What would you do?

[Goldiepirate]

We have had lots of talks since i am a recovering addict. So we talk about how its one thing to be curious. Addictions become very cunning baffling and powerfully destructive.  

[Divash]

1. Move the computer to a public room rather than a bedroom. Situate it so that the screen faces doors, windows, and/or anyone walking into or through the room, so that there is no privacy.

2. Lock the computer with a password. Don't make it a password that your son can easily guess, like anyone's birthday, social security number, nickname, pets, kids, or anything like that. Also, don't make it your favorite character from a TV series or movie, because kids can guess that, too. (Mom, seriously, law&order is not a great password!)

3. Use kid-blocking software.

4. Any time the boy gets past these obstacles, remove other privileges. Computer use, cellphone/texting use, TV watching, social activities outside the house.

5. Have a VERY long talk about why he's visiting those sites, and then about why you don't want him visiting those sites.  

[pingufrosch]

i agree with the last entry

VERY LONG DISCUSSION
actually i experienced that in most cases it is also because he has to less contact to real girls
or too much to geeky friends so its that pressure  

[Etoile de la Mer]

I'm going to say something VERY unpopular (and cynical), but being a teacher I have unfortunatly found this to be true. It's also the reason I no longer ask for any essays that might even remotely touch on my student's lives. I got so tired of 18 year olds tell me about their sex lives, multiple partners, and pregnancies that I stopped asking things like "write about the funniest moment in your life." The shock I got wasn't worth it.

Most kids have had sex by the time they turn 15, many by the time they are 13. Locking down the computer to deny them access to the explicit material is not going to do much when they can just shrug, go to their friend's house see the same thing, and then go have intercourse with their girlfriends. The only thing it will accomplish is to show them that you don't want to have anything to do with "that subject" so they might as well go find info someplace else.

If it makes you personally feel better to restrict your children from the material they find on the internet, acknowledge that you are doing it for yourself, not them. They already know what's out there. They probably learned of the sites from their friends. They're probably talking about it at school. They've probably experienced intercourse in real life.

It might be a better course of action to talk to them about birthcontrol, avoidance of STDs, and the importance of not sleeping around. It is far better for them to hear it from you than for them to learn the junk that is being circulated.

Here's a few that I've heard from my students in those essays I refuse to have anything to do with:
Dr. Pepper is a great birthcontrol
If a girl stands on her head after sex, she won't get pregnant
If a girl douches with Pepsi, she won't get pregnant
You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex
Only homosexuals get AIDS
If you have sex with more than one person at the same time, you won't get STDs

Your babies are no longer the sweet little cherubs they used to be. They are now stretching into being the men they will one day become.
Take this as a wake up call. Start talking to them about sex. It's natural for them to be curious and if you start acting judgemental, they will take their curiosity and go explore on their own.

You may now all throw tomatoes...  

[Lady_Niqui]

I don't really have anything new to add to this discussion but.... omg I lol'd at the dr. pepper idea mentioned in the last post.

I know alot of parents find it very difficult to accept that their sweet little angels even have sexual equipment let alone consider using it as soon as teen is attached to their age but it happens sadly. But parents definitely need to step in and explain things early enough to hopeful save everyone involved some heartache.  

[Cyanna]

My parents took a controlled internet approach right from the beginning. They didn't trust us with anything "new" because...well...we're young and stupid (it's true). The internet-connected computer in the house was put in a public place. It was to be used for research only. Then we slowly gained more privileges to surf the web freely. But there was always the underlying message "I trust you with this privilege. Don't give me a reason to take it away."

My parents were always good at keeping their word if we screwed up. Some of us did occasionally get smacked with the internet banhammer and you would be demoted to "research ONLY" for a few weeks. But if we didn't, it opened the door to the next level of responsibility....recreational surfing, online chatting...online chatting came with it's own set of rules.

I'm the oldest so my internet privileges are way different than my youngest sister (I still live at home so I still respect my parents expectations....can't really say "rules" at this point because we both know I'm an adult and we have that kind of relationship now). I have my own computer and I am in a position to do whatever the heck I want with it. But I still don't look at porn on the computer.

Honestly...we have a really good relationship with our folks...and a very open one. We talk about our lives to each other a LOT and we don't really hide anything from them. Okay yes I admit I have secrets but it's really stupid stuff like "I play Neopets". They know about all the major stuff going on in my life. We actually didn't want to deliberately disobey them. But that didn't save us from making stupid decisions on the fly.  

[Miniar]

Personally, I'd not take any of thes precautions.
I don't think that you can really prevent teenage boys from attempting to look at pornography.

Instead I'd talk to them and discuss what parts of the pornography is "incorrect". Things that are misrepresented and such. Try and teach 'em how to tell what's "real" and what's "fake" in the porn.
Now, "mom talking about the contents of the porno" might be the best way to make the kid never want to look at it again, but if it's not then atleast he won't think that there's any representation of actual, normal, sexual behaviour in it and try to recreate it.
Something that comes to mind is the reports there have been of teenagers engaging in group-sex and unlubricated a**l sex and other practices that have resulted in physical harm to some of the practicioners.  

[Chachere]

i would have 'the talk' with them. make sure they know that it upsets you personally and that you fear it could harm your computer, making it so no one could use it.  

[virtuelessone]

As a mom, I know how scary it is to think of your kids as sexual beings. I'm always thinking...no that's my baby DAMMIT!!! But, at the age your boys are, odds are that the older one has already had sex and the younger one would if he could.

You can't control what they're going to see or do with their bodies. But you can use this as an opportunity to open the lines of communication. Though, realistically if you haven't been talking with them about sex and sexuality already, they're far less likely to talk to you now.

Still, even though it's embarassing and uncomfortable the best thing you can do is have open and honest communication. Don't tell them sex is wrong, don't pass value judgements and be willing to listen to them.

And my general rule of thumb is...If they're old enough ask the questions, they're old enough to get honest answers.  

[Sweet_lil_tomboy]

My Computer is in my front room where everyone can see it. No one dares to go on inappropriate sites in front of mixed company. There is no privacy.  

[mixette]

hahaha this reminds me of the tv show my sister was watching the other day. two teenage boys were caught watching porn, so the parents sat down with them and watched and discussed and used that as an opportunity to have "the talk" and then made them watch gay porn as well so as not to be sexist. .... they were mortified.
it was the FUNNIEST THING EVER!!! lol  

[Pinkade]

1st I'd lock the computer and 2nd after they got off the floor, I'd knock them down there again. I'm not a wimp when it comes to anything and you have to be stricked these days with all this crap going on. They shouldn't be allowed on the computer unless you are with them. They want to act like idiots, then treat then as such.