My X-boyfriend is trying to ruin my life (and is succeeding)

[lil_lollypop1]

I need help. And lots of it!

Ok, I was dating this guy, and I really really liked him. He was my first boyfriend. He was nice, kind, cute, smart, thoughtful, and a lot like me.

So after about a year, he was having problems and taking it out on me. He started getting really obsessed with me and power hungry. He even tried to forced himself on me, but I slapped him and walked out of the room. It was awkward to be around him, but I tried to help him through it. Finally it was too the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I broke up with him. He put me on several guilt trips, tring to get me back. I refused. It broke my heart as much as his, but I knew it was for the best, and I stuck to it.

We didn't even look at each other for a month. Finally, I decided to talk to him. He told me that I had no right to break up with him and he had every right to make me regret it. Yeah, I got ticked and walked off.

Then it happened, we got stuck in the same classes for the second semester. Did I mention for all classes? Yes. I was practally stuck with him, and he's determined to make me suffer. When in first block, I had to do a project, and I was assigned to do it with him. I did all of the work, and he took credit for it and said I did none of the work. The teacher believed him and I got a 50 while he got a 100.

Next, he started dating my best friend. Appearently she had a crush on him, but didn't tell me. He told me that he really dosn't like her the next day. I tried to tell her, but she said I was just jealous. She started talking about him non stop and was talking about how dare I break up with him. Then whenever I happened to be passing by, he would hold her hand or kiss her in front of me. Then I realized that he never kissed me or held my hand. It made me irritated that he would do that just to make me mad, but I ignored it. He would toss notes on my desk about all the stuff he would do for her, and I started throwing them away. Whenever I started doing something, he would say over my shoulder that I was doing it wrong, and I'd tell him to go away.

After a while, even through all the crap, I realized I still like him. It sucked! I couldn't get him out of my head, and he would constantly show up in front of me. My best friend even started taking his side, even when she knew all the crap he was doing to me because he would plan it with her. When I found out from another friend, she admited she did and talked about how fun it is. We then got into a fight and she refuses to talk to me. So I lost my best friend. And now I wonder what I even saw in them. They wern't like that before.

I feel like I should get someone else, so he'd leave me alone, but I feel like I would just be doing the same thing he is. I feel like I'm constantly complaining about him, but there's nothing I can do and all my friends are tired of hearing it. I can understand, and I'm tired of it to. I mean is there anything I can do? Can anyone tell me how to get him off of my mind? Please? I just want to go back to how things were before I started dating him!  

[KitKat195]

TRY REALLY HARD! Or, do something that he doesn't like and whenever he passes, try to ignore him. Also, if you pass him and he kisses your friend or hold her hand, coo or say, "How cute!" Did you stand up for yourself when he told the teacher? DID you ask his mom if he spent any time on it at all?? I understand. I'm not helping at all am I? sad
idea Hey! Maybe he has a lot of preasure! Or do you have MSN?? Does your boyfriend have MSN? You could talk to him and try to prove to your teacher that he didn't dooooooo anything. It's your life, try to handle it well. Good Luck!  

[shani26]

He is bulling you, there is no easy way to say this. I think you shouldn't talk to him or react to his game. That is what he want's you to do.
What you should do is: scdugled a meeting, and talk to all of your teachers and cancler in school. Tell all of them you are being bulling. Tell the hole story and ask them not to juje any one, just help. They can move you or him from some class and watch out to not gives you an asignment togther. This is the list they can do.
You can also ask the cuncler to talk to him cuz it is clear his is mentaly ill. I learned in life you can't help any one. I broke up with my ex cuz i couldn't help him and he just draged me down with him. He didn't mean to do that, he just couldn't help me, like i helped him. There are some guys up there who feel really bad about their life so they take it out on someone else. All of these guys needs thearapy, but they prefer to take it out on someone who cares about them instead.
They don't hurt other who don't care, cuz they know they wouldn't take notice.
Any way what ever you do, don't talk to him. He will just drag you down with him.  

[trusting paranoia]

What an a*****e

First off, if you're going to do the work this time, CREATE EVIDENCE THAT YOU DID. Videos, photos, WHATEVER. Besides, it's so easy to point out if someone did it or not. Tell the teacher all this.

Your best friend, no. That's no friend. That's a traitor. I'd even call her a whore because she pisses me off, but I won't because it's not that justified. She is a b***h though. Leave them alone.

Leave him alone. Find new friends. Just go away. He apparently just wants you to beg for him and you can't allow that.  

[BluePod]

Take a vacation from dating for a while.
Your too much of a wrek to get into a relationtiop right now. If you were to you'd just do it to tick off your ex and that's no way to start or have a relationtiop and it wouldn't be fair to the new boyfriend.  

[K1T3]

well here's the problem. you're letting him win. do something. stop letting him screw you over. go to teh principal teacher or w/e and say something. don't complain to your friends usually none of them will try to help. if they do that's fine but usually if they do help it'll cause them tog et hurt in teh crossfire. do you want to be bullied for the rest of your friggin year? stand up for yourself and kick some butt. you liked him because he was nice... teh first few months.

find someone who will treat you with respect. you gain respect by setting boundaries. when you start a relationship you must do that first otherwise he'll do w/ e he likes.

and your friend. she isn't your friend anymore. they love to see you in pain. they are sadists. tell your counselor to change your schedule. you're not his punchingbag. hell if it gets to teh point where he won't stop even out of shcool. call teh police. sue him for harrassment. when the going gets tough teh tough fight back.  

[kitty51185]

Okay babe I synpathize with you something similar happened to me! Ok the first thing you should do is go to the school councelour and tell that person EVERYTHING, yah it is embarassing but do it anyway! Also take this teacher aside and tell her what is going on.......If he threatens you you may have to get a restraining order because guys like this will go to the EXTREME just to get a kick out of it! Second no matter what he does or says do NOT let him know that is bothers you because after you stop reacting he might get bored because as long as he has power over you and your emotions he is gonna keep going! Do your best to ignore him and do NOT battle with yourself....he does not deserve you.....he NEVER loved you...yah he may be cute and you think you still like him because of everything you shared and STOP feeling sorry for him just ignore him! Even when he says something and you want to retort back DON'T it is just another power trip! Try that and see what happens, I am going to request your friendship so you can keep in touch with me and I will help you through it! I am here to listen and help because I have been through this before just a lot harsher....believe me I went downhill quickly and I don't want it to happen to anyone else...not if I can help it! I really hope this helps babe good luck!  

[daggblu4]

yeah...EVERYONE HERE has a point. you should listen to them. look at yourself and what you're worth. stand up for yourself. you're no one's punching bag, as KIT3 said. keep yourself composed and walk w/ dignity, coz that'll really make them seem like fools compared to you. let the teachers in on it. it's your grade and that's permanent, so do what you have to do to prove your work. it is, after all, yours from the get-go. this harassment s**t needs to stop. i understand that as much as you try to bite back a retort, at times, you just want to shove something to their face to shut them to f*ng kingdom come. oh, and your friend...for them to be an accomplice to your suffering..they're not even worth crap. if you are to have some last parting words, choose them well, adn make sure your words has some bite to it, like a show stopper and words that allows you to have the finale. friends don't treat friends that way. first of all, they wouldn't even date an ex w/out your first opinion. they'd put your feelings into perspective first.
don't let them ruin you. so figure out how you're going to manage that w/ dignity and respect for yourself.  

[s-w-i-f-t PYRAMiDS]

Seriously, I think that maybe you should just stop complaining about it to all of your friends, I am sure that they are just as sick of it as when your "best friend" always talked about him and you were sick of it. Second, get a new boyfriend, but you know you wont be dating him just to get back at your ex. When you get someone new don't just kiss and hold hands to make your ex jealous, you should be better than that so don't say it would be for the same reason he was going out with your best friend.

Also, go to the school for help, talk to the guidance councilor and then they will talk to him and if he threatens you then talk to them again and say it didn't work. They will probably get you out of every class with him and then if he still bothers you go to the police and file harassment charges. The police will take you seriously and get a restraining order on him. And then if he breaks the restraining order than he will be arrested. I know someone that this happened to and the person stopped after the restraining order. I think that at one point he will know you are serious about getting him to stop and he will.

 

[Hello Reiia]

HOLLYYYY smokes! (First off, what a friend.)
But that's no place for me to be poking my head in. Heh, I wish you luck. Maybe just like start being a b***h and acting rude back at him? I dunno, it would be hard for me to do that. Also, you could also try finding a new boyfriend. I know that's not really the best solution, but maybe then he'd stop bothering you. However, you know probably real well, so that might not work. Btw, just by reading your paragraph thing you're like on my idol list. (Okay, you're not. No hard feelings, lol.) But standing up for yourself and not being pushed down (or at least trying) by this freak of nature, sex obssessed guy, GOOD JOB!  

[Anabethe]

wow what a p***k they are. if your best friend is behaving like that now. she was never your best friend. there is a couple of things you should have done like convince the teacher that you did the project by yourself. but what's done can't be undone. Everyone is right you have to tell a teacher or a councelor, because your other friends can't do anything about it. a teacher can. and what ticks people off the most is if you act as if he doesn't exist. if he tries to talk to you ignore him don't say a word. if he is whispering s**t in your ear don't pay any attention. don't let him ruin your life just focus on your work. he will get tired sooner or later. 3nodding  

[TheBumNextDoor]

Whatever you do dont get another bf not only will you be stooping to his level but you would be putting yuor new bf through a lot of s**t. and you should know he never deserved you hes an a** hes not even a real ******** man if he has to mess with you and cant put up with your break up. and he never loved you or liked you if he is doing this to you if he ever cared for you he would make sure your ok and be there for you and still be a friend. and your best friend was never your friend either a true friend would never do that so forget them both they dont deserve to know a great person like you you put up with their s**t and yet you still seem to have some dignity you are amazing most people would break down and say ******** it. I dont know what to tell you really nothing you can do but wait it out make sure he doesnt get to you ignore him and when he does something just go along with it like it doesnt bother you i know u say you still like him but you dont trust me its just his lil dumb s**t is working hes showing his sweet side to your friend and you just wish you had that with him but you wont and never will you can find so much better and deserve soooo much better if i ever met him i would personaly kick his a** no guy should ever treat a girl like he treats you. just know your better then him and that hes nothing but a loser you dont need him in your life so just wait tell he gets done with his childish s**t and dont talk to him at all ever...sorry this isnt much help i know but nothing i can really say could help just good luck and i wish you the best  

[Chahta Ohoyo]

This guy is obviously odd, and any body who is involved in what is going on with him can see you are the victim, stay strong and hold your ground because in the end it is he who will end up paying for what he is doing to you, you will walk away with a better understanding of what you want and expect from any further boyfriends, but if he goes too far seek help with an adult you trust, do not take chances.. good luck too you honey. Dana  

[Reistae]

I was in almost the exact same situation, except that he broke up with me to be with my best friend he was cheating on me with. And that he was 8 years older than me. And he wasn't my first.
Unfortunately, from my experience, things are not going to go back to the way they were before you met him or dated him. No matter how hard you try or try to pretend, things just aren't going to be the same.
It will pass eventually, and you'll look back and wonder why you ever allowed yourself to be in a situation like this.
He's obviously trying to make you jealous. And he's succeeding.
Show him that you don't care.
Spend some time alone and reflect. Start dating other guys casually if you're ready (and just so we're clear, dating is not the same as being boyfriend and girlfriend. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean that you're treating them badly. Getting into a relationship after dating is a whole 'nother story). Treat him with a professional and courteous manner in school, and act like he doesn't exist the rest of the time. If he passes you a note, let the teacher know he's trying to disturb you from your studies.
Same goes for your "friend." She obviously doesn't care about you as much as she used to. This is the kind of thing relationships can do to friendships.
What you really have to ask yourself is what you really want.
Do you want to be back together with him and have him treat you the same way that he treated you before?
Or are you better than him, and know that you can find yourself someone more deserving of your love.
No matter how much it hurts, you have to do what is in YOUR best interest. Not someone else's.
I hope I could help you.  

[Bitter Aphrodisiac]

Ignore him. Stay as far away as possible. If that doesn't work, piss him off. It's actually quite simple, once you get the hang of it. I do it to this girl Jade who hates me all the time, because I hate her to.

Like what KitKat195 said, if you see them kissing, go: "Oh! How CUTE! You two will make beautiful babies!" Smile a really perky, cheesy smile, and walk off. That'll piss them off.

If he harasses you, saying things like: "You're doing this wrong." or "That answer is wrong." Or is harassing you by your looks and stuff, just agree.

Go: "I know. I do that on purpose, thanks for noticing!" when he tells you you're doing something wrong and smile.

If he tells you that you look ugly or something insulting, say: "Thank you! That was the idea, so happy you noticed." And, again, smile.

If anyone tells you that they hate or "strongly dislike" you, just say: "I love you too!!" All perky and annoying. Then walk off.

If this gets really out of hand with the harassing, then go to a teacher or someone. Most of the time they'll just tell the principal or someone then you and the boy will have a so called "Talk-That's-Supposed-To-Make-Everything-Better" and be done with it, and really it won't be. It'll just get you into deeper s**t with them. trust me, it's happened to me. Adults just don't understand.

When your Ex and Ex-BFFL realize that nothing they are doing is phasing you, they'll eventually stop. That's how I keep most people that I hate off my back, and it works every time.

The most hilarious part is when they try and make a comeback with a nasty comment and they can't find one. That's where it all pays off. You'll end up on top by the time they're done, and you'll be enjoying every minute of it!!

I hope you get this all figured out and behind you, and until you do I'll be checking back in here and helping you out. Peace for now, Lolly, I hope everything turns out okay.

heart ,

Yume mrgreen