Jokes

[Xenomorph Warrior]

Just post your jokes like:

3 men gets stuck in a boat in the middle of the ocean. They have no food, water, or any gas to make the boat move.

1 of the men found a bottle and a genie came out. The genie said that they each have one wish. The 1st man said "I wish that I could go home".

POOF, he did. The 2nd man said "l could go home" POOF, then he did.

The 3rd man was about to make his wish, but he felt lonely that his friends weren't with him. So he said "I wish my friends came back" POOF, both of his friends were back. Making the genie free and them stranded again. xd  

[ch0c0l4t3str4wb3rrYp0ckY]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence,

then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"  

[Xenomorph Warrior]

He shot his friend rofl  

[ch0c0l4t3str4wb3rrYp0ckY]

yes, yes he did..

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"  

[S e a C o t t o n]

D: Please don't call me racist. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee! Cause I got this from my dad. >w< It's about an 80 year old white man.


An eighty year old man married a twenty year old women. A year later they got married, they had a baby.

"How do you do it?" The nurse asked, surprised shince the man was so old.

"Well, you got to keep the motor running." The old man replied.

Two years later, they had another baby.

"This is amazing! How do you do it?" The nurse asked again, astonished.

The old mans reply was the same. "Well, you got to keep the motor running!"

Another two years passed and they had another baby.

The nurse was surprised once again.

"Holy, how do you do it when your so old?"

"Well, you got to keep the motor going." He said once more.

"Well, I think you have to change the oil, cause this ones black."  

[ch0c0l4t3str4wb3rrYp0ckY]

=O that's mean.. lolz your dad?? of all people?? I wish my dad could tell jokes...

A fat guy is sitting at home watching tv and he hears a knock on the door. he opens the door and it's a snail. the snail says:"GIMMIE A HAMBURGER!!"and the guy kicks the snail. thirty years later, the fat guy's still watching tv and there’s another knock on the door. the guy answers the door and it's the snail again. the snail says "what the heck was that for?!?!!"  

[S e a C o t t o n]

I know it is. D: And yerse, it was my dad. xD

Anyways, I was on Urban Legands.

RIP GRAVE

John
Free your body and soul
Unfold your powerful wings
Climb up the highest mountain
Kick your feet up in the air
You may now live forever
Or return to the earth
Unless you feel good where you are

x) Do you get it? wink  

[ch0c0l4t3str4wb3rrYp0ckY]

nope

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?''

The man replies, ''Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''  

[Xenomorph Warrior]

3 men were being chased by a policeman. The three of them were hiding near a barn. The first guy hid in the chicken coop. When the policeman went to the chicken coop, he said "I know you are in there!".

The first man was clucking like a chicken, so the policeman thought that he wasn't there, so he moved on to a big group of cows, where the second man was hiding. The policeman said "I know you are here!".
Then the second man started mooing, which made the policeman think that he wasn't there.

Then he moved on to the third man, who was hidden in a patch of potatoes. When the policeman went there, he said "I know that you are here!". Then the third man was saying "potato...potato...potato."  

[ch0c0l4t3str4wb3rrYp0ckY]

a minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!!!!!  

[Xenomorph Warrior]

3 men were stuck in a desert and they found a lamp. A genie came out of the lamp and said "each of you has one wish each", so the first one said "I wish that I can have a water bottle that never runs out. So he got one.

The second man said "I wish that I can have a fan that never dies out" so he did.

The third man said "I wish that I can have a car door". So he got one and the genie was gone. The first two men asked why the third one wished for the car door. The he replied "Well, just in case it gets too hot, I can just roll down the window and let the wind rush through me."