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 Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:36 am
Wondering if this poem is worth continuing.....
It's ok sorta bleaker then what I usually write.
The Devil's Den
A fool rushes in where angels fear to tread,
And if you try and follow then you're lucky if you're dead
The sky is made of brimstone and the ground is painted red,
There is placed the cavern where the devil makes his bed.
The home of all the angels who have lost their wings
Who went to seek the light that the darkness brings
And took to heart the darker side of things
Twisters of words and corrupters of kings.
~Clise
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:37 am
Also: Should I make it a descriptive poem or more of a narrative if I should continue it?
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 3:43 pm
try using more metaphores...
try to explain something with sweetness intead of letters...
it's not just ryme what caracterizes a poem...but the heart it has...what it makes you feel...
here's something i wrote similar to yours:
wise words say but none reserve
hard feelings served to return
mindless eyes of blackened tounge
heartless soul, ready to burn
if not careful he might come
to you, to him, to anyone
but not rendered true fate
seeing dismal of his burning hate
but life's lies seem undone
when passing moments are wrung
following light filled paths
and sinister play past
redeemed of all my meaningless tasks
for true meaning be found at last
and now my turn has come
to shed light upon another one...
so try giving soul to yours...and it'll be worth it!
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