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 Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:18 pm
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it's a rather long story, and if i were to write down all the details i might not be done fast enough [got to study, so don't have much time]. so, i'l place the strictly necessary:
i'm uber sad bcs i'm 99% sure my boyfriend is gonna break up with me this friday. last saturday we almost did, we both cried like babies, and i got out of him that he felt he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. this of course destroyed me...we've been together for 2 yrs, and haven't had many "big"fights. we always worked our problems out, talked them and solved it, found a happy-medium. and suddenly he seemed distant, indifferent about my presence. we see each other only on the weekends bcs i study 3hrs away, and while that might be a factor to consider, in the 2 yrs and 2 months that we've been together that was never a problem.
also, recently he decided to cut ties with his friends. said e thought they didn't even deserve to b called friends bcs they did not respect him and always "pickd"on him [without meaning to sound childish]. so he broke ties with them. they are also my friends, and i have no problem with them. they've always been nice to me, and respected me and all. he knws this, so he stated he had no problem with me hanging out with them. they are also mad at him for breaking ties with them, but they also said they had no problem with me, so we'd still be friends and he would simply be regarded as "just another guy" "simply ur bf". i can't help but think this quarrel with them has affected him in more ways than one, making him unsure of himself or something...but i fail to see how this would make him fall out of love.
he didn't say it specifically [fall out of love], but on saturday his exact words were "i dunno if i love u anymore". on monday i cried just as much as i cried on saturday, and yesterday i resolved to ask him what he wanted of me, if to act normally until friday when i go over, or if not to talk at all until then.....he said he wanted to try something, and i knew wha that meant, but asked him anyway: "let's not talk until friday". i accepted it, it hurt like hell but i did bcs i wanna lt him know i'll do whatever i must, bcs he said he needed time and i wanna give it to him, i want him to know that i'll do anything to kep us together bcs i still love him, very, VERY much.
last night right before hanging up, i told him "i love u". he was gonna say something, complain or try to have me understand why he wouldn't say it, bt i cut him off "[my name], -" then i told him "u don't have to say it if u don't mean it, i understand. i'll still say it bcs i feel it, but i'll understand if u r not comfortable with saying it right now." he said thnx, and we said good-night and hung-up.
IT'S KILLING ME!!! i don't wanna let him go, i love him too much. i and STILL don't understand why he would do it. he said he didn't love me anymore, but that was so out of the blue that it makes no sense. all my friends i've told have reacted the same way, surprised, confused, thought it would never ever happen....
help, PLZ!! anything will do.... crying
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:35 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:38 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:51 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:55 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 6:08 pm
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:15 pm
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Sotur it's a rather long story, and if i were to write down all the details i might not be done fast enough [got to study, so don't have much time]. so, i'l place the strictly necessary: i'm uber sad bcs i'm 99% sure my boyfriend is gonna break up with me this friday. last saturday we almost did, we both cried like babies, and i got out of him that he felt he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. this of course destroyed me...we've been together for 2 yrs, and haven't had many "big"fights. we always worked our problems out, talked them and solved it, found a happy-medium. and suddenly he seemed distant, indifferent about my presence. we see each other only on the weekends bcs i study 3hrs away, and while that might be a factor to consider, in the 2 yrs and 2 months that we've been together that was never a problem. also, recently he decided to cut ties with his friends. said e thought they didn't even deserve to b called friends bcs they did not respect him and always "pickd"on him [without meaning to sound childish]. so he broke ties with them. they are also my friends, and i have no problem with them. they've always been nice to me, and respected me and all. he knws this, so he stated he had no problem with me hanging out with them. they are also mad at him for breaking ties with them, but they also said they had no problem with me, so we'd still be friends and he would simply be regarded as "just another guy" "simply ur bf". i can't help but think this quarrel with them has affected him in more ways than one, making him unsure of himself or something...but i fail to see how this would make him fall out of love. he didn't say it specifically [fall out of love], but on saturday his exact words were "i dunno if i love u anymore". on monday i cried just as much as i cried on saturday, and yesterday i resolved to ask him what he wanted of me, if to act normally until friday when i go over, or if not to talk at all until then.....he said he wanted to try something, and i knew wha that meant, but asked him anyway: "let's not talk until friday". i accepted it, it hurt like hell but i did bcs i wanna lt him know i'll do whatever i must, bcs he said he needed time and i wanna give it to him, i want him to know that i'll do anything to kep us together bcs i still love him, very, VERY much. last night right before hanging up, i told him "i love u". he was gonna say something, complain or try to have me understand why he wouldn't say it, bt i cut him off "[my name], -" then i told him "u don't have to say it if u don't mean it, i understand. i'll still say it bcs i feel it, but i'll understand if u r not comfortable with saying it right now." he said thnx, and we said good-night and hung-up. IT'S KILLING ME!!! i don't wanna let him go, i love him too much. i and STILL don't understand why he would do it. he said he didn't love me anymore, but that was so out of the blue that it makes no sense. all my friends i've told have reacted the same way, surprised, confused, thought it would never ever happen.... help, PLZ!! anything will do.... crying
hey Sotur,
first question I have is did he have this falling out with all his (and your) friends before or after he told you he thinks his feelings are changing? because I wonder if the one could have something to do with the other.
another possibility is unfortunately that.. he is just changing. we tend to do that when we grow older, and especially adolescents.. and I know that's not something you really want to hear. it's good that you're giving him his space. you need to keep strong and keep that up. 'if you love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesnt then it never really was' is a very wise saying on a few levels, and it definately applies here.
another thing that could have something to do with it is the fact that it's a long distance relationship. granted, you said that's not been a problem before, but it could be something that's growing to be hard for him to keep up with. and I do hate to say this, but sex to a young male adult is quite important. couple that with a LD relationship and.. well.. that's a lot. sometimes things start affecting us and we dont even realize it for a while what's different or why. and he might not even know why himself right now. long distance relationships are just terribly complicated. I've been thru it. I met my husband online while I lived in NYC and he lived here in TN.
you need to keep strong. IF it is ending, he will NOT be your last love. know this. you will hurt for a while, and during that time you'll need to concentrate on other areas of your life... make them more important. and eventually, you will heal and it will be a memory. then eventually you will find someone else.
my mantra when my husband and I separated last year for 9 months (after being together for 12 years and married for 7) was.. that which doesnt kill me will make me stronger. and it's really really TRUE. fortunately for me (and him) we got back together again. so there is always the possibility that no matter what happens now, if you're still friends and the bridge between your two is not burnt, you may find eachother again. smile |
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:34 pm
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falling out with friends came before saying he thinks he's feelings are changing. friends thing has been going on for about 2-3 weeks now. his saying he thinks he doesn't love me anymore was last weekend, which means it's been around a week. i think one DOES have to do with the other, i just fail to see the connection. except for the fact that the friends thing might have him so confused that said confusion somehow got mixed into our relationship, i can't of any other way for it to be related, tho i can't help but feel it might have to do something.
yes, i figured giving him space was the best thing to do. as i said, it wasn't really something i WANTED, but after asking him what exactly he wanted, as in, how he wanted me to give him space, he said he wanted us to not talk 'til friday. so i did. we haven't spoken. i think he blocked me in the msn bcs i haven't seen him on recently, AND just now when i logged in here [gaia] he was on. but then quickly went off [i have not even messaged him, left a comment, NOTHING], i can't ehlp but think that he noticed i came in and so he went away...
also, while thinking today [i constantly do a lot of thinking, and needless to say, recently, my thinking has been directed towards this issue] i thought of the possibility that HE is the one giving time to me...if he IS gonna break up with me, he might be making me believe nothing's for sure yet but at the same time making me get used to the fact that we wouldn't talk...i wasn't in the least happy about this thought, so i shoved it away...but i can't help it...i keep thinking that might be it...
indeed, LD relationships can be hard, and i'm usually one to say so [tho i used to swallow my words bcs i realized mine was just that]....it's true, it might be somrthing hard for him...even tho he's always been faithful [not once has anything happened. in fact, he always told me evrything, including when a girl who liked him called him], perhaps he's gotten to the point where he thinks it'd be easier to have a gf closer to home...it would really suck if it were that, but even i have to admit it's a possibility...
emotionally, i've never thought of myself as a strong person...however, i have grown to be able to focus on other things instead of 'sulking' over my problems [i.e. had an exam today, and i think i did well. trhu the week i studied regardless of how misserable i feel]. sadly, tho, my body doesnt take to emotions too well, and i've barely had an appetite lately. food disgusts me in the morning, and in the afternoon i eat bcs i'm hungry, tho at the same time i feel i can't even chew, let alone swallow. i don't have much dinner, either...if i do, i get tummy aches [i actually have one right now, ate lunch a while back].
i believe in that, hard as it may be, i understand that what doesn't kill me makes me strnger....but DAMN IT HURTS!! regardless of that, i'm scared of how it will be tomorrow when we meet up...i don't know what i'm allowed to do, to say...i felt like this once, with him as well. we'd had a bit of a fight, and he was angry at me. when we met up again, i would barely move, merely stand beside him [we were out with his sis and her bf]...only if he held my hand would i comply and hold his in return, only when he hugged me would i hug him...it really sucked. i was uber scared...i guess now is the same, except it's sad, as well as scared...
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 2:42 pm
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Sotur falling out with friends came before saying he thinks he's feelings are changing. friends thing has been going on for about 2-3 weeks now. his saying he thinks he doesn't love me anymore was last weekend, which means it's been around a week. i think one DOES have to do with the other, i just fail to see the connection. except for the fact that the friends thing might have him so confused that said confusion somehow got mixed into our relationship, i can't of any other way for it to be related, tho i can't help but feel it might have to do something. yes, i figured giving him space was the best thing to do. as i said, it wasn't really something i WANTED, but after asking him what exactly he wanted, as in, how he wanted me to give him space, he said he wanted us to not talk 'til friday. so i did. we haven't spoken. i think he blocked me in the msn bcs i haven't seen him on recently, AND just now when i logged in here [gaia] he was on. but then quickly went off [i have not even messaged him, left a comment, NOTHING], i can't ehlp but think that he noticed i came in and so he went away... also, while thinking today [i constantly do a lot of thinking, and needless to say, recently, my thinking has been directed towards this issue] i thought of the possibility that HE is the one giving time to me...if he IS gonna break up with me, he might be making me believe nothing's for sure yet but at the same time making me get used to the fact that we wouldn't talk...i wasn't in the least happy about this thought, so i shoved it away...but i can't help it...i keep thinking that might be it... indeed, LD relationships can be hard, and i'm usually one to say so [tho i used to swallow my words bcs i realized mine was just that]....it's true, it might be somrthing hard for him...even tho he's always been faithful [not once has anything happened. in fact, he always told me evrything, including when a girl who liked him called him], perhaps he's gotten to the point where he thinks it'd be easier to have a gf closer to home...it would really suck if it were that, but even i have to admit it's a possibility... emotionally, i've never thought of myself as a strong person...however, i have grown to be able to focus on other things instead of 'sulking' over my problems [i.e. had an exam today, and i think i did well. trhu the week i studied regardless of how misserable i feel]. sadly, tho, my body doesnt take to emotions too well, and i've barely had an appetite lately. food disgusts me in the morning, and in the afternoon i eat bcs i'm hungry, tho at the same time i feel i can't even chew, let alone swallow. i don't have much dinner, either...if i do, i get tummy aches [i actually have one right now, ate lunch a while back]. i believe in that, hard as it may be, i understand that what doesn't kill me makes me strnger....but DAMN IT HURTS!! regardless of that, i'm scared of how it will be tomorrow when we meet up...i don't know what i'm allowed to do, to say...i felt like this once, with him as well. we'd had a bit of a fight, and he was angry at me. when we met up again, i would barely move, merely stand beside him [we were out with his sis and her bf]...only if he held my hand would i comply and hold his in return, only when he hugged me would i hug him...it really sucked. i was uber scared...i guess now is the same, except it's sad, as well as scared...
it could also be a combination of any of the possibilities we've come up with so far, completely jumbling up his feeling which would complicate his feelings even more for him
it's when we are forced to be strong that our true inner strength is really realized. you sound like a very down to earth person, and the fact that you were able to study thru all this tells me that you will be ok if the worst happens. you are stronger than you think. and your lack of appetite and stomach issues is normal... you're depressed. I went thru it. not really stomach pains like cramping, but feeling as tho your insides have been hollowed out into a deep pit and filled with creepy crawlies. it's born of fear and pain. you're in limbo as you wait for tomorrow to come (as tom petty once said.. the waiting is the hardest part), but dont view it as what you're 'allowed' to say. you say what's in your heart. you let him know where you're at. just, of course dont go overboard. be in control of yourself and your emotions as much as you can. but be yourself, and be honest. once tomorrow is over, even if it's for the worst at least your fear will be over. then you only need deal with the pain. and tho emotional pain can take longer to heal physical pain, it will heal. *hug* |
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:05 pm
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confusion seems to be the "safest" bet here. after all, at i dunno what point, what day, what w/e, he told me he was confused. tho he wasn't specific, which is what makes it harder to understand.
yes, i'd say i'm down to earth. love going into my thoughts, losing myself in them, however, when i need to, i focus on realistic things....sure, unrealistic thoughts go thru, but i pick'em out and focus on the realistic ones. for instance: right now i'm mildly angry at him bcs i'm going trhu this, but i don't hate him, or anything or the sort, bcs i know he's not doing it on purpose. i wish i wasn't 'upset' with him, but i guess i can't help it. but like i said, even tho i'm upset, i would NOT "take it out" on him or anything bcs i know he's not doing it on purpose....and bcs i think he's aware i'm going thru a hard time, even tho we did not talk yesterday or today.
yep, stomach's feeling just like that. i just hope it ends soon bcs i don't wanna end up getting sick bcs of lacking nutrients and such.
mainly it isn't 'allowed to say', tho i feelt that one, too. mainly it's what i'd be allowed to do. like hug him, hold his hand, etc....heck, right now i'm not even sure if i'd be able to look at him in the eyes [tho i guess i won't really know UNTIL i test it out tomorrow -_- ]. right now i'm not crying or anything, but somrthing tells me i'll become a mess tomorrow when i DO see him. i'm guessing i haven't cried again bcs since i'm not talking to him, i'm sort of isolated from that...tomorrow, however, it'll be different. i'll do my best to keep myself together, tho. i'm aware that seeing me vry isn't gonna be his cup of tea, much less make it easier for him [w/e may happen].
^_^ thnx for the hug **hugs back real tight**
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Posted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:40 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:50 am
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i certainly hope it's not cheating [who would want that, anyway?]. u r the 2nd person to suggest it [a friend of mine also suggested it]....i can't help but try to convince myself it's not a possibility...i don't want it to be, after all....but i guess it is, regardless of how much i'd like it not to be.
moving away seems unlikely, unless his mom told him to go with her [she lives in florida] and he hasn't told me. he wouldn't move with his dad [dad living about 1hr and 1/2 away from him....currently he lives with his sister], he dislikes his father very, VERY much, so it is VERY UNLIKELY that he'd go with him.
suicide...God i hope not...but i suppose it IS a possibility.
military....he's never spoken to me about that, and he's studying [what he wanted to study, psychology....so i can't see why he'd suddenly think of joining the military.....unless it were for his grades, i dunno, that he suddenly didn;t feel they were good enough, so he'd decide to drop out and join the military....still unlikely tho...at least i think it is]
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:40 pm
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Sotur i certainly hope it's not cheating [who would want that, anyway?]. u r the 2nd person to suggest it [a friend of mine also suggested it]....i can't help but try to convince myself it's not a possibility...i don't want it to be, after all....but i guess it is, regardless of how much i'd like it not to be. moving away seems unlikely, unless his mom told him to go with her [she lives in florida] and he hasn't told me. he wouldn't move with his dad [dad living about 1hr and 1/2 away from him....currently he lives with his sister], he dislikes his father very, VERY much, so it is VERY UNLIKELY that he'd go with him. suicide...God i hope not...but i suppose it IS a possibility. military....he's never spoken to me about that, and he's studying [what he wanted to study, psychology....so i can't see why he'd suddenly think of joining the military.....unless it were for his grades, i dunno, that he suddenly didn;t feel they were good enough, so he'd decide to drop out and join the military....still unlikely tho...at least i think it is]
I highly doubt it's anything like suicide or the military. and moving away wouldnt seem right either considering you guys are already a fair distance from eachother as it is.
I once had a bf... my first bf when I was 14. he was 16. I was a virgin, and he was not. needless to say, we werent together very long. but he was straight forward with me, and not unkind about it. in fact, he was very gentle in breaking up with me. he flat out told me there was someone else, in another town that he felt he was going to end up being with. someone who lost her virginity already, and whom he'd been with before. so the idea of 'cheating' doesnt sound so far fetched when you put it together with the fact that he's not getting any from you. or I would prefer to think, IF this is the case, that he wont have cheated on you *yet*, but maybe see's it coming, like my first bf did. put that together with the fact that he cant see you everyday and well... I really hate to say it, but it seems most likely.
I really hate doing this because we really *dont* know, and the last thing I wanna do is project clear pictures of something that could be entirely untrue. it can just make you feel worse for possibly no reason. but it's friday, and I imagine you will be talking to him real soon. lemme know how it turns out. we're here for you (at least I know I am). |
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:09 am
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thank u...it really IS great knowing i can count on u even tho technically we've never met....so i appreciate it very, VERY much heart
well...it's monday, and i can now *painfully* update on what happened....he broke up with me....said he loves me but he's not IN love with me....basically, he cares for me, but not as a partner, as in sees me more like a friend than a girlfriend...he'd spoken with some friends [2 of the ones i mentioned he was having problems with. turns out the issue isn't with all of them, but one, the one i went to highschool with, nickname snoopy, so it'll be easier to understand. the other 2 [there's actually a third one, mike, but he's really not very important bcs he's more an acquaintance to me than a friend, so i've never really cared about him that way [nothing against him, tho. simply not close with him, that's all], they're bruzz and john]. well, he spoke with them, and they told him that if he wasn't in love with me he shouldn't stay in the relationship, it wouldn't be fair. i understand their POV, and tho it hurts like hell, i encourage it. i really wouldn't have wanted [and still don't] to be in a "relationship" where he's faking his love for me. like i said, it still hurts, and i'm obviously still sad about the break-up, still would have preferred if it hadn't happened..however, they're right. it's for my own good, regardless of how much it hurts.
i also spoke with bruzz and john; they've been great friends. heck, bruzz absolutely HATES talking on the phone, and he actually kept talking with me that night for OVER 4 hrs...he's an awesome friend. i'm sure john would have done the same, but he's cellphone sucks so bad we agreed we'd continue talking the next day [saturday] when we went out [i did evrything possible to keep it outta my head, so saturday i was out with my mom during the day, running some errands and afterwards hitting borders where i read 2 manga volumes....one of which reminded me of him xp .... and afterwards i went out with them all night [went out with bruzz, john and snoopy].
aside from crying my eyes out for over an hr after it happened [i was still in his house so i locked myself in the bathroom and didn't come out 'til an hr later], i managed to continue talking, to get answers i believe i deserved. i asked him if there was someone else, he said no; i ventured into asking him if he liked this friend of his [can't say name or nickname bcs she's a skilled gaian [she might find this. he's a gaian too, but since he joined recently i know he won't find this]], he said he'd thought about it but concluded that no, he didn't like her. i asked him if he wanted to be proven wrong, if he wanted to one day realize that he is indeed in love with me.....he said yes [GOD THAT WAS/IS TORTURE!!].
i can't quite remember if there was anything else, but if i recall i'll post...i gotta get to class now...
OH, but b4 i go, let me add: we'd agreed we'd stay friends, as in, best friends...but thinking about it better, maybe i can't quite handle that just yet. i don't want him disappearing from my life, but i'm thinking maybe i shouldn't see him or speak with him over the phone just yet. i can't exactly bury a 2 yr relationshp overnight....suddenly going from 2yr long boyfriend to friend is a HUGE change...for my own good perhaps i shouldnt do that just yet. any thoughts? [on evrything. sorry if it's long]
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Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:59 pm
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