Friend Issues

[Widow-Of-D00m]

i have somewhat of a similar problem as KaShash posted in her thread, but mine is a little different in the cercumstances.

there is no short way to put this really but i have been friends with my bestfriend for 6-7 years. it feels like we have known each other our whole lives but really its been that short of time. the first time we met we became best friends and have been that way since.

well heres the problem: over the last 4-5 months things have changed. i never really noticed them up until this latest month. i guess that could make me a bad friend because of it, but it didnt really get bad until august. we live in the same town, talk on the phone occasionally, talk online when we can and generally always tried to keep in contact.. i mean its not like its across the world or something. things seemed fine, about the normal amount of talking vs the normal amount of not talking between us and in july i put him on my cellular plan (i all ready had my cousin as well as myself) which was no big deal, i dont mind.. and he honestly saved me about 10 bucks a month on my bill too.

but things changed. im currently 5months pregnant, and he knew that like the first month i got prego, i told him. and me and my now hubby (but at the time bf) decided that since we were going to get married that we would push it forward for before the baby was born (i didnt want a b*****d child LOL) which was the 30th of august. but again he knew all that all ready and was all kool with it and he was even supposed to be my man of honor at my wedding, and he was excited about it!

well then august came around and long before that, he had been trying to work on changing his image (he was a chunky guy) and was trying to make himself look better and what not. but we had both been trying to do that, until i got prego and then i threw that out the window! lol he had been doing really well, lost ALOT of weight and looked really good, he was natuarlly cute looking but his pudgy-ness kinda made him self conscience. then he took a trip outta the blue with some guy that he kinda liked (yes he is gay) and they did some things, nothing too like extreame just fun. but that seemed to make him change more. he lived with his aunt since his mom got sick with breast cancer well before he ever met me, and well me and my hubby at the time arent living in the best of conditions and want to get out and in a nicer place so we can raise our baby in a decient enviorment so i suggested that he move in with us if we get a 3 bedroom place so it was big enought of all of us. he was totally stoked about it.

then about a couple weeks later when i mentioned that i had seen a couple of places he said "well i think that u and ur hubby need to get a place of ur own"... which since i know him means that hes trying to be nice and say, "i dont want to live with u". and it is hard because we will have a baby but hes dealt with that all ready and it doesnt bother him (or at least thats what he told me when his nephew was a baby and was over all the time crying his head off).

then i found out not even a week later he moved out and moved in with some people that he knows from people he knows at work. well i also found out that hes been partying alot more and drinking ALOT more. yes he is an adult and can make those desicions for himself, which is why i havent said anything but before i got prego id ask him to go out to bars with me and he would always decline and say "bars arent his type of enviorment" and yet he all a sudden is like super friends with these people hes worked with for like 3 years now and going to bars, chugging huge bottles of alcohol and partying all the time.

now i personally never went through the same thing as that but someone close to me has. my brother when we moved to the town we are in now, started to do the same thing (oddly they are both at the same age when it started) and now my brother is a full blown alcoholic, kind of a man whore, is engaged to a woman he barely even knows and the only reason he is with her is because she makes money so he doesnt have to work. oh and the woman he is with has two kids from two different dads, has been married once before AND got knocked up by my brother in one stupid night of both of them being drunk.

now i know my friend isnt going to knock some chick up because he is gay (unless he gets SOOOOOOOO drunk he actually does it with a chick) but i dont want my friend who is kinda all ready a lush to begin with, to turn into a full blown alcoholic like my 27... yup thats right 27yo brother and ruin his life.

now i know my friend is also an attention whore (we always blamed it on him being a leo lol) and always wants people to like him, but that makes it even more of a reason not to do those things.


but where my problem lies is that during all this, hes barely spoken to me at all, and mind u, we have cells on the same plan and texting is free as well as calling each other and yet he doesnt call me and never answers when i call him even though i KNOW he has the day off and isnt working. and while he was my man of honor for my wedding he didnt hardly participate in anything that had to do with leading up to it, never threw me a party or a bridal shower and didnt even buy the shirt i told him to till the day OF the wedding.... WHICH btw he was late for. the invitation said 1:30.. he didnt show up till 2:30 almost 3:00 (with my parents because they had to pick him up since he cant drive and made them late also).

my cousin, who is only 17 was there for me the WHOLE day of the wedding at least. she helped me out and even was the one who got me dressed and stuff... so i made her my maid of honor that day. then after the wedding, everone ate, my bestfriend ate, then since my cousin had some things she had to do, he got a ride with her (since no one else would) and they left like really early. he never said one word to me until he was leaving and was like "bye.. its was nice.. and oh btw i have internet at my place now so yea" and he left. i sent a text out to him, my cousin and my brother saying thank u to them and that i loved them for being there on my day. my brother and cousin replied but not my bestfriend.

and i have yet to talk to him since. yea of course its only the 5th of september, it hasnt even been a week yet but i honestly dont think he WILL talk to me at all until it comes time for the bill and i tell him how much he has to pay.

SO what im asking is help, what do i do!?

i know some people told KaShash to write her friend a letter, but honestly that wouldnt work for my friend.. he prolly wouldnt even read it. and i would hate to lose my bestfriend because as it stands i really only have two friends left.. him, and one other thats kinda not even a friend really anymore cause the only time i hear from her is when she wants to either complain, brag or talk about something to do with her, and we never do anything anymore... OH and she didnt show up to my wedding because she had no gas in her car and her bf wouldnt give her money to put in it even though she is the one who drives him back and forth to work and she needs it to go and look for a job... i call bullsh!t, she just didnt want to get her lazy butt up off the couch and go... litterally.

and also i just got rid of a friend around january over being the type of person that wants everyone to pitty her and pamper her since she doesnt have anything and cant support her two kids. bullsh!t (during christmas i spent money i didnt have ((at the time i got like 50 bucks a week from work)) and bought her, her bf, and her two kids nice things ((like v-tech games and team sports clothes)) because she said they were going to have to do toys for tots cause they couldnt afford it, then after they got my presents i mailed them, she tells me one night that her and her bf just had gone out and spent $300 on the kids for christmas.... i dont like users and i dont like being used so i stopped talking to her)

therefor i dont want to lose another friend, its not like i have any left. sad

what do i do?  

[Original_DraconicFeline]

[color=indigo]WOW!!!! that was long winded! eek

Well I would try to talk to him, have a heart to heart and hear his side maybe he neds support and asking doesn't hurt. 4laugh  

[Dani Hyrosha]

Sounds like he might be in over his head in something. Life comes to mind. Ask him if he is okay and if he needs your help. Tell him what you told us and tell him that you still want to be friends. It sounds like you are worried about him. Tell him so.

If you want to be blunt, and slightly mean to get his attention, cancel his phone. I threatened to do that with my husband cause he wouldn't talk to me. Let's just say we don't have that problem anymore and he got to keep the phone twisted  

[Widow-Of-D00m]

Dani Hyrosha

If you want to be blunt, and slightly mean to get his attention, cancel his phone.

well i did talk to my hubby about it and actually, if in a month or two and he still hasnt talked to me and just keeps acting like an arse i was going to tell him to get his own account and i was going to have his shut off. its not really me trying to be mean or something its just the way we saw it, was that if he wants to play big boy and be an adult with responsabilities on his own now, then he needs to do that with a cell phone that if he doesnt pay or something its his arse in the catapult.


and yes it is long winded but u gotta know the details of the situation.. and i ramble  

[Cierrah]

I would text him simply: "Haven't talked together lately. I miss you. Is something wrong?"

I think he's changing to be like the other friends he's been hanging around lately. He may have met a guy he really wants to be around and is willing to go into the whole "Drinking Crowd."

My husband's father realized he was gay several years ago. He loved his two kids and stayed close friends with my mom-in-law, but he met a man who took over his life very possessively. Chris said he disappeared for months. He was always a generous, caring person, and he went into a huge amount of debt from that guy. He came back after the relationship was over, but he never forgave himself for neglecting his family for that length of time. I can't say there was a very happy ending to this story - he isn't with us today, and I never got to meet him - he died a month before Chris and I started to date.

This isn't to say that your friend will end up like my late father-in-law, but relationships could be dramatically changing his priorities and lifestyle. Now that you're a married woman, he may be giving you space to start your family and be with your husband, while giving himself space to focus on relationships of his own. It could also be that he's just changing in general and doesn't relate to you as well as he used to - and just can't bring himself to say it because he doesn't want to hurt you.

Looking at the people I know, I see a lot of married couples that just have their spouses as friends, although there always comes an opportunity to make new friends. I did - they aren't like some of my old high school friends, but they're great people and fun to be around. Just make sure you keep a positive outlook so you can draw them in.

About the phone - I don't know how many months more you've got before the baby is born, but if you can't get in touch with him by then, cancel the phone. That's his problem. Even if he doesn't answer your messages, make an effort to tell him when the bill's due - each month you decide to continue it. This way, he's got no excuse to get upset that you cancelled the phone. Besides, when you've got a new lifecoming into your household, you can't afford to be paying for a "dead"beat. You have all your grounds covered.  

[bbydaeriel93]

I would text him simply "We need to talk". And sit down and hammer all this stuff out. Try not to take no for an answer. If he's a d**k, well then, you know what to do; cut off his phone and let him be.