glance at Migel. "I suppose it would be appropriate to pay our respects." However, he had very little interest in the conversation that Migel wanted to have, for the time being. Or rather, he had little interest in a conversation. An explanation, yes. If indeed there was an explanation that would suffice. Without waiting for Migel's reply, he began to walk toward the bonfire, dragonet all but slithering beside him.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:56 pm
Migel sighed quietly and started after C'sar, who more or less stormed off without him. How metaphorical of how his life was going now. He caught up to him far enough from the main gather that they weren't likely to be interrupted. "Hey.." He grabbed his arm. "Would you stop?"
He might be angry but they needed to have this conversation. The schedules of the weyrlings and candidates, if that was indeed what he was to remain, rarely overlapped. Their next chance might not be for months. "You're leaving," he said. "And I can't follow you." Those were just the facts. There was nothing to be done about either of them. Rationally, it made no sense for him to be upset. But still, there was a part of him that felt betrayed. He was the one being left behind.. And still C'sar acted like he had no reason to be upset.
Even though this was what his friend had wanted, the whole reason they were here. And he was supposed to support him no matter what. So really, who was the one betraying who?
"We need to talk about this."
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:23 pm
"If this were important to you, you would have at least said hello. You would have bothered with that much." C'sar did not look at Migel, did not deign to offer him even that much. If he had done so, his own hurt would have showed... and he could afford no weakness. "It was so important, indeed, that you simply left without even a by your leave." How important could it have been if he did not manage even that much? came the darkling voice, the dragonet attempting to insinuate his own take on matters above C'sar's. But no. C'sar was angry, yes. Hurt, yes. Still... Migel did matter, whether his friend chose to say as much.
He quirked a brow. "Do you really think that we would just not see one another for months at a time? Do you really think that I could ever be too busy for you? At minimum we'll have rest days. At minimum, Migel." He heard it in Migel's voice, knew that there was something else at work here.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:02 pm
He'd already told him he was comforting Shahera, so clearly that explanation didn't fly. "What do you want me to say?" he asked, frustrated. "I was upset. I'm sorry I'm not the emotionless machine your father was hoping for. But you're not the only one who can be irrational sometimes."
He shook his head, half glad C'sar wasn't looking at him, even though that hurt. He was too emotional right now. He needed to get this under control. "I don't know.. I don't know what I think." he said. Angry or not, C'sar was still saying everything he needed to hear. But words were easy. Reality was a different matter. How often would his rest days and C'sar's happen to overlap? How often many times would something else come up? But the intention was there. At least for now, he still wanted him in his life. That was enough. That was a lot.
He looked at his hand, still on C'sar's arm. The specter of losing him made him realize what he wanted even more. But what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do.. They couldn't do anymore. "I just know I go a little crazy when I'm scared I'm losing you."
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:19 pm
Migel always knew how to surprise C'sar. Taken aback by Migel's words, the newly fledged rider gave pause. "I never asked that you be an emotionless machine," he pointed out. "I... wanted you to be there with me. To say anything at all. I would have thought that some things weighed more with you than others." To say that he was unimpressed that Shahera's feelings had been more important than his own, even indirectly, would be quite the understatement. Yet hearing Migel's fears... well. That he could forgive, at least.
"I'm terrified that I'll lose you," he confessed. "That you'll find someone else to spend your time with when I'm not there. You already..." He stopped short of saying that Migel already had. "You know that I would and will make time for you. No matter how tired, how angry, or how distant. No matter what. We made that promise a long time ago. Did you really think I wouldn't keep it?" Right now, he felt as though there was a glass wall between them, and that he had his face pressed desperately against it. He'd never been desperate in his life, except where Migel was concerned.
He stood, staring at his friend, heart sunken deep into his chest, swallowing around a lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. Shaffitall. Impression was supposed to be a happy moment. It would be, if only you ignored him for a time. Focus on me, my beloved C'sar. He is a distraction. He is nothing. No. Not nothing. Not more than you, but not nothing. Never nothing.
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:55 pm
"I wanted to be there. Just.." He lifted his shoulders helplessly, unable to really explain. It's not like he really cared about Shahera that much. Obviously, he did care about her, and that surprised even him. But compared to C'sar? That wasn't it.. What was he really worried about?
He didn't leave to protect her, he left to protect himself from what he was afraid he was going to hear. "I don't know.. I thought.." he muttered, finding it difficult to speak. He still remembered their promise. But things had been so twisted, so polluted since they were kids, it was hard to remember what was real and what had been said after their world became nothing but manipulation and lies. His ability to stay by C'sar side up to this point had been predicated on his usefulness. No one ever said so overtly, but it was woven into everything he was taught and told, to the point where it was hard to separate from anything else. It was what formed the basis of his world view, from when he was a child trying to keep up with their lessons, to an assassin learning how to kill. Make yourself useful, and you get to stay.
"I was afraid.. If you didn't need me.. Things might be different."
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Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 6:54 pm
Suddenly, Migel's behavior made a lot more sense. C'sar blinked, listening to the other's words, and not entirely hearing them. Turning it all over in his mind... and he knew exactly where some of those poisonous thoughts had come from. "Migel. I will always need you." For a moment, he took Migel's hands, and held them in both of his own. "I will need you no matter how useful you are to me. You are the only person that I do need. You could stop being my bodyguard today, and I would still need you. But..." He paused, wetting his lips, thinking over his phrasing. "But more importantly, I want you in my life. I chose you. I will always choose you. All right?"
He hadn't expected to make any grand gestures, but here they were. His dragon sat sullenly, quite displeased with this turn of events. But... he had needed to say it. And Migel had needed to hear it. "Look, you and I? We're a team. A pair. A package deal. There is no Migel without C'sar. And... there is no C'sar... without Migel." It was the most soppy nonsense that he'd ever spouted, but it rang with truth, and his golden amber eyes were full of it.
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2017 5:59 pm
Migel nodded, already feeling a world better just for that touch. "I know. I know that now." he said with a half smile. None of this was what he'd meant to say. He'd already made the decision to fight for it, to convince him too if he needed, but then C'sar went and threw him off by being nice.. "I was thinking how you might be better off without me, but when I saw Marinel glaring at you like that, I couldn't help myself. I could have broken his neck if I didn't think it would disturb the party."
Even if he wanted to, even if C'sar wanted him to, he wasn't sure he could keep himself away. "If you promise me that again, I'll hold you to it." he warned. Really, he wondered if C'sar knew what he was getting himself in for with him. The depths of his obsession. The things he was capable of. On the other hand, maybe he was exactly right and they were the only ones for each other. A perfect pair. With so many jagged edges, there couldn't be too many people that fit together like they did.
His hands tightened around C'sar's, looking directly into his eyes. "You know I'm proud of you, right? You know I'm happy for you?" That wasn't what any of this was about. Jealous? Hardly. There was nothing he didn't think his friend deserved. If he could give him the world on a silver platter, he would do it. "And whether things change or not, whether you still need me or not, you know I'll never stop being your ally, as long as I live?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:16 am
You should not be touching him, my C'sar. the Bronze dragonet's eyes whirled a bright red, and C'sar leaned down to pet his hatchling soothingly. Calm. It's all right. He is not a threat. You know what he is to me. There is nothing to worry about. He can't take your place. That said, C'sar knew that his duty was now to focus on the beast before him. The powerful presence that tried to push him away from anyone who might get close to him would have to be reeled in.
"Let's not worry too much about all of that. I know you'll be there. You know I'll be there. It's going to be okay." After all, he could not promise to always be there, considering that one day they would fight Thread and he could not guarantee his own safety. But he would try. C'sar didn't intend to die anytime soon.
A slight grin tugged at his lips, one hand still firmly in Migel's. "Are you? Proud of me? I didn't realize." Or maybe he wanted to hear it again. "I wish you'd Impressed with me. But maybe there will be another clutch soon... and I bet you'll make it." Migel had all of the stuff to be a rider, after all. Even if they hadn't had the most standard upbringing.
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