Always, Haunting Me. . .
‘Running through the empty corridors of my mind, escaping and searching. I’m trying to escape those painful memories, yet I need them to find you. Do you even remember me? Or my name? Your name lingers in the depths of my mind, Tsuuki Hakidashi. The images of our childhood, of you, haunt me everyday. The pain I harbor never goes away. Why? Why did you do this? Why me? ’ Hashima Nasaki sits down on the curb by her vacant home, holding her head in her hands as old memories stir. Tears fill her almost lifeless eyes and slowly fall like raindrops down her face. She quickly wipes them away before anyone in her neighborhood could even remotely catch a glimpse of them. Hashima is a quiet girl, about 18, that keeps to herself and isn’t very talkative. At least she hasn’t spoken much for the past five years. Not since he disappeared. Tsuuki had left a confused 13 year old Hashima with only a note. That note had destroyed everything Hashima believed in. Even the 7 most happiest years of her life faded from her mind, just like Tsuuki did. That note had left her full of raging emotions that she learned to suppress around people, leaving her acting emotionless. The only time anything showed was when she sat alone in her room, crying out in desperation for something to rid her of her pain. She knew that if she couldn’t learn to control the rage of emotions that was building inside her, she would die. Hashima took out the note from her pocket and read it as she had so many times before.
Dear Hashima,
Don’t cry when you read this. I never wanted to say goodbye, at least not like this. I never had I chance to tell you how I feel about you. Hashima, you were so naïve and so innocent, I didn’t know how to tell you. At least not without confusing you. I guess you will have to find out through this note I am leaving behind. I love you, and not the same way as family. I love you more than that. I know that you understand the word love, but can you grasp the many different kinds there are? You will eventually come to understand what I mean when I say that I love you, but not now. I never wanted to hurt you, but this note will devastate and break you. When I am gone you have to forget all of the memories that we shared and you have to learn to hate me. Hate me with all of your heart. Because the next time I see you, it may be the end. I may try to kill you, even though I don’t want to. That’s why you have to come to hate me, and prepare yourself for the next time we meet. If you need to, kill me. Don’t regret it. It may be the only chance you have to escape. I love you, and I will never forget that love. I have to go now. Goodbye my dearest koi-bito, Hashima!
Tsuuki
‘ Now I understand what you meant. ’ Hashima thinks to herself as she puts the note back into her pocket. ‘ For five years you left me lost, hurt, abandoned, and confused. Now all of a sudden you just appear again. You have changed a lot, and in so many ways. But even with all of those changes I still recognized you in the crowd. I wonder, did you recognize me? Even with all of the changes I’ve been through? I have changed so much since you’ve been gone, and all of those changes led me to become dark. People are even afraid to talk to me, because I look so different. Is this what you wanted? I wonder too, if you stayed would I have changed like this? And if I did would you still love me? Now that I understand your letter, I cannot help but feel love towards you. I guess I have always felt that way, but I never understood it or recognized it till now. How can I hate you? How could I kill the only person who had saved me? The only person who possibly could save me again? If it does come down to you coming back only to kill me, then I am prepared to die. At least I shall die by the hands of the one I love. Because I could never kill my savior. ’ Hashima stands up and walks back to that empty house. In a daze she trips on a rock while she was walking up the driveway. Losing her balance completely, she snaps out of her daze and braces herself for the impact. All of a sudden she feels an arm wrap itself around her waist catching her from her fall. She went to turn around to thank the person who stooped her fall, but stopped when she heard the person’s voice. “ Hello Hashima, its been awhile.”
She quickly whipped around to see the person only to end up face to face with her savior, and the person who shattered her being. Tsuuki. Hashima’s eyes swelled up with tears just at the sight of him. She couldn’t handle the pain anymore, and couldn’t contain the torrent of tears that have built up over the years. “Why…why?” Hashima cried as she threw her fists against Tsuuki’s chest. But before Tsuuki could answer the question, Hashima ran. She was running as fast as she possibly could. It was just too much for her to handle. Hashima wished that she was numb, so that she couldn’t feel anymore. Not paying any attention to where she was going and running with tear-filled eyes, that only blurred her vision more, Hashima ended up running into a fire hydrant. She flipped over it and landed right on her back, hitting her head against the ground, and knocking herself out in the process. ‘Sitting in a dark corner, I’m hiding from you. Why is it that whenever I find what I have been searching for I hide from it? Why am I so afraid to face you Tsuuki? Why does my heart hurt like this? I grab at my chest, where that scar is. The one where all my memories have started from. The scar that had brought us together that very first time. I can never seem to remember anything that happened before that incident. The farthest I can remember is you carrying me up the stairs of the house we ended up sharing when you were still here. I pulled my hand away from that scar, which keeps digging up all those old memories, only to notice that its covered in blood. Even in this darkness the sight of gleaming blood is crystal clear. Ahh….my head is pounding. It hurts so much…’ Hashima awakens and sits up grasping for her head. She cringes from the pain and collapses back onto the bed she had awakened from. She reaches one hand up to her forehead, only to feel bandages wrapped around it. She slowly opens her eyes. ‘Where am I? and what happened?’ Then all of the recent events flood Hashima’s thoughts. The unexpected reunion with Tsuuki, the overwhelming pain, and the crash. Hashima tries to move her leg only to have shearing pain shoot straight up her body. “Oww…” Hashima grumbles as she stops moving her leg. She closes her eyes, hoping it will bring to her a moment of peace. Then Hashima feels a hand caress the side of her face. Tears tumble down from closed eyes, filled with uncertainty. The hand gently wipes all of the fallen tears away from Hashima’s eyes. Softly a voice whispers “I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused you.” The owner of the voice sweetly brushed his lips against Hashima’s bandaged forehead. Hashima tries to touch his face, only to have her hand taken into his and held down next to her. She decides to open her eyes, and ends up gazing directly into Tsuuki’s. Their faces were so close together that their noses were touching. Unaware of Tsuuki’s intent, Hashima loses herself within his dark sparkling and mysterious eyes. As his face drifted closer, all Hashima could think about was her first memory, where Tsuuki carried her all the way upstairs. Before she realized it, Tsuuki had kissed her. Hashima gasped and turned her face quickly away blushing. Unable to pull away from his grip, she did her best to resist looking into him tempting eyes. Thoughts raced through her mind. ‘Why did he kiss me? Is he still going to kill me?’ Hashima couldn’t brush that last thought away. As it lingered it tormented her. Finally she looked back at Tsuuki, trying to give him the coldest look that she was capable of. “Why did you return?” Hashima demanded while trying to hide all hints of emotion. All Tsuuki could do was give a small, weak, and sad smile. He understood how badly hurt she was, and that it was all his fault that she even felt this way. There is no way to go into the past and change it. What has been done is done. And he has to suffer through it all. Again Hashima demanded “Why did you return? Was it to kill me?” Incapable of keeping up her act, and not wanting Tsuuki to see her break down, Hashima quickly turned her head again. She feared what Tsuuki’s response would be, but awaited for it all the same. “For you” was all Tsuuki had said. “Fine, then kill me already!!” Hashima screamed, full of hysterics. She was no longer able to contain herself. She now wished to die a quick death, so as to not prolong her misery and suffering. Tsuuki kissed Hashima’s cheek after her scream. “Sorry Hashima. I hurt you again.” Tsuuki apologized. Not understanding what was meant, Hashima turned to face Tsuuki again. Looking into Hashima’s hurt and confused eyes Tsuuki spoke in a gentle murmur. “I didn’t come back to kill you. I came back for you, because I love you so much. But if you do not come with me, and I leave again without you, not only will I be heartbroken but I will end up having to come back in three years to find and kill you.” Tsuuki ended with a pained look plastered to his face. After a brief moment of silence Tsuuki spoke up once again. “Do you understand?” Hashima, still in complete shock, had to muster up all she could to respond. “Yes.” Was all that came out. “So which do you choose?” Tsuuki said, with a slight hint of relief in his voice, that came from his relief of Hashima’s yes. “Do you love me?” Tsuuki asked, while he started to lean in to Hashima. Just a little bit closer so that he could give her one more kiss. Before she could respond, their lips were locked into her first passionate kiss. Somehow Hashima was able to break the kiss and push Tsuuki away so that she could finally give her answer. “I love you…. I always have. Even after you left me, my heart has been aching just to see you, even if it was only one more time.” Hashima let go again, unable to contain how she felt. Tsuuki kissed her to calm her tears, and embraced her with his undying love for her.
‘Running through the empty corridors of my mind, escaping and searching. I’m trying to escape those painful memories, yet I need them to find you. Do you even remember me? Or my name? Your name lingers in the depths of my mind, Tsuuki Hakidashi. The images of our childhood, of you, haunt me everyday. The pain I harbor never goes away. Why? Why did you do this? Why me? ’ Hashima Nasaki sits down on the curb by her vacant home, holding her head in her hands as old memories stir. Tears fill her almost lifeless eyes and slowly fall like raindrops down her face. She quickly wipes them away before anyone in her neighborhood could even remotely catch a glimpse of them. Hashima is a quiet girl, about 18, that keeps to herself and isn’t very talkative. At least she hasn’t spoken much for the past five years. Not since he disappeared. Tsuuki had left a confused 13 year old Hashima with only a note. That note had destroyed everything Hashima believed in. Even the 7 most happiest years of her life faded from her mind, just like Tsuuki did. That note had left her full of raging emotions that she learned to suppress around people, leaving her acting emotionless. The only time anything showed was when she sat alone in her room, crying out in desperation for something to rid her of her pain. She knew that if she couldn’t learn to control the rage of emotions that was building inside her, she would die. Hashima took out the note from her pocket and read it as she had so many times before.
Dear Hashima,
Don’t cry when you read this. I never wanted to say goodbye, at least not like this. I never had I chance to tell you how I feel about you. Hashima, you were so naïve and so innocent, I didn’t know how to tell you. At least not without confusing you. I guess you will have to find out through this note I am leaving behind. I love you, and not the same way as family. I love you more than that. I know that you understand the word love, but can you grasp the many different kinds there are? You will eventually come to understand what I mean when I say that I love you, but not now. I never wanted to hurt you, but this note will devastate and break you. When I am gone you have to forget all of the memories that we shared and you have to learn to hate me. Hate me with all of your heart. Because the next time I see you, it may be the end. I may try to kill you, even though I don’t want to. That’s why you have to come to hate me, and prepare yourself for the next time we meet. If you need to, kill me. Don’t regret it. It may be the only chance you have to escape. I love you, and I will never forget that love. I have to go now. Goodbye my dearest koi-bito, Hashima!
Tsuuki
‘ Now I understand what you meant. ’ Hashima thinks to herself as she puts the note back into her pocket. ‘ For five years you left me lost, hurt, abandoned, and confused. Now all of a sudden you just appear again. You have changed a lot, and in so many ways. But even with all of those changes I still recognized you in the crowd. I wonder, did you recognize me? Even with all of the changes I’ve been through? I have changed so much since you’ve been gone, and all of those changes led me to become dark. People are even afraid to talk to me, because I look so different. Is this what you wanted? I wonder too, if you stayed would I have changed like this? And if I did would you still love me? Now that I understand your letter, I cannot help but feel love towards you. I guess I have always felt that way, but I never understood it or recognized it till now. How can I hate you? How could I kill the only person who had saved me? The only person who possibly could save me again? If it does come down to you coming back only to kill me, then I am prepared to die. At least I shall die by the hands of the one I love. Because I could never kill my savior. ’ Hashima stands up and walks back to that empty house. In a daze she trips on a rock while she was walking up the driveway. Losing her balance completely, she snaps out of her daze and braces herself for the impact. All of a sudden she feels an arm wrap itself around her waist catching her from her fall. She went to turn around to thank the person who stooped her fall, but stopped when she heard the person’s voice. “ Hello Hashima, its been awhile.”
She quickly whipped around to see the person only to end up face to face with her savior, and the person who shattered her being. Tsuuki. Hashima’s eyes swelled up with tears just at the sight of him. She couldn’t handle the pain anymore, and couldn’t contain the torrent of tears that have built up over the years. “Why…why?” Hashima cried as she threw her fists against Tsuuki’s chest. But before Tsuuki could answer the question, Hashima ran. She was running as fast as she possibly could. It was just too much for her to handle. Hashima wished that she was numb, so that she couldn’t feel anymore. Not paying any attention to where she was going and running with tear-filled eyes, that only blurred her vision more, Hashima ended up running into a fire hydrant. She flipped over it and landed right on her back, hitting her head against the ground, and knocking herself out in the process. ‘Sitting in a dark corner, I’m hiding from you. Why is it that whenever I find what I have been searching for I hide from it? Why am I so afraid to face you Tsuuki? Why does my heart hurt like this? I grab at my chest, where that scar is. The one where all my memories have started from. The scar that had brought us together that very first time. I can never seem to remember anything that happened before that incident. The farthest I can remember is you carrying me up the stairs of the house we ended up sharing when you were still here. I pulled my hand away from that scar, which keeps digging up all those old memories, only to notice that its covered in blood. Even in this darkness the sight of gleaming blood is crystal clear. Ahh….my head is pounding. It hurts so much…’ Hashima awakens and sits up grasping for her head. She cringes from the pain and collapses back onto the bed she had awakened from. She reaches one hand up to her forehead, only to feel bandages wrapped around it. She slowly opens her eyes. ‘Where am I? and what happened?’ Then all of the recent events flood Hashima’s thoughts. The unexpected reunion with Tsuuki, the overwhelming pain, and the crash. Hashima tries to move her leg only to have shearing pain shoot straight up her body. “Oww…” Hashima grumbles as she stops moving her leg. She closes her eyes, hoping it will bring to her a moment of peace. Then Hashima feels a hand caress the side of her face. Tears tumble down from closed eyes, filled with uncertainty. The hand gently wipes all of the fallen tears away from Hashima’s eyes. Softly a voice whispers “I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused you.” The owner of the voice sweetly brushed his lips against Hashima’s bandaged forehead. Hashima tries to touch his face, only to have her hand taken into his and held down next to her. She decides to open her eyes, and ends up gazing directly into Tsuuki’s. Their faces were so close together that their noses were touching. Unaware of Tsuuki’s intent, Hashima loses herself within his dark sparkling and mysterious eyes. As his face drifted closer, all Hashima could think about was her first memory, where Tsuuki carried her all the way upstairs. Before she realized it, Tsuuki had kissed her. Hashima gasped and turned her face quickly away blushing. Unable to pull away from his grip, she did her best to resist looking into him tempting eyes. Thoughts raced through her mind. ‘Why did he kiss me? Is he still going to kill me?’ Hashima couldn’t brush that last thought away. As it lingered it tormented her. Finally she looked back at Tsuuki, trying to give him the coldest look that she was capable of. “Why did you return?” Hashima demanded while trying to hide all hints of emotion. All Tsuuki could do was give a small, weak, and sad smile. He understood how badly hurt she was, and that it was all his fault that she even felt this way. There is no way to go into the past and change it. What has been done is done. And he has to suffer through it all. Again Hashima demanded “Why did you return? Was it to kill me?” Incapable of keeping up her act, and not wanting Tsuuki to see her break down, Hashima quickly turned her head again. She feared what Tsuuki’s response would be, but awaited for it all the same. “For you” was all Tsuuki had said. “Fine, then kill me already!!” Hashima screamed, full of hysterics. She was no longer able to contain herself. She now wished to die a quick death, so as to not prolong her misery and suffering. Tsuuki kissed Hashima’s cheek after her scream. “Sorry Hashima. I hurt you again.” Tsuuki apologized. Not understanding what was meant, Hashima turned to face Tsuuki again. Looking into Hashima’s hurt and confused eyes Tsuuki spoke in a gentle murmur. “I didn’t come back to kill you. I came back for you, because I love you so much. But if you do not come with me, and I leave again without you, not only will I be heartbroken but I will end up having to come back in three years to find and kill you.” Tsuuki ended with a pained look plastered to his face. After a brief moment of silence Tsuuki spoke up once again. “Do you understand?” Hashima, still in complete shock, had to muster up all she could to respond. “Yes.” Was all that came out. “So which do you choose?” Tsuuki said, with a slight hint of relief in his voice, that came from his relief of Hashima’s yes. “Do you love me?” Tsuuki asked, while he started to lean in to Hashima. Just a little bit closer so that he could give her one more kiss. Before she could respond, their lips were locked into her first passionate kiss. Somehow Hashima was able to break the kiss and push Tsuuki away so that she could finally give her answer. “I love you…. I always have. Even after you left me, my heart has been aching just to see you, even if it was only one more time.” Hashima let go again, unable to contain how she felt. Tsuuki kissed her to calm her tears, and embraced her with his undying love for her.
