(TRIGGER WARNING! This self-roleplay handles topics of mass death, has descriptions of dead bodies, and hints of suicidal thoughts. This character does get help eventually but this is a traumatic moment for her)
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They were gone. All of them were gone. Everything she had done, all the sacrifices she made, the blood, sweat, and tears she poured into a cure for the plague that had swept her tribe’s homeland, killing off the precious few native plant species that they relied on for survival.
It was for nothing.
Aziza knew she had been gone for a long, long time. Like many others in her tribe, they were all told to be prepared to be gone for at least five years time. It was a win-win situation for both sides for them to go out on their excursions; They had the opportunity to try to find a resolution for the tribe’s famine, and on a much more morbid side it gave those who were not able to make the long dangerous journies a better chance for survival with the limited food supply available. Less mouths to feed meant food stores could be rationed out and for those who left it offered them a chance to escape if there was no hope for their community left.
But Aziza believed - no - she was determined to save her people. Not just her people, her family. She was the eldest child left, it was her responsibility to take care of her mother and siblings. Failure was not an option, not to her. And so, four long years ago she had set out into the unknown with just her pack of supplies, her scouting bird, and her cousin Safiyyah by her side.
They both had the weight on the world and had promised to be there through thick and thin on this journey. They were the only family each other had in this strange land and they would be there to be each other’s support system. Months rolled by however without any success in their research and frustration grew between the two. Eventually, they decided to split apart as it was agreed the candle would be better to be burnt at both ends. They promised through their messenger birds to keep each other up-to-date on their progress and share any breakthroughs in their hunt.
In time, Safiyyah’s updates became less and less frequent until they ceased altogether. Aziza grew desperate for any updates on her MIA cousin, as she traveled she kept a piqued ear out for even a rumor regarding a cream and green kirin roaming around. Eventually, dejected as she was to find not to find anyone had even seen her in a passing glimpse Aziza had to move on. Her research and her mission was far too important. There wasn’t just a single person waiting for her but thousands.
At last after years of consulting different experts in horticulture, testing thousands upon thousands of different growing environments and fertilizers - a breakthrough! She managed to get the afflicted seeds from her home to grow under a mixture of conditions. Not just once, but multiple times.
Aziza had found the cure to save her family.
After saying a rushed series of goodbyes to her newfound friends in Kawani Aziza made the long laborious journey back to her home. This time by herself, but with a newfound hope and joy in her heart. She had done it! She had saved her people! She was…
Too late.
The ground was blackened with a mix of rotting flesh still seeping from the bodies that lay scattered around the landscape and the blackened ash from the shriveled-up remains of the once lush grasses that used to decorate the oasis in a carpet. The ground beneath her hooves gave in as her knees buckled. Her nose burned with the unforgettable scent of death overwhelming her and caused her eyes to well up with tears as she struggled to breathe. Her eyes wildly dashed across the horrifying scene before her.
This had to be a nightmare, surely? No, no she clearly had somehow passed on her way here and was now in hell. That could only be the explanation for this hellish landscape before her.
Sucking in a labored breath her eyes deadlocked on the sight of the remains of a foal. By the gods…Its tiny body was almost completely skeletonized yet its face had enough flesh still remaining on it to showcase its pained expression before death. Its legs stretched out seemingly in pain at the larger body slumped over against a rock a few feet away. It's…it's mother? Had this poor child watched its mother parish before succumbing itself?
A shock of panic shot through her heart as a realization hit her. If this mother and foal had perished, then what of her own family? There was no way that they would have faired much better.
Aziza’s ears pinned to her head as she shook her head in disbelief. No. No, Her mother. Her brothers. They had to be okay, they had to have made it out of this before the worst came to pass. Surely, surely they were okay.
Scrambling forward Aziza dashed through the graveyard of bodies. Her hooves tripped over themselves and the slippery muck as she rushed forward.
They had to be okay. What was this all for if they weren’t?! What did she have to live for if not for them?
“MAMA! KHOYAS? PLEASE? ANSWER ME!”
Sliding around the corner the sight before her caused her to stop dead in her tracks. A familiar gray shawl blew gently in the wind, almost inviting her to come join the massive pile of bodies before her. Each one wearing the same bracelet that she had on her own leg, identifying their family line.
Mother…Naeem….Ali….Hassan….
She had killed them. She let them die. Too late. Too late. TOO LATE! How could she have been so stupid? How could she have failed them so hard?
Weakly she stepped over to her family. Tenderly she rubbed her cheek against her mother’s forehead before her legs collapsed under her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I failed you.” She softly whispered through her broken sobs as she desperately wrapped her mother’s shawl around her.
She just wanted to join them, she wanted to go to sleep with them. She didn’t deserve to be here while they were in the great beyond. Her place was with her family. But she couldn’t rest, she had a duty to not only her family but the rest of her people. She would need to perform their funeral rites. They would need to all be gathered and burned to return back to the earth. She might have failed them in life, but she would not fail their souls in death.
In time, she would gather herself enough to do her sacred duty. In time, she would find a way to gather the strength to say goodbye. In time, she would find the courage to walk away from the place she once called home into the great unknown. In time, she would learn how to manage her grief and come to terms with this great loss.
But right now, this was not the time for any of those things. They were future Aziza’s problem. It was time not to be okay, it was the time for grieving and for processing.
Word count: 1,202