Visits with Linaiha were often fraught, and brought up a lot of things- memories and emotions. Mistakes made in the past, failures. Dreams and ‘what-if’s’. Even now, after they had finally been able to make peace and accept each other and define the roles between them, the twists and turns and complications in their lives. They had finally reached the point where they were family and they actually were able to get along as such.
Though Linaiha had chosen to leave the glen, leaving him, his mate, and her half-siblings. There were times this caused him She was an adult and she wanted to live her own life. He could not begrudge her that, but he lamented all the lost time and missed opportunities. He had missed out on so much. So much time they couldn’t get back.
While the visits were still a little on the awkward side, and were more than bittersweet for both, Laures still wouldn’t pass up on them for anything. He couldn’t. Though they would cause him countless hours of self-flagellation, guilt, and wondering if there was anything he could have done differently. If only he could turn back time and do things over, he would have done things so differently. He wouldn’t, wouldn’t have simply left. He would have searched harder to find his children. He would have…
But then, if he had, he wouldn’t have Bailey. He wouldn’t have his three little angels. He wouldn’t have the peace and happiness he now had…. No, even if he could turn back time, he wouldn’t because he wouldn’t do anything differently…
The most recent visit however, had left him tied in knots of doubt and guilt. Linaiha had asked for him to tell her the true story of her mother, something he had not been able to bring himself to do up to that point. It was not a grand tale, or even a good one. It cast all the players involved in a less than glamorous light, and it still hurt him to remember. And while it might be selfish, he wasn’t ready for her to see him as the weak, fallible creature that he was. If possible, he wanted to have her respect for at least a little bit longer.
But in the end, he couldn’t refuse her. It was his story, yes, but it was also her mother’s. And he owed it to her to let her know the truth. So with reluctance, he told her their story.
’When he was a young stallion, his family was in the area of a herd of mixed breeds. Their ways of life were not as restrictive, and seemed a better fit for the young flutter prince. It was decided by his parents, who did care for him in their own way, that this would be a better place for him. And if he chose to stay on his own… well, they didn’t disown him or cast him out. It was his choice. And so they schemed with the elders of this herd.
It just so happened the herd leaders had a daughter around the same age as the young flutter. She was a sweet, easy going mare who happened to be rather suggestible and eager to please. it would be a simple matter to plant the idea of her falling in love with the wandering prince. An arrangement that would be beneficial to both herds.
The matter was arranged just so, with the mare and the young flutter prince meeting under the watchful gaze of their families, who waited with bated breath. This was a greatly desired event and the outcome would decide the fate not just of two troublesome but well-loved individuals, but the fate of two distinctly different and powerful herds.
And so, the flutter and Tezza fell in love, even as it was planned out and orchestrated by others. However, their love was no less real for all that. They were happy. And both families heaved sighs of relief. This would be fine. This was what they had wanted after all.
Shortly before the flutter’s herd was to move on, the couple discovered they were expecting. The flutter was elated. He and his mate were going to have foals of their own. He just had to tell his family, and get their permission to stay with his love. Feigning the need to think it over, his parents asked for a little time. Time for them to compose themselves, to ensure this was done without any hint of rush or impropriety. It would not do to cause scandal for either herd.
And finally, finally they would be rid of the black-sheep son. Taking what would be seen as an appropriate amount of time to think it over, they agreed, provided he would accompany them to the next stop on their route, where they would meet up with the rest of the herd and announce his decision before the other high ranking members of the herd so that it would be official.
Knowing that Cortezza was expecting, he was reluctant to leave her. What if something bad happened to her while he was gone? If that was the case, he would never be able to forgive himself. But Tezza insisted he go. That way they could be together and it would be right. She did not care that it meant he would be gone for weeks, if not months. She wanted them to have his herd’s blessing and their life to be started off right. So heart heavy in his chest, and with many promises that he would return as soon as possible, and with many, many backward glances, he left, travelling with his birth herd back to their main meeting place for the last time.
The journey was long, uneventful on his side, though he was plagued by fears and nebulous concerns. What if…? But he returned and none of those fears were realized. And Tezza was more beautiful than ever, glowing as only an expectant mother could. Their life together was idyllic and he was truly content for the first time in his life. They discussed their hopes and dreams for the future. And he would tell her stories, or sing, and cater to her every whim.
Then on the day that should have been one of the most happy and magical of his life, tragedy struck. Tezza knew that morning when she woke that that day the foals would be there. She also knew that the flutter would overreact and be overly protective and, quite simply drive her nuts. She would have to find some way to get him to leave her alone for the foals to be born. She sent him off on an errand to collect her favorite fruit, a journey that would keep him busy at least half the day, which should be enough time. And he would have such a pleasant surprise when he returned.
Blissfully unaware, the flutter left, determined not to be gone for very long. He knew the foals would be coming soon, and he was more than eager to meet them. To be a dad. He wondered about them. Who would they take after? Would they be dark like him? Or would they take after their lighter mother? Would they have his wanderlust, or Tezza’s tendency to daydream? Would they haves sons or daughters? It really didn’t matter to him, as long as they were healthy. He would love them regardless.
He went about his task with a cheerful, light heart. Not noticing the passage of time until the afternoon sun shone in his eyes. Realising how long he had been gone, he felt the sudden need to get back to the herd. He shivered even though the day was warm. There was something wrong. He needed to return to the herd and Tezza as swiftly as he could.
What greeted him when he returned was a sight the flutter would never forget. The sight of broken bodies lying on the ground, drenched with blood. Some that were mere gobbets of flesh or organs, impossible to tell if they were other soq or if they were familiars or just random animals that happened to be passing through during what had amounted to an outright slaughter, a bloodbath, a … well, he didn’t have the words to describe the utter chaos and carnage.
The sharp tang of blood in the air filled his nostrils, making him nervous. What if whatever had done this was still around? He couldn’t tell if it was safe or not. Just then he caught sight of Tezza, as she twitched and tried to move. She was alive! He rushed over to her side. ‘My love… baskets… gone… foals…’
‘Shhh, don’t talk.’ He murmured as he leaned down and nuzzled her. ‘I’ll go get help. You’ll be alright.’ Then her words sank in. His foals… their foals. She had given birth, but they were gone? Dead?
She struggled to speak some more, as though she had a message that was more important than her life.’ No guilt…. I want…. Want you to live…. Find love again.’ The light in her eyes faded as the life left her body. She died, even as he stood there and was able to do nothing.’
After the story, instead of the scorn he expected, Linaiha had surprised him. Instead of blame or derision, she asked him a few questions.
‘Did she really die? Did you actually stay and see her final breath? Did you take care of her remains? Or did you only think she died so you left?’
The questions haunted him. He replayed the memory of that day over and over again in his mind. Trying to see if there was any chance that he might have been mistaken. To see if there might have been any way he could have been mistaken. That her death was not on his conscience, that his failure was not as complete as he had always thought. After all, Linaiha had survived against all odds and they had found each other. So maybe, just maybe there was a chance that the same kind of miracle happened for her.
He couldn’t recall if he stayed and saw her last. Or if after she said her words and fell silent and still if he just left. Having to get away from the death and destruction. From the fear and danger that still hung thick and rank in the air, making him feel like crawling out of his skin to get away. He couldn’t remember if there were other living beings around…. There might have been. There must have been.
Now the idea was planted in his mind. For too long had he been at peace. Living a simple, quiet life. Settled in a single place, stagnant. Waiting for something to happen to him rather than going out and looking for adventure. Chained in place even if he hadn’t realised… Now he had an adventure to undertake. A new purpose. He needed to find out the truth. And if it was needed, he would make everything alright. He would atone for his mistakes and failures. He would finally be able to set his demons aside and heal his bruised heart.
Word Count: 1889
