Memorable Atlantis Quotes

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

We have a place for "Guess the Quotes" and another for Jack quotes, so here is a place for Atlantis quotes. Not limited to any one character, just Atlantis quotes in general.

So:

Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Sheppard: I shot him. [Dr. Weir gives him a stern look] In the leg!
McKay: I'm invulnerable!
Weir: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
McKay: [singing] IN - VUL - NER - ABLE!

And:

Beckett: I ran every test I could on all of you from the get-go. Physiologically, you and your people are the same as we are. I have no explanation for any of your special super-powers.
Teyla: I only have one power.
Dr. Beckett: I've seen you fight, my dear.

And another:

Dr.Lee: It's—it's the Twilight Bark.
[The audience doesn't get it.]
Dr. Lee: Twilight Bark? 101 Dalmatians? Didn't you guys see that movie? My kids love it, and... Well, okay, so there's all these dogs. And one barks here, one barks here, one— They send the message across the countryside.
[The audience still doesn't get it.]
Dr. Lee: Lord of the Rings!
[People start nodding and smiling]
Dr. Lee: Lord of the Rings. You know when they light all those signal fires on the mountaintops? You all saw that, right?

And lastly:

McKay There's a command subroutine I've never seen before.
Zelenka: What is its function?
McKay: I don't know, because I've never seen it before!  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

My parents saw Critical Mass before I did, and they told me about the Twilight Bark quote. whee

Carson: He fainted.
McKay: Oh there's gotta be a better word.
Carson: Faint is a proper medical term.
McKay: I passed out from... manly hunger!

wink  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Sheppard: We got the drones, we got a few jumpers; I even got the girl.
Weir: You got the girl?
Sheppard: Well, I mean I could have got the girl. I turned her down.
Weir: [smiling] What did you offer them in return for the drones and the jumpers?
Sheppard: A supply of medicines and an IDC if they need to reach us. We also offered to help `em come up with a new way of running things when the time comes.
Weir: They didn't offer you king?
Sheppard: I turned that down too!

And:

Ronon: Sheppard's on the list; McKay is on the list. Why aren't Teyla and me?
Weir: What, you're feeling left out?
Ronon I just wanna know who thinks I'm not a threat and give 'em a chance to change their mind.

And:

Ladon: I'll only talk to Weir.
Sheppard: Do I make you nervous?
Ladon: Not at all, Major. I'm just not interested in talking to the errand boy.
Sheppard: That's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you!  

[Kaiser_MageMule]

sorry if there mixed up i can of forgot to reorganize my list of season 2 so here are the quotes.




McKay (whispering): I don't think they've detected us.
Weir (whispering too): Why are you whispering?
McKay (still whispering): I dunno – it just seems like the right thing to do.

Weir: How much time do you need?
McKay: Oh, well ...
Zelenka: ... a week ...
McKay: ... a couple of hours.
Weir: I'll take the second estimate. Go.

Sheppard: Well, how about outside the city?
Zelenka: I don't understand.
Sheppard: Well, expand the sensors. Maybe he's in the water.
Zelenka: Even if that was the case, there's no chance that ...
Sheppard: I'm not asking you to swim out there, I'm asking you to press a few damned buttons.

[As McKay lies down on the floor]
McKay: Oh, I am gonna curl up in bed with the largest sandwich I can find.
Teyla: Shall I just explain to the rest of the Wraith left on the base that you are unavailable to fight?

Teyla: Lead the way.
Rodney: Yeah, sure. Uh, after you.

McKay: (Pointing his firearm at two Wraith) You want some of this?
(The clip falls out onto the ground)

Weir: Okay, what are our options?
McKay: Well, let me see – we have slow death, quick death, painful death, cold lonely death . . .

Col. Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
McKay: It's a city, not a yo-yo!

McKay: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?? This my security escort?!
Dr. Weir: We are spread a little bit thin right now.
McKay: OK, but you need to know that if we come under fire, you're gonna have to put your lives on the line to protect me.
Dr. Weir: Rodney!
McKay: I mean the ZPM. You protect the ZPM at all costs... and me. Am I wrong?


Sheppard: This is what I do when I have problems with my laptop, I turn it off and then I... turn it on again.
Dr. Weir: I think this is a little bit more complicated than that.
Sheppard: I'm just saying that if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard book of computer repair, we're really desperate.

Rodney: Crap.
Hermoid: What did you do?
Rodney: I just ran (the virus) through a translation program. It's Wraith.
Hermoid: ‘Crap', indeed.

Caldwell: Are there any personnel on board who have the technical skills to do this?
Rodney: Anybody. That's what you get for assembling a team of brilliant scientists.

Caldwell: Are there any personnel on board who have the technical skills to do this?
McKay: Anybody. That's what you get for assembling a team of brilliant scientists.

Sheppard: You know, Rodney, you were great back there. Wanna take the stick?
McKay: Really?
Sheppard: No.

[After being beamed aboard from the maximum limit of the beaming technology]
Weir: Are you alright?
Sheppard: Two arms, ten fingers... I'll check the rest later.

Major Lorne: Dr. Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't going to kill us.
McKay: Oh yeah and Dr. Parrish has a Ph.D in what... That's right, Botany!

Sheppard: It almost smells like I'm on vacation.
McKay: (smearing on sunscreen) Could it be the simulated tropical aroma of cocoa butter?
Sheppard: Strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you.
McKay: Like they haven't been tipped off by the Aqua Velva.

McKay: So exactly what kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
Lorne: "You guys?”
McKay: Yeah, you know – Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. It's a great place to start.
Lorne: And by this mission you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs, in the pitch black of an alien planet?
McKay: Yes.
Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major School.
McKay: I was afraid of that.
Lorne: I was hoping Lt. Ford would recognize a friendly face and turn himself in.
McKay: You mean me?
Lorne: Well you were friends, weren't you.
McKay: Oh yeah, when we weren't out on harrowing missions, we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of a self-sustaining fusion, he would talk about how you could sever a man's torso with a P-90.

Ronon: Why should I trust you?
Sheppard: That's a good question. Teyla, why should he trust us?

Lorne: Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.
McKay: Well, as a matter of fact . . . why would you say that now?
Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time.
McKay: Yeah, yeah, didn't see that one coming . . .

McKay: When did this escalate to killing?
Ford: When you shot me!
McKay: It's a flesh wound – I knew it wasn't going to hurt you! You're . . . Super Ford, remember?
Ford: You tried to kill me!
McKay: You can't kill an unarmed upside-down man!

McKay: 95% of deadly is still deadly!

McKay: (about radiation) As it is, I may have to forgo reproducing.
Major Lorne: Yeah, that's funny. I was just thinking that might be wise.

McKay: (Worried about the UV radiation on P3M-736) Have you seen my complexion?
Teyla: Yes.
McKay: Yes, it's very fair. Extremely fair... This isn't fair.

Weir: You think once the initial shock is over, we'll have the old McKay back?
Beckett: I'm afraid so.

Cadman-in-McKay: It doesn't feel very healthy in here.
McKay: Well, we can't all be track stars, can we?!?

McKay: I'm not crazy. I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Sheppard: So he just looks crazy.
McKay: I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles-McStupid over here was in way over his head!

Dr. Beckett: You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
McKay: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly... Yes, with a woman!

(After two white mice are burnt to black crisps)
Sheppard: I'm no scientist, but those mice used to be a different colour

Sheppard: All right, stay close and stay quiet.
(Looks at McKay)
McKay: Why does he say that to me?

Torrell: You'll figure it out.
McKay: And if I don't?
Torrell: Well, I could kill you. But you strike me as the type of man who, despite being weak and cowardly on the outside, harbours a strength of character he doesn't even know he has.
McKay: I'm sorry - was there a compliment in there?

Teyla: Are you alright?
McKay: I think I chipped a tooth. Did I chip a tooth? Am I bleeding? Because I am at high risk of endocarditis.

McKay: Margaret Thatcher wasn't creepy. Okay - well, maybe a little. In fact, she was like an aunt of mine - same hairstyle, facial structure, only my aunt was much taller, and remarkably hirsute. Oddest thing - she had to shave twice a day.

Weir: Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.
McKay: I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic.

McKay: What are you...oh my God, he's tasting it! You don't know what that is -- that could be their laundry!
Ronon: (sampling stew) Very good!
McKay: Oh yes, good idea! And when you're finished with their porridge, why don't we try their beds, hmm?
Ronon: (to Teyla) Want some?
McKay: How good is it?
Sheppard: Leave it be, Goldilocks.

[On trying to settle down Ronon]
Ronon: Is that an order Sheppard?
Sheppard: I am beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza right now if I wanted to. But if you need it to be, yeah… it's an order.
Ronon: Okay.

Teyla: Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?
McKay: Certain countries… yes.
Sheppard: Do we have to get into this right now?

McKay: There's no signs of any settlements, at least nothing recent.
Ronon: Other than the smoke from that camp fire.
McKay: Ah… yes, well, other than that.

Magistrate: I hope you find the food acceptable as well. My new chef is quite competent.
Wraith: I certainly hope so. Your previous chef unfortunately proved to be far more appetizing than the meals he prepared.

Sheppard: At least we have the element of surprise.
Ronon: I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight.
Sheppard: No. Just naturally lazy. But I will if I have to... and it's starting to look like we have to.

[Talking to McKay]
Weir: You destroyed three quarters of a solar system!

[On talking about the second test with Atlantis]
McKay: Radek?
Zelenka: Rodney?
McKay: Okay, we've been over this. I'm doing this manually, at half power. It's a cake walk!
Zelenka: I don't think it matters how much cake you walk on. I've been doing calculations of my own…

[Talking to Caldwell]
Sheppard: Well… you're right, the Ancients' couldn't make it work…
McKay: I said I wanted to do all the talking.
Sheppard: Come on Rodney, Arturos was a total failure.
McKay: Failure yes, “total” no.

[Talking to Sheppard]
McKay: The sticking point is that ah there is no tie between the power generator and the primary capacitor.
Zelenka: Meaning that they would have to channel the power directly into the weapon.
McKay: Which I'm sure that means nothing to you.
Sheppard: It means they could fire multiple bursts without having to store more power for the next firing sequence.
McKay: Yes… very good.
Sheppard: Which leads me back to “cool.”

McKay: Look, this is big. This is the wheel, the light bulb, the hotdog big.
Sheppard: Best case scenario?
McKay: I win a Nobel prize.
Sheppard: Worse case scenario?
McKay: You tear a hole in the fabric of the universe. Which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel prize. I mean, look, the risks are nothing compared to the potential benefits. Elizabeth will listen to you. I've never ask you for this before, but I think I've earned that. Trust me.

Sheppard: Have you figured out what it is?
McKay: No.
Zelenka: No, I wouldn't say no. No, we haven't figured...
McKay: But we don't know yet.

Sheppard: They found a way to soup up their space guns.

Teyla: That is a hiveship.
Ronon: That was a hiveship.
Sheppard: Something put a lot of holes in it alright. We should check it out.
McKay: Whoa, whoa, whoa - what if whatever put those holes in it wants to put holes in us?

McKay: I'm just saying, as team veteran to the new guy, heavy lunch before mission departure is a bad idea. And even with the inertial dampeners this whole flying thing is best done on an empty stomach.

Sheppard: So it's a teenage thing. Pimples, rebellion, life sucking.
Beckett: Something like that.

McKay: I could never get into Biology. It's too much information about the human body. Once, as an undergraduate, I diagnosed myself with half a dozen separate medical conditions before I had to drop the class.
Beckett: Really?
McKay: Yeah, believe it or not, back then I was a bit of a hypochondriac.

Sheppard: McKay, stay here and help Beckett.
McKay: Medical research is really not my thing.
Sheppard: And hunting the Wraith?
McKay: I meant I could stay and help Beckett.

Zaddik: This equipment is remarkable! Where did you get it.
Beckett: Oh… here and there.

Weir: Is she dangerous?
Sheppard: She's a Wraith! Although, I have to admit she does seem a little different.

Zaddik: Are you interested in science?
McKay: I'm not sure that's what I would call this, but yes.

[On killing the Wraith before it feeds]
Ronon: We'll kill it before that happens.
Sheppard: You must be great at parties.

[As the team says they will hunt and kill the Wraith]
Barkeep: That case, drinks are one me.
McKay: Oh… well… let's not forget the food…?


[After Sheppard tells Ronon to stay with Teyla]
Ronon: Aren't we supposed to follow his (Sheppard's) orders?
Teyla: Sometimes we are allowed to make exceptions.
Ronon: And who decides if it's one of those times?
Teyla: We do.
Ronon: That's good enough. (Then runs off)

McKay: The villagers are on the move and it doesn't look like they're going on a picnic.

Beckett: Right now our best guess is that the Wraith evolved from the Aretes bug.
Sheppard: Like the one that attached itself to my neck a year ago?
Beckett: That's right.
Sheppard: I hate those bugs.

Sheppard: This is a great vacation getaway in the Pegasus galaxy.

Sheppard: According to my DNA, I'm 100% John Sheppard.

(McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Erratus bugs)
Beckett: You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
McKay: When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
(Several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs)
McKay: See! Not so stupid!
Beckett: Ah, shut up.

Weir: How're you doing?
Sheppard: My body's mutating into a bug, how are you?

McKay: Well done, Carson, for once again elevating medicine to actual science.
Beckett: Well thank you, Rodney.

Sheppard: Did Ronon shoot me?
Weir: You had it coming.

McKay: Maybe we should make a diversion.
Lorne: Are you volunteering?
McKay: I'll shut up.

Sheppard: Sore loser. I don't act like a jerk when you beat me.
Ronon: Yes you do.

Beckett: You have a splinter, Rodney.
McKay: It's a very nasty, unpleasant splinter!

McKay: Maybe someone should stay out here.
Ronon: So you can be all alone when a dozen of them come stampeding out of there?
McKay: I'm in the middle.

Sheppard: Now, Rodney, is there anything else you'd like to tell me?
McKay: Only that Caldwell's probably going to destroy the ship at any moment.
Sheppard: Go!

Sheppard: There are Wraith ships on the way??
McKay: I'm sure I mentioned that…
Sheppard: No you didn't.
McKay: Well, it…it threw me when she was so hot.

McKay: You see, the thing is, Colonel Sheppard and I have sort of got into this habit of saving each other's lives and it's my turn. (to Ronon) It can be your turn next.

Teyla: Shh, I am counting. I do not want to lose my place.
Ronon: (casually) I counted 376. No wait, 398 – I forgot about the infirmary. There's 22 in there, 23. (Teyla glares) Sorry.

(discussing Sheppard)
Teyla: Rodney, between the two of you, if something were to go wrong, which would be the greater loss?
McKay: Well, I've never thought of it that way but… She's right. You should go.
(Sheppard glares at Teyla)

Sheppard: Any way to figure out what they're saying?
McKay: Yes, of course, it says right here – “Why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?”

McKay: This one's uniform is different from the others. Maybe the captain?
Sheppard: Or the maitre'd.

Sheppard: A warship?
McKay: Ah, look at his eyes – all lighting up again. It's Pavlovian.

Teyla: Are you sure you want to do this?
McKay: I'm sure I don't!

Dr. Weir: How long until (Aurora) gets here?
McKay: Let's see... carry the four... 42 million years. Should we wait out on the porch?

Sheppard: That's her.
McKay: That's the Wraith?
Sheppard: Yeah.
McKay: (in awe) Wow... she's hot... I mean seriously hot.
Sheppard: Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith.
McKay: I know I disgust myself sometimes.

Weir: I take it that's not how you prefer to do things.
Ronon: No. I'm leaving.
Weir: Hey Ronon, wait. Just because we do things differently doesn't mean we can't learn from each other. And Col. Sheppard has already invested an incredible amount of time and energy trying to make you an integral part of his team.
Ronon: I meant 'I'm leaving the table.'
Weir: Oh...
Ronon: Is that okay?

Ford: (to Ronon) You know, it's funny. You ask a dozen people who they thought would win a fight between you and me, people would choose you hands down. Hell, I'd choose you. But we went toe to toe.

McKay: I'm itchy. I'm itchy all over. This is exactly what happened when I took pot once in college!

Ford: Settle down, McKay.
McKay: No I will not settle down! I've been drugged against my will, you little punk!

Ford: You want me to fail. You want me to look bad.
Sheppard: (sarcastically) Yeah, that's right you snot-nosed brat. I put my team's life on the line just to prove you wrong!

Weir: Colonel Sheppard's team is three hours overdue.
Lorne: It wouldn't be the first time. Any radio contact?
Weir: None since they left.
Lorne: Well, you know those guys.
Weir: What do I know about those guys?
Lorne: Just that they tend to get caught up in whatever it is they're doing, and sometimes they don't check in. They forget how much you worry.... that we worry. Collectively, I mean.
Weir: Yes, we do.
Lorne: Yeah... we do. Okay guys, it looks like we're heading back out!
Weir: Thank you, Major.
Lorne: You're welcome.

Ronon: If you want to live, stay behind me.

McKay: Well, it strikes me that this is a mission better suited to one of the, uh, lower-echelon teams.
Ronon: "lower-echelon"?
Teyla: He means to say less important.

Sheppard: How many of those (knives) have you got?
Ronon: How many do you need?

McKay: There's no time, no time. The planet ... not Ford's, the one the, uh, ship's headed towards, we need to get there and we don't have much time. (pacing) I was barely able to escape myself, but I managed to take out the guards. (McKay grins) Oh, you should have seen me! I was amazing! I wish we'd got it on camera because ... That's not the point.

McKay: (surprised) Why aren't you dead?
Sheppard: Nice to see you too, Rodney.
McKay: No, you know what I mean. Why aren't you... dead?

Sheppard: (after being rescued by Ford) How the hell did you get our weapons back?
Ford: That was the easy part, getting the enzyme - that was hard.

Beckett: (after treating McKay) I feel not unlike the priest in The Exorcist.

McKay: (as he beats up his two guards) And that's what happens when you back a brilliant scientist into a corner!

McKay: (to Beckett) Jealous that I get all the women and you don't?

Sheppard: (to Ronon as he pulls another knife out of his hair) You must have a hell of a time going through airports.

Neera: What is it like, your world?
Sheppard: It's nice – comfortable, good climate.
Neera: Tell me what it looks like.
Sheppard: Like every other world, I suppose: trees, water, mountains, Starbucks on every corner.

Sheppard: A Wraith-worshipper, huh? Wow.

Sheppard: You have anything sharp, knife, hairpin, anything to puncture the skin on these walls?
Neera: No.
Sheppard: It's just that everybody in my last cell had one, so.

Neera: How will you get us out of here?
Sheppard: Okay, I haven't figured that part out yet, but when I do it's gonna be real impressive.

Beckett: I hate to say it, but his stubbornness is probably what sustained him throughout the ordeal.
Weir: We won't tell him that, though.
Beckett: Aye, mustn't feed the beast.
Weir: No.

Weir: How is he?
Beckett: I've sedated him, administered a beta-blocker that brings his blood pressure down to a more manageable level, it's a wonder he didn't suffer a stroke.
Caldwell: Did he mention anything further about the location of Colonel Sheppard and his team?
Beckett: Nothing coherent, I'm afraid. By the time he arrived, he already was hyperventilating, pulse extremely rapid. He barely go out a word. Although being Rodney, he certainly tried.

McKay: Lock and load.

Sheppard: Last time we were on one of these ships, McKay was able to open the door by cutting right into the wall.
Ford: You mean like with a knife?
Sheppard: You have a knife?
Ford: One for them to find, one to keep. Everybody knows that.
Sheppard: Right, I forgot all about that rule.

Queen Wraith: The ship. Where did you get it?
Sheppard: You mean the dart? We call them darts because they're so pointy.

Neera: And the clowns?
Sheppard: Oh yeah, the clowns. We fight them too. Entire armies spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending them in.

Weir: And why not assume that he'll make his own way back through the portal?
McKay: Because Colonel Sheppard would have already had hours to try to make it back through the portal in the time I wasted explaining the situation to Conan and Xena!

(after all the villagers flee the beast)
Sheppard: Hey people! I'm starting to develop some serious abandonment issues here!

Sheppard: Never thought I'd see any of you again. Kind of even … missed you a little.
Ronon: Yeah, well, it was only a couple of hours for us, so …

Weir: Well, the beard is interesting.
Sheppard: First thing to go when we get home.

Teer: I was the one who sent Avrid to find you.
Sheppard: You did?
Teer: Because I knew you were coming that night, and I knew where you would be in the field; and I have known since I was a child that you would sit here with me as you do now. I've been able to close my eyes and see your face my entire life, John. You are the one.
Sheppard: The one what?
Teer: The one who will lead us to ascension.
Sheppard: Oh!
Teer: What is it?
Sheppard: Nothin'. I just was hoping you were going in a different direction with that.
Teer: I've seen that as well. That's why I waited for you.
Sheppard: Really?
Teer: Tonight.
Sheppard: Tonight?! I … I wish you woulda told me – I wouldn't have gone on a ten-hour run.

Sheppard: (Teer is bringing him breakfast) You know, you don't have to do this for me every morning.
Teer: You saved my brother's life.
Sheppard: Then shouldn't he be the one bringing me breakfast?!

Sheppard: (Looking down and seeing that he isn't wearing his old clothes) Which one of you got me out of my clothes and into these?
Teer: I did. Is that alright?
Sheppard: Yeah. I just usually like to meet a woman before she sees me naked.

Sheppard: (still a little groggy from sleep) Hi.
Hedda: He's awake again!
Sheppard: I am now!

Weir: What is this probe of yours supposed to do?
McKay: Well, it's supposed to descend slowly into the atmosphere of a gas giant. The chute opens, the probe separates into two components joined by a tether hundreds of metres long.
Weir: So we should be able to receive telemetry from inside the time dilation field while the other half of the probe is still outside.
McKay: Right. And depending on the variance, we might be able to fly right into the field and rescue Sheppard.
Beckett: Very clever, Rodney!
McKay: Uh, yes, it is. It was actually Zelenka's idea.

Sheppard: (Hearing a ferocious roar and being very hungry) Well, you're either gonna eat me, or I'm gonna eat you.

McKay: Yeah – I would just like to be able to explain these readings better before we step through. Get me a branch. You got tape? Because I got a camera! (Ronon gives him a huge branch) I didn't ask for a log! (Teyla brings him a better on) Thank you! Okay, so tape it to the stick, we extend the camera through, record for a few minutes, pull it back, play the recorder.
Sheppard: Yeah! MALP on a stick!
McKay: Yes, MALP on a stick. Very clever. Are we done?

Teyla: It disappeared.
Sheppard: Or it went right through a cloak.
MaKay: (looking at his device) It has many of the same properties as a cloaking field.
Sheppard: Yeah, and the Ancients did tend to hide all the really cool stuff.

Rnon: Looks like a door.
McKay: (looking back at him) Yes, it is remarkably door-like!

Sheppard: (speaking into walkie talkie) This is Sheppard. I'm pretty sure you can't hear me, but I don't have a volleyball to talk to so what the hell...

McKay: (to Sheppard) What is it with you and ascended women?  

[Kaiser_MageMule]

Heres the 2nd half



Caldwell/Goa'uld: I warn you - as a Goa'uld I now possess the strength of many men.
Ronon: It'll be a fair fight then.

Caldwell: We don't have time to debate morality. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to do unpleasant things to save lives.

McKay: Explosives expert, huh?
Cadman: High temperature and energetic materials technology. And I can tap dance, too.

Barrett: One of our teams has raided a Trust compound: discovered computers containing further intel on Atlantis. It's not much, the Goa'uld are being very cryptic about this.
Landry: Cut to the chase. Do we know what kind of bomb it is?
Barrett: Not yet.
Landry: Do we know where in the city it was planted?
Barrett: No.
Landry: I'm sorry? You said "further intel".

Ronon: What's a Goa'uld?
Sheppard: It's a slimy, snake-like alien creature: burrows into people's heads and takes control of their bodies.
Ronon: That doesn't sound pleasant.

Hermiod: Colonel Caldwell. I believe I can make modifications to the hyperdrive in order to achieve the speed necessary to reach a distance capable of relaying the transmission within the allotted time. The hyperdrive will be operating at a level that can only be sustained for a short duration before damage is incurred.
Caldwell: What kind of damage?
Hermiod: It could burn out the drive.
Kavanagh: Meaning we'd be stuck between galaxies.
Caldwell: Yeah, I know what it means, Doctor.

Lee: What about the Daedalus? It's on a return voyage to the Milky Way. We could use them to relay the trans... Ah, no, I mean, wait. God, there's no way they're close enough, even with their long-range transmitters.
Landry: You'll find another way to get the message to them.
Lee: I will?
Landry: Course you will. It's what I pay you for.

McKay: Two Wraith cruisers.
Weir: How far away are they?
McKay: A day, maybe a day and a half. I've been tracking them for some time now, but, the good news is it doesn't look like they're heading this way.
Sheppard: Just passing through the neighborhood?
McKay: Yeah, it looks that way. But I just discovered something rather curious. (He touches the screen and the view closes in on the cruisers and shows that energy is radiating out from each of the ships towards the other one) Short, but intense energy bursts passing between them.
Ronon: They're fighting each other?
McKay: Hmm. In my, uh, expert opinion, yes.

Sheppard: Hey, don't worry. They're a great group of kids, you're gonna love them.
Zelenka: My sister has a child. He breaks things. He throws things. He smears things onto furniture.

John: Doc...
(he sees Ronon standing over the unconscious Dr. Cavanaugh)
John: What did you do to him?
Ronon: Nothing, he fainted before I could touch him.

Hermiod: Dr. Cavanaugh.
Cavanaugh: Yes?
Hermiod: Stop talking, please. (silence) Thank you.

Ronon: I'll get it out of him.
Sheppard: Might not be a bad idea. Maybe it is time to take his interrogation to the next level.

Griffin: You aren't Spanish, are you?
McKay: Oh yes! Of the Barcelona McKays!

McKay: Been a bad day.
Carter: You're gonna get out of this.
McKay: I don't think I would even believe that if you were naked.

Zelenka: (cursing in Czech): Do prdele, to je na hovno tohle to. Kdo to vymyslel, že budeme pod vodou, tentokrát...?
Sheppard: I think my Czech's getting better, 'cause I know what you mean.

Carter: Y'know, I was thinking about what you said. I think you were right.
McKay: Uh, I am? Right about what?
Carter: Well, I am your fantasy. It's only fair you should get some.

McKay: You're the worst hallucination ever!
Carter: Oh, you don't mean that!

McKay: (to Sam) Ah, c'mon! You're a figment of my imagination! The least you could do is take your top off!

Zelenka: All I'm getting is sporadic life sign readings.
Sheppard: As in... sea monster life signs?

Carter: This isn't good.
McKay: Look, just, just ... just shut up! I mean, you come in here, you don't help me, you say the one plan I've got is bad, you, you claim to be a creation of my mind and yet you are in no way dressed provocatively...

Carter: (After the Jumper jolted violently) Feels like we hit the bottom.
McKay: Oh, really? Well, this is good! Well, the chances of us imploding are much slimmer!

McKay: Don't play mind games with me.
Carter: I am a mind game.

McKay: You gonna help me, or not?
Carter: I'll help you stay alive as long as possible, but no – I'm not helping you with this plan.
McKay: So my own hallucination is saying no to me?!
Carter: You must realize subconsciously that you need to be talked out of this.
McKay: I can't even hallucinate right today!

Carter: They'll find a way.
McKay: No they won't! You and I both know the one person who can figure it all out is stuck in the back of a sinking Jumper!
Carter: Me.
McKay: Oh, touché!

Zelenka: (After hearing that he has to join Sheppard in submerging Jumper) I, I ... I can't even swim!
Sheppard: There's not a lot of swimming under a thousand feet of ocean.

McKay: What else am I hallucinating?
Carter: What do you mean?
McKay: Well, if you're not real, what is? I mean, how, how, how do I tell the difference? How do I know that any of these readings I've been taking are correct?
Carter: You're not that far gone.

Carter: Why else would I be here?
McKay: I don't know! Maybe one last romp before I die.
Carter: One last romp?! Please, we never ...
McKay: Okay, one first romp, but it's romping that comes to mind, not your brains, blondie. Now, you've gotta admit, I am a handsome man standing ...
Carter: You're essentially arguing with yourself. You realize that, right?

McKay: You are very clever. I will even give you brilliant; but there is brilliant, and then there's me.

Carter: (to McKay) The way I see it, you're scared. You're a little panicked, you're a lot lonely. You knew you could use some help, so your subconscious is manifesting the one person you know is smarter than you.

Rodney: We make a good team, you and I.
Carter: Sure...
Rodney: No, no I mean it. I really enjoy working with you, always have.
(Carter nods)
Rodney: I wonder... I wonder why we never... hooked up?
Carter: Well aside from the fact that you're petty, arrogant and treat people badly?
Rodney: ...Yes?
Carter: No, that's pretty much it. Petty, arrogant, bad with people.

Teyla: Rodney, where have you been?
McKay: Where have I been? I have been trapped underground by an earthquake that blocked off our one exit from this section of the city, that's where I've been!
Teyla: Do you have access to the ZPM?
McKay: No, I don't have access to the ZPM, but thank you for your concern, by the way!
Teyla: Rodney ...
McKay: No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's fine. Your beloved friend has nearly died and while he has had to face the imminent threat of death, your first concern is for the ZPM? It's only natural!
Teyla: I am sorry, Rodney, but we have a few problems of our own. Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Beckett are no longer responding to our radio calls. As well, there is a good possibility that the Lord Protector is about to launch a drone attack on this village. If that happens, everyone here will die.
McKay: Oh.

Baldrick: I can't believe that worked!
McKay: What happened to positive thinking?
Baldrick: I lied.

Baldrick: What'll happen if you succeed?
McKay: Well, two possibilities. Either we create a nice sturdy shaft that will give us some much-needed air and provide a big enough gap for the radio signal to get through, or it will bring the already unsteady ceiling down on us, burying us both alive.
Baldrick: I prefer to imagine the first possibility.
McKay: Yes, yes, the power of positive thinking.

McKay: Well, if I can find the ZPM, then we can shut these people down whenever we want. Without the Drone Chair, they're just a bunch of primitive thugs with axes and knives.
Beckett: Axes and knives can cause damage, Rodney!

Mora: Maybe there's something I can do to make you more comfortable.
Sheppard: Uh, I don't think so, uh ...
Mora: (dropping her gown) Are you certain?
Sheppard: Oh, wow! I ... I never see this coming!

Teyla: We have a problem. They took Colonel Sheppard.
McKay: What? Who did?
Teyla: Soldiers from the Tower. They confiscated our weapons.
McKay: What, and you let them?!

Teyla: Establishing good relations with our neighbours is not just about trade.
McKay: Right, but do we need to make friends with every primitive agrarian society in the Pegasus galaxy?
Sheppard: Alright, that's enough. They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.

Beckett: (after being imprisoned) I really need to stop making house calls.

Caldwell: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure you'll both agree that the paperwork on this is going to be a nightmare ... especially that kiss.
Sheppard: (after staring at him in horror) Yes, sir!
Caldwell: Well, try not to kill each other while I'm gone.

McKay: All right, but I'm using my command code.
Caldwell: Why, 'cause you still don't trust me?
McKay: No, because it is a sixteen digit alphanumeric code that I will have to enter God knows how many times, and I haven't got around to memorizing yours yet.

Beckett: (standing in a dark infirmary with a shot Ronon) Bloody dark ages!

McKay: Well, how do we know that Sheppard isn't down there waiting in ambush?
Beckett: Because he's not tryin' to kill us, he's tryin' to kill Doctor Weir.
McKay: Oh, that is so much more comforting!

Caldwell: I need for you to get down to the Power Room, Doctor. Restore primary systems.
Beckett: I should go along too. Marines could be hurt.
McKay: Exactly! Marines may have been injured. We can't go down there!

Ronon: All right, we need to split up. I'll take Sheppard, you go after Weir.
Teyla: Why?
Ronon: Cause I know how he thinks. I don't have the slightest clue how she thinks.

McKay: (about Weir and Sheppard) I think I just located one of them near the Power Room. (The lights go out everywhere in the city) Oh, you're kidding!

Caldwell: From the sound of it, we have two fighter pilots who don't know that their war is over.
McKay: It is much worse than that. They know everything about this city; the layout, defensive systems, how to access weapons.
Caldwell: We just need to find a way to stop them without unduly harming the hosts.
McKay: Unduly, what does that mean?
Caldwell: Well, obviously, some force may be necessary.

Sheppard: You didn't have a plan. You just wanted me dead.
Weir: Still do. As a matter of fact, I can't wait to see that look of defeat on your face, just one last time.
Sheppard: You mean the look on my face when you rammed my fighter, making sure neither one of us would win? That was hatred, not defeat, Phebus.
Weir: Is that any way to talk to your wife? Thalen? Run all you like. The moment I find you, you die.
Beckett: (about this display of affection) Well ... they're headin' straight for divorce.

McKay: (after Weir and Sheppard tried to kill each other) You two need some very serious marriage counselling.

Beckett: Colonel Sheppard, you'll have to be in close proximity to the pod for the transfer to happen.
Sheppard: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Beckett: But you're not moving.
Sheppard: You know, they were husband and wife. Anything could happen.

Caldwell: Are you sure she's up for this?
Beckett: Physically, she's perfectly fine. Besides, Elizabeth wouldn't take no for an answer.
Weir: Ah, love is a powerful thing, Carson.
Sheppard: You're a hopeless romantic, you know that?
Weir: Well, you're just as hopeless, otherwise you wouldn't have agreed.

McKay: As I understand it, the beam that hit Elizabeth was part of a failsafe feature built into the pod system. As cellular failure progressed, the pod stored her consciousness in a sort of, uh, flash memory.
Caldwell: Why? I mean, what good is the technology if the effects are temporary?
Sheppard: It's a Black box!

McKay: Well, that makes sense. Even if the body is incapable of being revived, the survivor can still report what happened to their ship. The rescue team could interrogate them even if they were incapable of regaining consciousness.
Caldwell: You're talking about a human flight recorder.

Sheppard: You okay?
Weir: Doctor Weir is fine.
Sheppard: Doctor Weir doesn't talk about herself in the third person.

Ronon: So people just sit and watch this box for hours at a time?
Sheppard: Yeah, people do.
Teyla: Is it that engaging?
Sheppard: Depends what's on it. There are lots of programmes on dozens of channels, every day, all day.
McKay: Most of which are fictional representations of ridiculously attractive people in absurd situations.
Sheppard: There are educational programs, all sorts of documentaries. Not many people watch ‘em but, uh, well, they're on.
Ronon: And that's what everybody on your planet does for entertainment? Watch a box?
McKay: Not everyone, although I will confess to the occasional half hour of Jeopardy.
Ronon: Jeopardy?
McKay: It's the name of the show: "Jeopardy".
Ronon: Sounds dangerous.
Sheppard: Double jeopardy, that's twice as dangerous.

Weir: Good thinking
Sheppard: Could have been Mensa.

Sheppard: So I say we call it a win.
Weir: Who's spinning now?!
Sheppard: Alright. Then I say we call it a night.
Weir: That we can do!

Weir: Well, historically, most coups end up with the new government being about as bad as the old one.
Sheppard: I don't know. He seemed pretty grateful we saved his sister.
Weir: There's that.
Sheppard: He did save me and my team.
Weir: There's that too.

Sheppard: Beckett's the best doctor in two galaxies. If there's a cure, he's got it.

Sheppard: (in a prison cell) Major. (to the other men) Boys.
Lorne: Colonel.
Sheppard: Way to be alive.
Lorne: Thanks, sir! So, have you come to rescue us?
Sheppard: Well, until about a moment ago I thought were dead, but now that I see you speaking and breathing, yeah, I'm thinkin' about it.
Lorne: Well, good! Let me know if there's anything we can do to help, huh?

Ladon: Well, if you're referring to the Ancient gene, I'm working on a treatment that can artificially produce it. In fact, we've been collecting samples for some time.
Sheppard: From where?
(they reach a cell where Rodney, Lorne and his men are held)
Sheppard: Lorne!
Ladon: Starting to put it all together?
Sheppard: I'm getting' there.

Sheppard: What do you want with the Jumpers?
Cowen: What do I want with invisible spaceships that could fly to other worlds and even deliver our atomic weapons?
Sheppard: Well, since you put it that way ...

Sheppard: Where are my men?
Ladon: Oh, they'll wake up in an hour or so with a pretty big headache, but they're fine. Just like you.
Sheppard: I'm a lot of things right now, fine isn't one of them.

Ladon: How'd you feel?
Sheppard: Like I've been gassed.

Sheppard: Drop it.
Ladon: (dropping a small knife) Alright. Feel safer?
Sheppard: A little bit.

McKay: One tango, middle of the room. (After John stares at him blankly) What, isn't that right?

McKay: See how I almost stunned that guy?
Sheppard: I must have missed it.
McKay: Yeah, but if he was, like, a step to the right, I would've stunned him for sure.
Sheppard: Good for you!

Weir: A raid?
Sheppard: Oh, yes, a raid! If this is their main base of operations, I'm willing to bet the ZPM is there.
Weir: And, what, just steal it?
McKay: Well, the Brotherhood stole it from us, Ladon stole it from the Brotherhood. It's not really stealing, it's, um ...
Sheppard: ... recovery!

Cowen: My men will see you to the Gate.
McKay: (after Cowen leaves) Well, that was refreshing! He didn't try to kill us even once!

Sheppard: Well, if you, uh, wanna contact us, we have a new number.

Sheppard: (to McKay) Don't worry: if you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission ... eventually.

McKay: You know, I'm not sure that you've sufficiently trained me in actual combat. I don't know how much use I'd be in a fight-our-way-out kind of scenario.
Sheppard: Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.
McKay: Yes.
Sheppard: Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine.
McKay: Oh, funny.

Sheppard: Get to the part where you find the ZPM.
Ladon: Kolya often spoke about the Brotherhood of the Fifteen, the last mission you encountered him, no?
Sheppard: The last time he tried to kill me, yes.

Ladon: He's become obsessed with uniting the galaxy under a single ruler.
Sheppard: And that would be him.
Ladon: He thinks it's the only chance we have of defeating the Wraith.
Weir: Whether the galaxy likes it or not.

Weir: What do you want for it?
Ladon: I need about a hundred machine guns, a couple of dozen grenades and any C4 that you have to spare.
Sheppard: Sounds like you're havin' a party.

Sheppard: Doctor Weir, we have Ladon.
Weir: What has he said?
Sheppard: Not much, apparently he doesn't like me.

Sheppard: What do you want for it?
Ladon: I'll only talk with Weir.
Sheppard: Do I make you nervous?
Ladon: Not at all, Major. I'm just not interested in talking to the errand boy.
Sheppard: That's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you.

Sheppard: What, no ZPM?
Ladon: I sent it to another planet for safekeeping, how stupid do you think I am?
Sheppard: What I remember, I gave you a pretty good crack on the head last time we met. So, I was kinda hoping it made you simple.
Ladon: No, it didn't, but ever since then I've been plagued with headaches.
Sheppard: You're just saying that to be nice.

Lindsay: Deera, one of the villagers, asked for a word with me in private. She took me downstairs...
Ronon: You went alone with her?
Lindsay: They're farmers and fishermen.

McKay: Look, we all know that eventually the Wraith are going to discover we're still here. Having more power means that we have more options. We might even be able to light up those engines and get the city to fly.
Sheppard: Really?
McKay: No, but we still need it.

McKay: A ZPM is a ZPM. Who cares where it comes from?
Sheppard: We've already got one.
McKay: Yes, one.
Ronon: Two is better than one.
McKay: And three is better than two.

Weir: Why would we want to do business with you?
Laden: Because I have defected from the Genii.
Weir: Well, good luck with that.

Sheppard: (to Mckay) You stay here with Lindsay.
Mckay: Right, sure. Oh and hey, if you hear gunfire just know that's me holding back our attackers all on my own, huh?!

McKay: What the hell happened?
Sheppard: We got gassed.
McKay: Are we in some sort of trouble?
Sheppard: Was it the gas or the prison cell that was your first clue?

Ronon: He's changing directions. The tracks are difficult to follow. He's good.
Sheppard: But you, uh, can follow them, right? I mean, that's your thing. (After Ronon turns and looks at him.) Among many other things.

Teyla: (to Michael) They call them Meals Ready to Eat. It was all I could gather on short notice. Doctor McKay quite likes them, actually.

Sheppard: (after Ronon almost fired on Michael, but Sheppard beat him to it) I figured you'd forget to set it to stun.

Michael: What do you want from me?
Ronon: Just waiting for you to give me a reason to kill you.

Ronon: You know, you may be able to make him look like a human, talk like a human, but he'll still be a Wraith. Nothing you do will ever change that.

Sheppard: Lieutenant.
Michael: Colonel.
Sheppard: Where you off to?
Michael: My quarters. Doctor Beckett gave me some pills, help me get some sleep. Thought I'd give ‘em a try.
Sheppard: No alcohol or heavy machinery.
Michael: Excuse me?
Sheppard: Nothin'. Sleep well.

McKay: So, you've been, um, released, I see.
Michael: Just now, but I have some bodyguards following me around everywhere, and Colonel Sheppard's probably somewhere close by. They wanna keep an eye on me in case I suddenly, um ... freak out.
McKay: Yes, freak out, yes. Well, I don't think you're gonna ... you're not gonna ... You're fine, aren't you?

Michael: I'm sorry. Um, I'm probably supposed to know you but ...
McKay: Right, right, the amnesia. Yes, of course, I heard. I'm, uh, Doctor McKay. Rodney McKay. Doctor.

McKay: Ah, Lieutenant Kenmore.
Michael: So they tell me.

McKay: (to a commissary staff member) Ah. Hey, what happened to the, um, to the blue jello? My favourite, all of a sudden it's off the menu. What gives? (the man shrugs his shoulder and walks away) Thank you!

Michael: You look familiar. Do I know you?
Teyla: Yes. You assisted my team on a few missions.
Michael: There's more, though. Are… are we friends?
Teyla: Yes.
Michael: That's the best news I've heard all day!

Beckett: Michael, we believe you may be suffering from what's called generalised dissociative amnesia, which usually occurs as a result of significant trauma.
Michael: Trauma caused by the Wraith?
Beckett: We don't know for certain. Hopefully, over time, your memory will return. In the meantime, we'll do our best to help you fill in the gaps: a wee bit at a time so as not to completely overwhelm you.
Michael: I'm already completely overwhelmed. How much worse can it get?

Weir: Do you know where you are?
Michael: I don't even know who I am!

McKay: I'll take a repair team back to the Orion: get the engines fixed.
Sheppard: I thought you told Norina you couldn't fix it.
McKay: It was never a question of whether or not I could fix it; it... (He turns and sees John's smug expression and the others grinning)

Beckett: (about Rodney's plan) It worked!
Norina: (to Rodney) You really are a genius. (Rodney doesn't reply) Rodney?
McKay: (in total shock) I'm good.

McKay: Whoa!
Norina (nervously): What?
McKay: Got up too fast.

Norina: (after McKay cries out, while trying to save their collective lives) What?
McKay: Oh! I bent my fingernail back! I hate that!
Norina: (condescendingly) Yes, that can be painful.

Hermiod: Colonel. I believe the eruption will occur in fifty-two seconds.
Caldwell: Are you sure?
Hermiod: I would not state it if I wasn't.

McKay: What?
Beckett: Very clever, Rodney.
McKay: Hmm. Well ... don't thank me ‘til it works ... which it probably won't. ‘Scuse me.

Sheppard: So your plan is to not blow a hole in the hangar but to sit here and wait for this cataclysmic eruption to take place.
McKay: With the shields and inertial dampeners at full strength, yes.
Beckett: I think I may be missing something. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when the volcano erupts, don't we as well?
McKay: That's the plan.
Sheppard: That's the plan?
McKay: That's the plan!
Sheppard: That plan sucks!
Beckett: Aye!

McKay: Fixing the sublight engines was impossible in the amount of time we had left. They were just too badly damaged, but I devised a sort of a patch that in effect diverts auxiliary power to the hyperdrive. Only enough for a fraction of a second, mind you.
Sheppard: That won't get us very far.
McKay: We don't need to go far. Any old orbit will do.
Sheppard: And then what?
McKay: Well, then, Norina and I were planning a small dinner for us all, nothing fancy ...
Norina: Rodney.
McKay: Well, what does he mean, “Then what”?! Then we won't die horribly!

Beckett: (about four point one seconds of extra time) That's not very much time for anything, Rodney.
McKay: It's plenty of time to open a hyperspace window. (Sheppard stares at him blankly) That's my plan. Didn't I tell you about that?
Beckett: No.
Sheppard: No, you didn't.
McKay: Well, you were too busy running around looking for people.
Sheppard: Well, tell us the damn plan!

Sheppard: Just about ready for what?
McKay: To activate the shields.
Sheppard: You said the blast from the eruption would wipe out half the continent.
McKay: It will, and after four point one seconds of those extreme temperatures and pressures, our shields will be depleted.
Sheppard: Well, as much as I'm all for living for another four seconds...

McKay: (to Beckett, who thinks the rest of his team is dead) Alright. Tell the people to get on the floor and secure themselves. I think the eruption is imminent. We're... just about ready.
Sheppard: Ready for what?
Beckett: Oh, thank God!
McKay: (smiling) What took you so long?!

Caldwell: Hermiod says the volcano's about to erupt. We should know for sure by then.
Weir: Be advised: we have detected a hive ship heading towards Atlantis.
Caldwell: Just the one?

McKay: Once they're operational, we'll be able to provide enough protection to, uh...
Sheppard: To what?
McKay: Talk amongst yourselves.
Sheppard: What are you doing?
McKay: I have an idea.
Sheppard: What kind of idea?
McKay: Can't talk, busy.
Sheppard: Just give me a basic ...
McKay: Not now, please.
Sheppard: I hate it when he does this.

Norina: The hangar door is directly above us. The molten lava would destroy the ship.
McKay: Not if I can get the shields operational.
Sheppard: Tell me you can do that.
McKay: I can do that.

Sheppard: Time for a military solution.
McKay: For which problem?

Sheppard: How are those engines coming?
McKay: I'm not even close.
Sheppard: Well, then, I guess we're all gonna die.
McKay: Oh, you're doin' that on purpose!
Sheppard: What?
McKay: You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome.
Sheppard: Oh, yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. It has nothing at all to do with saving the lives of these people. It's all about you. (deliberately making his voice angry) Now get your a** back to work and fix those damn engines! (turning to Norina) He'll fix ‘em! Trust me.

Sheppard: McKay's trying to get the sublight drive online.
Caldwell: Really? Well, a ship that large, you should be able to get everyone else out in one trip.
Sheppard: Yeah, well, whether or not we live or die is all up to Rodney.
McKay: This is so unfair!

Norina: I have already learned so much from you just in the last few hours. Perhaps one day I could study under you.
McKay: (Sheppard is looking at the ceiling in disbelief) Uh, yes, well, I reall... um, really look forward to that. But first, we need to, uh, get off. (John squints at Rodney's choice of words) Uh, first we need to get off the planet... first we need to get off the planet, and then you can be under me...

Caldwell: I hear you could use some assistance?
Sheppard: Well, the Stargate on this planet's been swallowed by lava and we're in a volcano that could erupt any second, so yeah, yeah, we could use a little help.

McKay: And I have, uh, discovered the ship's name. It's the, um, Hipapheralkus.
Sheppard: The what?
McKay: Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general... Hipapheralkus.
Sheppard: Well, we're not calling it that!
McKay: Oh good, then what about, um ...
Sheppard: And we're not calling it the Enterprise either!
McKay: I wasn't gonna say that!

Sheppard: The ship in the hangar. Maybe McKay can fix it.
McKay: Oh, maybe I can fix it! Place the pressure squarely on my shoulders for a change!
Sheppard: Well, I've discovered you're pretty good under the threat of impending death!
McKay: (To Norina after first becoming mad, then realizing that Sheppard is right) I am, actually.

Sheppard: What the hell happened?
Beckett: The Stargate: it was swallowed up by the magma.
McKay: We are so screwed!
Ronon: You mean we're stuck here?
Teyla: If we have no way of contacting Atlantis...
McKay: We are totally screwed.

Laikos: (after McKay told him his planet is going to be habitable) Excuse me. (to the guards) Watch them carefully.
McKay: Oh, I'm sorry, was my volume turned right down?! (to the others) Did he not hear me?!

Sheppard: Is there anything we can do to relieve the pressure somewhere else? Uh, maybe we can fire a drone down into the crust on the other side of the calderas.
McKay: Every problem has a military solution in your world, doesn't it?

Weir: I don't see any volcano.
McKay: Because you're standing inside it right now.

Sheppard: Elizabeth?
Weir: (to Laikos) Excuse me, please. Yes, John?
Sheppard: You and the Chancellor may want to come down to the Control Room. We have a problem here.
Weir: What kind of problem?
Sheppard: (after the ground shakes violently) That kind of problem!

Norina: What it is?
McKay: The reason the Ancients chose to power this facility on geothermal energy is because we're sitting right smack in the calderas of a dormant super volcano... or should I say formerly dormant, because drawing all of this energy from the magma chamber has made it extremely active.
Sheppard: So... things are gonna get worse.
McKay: I think we can safely say that things are gonna get... (lacking a better word) worse. Yes.

McKay: The long range scanners: that's just what we call them.
Sheppard: It's from an old TV show ...
McKay: Yes, yes.

Norina: Yes, there's an enormous amount of heat beneath the surface.
McKay: (looking at her) Hmm, you're telling me.

Weir: (after having discussed an attractive scientist the guys like) I should head back with you and begin negotiations with the Taranan leader. What's he like?
Sheppard: Oh, you know. He's a guy. Didn't pay much attention. Sorry!

Weir: Hopefully we can establish an alliance with them. A ship like that...
Sheppard: ...would come very much in handy now that the Wraith are probably on their way: I know. Uh, I'm gonna get back there now: make sure he's not distracted.
Weir: Distracted?
Sheppard: Ah, well, the lead scientist, uh, she's very, um...
Weir: ...hot?
Sheppard: I was gonna say attractive. But McKay is acting very, uh...
Weir: ...smitten?
Sheppard: I was gonna say pathetic.

Laikos: This is the main hangar.
Sheppard: Hangar? For what?
Laikos: Mere description would be inadequate.
Sheppard: (after seeing a huge Ancient ship) I see what you mean!

Norina: (referring to Rodney going to stand in the doorway when the tremors occurred) What were you doing?
McKay: (trying to cover for his behaviour) Well, that, that was, uh, that was the... standard military procedure. In the case of an earthquake, one hides... uh, well, stands in a doorway and, uh, just checks the... structural integrity of the building... for the sake of the civilians.

Sheppard: The good news is you found our address. I'm sure we can fix whatever needs fixing.
McKay: And by “we”, he means me, so... (reaching behind him for his computer) ... shall we get started?
Norina: I'm sure I could learn a lot from you, Doctor.
McKay: Oh! Well, I'm sure I can learn... (after deciding there's nothing he could possibly say) Let's start here, shall we?

Laikos: Well, hopefully you can help us. Our shield generator has been giving us trouble for some time now. Our knowledge of the technology is limited, and the Ancestors regrettably neglected to leave behind instruction manuals.
McKay: (laughing derisively) Actually, they did. You probably just couldn't understand...

McKay: The austerity of the facility suggests that it was built during the height of war.
Norina: It is well beyond our science. My skills are rudimentary at best.
Sheppard: Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. It took Doctor McKay years to figure out all things Ancient and he still doesn't completely understand.
McKay: I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.
Sheppard: You've blown up entire planets, Rodney.
McKay: That wasn't my fault!
Sheppard: Well, it didn't do it by itself!

Airman: Sir, Jumper 8 is reporting the enemy Hive has opened fire. Friendly Hive sustaining serious damage.
Sheppherd: They get boarded, it's all over for Atlantis. They'll give us up for sure.
Cadwell: Jump to their positions. Shields at full. Ready main rail guns. Ready all missile batteries.
Airman: Jumping into theatre now.

Wraith: I see you have awakened.
McKay: Really? I was sort of hoping this was just a nightmare.

Dex: (being trapped on a hive ship) You okay?
McKay: No. No, I think this is the most not okay I have ever been.

Sheppard: Who's firing on us?
Kleinman: Two hive ships bearing down on our position, sir. One of them is the friendly.
Sheppard: (another console explodes) Not so friendly.

Sheppard: Are we there yet?
Caldwell: Do you have any idea how difficult these manoeuvres are gonna be?
Sheppard: I'm guessing... really difficult.

McKay: Hmm. I should be on that hive when we do this.
Weir: Excuse me?!
Sheppard: Really?
McKay: I know it's uncharacteristically brave, but I've hacked a lot of their systems under the guise of repairing them. I've convinced them that I should be there to supervise their systems if anything goes wrong.
Weir: And they agreed to this?
McKay: Yes. Plus, now we can freely beam stuff on and off their ships ... I've written a program that will immediately beam me out of there the second I activate this emergency transponder.

Sheppard: (about the Wraith Queen) What's a girl like her do for fun?

Hive Queen: Getting to this location without arousing suspicion will be very difficult.
Weir: Sure it will be, but we can't really help you with that.
McKay: Although the Colonel and I have come up with a way to test that theory. Step one: we find another enemy hive and jump to a location just out of its sensor range.
Sheppard: Step two: the Daedalus takes position in close proximity to your hive, essentially merging with your scan patterns, rendering it practically invisible to the enemy sensors.
McKay: Step three: using sublight systems, our ships approach the target hive for... whatever reason; I'm sure you can come with something.
Sheppard: Step four: now that the Daedalus can use its beaming technology again...
McKay: which would be thanks to... (pointing to himself)
Sheppard: Anyway... once we get in range, we can beam the canister into the CO2 chamber and boom! One hive ship de-Wraithified.

McKay: ((to the Wraith, after Dex attacks that Wraith) We are sorry. (to Ronon) Say you're sorry!
Wraith: That will not be necessary. He was protecting his superior. I would have done the same.
Dex: He's not my superior.
McKay: Certainly not in... every sense.

(the Wraith touches Rodney shoulder, Dex attacks the Wraith)
McKay: Ronon, are you crazy?! Do you wanna get us killed?!
Dex: (to the Wraith) You don't touch him.
McKay: He was guiding me down the hall, not sucking the life out of my shoulder!

Wraith: Do you think we will be able to come up with an adequate delivery system for the retrovirus?
McKay: Hmm. Well, I know that you don't know me, so you couldn't possibly know this, but...
Dex: The short answer is yes.

Wraith: Before the civil war, there were Keepers who maintained the entire fleet, but they have made their own alliances.
Dex: Sorry about that.
Wraith: Without your help, this damage may have been irreparable.
McKay: Ah, finally an alien race that appreciates me!

McKay: The organic base of a lot of your technology; it's, uh, it's quite amazing. Very, um, resilient.
Wraith: Many of the problems we encounter eventually heal themselves, yes, but there are smaller, more complex issues.
McKay: Ah. Such as the programming code to make your old ships do new things?
Wraith: Or bypassing inoperable systems, yes. It has been so long since we have fought a real battle.
McKay: Yes, well, I imagine I'd forget a lot in ten thousand years too.

Zelenka: We decided to split into two teams. Team A over here is trying to find the best place or places to plant the gas canister and Team B over there is trying to come up with some fixes for the damage that the Wraith hive sustained during its last battle.
Sheppard: And you?
Zelenka: Um, mostly I'm just skimming the index.

Sheppard: How's it coming?
Zelenka: Ah. Oh, it's, it's phenomenal. It's, it's like being handed a Wraith encyclopaedia. It's hard to know where to start.
Sheppard: When I was a kid and I got my first encyclopaedia, I started with the letter “S”.
Zelenka: Yes, well, while I'm sure that Wraith sexuality is interesting, we've decided to split into two teams.

McKay: (about the information the hive Queen sent) She actually did it! I mean, this is the motherlode!
Weir: What is, exactly?
McKay: Only everything you've ever wanted to know about Wraith technology but were afraid to ask.

Sheppard: (to the Wraith Queen) So we have to do everything?!
(the Queen doesn't reply)
McKay: Okay, okay. I will figure something out. (to the Queen) But no more holding back. I wanna know everything there is to know about hive ships: schematics, power distribution, life support configurations, everything you've got.
Hive Queen: Then you shall have it.
McKay: For real?

McKay: Okay, try it now. (The screen says “SIMULATION SUCCESSFUL”) Well, well. Turns out the human knows what he's doing after all.
Hermoid: Indeed. Your assistance on this project will be noted.
McKay: My assistance?!

McKay: They didn't need you on the Daedalus?
Hermiod: Colonel Caldwell believed my time was better spent disabling their jamming code.
McKay: Huh! So, they can fly that ship without you.
Hermiod: Yes. But apparently you cannot run these tests without me.
McKay: I'm sure I would have been fine.
Hermiod: I am not as sure.

Kleinman: We're getting telemetry back from the cloaked Jumper, sir. It's in theatre.
Caldwell: Let's see it.
Kleinman: (referring to the display) That's our hive there on the left.
Sheppard: Our hive. It's weird.

Beckett: We can't judge an entire race based on the fact that Michael's experiment didn't work.
Weir: If you're asking me whether or not I'm losing sleep over this... Hmm, well, I am taking those sedatives you prescribed.

Wraith: How long for the gas to take effect?
Beckett: Well, theoretically...
Zelenka: ...we don't know. (Carson throws him a look) Well, we don't.
Beckett: He's right. We don't.

Hive Queen: Your retrovirus will allow us to feed off enemy Wraith. There will come a time, however, when our enemy will be vanquished.
Sheppard: At which point you'll return to killing ordinary folks the old fashioned way.
Hive Queen: That will take far longer than your short lifetime.
Sheppard: Let's just say I'm worried about my grandkids.

Teyla: Hello, Michael.
Michael: It seemed right to come back here, and to see you. Thank you for coming. You didn't have to bring him.
Dex: I insisted.
Michael: The last time I saw you, I really was going to feed on you, but it was not a matter of choice. It was ... instinct.
Teyla: That is what you have come here to say?

McKay: (over the radio, to a Wraith) This is Doctor Rodney McKay aboard the Earth ship Daedalus. We would like... uh... with your permission, to begin attempting to beam an innocuous canister onto your ship while you are actively jamming. Uh, we're hoping through trial and error that we can... slowly... disarm or, uh, break the code. May we proceed?
Wraith: You may begin, Doctor McKay.
McKay: Okay! Thank you. Thank you. (off the radio) That was weird.

McKay: Huh, some pretty interesting stuff, eh? I think I've learned more about Wraith technology in the last hour than I have in the past two years.
(he sees Hermiod is ignoring him) Oh, come on, I understand you're an Asgard and everything, but even you've gotta feel a bit of an adrenaline buzz.
Hermiod: My body does not possess the adrenal gland that produces epinephrine in your system. And even if I did, I would not be as easily impressed.
McKay: I get it! I get it. You think you're smarter than I am. You ready to go or not?
Hermiod: I have been for some time.

Beckett: (to a Wraith) Aside from a slight refinement since we last used it on, uh, well, on the one we called Michael... Do you have names? What shall I call you? What shall I call him? Well, I suppose in the end it really doesn't matter, does it? Okay, uh... Where was I?

Sheppard: (a Wraith hive ship circles the planet, a small ship drops out of the hive and heads for the planet's surface. Two F-302s from Daedalus take position either side of it) I gotta tell you; when I woke up this morning, I honestly didn't think this would be happening.

Sheppard: Something tells me you don't think this is such a good idea.
Teyla: As I said, I do not believe we have a choice.
Sheppard: But a good idea's still a good idea.
Teyla: I voiced my concern about this plan to change the Wraith into humans prior to the experiment on Michael.
Sheppard: Yeah, and we convinced you.

Dex: Hey, if they want our help killing other Wraith, it's one kind of help I'm happy to provide.

McKay: This... this is incredible! I can't believe they actually sent this over so freely. I mean, if I can figure out how to break through this programme, which is, well, as you know, pretty likely, we could nuke any hive ship that we came across.
Weir: Including Michael's?
McKay: Well, it might take a couple of tries the first time.

Caldwell: Well, I think it's safe to say that if they were going to attack us, they would have done it by now. They let the Daedalus land without incident.
Weir: And you're sure they don't know about the Orion?
Sheppard: I ordered Lorne to park her just outside of sensor range.

Weir: We needed to take a few precautions before contacting you. I'm sure you understand why.
Michael: I said we would not harm you.
Weir: Well, excuse me for not taking you at your word.

Sheppard: Rodney's doing everything inhumanly possible to be ready.

McKay: (walking around, checking screens) Shields: Yes. Jump into position: Mmmmaybe. Release the drones: Probably not.
Sheppard: Well, it's pointless to get in position if we can't fire.
McKay: Y'know, let's talk about it for a really long time; that'll help for sure.

Weir: Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones.
Sheppard: Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position.
McKay: Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!
Sheppard: I like everything! Can we do it or not?

Sheppard: Well, we're out of sensor range and all that, but whether or not we're ready to fight is a whole another story.
McKay: Getting this ship up and running in under a month is a miracle.
Sheppard: Do we start the beatification now or later?

McKay: Have you any idea how much work I've put into all of this. I haven't slept in thirty-six hours.
Wraith: Perhaps it is better if you rest.
(the Wraith then stuns McKay)  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

Yeesh! You took most of the good ones! gonk  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Wow, Kaiser! You spend a lot of time on the net!

Weir: You destroyed three-quarters of a solar system!
McKay: Five-sixths, but it's not an exact science.
Weir: Rodney, can you give your ego a rest for one second?!

Thats probably up there...... stare @Kaiser...

*just joking, by the way*  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

I'll go check my store...

"Using power...using power...using power..."

Hey, I think of that one every time I turn off all the machines in a room before I leave. whee  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Carter: Welcome back to Earth.
McKay: Yes, yes. What's my sister done?
Carter: Good to see you, too, McKay.
McKay: [impatiently] Greetings, salutations, pleasantries. What's she done?  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

xd

Weir: We're heading towards a food shortage.
McKay: [Mouth full] I know, it's getting desperate. I'm almost out of coffee.  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

rofl

McKay: {to a rescue team] Alright, people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get in, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive!
Beckett: [in disbelief] What are you on about?
McKay: Oh, just things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would, um ...
Teyla: Well said, Rodney.  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

McKay: You have no idea which way to go, do you?
Sheppard: Just trying to get my bearings.
McKay: Translation: "I'm lost."  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

Love that episode.

McKay: The puddlejumper they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine; had to have an additional component built into it.
Sheppard: Flux capacitor!
McKay: ...Yeah.  

[kittyfox_kumiko]

I need to see the other two of those movies.

McKay: I built an atomic bomb for my grade six science fair exhibit.
Ford: They let you do that up in Canada?  

[Sayuri-Ryuu]

The third one is great.

McKay: Word of caution? The whole "Captain Kirk" routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.
Sheppard: What routine?
McKay: The romancing of the alien priestess? It's very 1967 of you.