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| Were they good or bad? |
| Good |
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40% |
[ 2 ] |
| So-so |
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60% |
[ 3 ] |
| Bad |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 5 |
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 Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 4:14 am
Tell me what you think.
===============
Bedroom
Quietly it sits
Dusty bars reside
Peaceful it is
This bedroom of old
Now devoid of human life
The birds chirp
Unknowing of the
Hell that blossomed here
A place of comfort
Of protection
Oh how this place
Failed that night
Couldn’t save them
From their
Self-taught
Self-wrought
Tragedy
Now it sits, alone
Save for the birds
That call it home
Rays of sunshine
Through the
Empty window
Warm the barren floor
Life still finds
Peace here
In this bedroom
In this Russia scape
Time seems to be
Frozen here
Unmoving, unchanging
Eternal, peaceful
Here, in this place
Splinters of memories remain
Fragments of a broken existence
Sounds of the birds now carry where
Humans once did lie.
===================
Visions through a Shattered Shard of Ice
Appeared before me
a single cut of Ice
and as I fancied to
look through it’s crystalline
embodiment
it shattered before me
revealing to me
ll that ever has been
and t’would ever be
Through fragments of Ice
I saw the records of past
I saw the earth, a place of new
conglomerate into a rock.
and the Raging sea before Life
invaded the Earth.
the fires of Rome
empires rose and fell
before my eyes.
came to me through
a medium of Ice within a cave
not on the earth.
Through the splinters
of the shard
I saw of things to come
queer things aloft
in the air and peace
spread across the land
equality gripping man
then bodies wasted on the shores
the fires of hell unleashed
upon the earth.
All of these things I saw
in the broken fragments of seconds
the splinters fell to the floor and
I gathered them up in my hands
blood clouding their purity
and into my fields I tread
slipping them into the soil
in their respective order
their fickle edges
bleeding me on the sands
and with these I set forth
the future of Man.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:11 pm
The imagery is good. I'll give you that. But the poems themselves a really choppy. I suggest working a little more on the punctuation and the flow of things, dashes are really good to use to.
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Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:33 pm
i love them, its very differnt from what i usually see, but i love what the first girl said, imagery, but i dont know what she means by choppy, i like um
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Posted: Sun Sep 06, 2009 9:22 pm
They are good if a little broken. The last was my favorite.
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