[PRP] It's gotten harder [Prelude x Sayre]

[X Moon Fighter X]

She simply nodded at Harvest as she left and a wave of relief swept over her. It would be easier to breathe without her looming over them. "Thank you for the offer Tallulah, but I'm not hungry." She offered a warm smile. She like Tallulah. She was bright and warm. She imagined Prelude was like that once upon a time and she wish one day he would be more like her.

She quietly listened to Tallulah talk about Harvest. He was lucky to have someone like that. It was something she was not used to. Having really close friends, someone to be able to fall back on.

She was lost in her own thoughts when something pulled her back to reality. "...back for good." When she heard that she just looked down at the earth. Huh. She should have expected that but it made her feel... heavy.

What would she do now? Wish the reunited family the best and be on her way. She knew she was still broken inside and didn't want to rub off on Tallulah. She was too sweet, too kind and accepting of her already.

Prelude had helped her from a dark place, but she didn't trust herself to continue to recover. Deep down she didn't want to. She didn't have a reason to. Prelude was the reason she was doing well. Though... She made a personal promise not to be greedy when it came to others. She couldn't.

"Are you okay?" "Hmm?" She looked up at him. Her mouth was dry. "Yes, I'm fine." She smiled at him but it was empty. "Well then.. Welcome home. I'm happy for you. Tallulah... She's special. I can tell." Seeing Tallulah made her miss her own kids. She glanced back the way they came. It was going to be a rough journey down. Just say 'good-bye'... lingering makes it harder...  

[NymiiNym]

He felt his chest deflate as she seemed to be ready to go. Was that it, then? Did she not care? Not even hesitate? Had it all been in his head? Prelude stared firmly at the ground now, again. She was ready to go and he was the idiot hoping she didn't want to. She had kids, a home, somewhere else to go, he knew she had come along to help him and now that was over.

His nails dug into the ground, teeth digging into his cheek as he bit back the urge to say something. Say what? What more was there to say? Had he been hoping for something else? For what? How many times had he reached out to someone and said the first words? Every time, and nothing changed. He always reached out and asked someone to stay. She'd stay, if he asked. He knew it, but how would he know if it was because she wanted to? She had saved had. Had taken him to Yasashii. Had escorted him here. Everything was on his terms and his needs — he didn't want to say it this time.

He didn't want to put his needs on her.

He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to say 'I don't want to go'. He wanted to hear someone to say it first — to know this time they weren't staying because he said it first. Because he trapped them. She had proven to be kind; kinder than he deserved. She had a life to get to, and Prelude had no right to take her from it.

But deities did the thought of this being the last time together hurt. It sucked his breath from his chest. The 'phim found his nails digging into the dirt, teeth breaking through skin. She had never promised him anything further. It was time she did something she wanted.

"Thank you," His voice was hushed, emerald eyes growing damp as he bitterly fought himself to stay calm. "I'm sorry for taking months of your time, but thank you. I was glad to have you by my side. I-" He cut off abruptly as he felt a tear slip, teeth digging into his tongue. s**t.

"I'm really grateful, Sayre."  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She saw him tense. Why? It wasn't clicking with her. Her brain was pulling her one way and her heart another. Still unaware of the things around her. His face was almost blurred as she her thoughts and emotions were washing over her. It was heard to keep them in check. The shuffling of Tallulah in the den even faded out.

"I.. really have you to thank, Prelude." She shuffled awkwardly. Why was this so hard? Why didn't her body want to move? "We were both in a dark place and you gave me something to look forward to." She shuffled and gulped audibly. "You didn't take those months from me... You gave them to me." If he did all this... why would she go? She lifted a paw to step closer, then placed it back down. She was stuck. Physically, mentally... Emotionally. Part of her just wanted to rest but as she kept thinking. The longer you stay the harder it would be. She wasn't good enough for Prelude. She wasn't good enough for anyone really...

"I... Prelude."

Her eyes finally met his. Was there something in them she hasn't seen in them before.

"I..."

She what? It couldn't always be about what she wanted. Not anymore. It was too much for her already busted heart.

"I'm happy for you."

She slowly turned towards the way they came. Her eyes were watery but she fought them with a strength she didn't even new she had.

She briefly looked back at him.

"Please, continue to be happy with Tallulah. You deserve it."  

[NymiiNym]

She had stammered. Perhaps he was enough of an idiot to think it was nothing, but Prelude already was looking for anything. A breath, a sigh, anything that might be a hint of something. He was also a fool, too, for looking for that something. He knew that. Still, he rather be a correct fool and try his luck then never do and miss the chance of it being something.

"What were you going to say?" His voice timidly held a hint of hope, although he squashed it the moment he could. He didn't want to sway her — didn't want any words to form that may be because of him. He wanted the truth, the honest to deities truth.  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She sighed and couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I have messed up, so many times, with so many different things. I've hurt people." She gulped hard, her mouth was drying up and her chest was getting tighter. "I can't do it to you... I really should just go home."

It pained her to say it. She wanted to stay. She wanted to watch him become even more happier with Tallulah and possibly with herself. Though she knew in her head and her heart that happiness was a fleeting thing for her and that in the end she would ruin what was there.  

[NymiiNym]

What was he supposed to say? It sounded clear what she was saying, but he didn't want to assume. Frustration piled, however, as he found himself wishing she'd just say it. Say either; "I want to stay," or "I don't want to stay."

But things weren't often that simple — he knew that. It didn't make this any less frustrating for both him and here. Tentatively, Prelude raised a paw, ears pinned against his head as he fought himself to get out the next words.

"Do you... do you want to stay with me?"  

[X Moon Fighter X]

Why? Why was he making this so difficult. She felt that he wanted her to stay. It would end up hurting him. She knew it. She was just so terrified something would happen and this creature before her would only break again.

"I.. I want to stay."

It was true. She did want to but could she really? Her heart started to race and her stomach twisted into knots, pulling all the color from her face. She felt sick. Lovesick perhaps?

"I'm scared though."

Her head hung low. Still scared to look up.  

[NymiiNym]

Relief punctured through the panic like a hard blow. His wings drooped as the tension left them, ears slowly rising. He knew it. He couldn't like, though; he was scared, too. Of course he was. He didn't look up at her, instead carefully choosing his words.

"I'm scared, too," He admitted, glancing back up at her for just a moment. "But... I'd... like it if you stayed. I — err... I'd regret letting you go if I didn't at least say something. Didn't at least tell you how I felt," Panic rose again, drenched in a reasonable amount of doubt. What if this made her up and leave?

Well, he had to be honest. He'd never forgive himself if he wasn't.

"I haven't had much to live for lately; you know that. You met me and I couldn't care less if I died then and there. But, over the course of our companionship, being alive mattered. I didn't want to leave behind Tallulah, or Harvest, or, especially, you. It was easier each day to get up and try again, and while it's still hard sometimes... it gets easier whenever you're around."

He paused, inhaling sharply as he put it all on one final sentence. "You don't have to return these feelings, Sayre, but I would be happy to be by your side for as long as you'd have me."  

[X Moon Fighter X]

His words finally made her look up at him. "You... want me to stay?" She really never thought about what she was really doing for him. They were both so broken, so uncaring and ready to just... give up. In each other they had found something they lacked.

She simply nodded. She was at a total lost for words.

"I'll have you.. Only if you'll have me too."

She smiled a bit. She may have found a loophole to her own personal demands. As minor as it was. Deep down she hoped Tallulah would accept her, as well as Harvest. Down the line she would have to tell her kids as well. That can wait. She knew they were busy with their own lives and didn't want to worry them or anything

She shakily stepped closer and nuzzled into him, taking a deep breathe and just... breathing. It was something she craved for a very long time. Comfort.  

[NymiiNym]

His heart swelled, eyes lighting up as she spoke. She meant it? She meant it! His tail lashed, ears perking as his entire body seemed to lift. As she approached and nuzzled him he immediately nuzzled her back, tail wagging slowly behind him. She was touching him! How long had it been? It felt comforting.... she wouldn't blame him if he stayed like this a little longer, right?

"Of course I will," He murmured into her fur, content to stay right there. Oh, he was terrified, but this? This was nice and warm and real. He pulled back, head jerking to look at the cave before back at her.

"Do you want to go in? I can show you around? Or we can just eat and relax?"  

[X Moon Fighter X]

She smiled at him with a slight silvery shimmer in her eyes. "I wouldn't mind going in. I'm sure Tallulah is still waiting." She looked around relieved. They didn't have anywhere to be anymore. "...aaand It would be nice to have something more... comforting to stay in." She chuckled, returning to his fur, for a brief moment. Then reluctantly pulled away from him.

This was nice. She was still scared for the future but for now... why not enjoy the company? The warm of another broken spirit on the mend. They did need each other. So why not? Right?