Wall Of Text....Help Desperately Needed

[X_XLoned-ErectionX_X]

Okay Heres the story. It'll probably be pretty long if I'm going to start from the beginning. Which I am. So sorry for the wall of text. I'm really confused.


Okay so heres the deal. In December of 07 this guy (Colton) and I started dating. We dated until the middle of February. There was a rumor going around that I told everyone that Colton raped me. (Which of course wasnt true) Colton heard it and he confronted me about it but of course I denied it. What was I supposed to do? Say it was true when it wasnt? Well after he confronted me about it he kept hearing it and he got fed up so he broke up with me. Of course I was very, very, VERY upset because I loved him I really did. Well after about a month or so and everything kind of died down he messages me on the internet and said that he missed me and he wished we were still together. Well I told him that we could be if he wanted to and he said no because he couldnt stand the people that would talk s**t.

Well after we started talking about it for a bit we had an ROTC lockin at the school where we stayed the night at the school and Colton was there of course cuz me and him were both in ROTC. Well the whole night he was flirting and we finally got to talk alone after the longest time. We locked ourselves in a room and sat there in the dark (it wasnt completely dark) and talked. We talked about our relationship, what got on our nerves, what we liked about eachother, what made things go wrong and etc. It was a good little talk and I was happy that we had it.

A few weeks after ward I texted him and asked him whats up. He texted me back and told me to leave him alone. Well this confused me and I was like 'What the hell did I do to you' and he said nothing. Again I was still confused. So I left him alone like he wished and we didnt talk again until tonight. He texted me (which I didnt think he still had my phone number but I suppose he does now lol) Well he texted me and this is our convo (Hes red I'm blue)

Whats up
Not much you? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone
Not forever I just need to know something
Yea?
If you didnt tell people I raped you then why do I keep getting asked about it?
Cuz its a small F*ckin town and people like to talk about whatever non sense they can get their hands on and if you dont believe me thats okay but I loved you and I would never have hurt you or sabotaged you like that
Could you ever love me again?
Maybe why?
Just wondering I think its possible for us to work
Well can I ask you something now?
Anything. Oh and your brother still hates me
Well first off I dont care if he hates you and second why now I mean you told me not to long ago that I needed to leave you alone and it made me confused
There was another girl then and she told me not to talk to you
But thats still confusing. Are there other girls now?
No not for me but some keep trying and I ignore them
Okay but why me if you can have those other chicks
I have to go but I'll text you tomorrow
Okay text me in the morning I guess

In the mean time theres this guy Patrick that I'm totally in love with and have been for a year and a half now I just have dated other guys while he has dated other girls. Recently we have grown a little bit closer but he cant have a GF right now because hes going through a rough time in his life and he doesnt know how he feels or what he wants to do with his life. I understand completely and I will wait until he is ready. But What I'm really wondering is if it would be appropriate for me to date while I'm waiting or if it would make him think I didnt care. Also I'm wondering if Colton deserves me to go back to him. I mean I do still like him but I cant love him the way I love Patrick. Not again.

Last night I told Patrick to help me heres our conversation (I'm bold hes reg)

Patrick help me I just erased Colton out of my life and I just think he re entered it
What are you talking about
I mean that Colton texted me and we talked and he asked if I could ever love him again
Well maybe you should date him and see how it works out
Patrick why do you keep trying to change my mind about you?
Because I got a lot of stuff going on and here pretty soon your not going to see me very much
Why? Because your moving again? well I'm sorry but no matter what I will always love you whether you feel the same or no and I wil always want to be with you and you cannot believe me as much as you want but its true so no matter if your seeing someone else, of course I will be hurt but I will love you still and I'll be here for you when you get out of that relationship so you will have someone to lean your head on
Yea actually I am moving but this is serious this time because its time I do something to help myself have a better life and not have to live in someones basement anymore
Ok... good for you but like I said you will never be able to shake me and thats that no matter who you date or what ever Patrick I will always ALWAYS love you
And if I missed out on you thats my fault and I only have myself to blame for it so tell me did I or did I not miss out on you?
No reply... It was like 3 in the morning when we were texting so I believe he fell asleep

I finally erased all traces of Colton out of my life (Deleted pics etc off my fone etc) and now hes back

Pics::

Colton::

Patrick and my lil sis::

Me::


P.S. Patrick would NEVER tell me to just go date Colton. I mean yeah he did just tell me that but he HATES Colton and I dont use that word lightly so something HAS to be up with Patrick. Something not so good. If you knwo what I mean  

[X_XLoned-ErectionX_X]

Okay these lyrics are how Patrick feels and I keep listening to this song and everytime I do I think about him and the more I listen to it the more it makes since and the more it intertwines with his life

Shed some light --- Shinedown

I'm falling apart again
And I can't find a way to make amends
And I'm looking in both directions
But it's make believe, it's all pretend

So...
Shed some light on me
And hold me up in disbelief
And shed some light on me
And tell me something that I'll believe in

It's innocence within the maze
But I have chosen the wrong way
I'm still getting over who I was
There's no sense of trust, there's no definition of love

So...
Shed some light on me
And hold me up in disbelief
And shed some light on me
And tell me something that I'll believe in

I know now, it's not who you are
It's who you know
And I see clearly now, which way to go
I remember the way I fell from above
And I recall the way I was

So...
Shed some light on me
And hold me up in disbelief
And shed some light on me
And tell me something that I'll believe in
Shed some ling on me
And hold me up in disbelief
And shed some light on me
And tell me something that I'll believe
Tell me something that I'll...
Tell me something that I'll believe
Tell me something that I'll believe
Something I'll believe  

[Liara Miyu]

Wow.. Thats not an easy situation. I don't know what to tell you about Patrick, but as for Colton, I wouldn't go back to him. He broke up with you over a rumor and if he truly cared for you, he wouldn't have. Getting upset about it is completely understandable but he should have believed you when you told him you didn't start that rumor.  

[Lirel]

Agreed. Colton should have believed you instead of a rumor.
Patrick... Good luck, but long distance relationships are hard to keep. >_<  

[btrfly7]

Well it seems to me Colton had someone but doesn't now and now he's looking for you back. He shouldn't have broke up with you over a rumor in the first place. Both of you knew it wasn't true so what's the big deal with other people are saying?? He don't deserve another chance UNLESS he can prove to you that he will not do silly things again and hurt you.. but that's a long shot, so consider it well before you make that decision! If you can't love him like you need to then that's a big deal. Best thing is to leave him be. Just my opinion on that one.
As for Patrick, seems he is going thru something that's really tough on him right now and he don't wanna hurt you by leaving you and possibly not seeing you as much. True loves survives anything including distance and if you two can be an item and trust each other being long distance (I know it's tough) then it's worth it.

My solution would be to wait and see how things go. Leave them both alone for a bit and sort out your feelings. Things happen for some reason or another and if you give it a bit of time, you will know who you want in your life. Who knows, maybe you will see that neither one of them will be the one you end up with???
Whatever your decision, good luck sweetie. I know it's very tough but you will get thru it.. chin up! and do what makes you happy! 3nodding  

[nytshad]

I concur with Btrfly7. If Patrick isn't ready or willing to be in a relationship with you, there's nothing you can do to force him. Best to love him from a distance.
As for Colton, there's something deeper behind that rumor that may be a sign of his own problems. Most men would be disturbed by that kind of accusation, but the rumor perpetuating for so long after you've refuted it might be an indicator of something unsavory in his past or character.

So my advice is it seems it would be worth your while to spend some time not in a relationship at all. Cut Colton out completely. Don't waffle or say maybe. Either he's a friend or he's not involved at all. Becoming romantic again will set you up to be hurt again. Take a few months of you-time.  

[Apple Blossom19]

nytshad

I concur with Btrfly7. If Patrick isn't ready or willing to be in a relationship with you, there's nothing you can do to force him. Best to love him from a distance.

Agreed.

Patrick sounds as if he's making excuses NOT to be with you. A guy would not make excuses if he "loved" you back. It also seems as if he is trying to straghten out his life right now, and may need some time alone to think about where his life is going. [EDIT:] Also, long distance relationships DO NOT WORK OUT AT ALL. Turst me......I've BEEN there....... stressed

nytshad

So my advice is it seems it would be worth your while to spend some time not in a relationship at all. Cut Colton out completely. Don't waffle or say maybe. Either he's a friend or he's not involved at all. Becoming romantic again will set you up to be hurt again. Take a few months of you-time.

Agreed again! xD

You seemed to have gotten over Colton, and frankly, if he was affected by that rumor that much something is up with him....also, if he didn't believe you the first time he asked about you starting the rumors then he's not worth it. If he knew the rumors weren’t true then he should have just ignored the idiots who believed it. Don't go back to him just to be disappointed again.

Also I agree that you should take some time for yourself. You sound as if you are in High School right? (ROTC is in the HS's here ^^") You have your whole life ahead of you, and can wait around for Mr. Right. Also you have to think about your life after HS ne? Maybe your future husband is waiting for you in college or at a future place of work? Define what you want in a guy and go after that kind of guy.

Also, just because you like a guy a lot doesn't mean that you love him. Love is a very powerful word, and only can come after a lot of liking, and trust from both parties. Remember when you say you love someone, you are putting yourself out there to be hurt. It would be awesome if the other person loves you back, but pain if they don't.

Good luck with what ever happens. Remember, it's up to you to make the ultimate decision so when choosing a guy, look far down the line, but not to marriage. That can only come after a lot of time with one guy you love and trust heart