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She had to trust their wingleaders now. Anakumath had met them all as she'd grown and found each of them respectable men with fine dragons, but the young gold still desired to watch after her clutch siblings as she and Mictecath always had.

Now she had the entire Weyr to tend to. Many she'd had the opportunity to meet in some form, some way. Many more she'd not been so fortunate for. How lucky to have so many to love- how sad to have left some waiting.

The lake was particularly bustling with dragons and humans alike who perhaps had been so inclined to get some last leisurely swim in before it got too cold. Her own Martirae was among them, though she only stood ankle deep in the water - watching. Does the world feel bigger now?Martirae asked her beloved, looking back to her. Anakumath thrummed softly at her. A little.


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It had been a terribly long sevenday of ups and downs, even by Samodith's standards. She was rightfully known to be temperamental - charming and sweet as pie one moment, hissing and snapping the next for reasons kept mostly to herself. A favored few were usually less likely to be on the receiving end of her little tantrums, subject to no more than a rumble and sudden absence of cuddle partner, but there had been a few days where even that tolerance was stretched thin.

Akaris, of course, was always immune, and had done her best to soothe the upset leading up to graduation. It was for her, in large part, that Samodith had climbed out of her sulk, but also pride. Graduation meant that it was time to hold her head up and play with the big dragons, and there were no second chances at first impressions. She'd picked her poise back up like a mantle, and her hide was bright and as meticulously clean as ever; the only hint that she had been off at all was in her dulled, slightly uneven claws, from frustrations she'd taken out on stone.

She and Hers were some of the many near the lake, though Hers wanted no part of being in it - for Akaris, it was most definitely too cold. From their spot on the shore, Samodith had been subtly eyeing a certain golden hide, and after a time offered, Sister.


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Anakumath turned her attention from Martirae at the familiar voice, turning blue and violet eyes upon her dear sister. Samodith, she greeted warmly, moving to offer a nudge of her head against a cheek. That Samodith had been upset had not been missed, though it was practice that kept her from immediately prying into the why. How is your new Wing?


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There was the very briefest moment of hesitation before the nuzzle was returned, and the green shifted to sit just a bit closer, a suggestion that she might once again be in the mood to cuddle. It is quite agreeable. I am pleased to be with our cousin Sucurith - and others, of course. Samodith would mostly be polite about it, but she did always have her preferences. And how is the transition suiting you?


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Anakumath eagerly shifted closer to Samodith, lifting a wing to offer a spot beneath it to her. Wonderful. You will make them as proud as I am. Her clutchsiblings were each fine dragons and she would always think the world of them.

It has been more than we were expecting, I think. We have flown with other golds during Threadfall before...but I do miss being with everybody else at times.


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I am sure that we will make a good accounting of ourselves. I would never wish to make you anything less than proud, my sister. The words were honeyed, but not entirely for the sake flattery - though it might sometimes be difficult to discern the difference, there were a handful of individuals she truly did care for, in her own way.

I do not doubt that you are at least as capable as all the others. There is certainly no other I would rather be caught by, should I ever fall. The statement was followed by a little chuckle as she tucked herself neatly under her sister's wing and added, Unlikely though it is. And not that that was all the golds were there for.


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The faintest circle of white tinged her eyes as she nudged Samodith, gently tucking her wing over her. It is very unlikely - you fly too well for it. but the notion still left Anakumath worried. They would not have had her if she wasn't trained, but it had gone untested.

I will always be proud to have such a wonderful sister.


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She gave a low hum as she was tucked under her Anakimath's wing, a position both familiar and comfortable. In spite of the sevenday she'd had, it smoothed over some of the still-frayed, tumultuous emotions that had been churning beneath the surface. I will keep working hard to ensure you never need save me in such a way, she promised, lifting her head to nuzzle at her sister reassuringly.

The bright green was silent for a long moment before offering up the rarity of a very plain statement of exactly how she felt: I do love you, you know. Always.


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She would never short change effort with a notion that Samodith was a natural at it - even if Anakumath did think her sister to be so talented. You'll lead the pack. So shining an example, others would surely follow.

Such frankness took her by surprise, however, even if not unpleasant. You have never given me a reason to think otherwise. I hope you know the same to be true for me - how lucky I am to know and have you in my life.


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Samodith was too comfortably positioned to preen, or she would surely have done so. She was, after all, among the very finest dragons of any color, and ever appreciated recognition of that fact.

Yes, you are, she acknowledged with a chuckle, lifting some of the cloying sappiness she had initiated so they wouldn't drown in it. I know that I am not always easy to love, beneath the surface...and yet you persist anyway. There was quite the monster underneath the charm, as the past several days had made clearer than ever.


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Ah, to be able to accept truth so comfortably - Anakumath still had much to learn from her sister's confidence. How fortunate she would be around for a long time more to hopefully do so. It is not harder to give you more love when you need it, she defended plainly. There was nothing rotten about it.

Even in the bad times my ledge and ear are always yours - no conditions.


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She was quiet again for a moment, and shifted beneath Anakumath's wing just slightly. Her restless thoughts rose up to chew at the back of her mind - would her sister regret making such an offer, she wondered, if she revealed just how ugly some of her thoughts had been of late? But as selfish, as cruel as Samodith could be, even she had a limit.

Perhaps I should frequent it more, she said finally, opting again for another taste of humor. You do have quite a fine ledge, after all.


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The pause didn't go unnoticed, quietly noted for another time. Anakumath would have happily sat for hours picking at Samodith's woes if she was willing to share - but her sister had stepped around it carefully.

It would be lucky to have you, she mused, allowing herself to dip into Samodith's humor with her. Even if it was no joke. I have a finer sister than I do a ledge.


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It would brighten things up considerably, Samodith agreed, letting the banter skate over more serious thoughts. You are welcome to mine, too, of course. Andelath would not mind, she could say without a doubt. Though the whole of the Weyr would set to pining over us, I fear. Who with a heartbeat and an eye for ladies would not covet the pair of us?


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If Martirae hadn't been so set on easing the habit out of her, Anakumath would have deflected the offer immediately. Even if it made her feel a touch like an invader. Certainly they would be blind to me even being there, and why wouldn't they? Samodith was lovely in ways Anakumath would never be, as far as she was concerned. But it would be a sight for sore eyes worth gifting. I'll have to find a nice evening to drop in.

Had that sounded as nice as she'd hoped it had? A small hint of worry crept into the back of her mind over the notion - all over the part she had anything to do with.


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Never could anyone in the world be blind to you, even with me beside you. Not all that long ago, there would have been a sharp edge of bitterness to the statement, but while there was a hurt there still, it was kept carefully close to her chest. As she had said, she did love her sister. In your company, any evening would be nice, though there has been quite the chill of late.


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They should have been. She managed to not say it out loud, but it had been Samodith's radiance that had tempted him away from her....and had her checking the skies every time another rose to see if he was there. Then, with a second chance, he'd stayed.

It will be another cold winter, certainly. Some evening I will bring mine over to spend some time with yours, perhaps? then perhaps both women could miss home together.


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That would be lovely, Samodith agreed. It was a curious and complicated thing, that such deep hurt and deep love could somehow coexist, and maybe some days would be better than others, but the only way she had was forward. Mine would appreciate such esteemed company as well, I am sure. I have not been easy even for her of late.


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The last year hadn't simply been as easy as shedding one self to put on a new one, no matter how clean of a break it had looked to be for Martirae. Some companionship molded by home would do some good.

Are you feeling better now? I am happy to listen if you need to get anything off your mind, the opening had been given and Anakumath was more than happy to creep into it. Just a little, just a bit.


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There was a pause again, a war reignited between the love and the hurt, and her eyes swirled with conflicting emotions. Would it be better to lie? It would be easy to pass it off as a tantrum brought on by proddiness. But perhaps there was a middle ground, a gentle way, and maybe, just maybe, it might lessen the pain to speak it in some fashion. Or maybe it would make it worse. There was no telling. It is not a burden you should have to bear. I have been foolish in ways I am loathe to admit, and I allowed it to rule me.


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Oh! Oh oh oh. Oh. Keening softly at Samodith's expression, Anakumath leaned her head against her sister's in hopes to soothe some of that woe in it. She had crept in far enough. That answer said it clearly. Your feelings will never be a burden to me, my dear. I can only hope they do not burden you and you feel better moving forward. It was very hard to imagine her sister a fool, after all.


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The affection all but split her hearts, cracking open the thin veneer she'd covered over the hurt with, and it was all she could do not to creel. Perhaps that had been a bad idea after all, to let any of it slip out when she had only barely begun to rein it in. She pulled in on herself and slightly away, head bowed.

I do not know that I can let them go so easily. Or that they will let me go. She had tried any number of distractions, and yet...


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The faintest amounts of familiar yellow tinged Anakumath's expression now. Is it something I can help in? As though she hadn't been a contributor in it, even if she didn't know. She simply couldn't leave it be if it was tormenting her.


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You cannot make someone see me if they do not, or change my hearts to be more like others'. Samodith had always been exceptional, special, knew it and was proud of it, but she had encountered at last a difference that was...proving to be a difficulty rather than an advantage. It would be easier to need only one - or better, no one.

She had always thought to be the one wanted, not wanting, and this reversal was far less satisfying.


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Ah. The faintest gray swept away the yellow. It would have been easy to guess what had brought this on - and harder to ask when Samodith was clearly guarding it from her. I cannot think of you being alone. I cannot see you taking the easy way in anything - not when you are so exceptional.


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What other way is there except to hurt? So many line themselves up that they might eat from my claws, or even to be raked by them - why can that not be enough? She couldn't change that it wasn't, and also knew that it was vastly unfair to those who did pay her mind only to be cast aside for not being enough, but that made no difference. I had thought myself past it the first time, but this second it has been far worse.


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Nobody liked pain, and she would not have wished it upon Samodith, but it almost sounded as though she was giving herself no other option - pain in rejection or pain in loneliness. She did not much like the idea of it being a repeat offense, apparently, either. Is it, someone, you've talked to about it? Would you like me to?



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No, I have not. And she well knew that it only made her look ridiculous for wallowing so, but she did still have her pride: why should she crawl to someone like a lovesick puppy when it was meant to be the other way around? Especially given...other elements of the circumstances.

Anakumath's offer received a strained laugh. Not mocking, just...how absurd this all was, in every way. A kind offer, sister, but one I cannot accept. It would not be right to set you to such a task.


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They cannot know how you feel if you do not tell them. Surely that would help towards lightening your burden? Surely Samodith had enough confidence to speak her mind in most matters there must have been something else at play when it came to such skirting.

The yellow returned to her eyes, even as she nuzzled her sister again. Was it me?



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Perhaps it would. Perhaps it would only be replaced by a heavier one. Just what was the best case scenario there? She couldn't see one that was any less worse than the others, not that seemed in any way realistic.

The nuzzle was met with the faintest, tired brush of affection. ...You have always been beyond my reach in that way, and I know it. A gold did not chase a green, whether there were feelings or no. I did not expect there would ever be another that was not.


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It had not been past Anakumath's notice that some dragons only had an eye for golden hide - Martirae had been painfully aware of it and it had put the woman on her guard. You cannot hide from a fate that has been guessed at. It does not exist. There will be happier times, and you will discover wondrous beings are still well within your reach. Some you don't even know yet.

Even for the tired affection she had received, Anakumath poured out an endless supply in turn. She'd never stop it up. I just don't want to be what is making you hurt without a chance to make it right.



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I have tried. I have had others, others who perhaps should be enough, but still I am left wanting. Rizoth was not entirely unlike her, inclined to many affections, and in some way that had been satisfying, but still only temporary. And with all her hurt and rage in full bloom, Araneath who, if anyone, should have been able to hold her attentions, had still barely calmed her. And every succulent morsel offered by Andelath may as well have been dust.

Unless you are more like me than I have ever guessed, I do not think there is anything for it. Or do you not have and demand hearts that are for only one? There was a slight plaintive quality to the question, one last thread of hope that might be mended or pulled loose to unravel.


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She could not hesitate in answering Samodith in this - only the truth spoke in certainty would be enough. If Anakumath left any room for more hurt to find a place, she'd not have forgiven herself. No, you are right in that. I do love everybody - but I can also only love one in the way you mean it now.


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And the one you love? They must love only you? It was the clearest she had yet been, and it hurt, in every way imaginable, to be so. It showed in the way she sank lower, and looked away from her sister as she awaited the answer.


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Oh.

Anakumath's eyes greyed over, understanding fully now. This was about him, and in a single moment all of the hurt Samodith had been hiding away made sense. It rested firmly in her claws.

Yes, I would like it that way


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That is what I thought. It was only what she had expected, but it hurt afresh to hear it confirmed. Then you understand now why there is nothing for it but to hurt. It could not be fixed, or fought, or wished away, or forgotten, and perhaps it would have been kinder to leave it unspoken, but there it was.


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I do understand - and I will hope it gets easier and hurts less. she did not offer a nuzzle with her words, perhaps feeling it would be rejected.


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Such an easy thing, to hope, and a wise thing that another nuzzle went unoffered. Maybe one day it will, when I can be gone from here.

Maybe it was harsh. Maybe she would change her mind. But at the moment, it felt like the only answer, and a very long way away indeed.


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Anakumath flinched and Martirae turned from her spot to look after her, a frown creasing her face.

While I know how better High Reaches will be to have you, I will not beg you to stay if having to live with the one who has stolen happiness from you is so unpleasant. There was no upset in her voice, outside of some sadness, and this time Anakumath did offer a brief nudge of her head against her sister's before she lifted her wing to remove herself.

She would not make Samodith suffer her company if that was what she was doing.


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High Reaches would be better, certainly, but would they ever even know it, let alone acknowledge it? Samodith did not lift her head, just closed her eyes and let the guilt wash over her. She had accomplished nothing but to make yet another hurt, and in return hurt no less.

I do love you, she repeated after a time, in the faintest whisper. And it was the truth, or none of this would have hurt so much.


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And I love you, Anakumath affirmed again, pressing her head back against Samodith's. She knew it would not be like this forever. But she also was unwilling to give up the one thing she wanted to be selfish about.


Meepfur