Mature help required.

[Bell Kalika]

I wanted to post this in the life issues section of the forum, then decided I wanted mature advice. My bf has lived with me since september but he worked abroad for 3 weeks at a time and was home for one. He is a welder. right after christmas he started attending NAIT for 6 weeks, so from january until the 29th of february, and in that time he couldnt afford to pay rent so whatever. Then he moved into the city with one of his friends. And hes been "moving" into the city ever since january, it was his idea that i get a roommate and now she is moving in on friday and paying me for the room and his stuff isnt out. He says that he cant afford to come out because of his financial situation. So what do I do?  

[Harbone]

From a male (who is often unemployed)'s perspective:

Your patience during rough times ought to be appreciated.

If you're still interested in this guy, then just box his stuff up and move it aside (if he doesn't understand that you need to clear up the space for the room mate and gets upset, then forget him... you're already doing too much work having to clean up after the guy - and I should know, I am always way too slow on all my cleaning projects!)

If you're sick of him, which it kind of sounds like you are, I don't think you could get the message to him any clearer than leaving his stuff out on the lawn. When you do that, though, you've pretty much announced, loudly, that the relationship is over and good riddance.

If you want to get a message through to him that he needs to clean up his stuff more and you want him to take more responsibility for his mess, go with the boxing his stuff up and then telling him he should have moved his butt sooner approach. He won't like it, but it's probably the only way he'll understand (he will also have an excuse... I always have one anyway, which you will have to let him know won't fly. Don't worry, I always make an effort to make it up to my wife... IF SHE GIVES ME A CHANCE TO DO SO! We're slow on the uptake, but we often mean well, us males.)

So, that's it, I think. If you want to keep him around, if he's worth the trouble, just box his stuff up and get ready to kick his butt. If he's not, toss it out and say "so long, sad sack."

It's a rough time financially all around. Heck, I don't know why my wife puts up with me but I'm glad she does. I better go clean something, now.  

[NuclearOops]

Pack his stuff up and put it someplace safe and out of the way.

But take note of the things you're packing up. If his situation is so bad that he can't afford to move his things into the city with him, it may simply be easier to liquidate the items, i.e. sell it off.

Talk to him first and bring this up, a lot people who move sell their unnessecary junk, and a lot of people see selling certain "valuable" but non-sentimental items as a good way to finance moves and apartments. It ain't easy but it's a good idea.  

[Catira Norr]

I'd say the same. If he's a regular guy, as long as he has a spare T-shirt (and if he's a neat freak, one spare set of underwear) to change into once a week, then he probably isn't missing the stuff you still have.

Pack it up, completely out of your new roomie's way. Take a rough inventory as you do it, so he knows you haven't thrown anything away, then send him the list and ask him to let you know what you can get rid off. When you meet up, make sure that you bring some of his stuff along so you get less clutter each time.  

[Harbone]

Good pont. The inventory will protect you to a certain extent!  

[g0dless420]

While I'm not very good at giving advice, I have been in relationships with people that have ended in furniture on a lawn. Tthe time to clean the room for this new roommate though will help you get this guy out of your life in a mental sense, and hopefully you'll be off to a goodstart with future relationships.  

[September Wolf]

Yeah, I agree with everyone else... pack up his stuff. You have been very patient so far, he does not sound like he is appreciating you like he should... so help him on his way!  

[Hanamura-sensei]

Oh right, well usually would I have said make him pack it up, but your situation is different.
So, I would also say.
Box it up and put it in the attic or wherever you have some spare space.
Don't forget to tell him what you are doing through.

If you are fed up with him and want to get rid, give him an ultimatum in which he has to come and get his stuff, if he doesn't come in that time, throw it on the lawn....which is probably no good either, because who knows when he is coming to collect that.  

[Lil Brat]

If you have another space to store his junk, and you aren't sure you want to completely end the relationship, then I'd say box it and store it - and definitely keep an inventory sheet to save yourself trouble down the road.

I'd also give him a deadline to come pick up his things... leaving it open-ended allows him to continue to take advantage of your good nature.

Be firm - Make sure he understands that if he can't stick to the deadlines, his stuff will go to the Salvation Army, Good Will, Local Homeless Shelter... and if he doesn't follow-through - donate it.  

[Kitten 4 Him]

I don't know the whole story ... But it's his stuff. He shouldn't make you clean up after him or anything. And if he's been moving for a while now, he should have been taking his stuff with him.

Are you still together? If not, I would tell him that if he doesn't get his stuff, that you'll toss it on the lawn (yes I'm the one who voted for that).

He can have his friend come and help him. And I'm sure if he's willing to do that, you could offer to help. But since he's no longer paying rent (and apparently hadn't been) it should not be put on your shoulders to clean up after him.

Just my 2 cents.  

[My Tea Bag]

I would most definitely pack up his things and clean the room before the paying roommate moves in. It doesn't sound as though there is much reciprocating in your relationship. Are you happy with things as they are? confused  

[Malheureux]

Pack it up nice and neat and then store it some place safe... LIKE THE DUMPSTER stare  

[Harbone]

Sooooo..... stare razz

How'd this turn out, anyway? What did you end up doing with the guy's stuff, O Thread Creator?

Please enlighten us, your erstwhile advisors.  

[Kylsum Hikaru]

hm...well every one said some good advice...you should pack his things up...you should store it....get another roomate or what not and so you can have some one to help you...i mean if he can have a roomate why not you...just remember ...do onto others as you want them to do onto you....do be mean and throw his s**t out...you wouldnt want that......so store it...let him know what you are doing...and set up a time for him to come and get his stuff......look i know what it feels liek to be away from home...i work out on the ocean...i work 4 weeks out 2 weeks in..its a hard life and i would hate if i couldnt see my gf and i then find out she threw every thing out...you know what im sayin  

[AvilesC]

PLEAS READ THIS AND TAKE MY ADVICE!!!
I have been known as the type of person who could hellp anyone but himself. the fact is i was born with a natural tendancy to analize society. Now out of MY personal exp this is what I got for you.

Ask yourself 1st do you love him. Does he love you? has he cheated on you? all that sort of stuff. Analize your relationship not from the "I dont see him much" but from "when you are with him how is it". Myself beeing in the mil. deploy for half the year not beeing able to be with my wife for 6-8 or sumtimes a whole year. Sumtimes not even able to make a phone call! fact is sum people have a higher responsibiliy when dealing with work or school then the comon man or woman. I cant even tell you how many relationships fail in front of my eyes because of the "I dont see him/her enough". No one here can give you your answer. Your answer is inside you. if you realy whant to be with this man then stay with him and bare the hard times till they go away. because fact is if you cant handle that now then you wont be able to handle the serious stuff that comes along with marrage.

As for the stuff he has there well what you do to that stuff will be a direct respons to wether you even whant to be with him. If you realy whant to stay with him AND YOU CAN AFORD IT go ahead and pack sum stuff up and store it. Thats if you cant fit it in your place still. ofcourse let him know. make sure he is ok with evrything. And do yourself a favor and make sure evry time you talk to him you let him know you love him. Alot of girls dont realize how much power those words have on a man...