avoidance

[Annie-San]

I am an avoider. I try hard to stay away from unpleasantness; if someone raises their voice, I get out of there as fast as possible. I don't associate with hostile people, and if someone gets angry with me, I cry, and I can't help it. I flat out cannot deal with hostility.

And my mother is married to a guy who desperately needs anger management. Before he kicked me out of the house, he and I would argue constantly, simply because he would raise his voice and I would hoof it out of there to try and avoid it. Once it got physical, and to this day I don't know how I found it in myself to strike back at that enraged redneck.

After I left, he started the same thing on my younger sister, and once she graduated high school, he kicked her out, as well. And no one told me; my mother has increasingly seemed as if she's really and truly scared of my stepfather, and she usually doesn't speak ill of him or say anything that paints him in a negative light.

Basically, she makes excuses for him.

Now that its just my youngest sister left living with them, he's begun the same crap with her. I know that once she graduates, she'll be kicked out as well.

Anyway, enough background.

I find myself, more and more often, wanting to just stop calling them, stop talking to them, and just distance myself from all this unpleasantness. Part of me feels as if this is the wrong thing to do, but sometimes I just feel like I can't deal with the BS.

I hate to say it, but its hard for me to respect my mother, seeing her doing nothing to change the situation, and just letting this man walk all over her and her daughters. I don't want to talk to her, or hear her excuses.

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? I don't know what I should do, or how I should handle this.  

[lady-loveable]

i have the same problem at home my mom married this a*****e he would make you feel like you were ment to be dead.just the sight of him made me want to just kill myself.he would scream every name in the book at you.he would make you feel worthless.he would come home and complain about the stupidest things like a piece of paper on the floor just so he could leave the house and have an affair.when my friends came over i didn't want them to meet him because i wanted them to come back to my house.he would scream at my friends through the phone like not to call back and they didn't well ankie would because she's a good friend.he had this affair with some fat chick and took picture of them having sex.my mom came across it and cried.a few months later he had all of us so scared we didn't even want to come home.my mom just got the courage to kick him out after 11 years.he ruined my child hood i wish i knew what it is like to have a nice one.its a lot better now though.after that my teacher made me go see the school counsler and talk to her twice.i hope your mom gets the courage to do something about your problem.im guessing you didnt have a great childhood either.im really sorry about that.on the bright side i dont think either of us are going to make the same mistakes our moms made i sure hope not.i dont want to have to put my children though the same thing if i ever have children i dont think you would want to either.  

[Sotur]

it's not wrong to feel that way, it's actually quite normal. however, u should really talk it out with her. it bothers u that this man is doing this, and it is ur mother that can, basically enough, take the major step of getting rid of him by, if nothing else, dirvorce. i'm usually against dirvocing, and in fact am having amajor hard time with my parents divorcing, but in situations like this, where nothing else, no other choice, seems to be left, something must be done. your mom has to understand this. this man has no right no break this family apart, and that's exactly what it seems he's doing by kicking u girls out of the house. while i usually am against violence, i take my hat off before u and congratulate u in striking that man when u did. if nothing else, i'm sure it made him realize that u won't sit around while he does as he pleases. i'm not sure if that's of much help, but do speak with ur mother about this. it's not about avoiding the issue, it's about doing something to change it. i, too, avoid some things, i like to call it my self-defense mechanism...but sometimes, no matter how scared we are, we just have to face the situation, and in doing so stop avoiding things. while it is the "first strike of the situation" and it's "too much to handle", it's ok to avoid. while u begin to cope with it. but u can't always run from things. u will, sooner or later, have to face them  

[IKurando]

having no respect for your mother in this situation is not unnormal. I'd be to, should this be happening to me.

as for the sister, are you willing to help her when she gets kicked out? letting her know will give her some light at the end of the tunnel.

and the stepdad, if you'll forgive me for saying this about him, he's an a**. this is one where I think you may need to suck it up and fight back. I can't see many other options that don't require him to pay for classes. also, you might want to figure out why he is such an angry person. that in itsself could be the key for figuring out the whole thing.