my not so done storie book with short chapters

[Sammy-chan41]

i just randomly started writing a story and it was late at night over summer vacation.
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chapter 1-his army
A long time ago,there was an evil wizard name Billy(can't do massive spells like turning the whole world into frogs). He was also a genius. He had built giant robots to obey him. He had built space ships and a time machine. He went to Fire Emblome to gather his two right hand men (who happen to be his friends and also his loyal minions[wierd]).For 13 years,he taught them archery and swordsmenship. Their names are Marth and Roy.
In his army was a witch named Gruntilda;a fat ugly green colored witch dressed in a black shirt black shorts,black shoes and a black witch hat,a light purple and dark purple scarf,and socks that were also light purple and dark purle,and had a lazy eye;a dragon emperor named Zog,who wears a red cape and a blue body armer and a blue mask;sentinals;Wario,a short fat man who wears a yellow shirt and purple overallsand green shoes;Marth a skinnny prince who also wears blue,a yellow headband like crown,blue straight hair and had a sword;Roy a skinny prince with a blue and yellow chest armer,red hair had a sword,white pants,and blue shoes;Bowser,a giant turtle with spikes on his shell,sharp teeth,yello skin,and red hair;Samus who died during her raid on kraid,but brought back by Billy dressed in her suit that was now her body;Tyr,a goddes dressed in blue and has short brown hair;Waluigi;a tall skinny man with a weird looking mustache,dressed in a dark purple shirt with black overalls,and had brown shoes;and Donkey Kong an ape that's dressend in a red tie that says DK.
Together,they will take over the world!  

[Sammy-chan41]

Chapter 2-the mission

"Samus!Go and destory Mushroom Forest!"Billy yelled.
"Yes master,"samus replied.and off she flew.

Meanwhile,at Mushroom Forest,"100% perfect temperature on Friday..."

Click.That was the sound of Mario turning off the television set.

"Holy meatballs!I'ma going to be late for worka!"Mario exclaimed.

all of a sudden,Mario remembered he was on vacation.

back at Samus,

"Destroy Mushroom Forest. That is the mission.Destroy Mushroom Village. This is going to be easy. A few bomb-ombs,some missles,and some plasma shots should do the trick."Samus thought.  

[eumir_me]

its truly pathetic but i like your enthusiasm  

[gayapunk]

pretty good, keep going!  

[daydremer]

not bad people check out my story 4laugh  

[OneXMuerte]

I feel like there is nothing to it...my attention isn't sticking to it. You repeat 'he' and make one liners. Also, you draw away from the story once you put parenthesis arrow () . Also use spacing your words arrow

Quote:

"Samus!Go and destory Mushroom Forest!"Billy yelled.

Should be: "Samus! Go and destroy Mushroom Forest!" Billy yelled.

This random story of yours...needs some serious help.....

I agree with eumir_me:

Quote:

its truly pathetic

 

[Cupcake Flavored Insanity]

Awesome
I like to do poetry and I am not very good at it
I got a topic with my poems on it.
http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=12945023