Pregnancy and Loss Discussion

[VodkaLeona]

I guess she's ok. hey want to see my fox demon?  

[TequilaRose]

that is really cool. I should have bought that when I could have but I don't have money to waste on a game right now  

[TequilaRose]

I go pick up Elijah's ashes on Saturday. I have to leave school early and they are having a remembrance/ funeral for him and all the babies that died recently.  

[TequilaRose]

Mom makes me mad sometimes. I think she thinks that I shouldn't have even named him... and the last time I talked to here she was like... You shouldn't memorialize him...on his birthday or whatever  

[VodkaLeona]

kai keeps trying to call you and long distasnce numberes  

[VodkaLeona]

well mom just doesn't understand how you think either.  

[TequilaRose]

it's being sensitive to it.. not understanding how I think.. wouldn't you be like that too?  

[ShinnyNeko]

my bf gets upset at me when i mention babies >_> he f'd up in high skool and got his gf pregnant and now has a 6 yr at 24 and an ex wife and child support payments and all kinda related fun s**t.

in the past couple years though, ive realized being a mom it what i really want to do with my life (a stay-at-home mom to be specific). and it kinda leads me questioning my future, i really enjoy the relationship that im in, and i think it could go really far. i do love him, you know that warm fuzzy feeling when he makes you smile, i feel that.. but he doesnt want to commit to anything thing more then bf/gf cuz hes too afraid it might not work out (because of prior experiences). but we dont really have anything that would merit breaking up over either. i just dont want to be perpetually stuck in a relationship that lacks a serious form of commitment (read marriage and babies) but i dont want to lose someone i REALLY care about because hes scared of that commitment.

owi this has turned into a post not really about babies >_<
anyway, advice appreciated,
grats to all you new moms,
and tequila, im really sorry for your loss and i think you should to whatever is best for you to help with mourning. just dont dwell on it, thats what can really mess with your head. remember, accepting a loss doesnt mean forgetting entirely  

[Mrs_Black_Bear]

I am not we are waiting to try for our first but if you are still interested in talking to other pregnant girls and women here is a thread for you

Pregnancy Support  

[Lady_Niqui]

ShinnyNeko

my bf gets upset at me when i mention babies >_> he f'd up in high skool and got his gf pregnant and now has a 6 yr at 24 and an ex wife and child support payments and all kinda related fun s**t.

in the past couple years though, ive realized being a mom it what i really want to do with my life (a stay-at-home mom to be specific). and it kinda leads me questioning my future, i really enjoy the relationship that im in, and i think it could go really far. i do love him, you know that warm fuzzy feeling when he makes you smile, i feel that.. but he doesnt want to commit to anything thing more then bf/gf cuz hes too afraid it might not work out (because of prior experiences). but we dont really have anything that would merit breaking up over either. i just dont want to be perpetually stuck in a relationship that lacks a serious form of commitment (read marriage and babies) but i dont want to lose someone i REALLY care about because hes scared of that commitment.

owi this has turned into a post not really about babies >_<
anyway, advice appreciated,
grats to all you new moms,
and tequila, im really sorry for your loss and i think you should to whatever is best for you to help with mourning. just dont dwell on it, thats what can really mess with your head. remember, accepting a loss doesnt mean forgetting entirely

Well... I've never really understood the whole mentality of "I'm too afraid to actually marry you so we'll just pretend for years" I mean, if you've already been dating for forever, live together, and have stayed faithful that whole time whats so different about that relationship than a married one? Besides the last name and taxes... oh its the fact that if I want to break up with a boyfriend I just say so and its over. I really don't think that you should have to suffer for the mistakes made in his last relationship but understand that you love him. There's no point in throwing away a happy relationship because it isnt moving along like you want but just don't settle. Know what you want and how long you're willing to wait for him to conquer his fears. Because there is nothing worse than waiting and waiting, you're the man's wife in everything but name but one day he decides he's done with you and you realize that you were just girl - "friend". Or if something happens to him, and you're not even allowed to see him in the hospital because you're not family. Keep loving your man but don't forget to love yourself too, okay? smile I hope everything works out for you.  

[Aphroditespell]

I recently had my third child. She is 3 months old now. I wish you all the best of luck! We lost a baby and then had a really hard time conceiving this one. It was a LONG pregnancy riddled with problems, but we made it. It is worth it let me tell you! Best of luck to you all! I'll keep you in my prayers! wink  

[TequilaRose]

Mrs_Black_Bear

I am not we are waiting to try for our first but if you are still interested in talking to other pregnant girls and women here is a thread for you

Pregnancy Support

ya I am already a part of that. this is more for discussing not really getting answers... and to talk with people older and a little more mature. Not kids who shouldn't be having sex in the first place and know that sex makes babies.  

[TequilaRose]

Please read the first page for up dates. It seems I needed to put some rules up too.

 

[Vaidurya]

ShinnyNeko

my bf gets upset at me when i mention babies >_> he f'd up in high skool and got his gf pregnant and now has a 6 yr at 24 and an ex wife and child support payments and all kinda related fun s**t.

in the past couple years though, ive realized being a mom it what i really want to do with my life (a stay-at-home mom to be specific). and it kinda leads me questioning my future, i really enjoy the relationship that im in, and i think it could go really far. i do love him, you know that warm fuzzy feeling when he makes you smile, i feel that.. but he doesnt want to commit to anything thing more then bf/gf cuz hes too afraid it might not work out (because of prior experiences). but we dont really have anything that would merit breaking up over either. i just dont want to be perpetually stuck in a relationship that lacks a serious form of commitment (read marriage and babies) but i dont want to lose someone i REALLY care about because hes scared of that commitment.

If being a mom is what you really want to do, then set yourself a goal. For me, 3 years with my current b/f (we're already halfway there!) before we go ring shopping and all that good stuff. If you've been with your b/f for a time that you consider "long enough" but you're holding off because you "love him", honestly, you're wasting your love. I've been down that road before, was with a guy who screwed up while I was in Basic in the Army, and he had a baby behind my back. I eventually forgave him because I "loved" him, but honestly, I now know that although I did at one point love him, he went through some changes (including serious drug abuse) and became someone else, someone that wasn't the person I loved.

Just think about a few things. If he loves you, then bring it up. Even though he doesn't want to talk about it, let him know that you ARE GOING to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and if he isn't man enough to accept that (that one always hits them below the belt, makes them tune their ears in and shut up about all their whiny excuses) then you're going to move on. Make him realize that by keeping you a girlfriend, and in his mind, expendable and distanced, he's also keeping HIMSELF at that distance from you.

As for myself, I've been in several relationships, loved, lost, and been through two abortions that I've had to sadly give up. Let me tell you.. abortions are an enormous mind f***. Not only does it mess with your head, you have to go through basically induced labor, and then sit around going through a somewhat abridged version of the after-pregnancy recoop, but with the difference of not having that wonderful ball of joy in your arms to love and cherish. Right now, I'm facing a possibility of a third, and frankly, I don't want to go through the pain and loss again. I mean, to /know/ you have something that's part you, and part someone you love, growing inside you, loving you as endlessly as all babies do their mothers.. and giving that away. The first time I did it, I didn't flinch. I knew it's what I had to do, and at the time, I wasn't emotionally or mentally ready to support a child. The last one.. I regret it with my every breath.

And if someone else says to go to Pregnancy Support, for one thing, that's support for people that are neither emotionally, mentally, or physically ready to have children. Here, in this guild, we all should at least be PHYSICALLY ready. Our bodies are fully developed, and therefore, more likely to carry a child with success. As to emotionally and mentally, well, that's why we're on this board. Whether we're ready or not, the help of our PEERS and not our YOUNGER COUNTERPARTS is what we women need.

The only reason I don't mention being "financially stable" enough is simply because finances are a headache for most people, especially with the way the world economy is starting to ebb and recess, and frankly, having a baby is supposed to be happy and joyful! It's an addition to the family, not just its mouth. :3  

[xcedra]

I don't know how you could not have named your baby. I don't know what sex mine might be, but if its a girl I do have a name. I feel kind of silly, but there you go.

Tequilarose, I don't know, but I assume you felt your baby move? either way, he was a child growing beneath your heart, you spent time preparing yourself to have him, to care for him and love him, and have every right to mourn him. I think its healthy of you to be grieving for his loss, and everyone grieves in their own way.

I am not good at remember sad dates. I had a sister that died in a car accident, another of my sisters (the one who is here with me) remembers her death date every year, and its hard on her. its hard on me cause she remembers it. for me, her birthday is hard enough, remembering her death day (which was two weeks before her birthday) just makes it more sad.

Do what helps you best. let yourself grieve. let yourself be mad. its better to feel it then to deny it. my 2 cents.