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Were you or are you a teen parent or is one of your kids? |
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:23 am
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:05 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:08 pm
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Posted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:13 pm
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Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 11:13 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 5:01 am
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Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 8:25 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 2:54 pm
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I was not a teenager, but the first one in my family (I have an extremely large, very tight knit extended family.) to have a baby. I was single, and baby's daddy was (and still is) more stress and headache than help.
Because my family and especially my parents pulled together to help me, having my daughter was a blessing for all of us. I'm definitely her mom, and my my partner and I have been on our own for 8 years now with her (she'll be 9 in two weeks eek ), but the family kinda views her as "the family's kid." She was born five years before any of the other "grandkids," and all of the women in my family constantly have "baby fever," so she got to be the baby fix/kid fix for everyone in my family. She's super close with her aunts, uncles and my cousins who she also calls auntie or uncle.
I think it's awesome that you and your family are going to have this joyful experience. It's not the choice or path for everyone, but no child born into a loving family is ever a mistake.
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Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:01 pm
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After reading all of the posts, I can certainly see why some would see things being interpreted from a negative tone...
My youngest patient that is pregnant is 13 years old.. she just found out about a month ago. She calls me up worried about how her medical bills are going to be just for the pregnancy, going through some hard times at home, the whole nine-yards.
One of the things I like to do is outreach... whether they are 13, 20, or 40... I supply a list of resources available, telephone numbers, agencies, especially prenatal care information... Im in touch with our community here (largest city in New Hampshire and its getting bigger) the resources available is astounding!
The reality of any teenager (both the pregnant girl and the young father-to-be), is that it is a significant challenge for them ultimately. Even with all the help in the family.. whether material, financial... they will still have a difficult time.
Most pregnant teens who stay at home cant get state Medicaid coverage because they consider the whole household's income... and that can easily disqualify anyone... We hope the teens are still in school.. but will their school continue to educate them without fear of discrimination? Ive heard a few cases here and there where schools felt it was a liability for them to allow a pregnant student to continue to attend. HUGE lawsuit came out of that one, and lets just say, the girl can afford to be private tutored at home now because of it. But, if they are lucky, there are some schools in the country that have a special program for the pregnant couple to take advantage of while finishing education.
Then there is the issue of work. While you are in school, there are STRICT labor laws that explain how many hours you can work during a normal school week. Not very money-producing, especially when minimum wage is a commonplace rate for teens entering the workforce while attending school. Add a pregnant teen into the equation, she can risk being discriminated anonymously and not get an equal chance at that job... let's face it.. an employer taking a young pregnant teenager who will have to leave within the next few months to go on maternity leave... makes it difficult to run a business... and that is not anyone's fault.. its just a fact.
Cost of living:.... I remember 15 years ago, diapers were considered expensive, and then there was a BIG promo of diaper companies promoting more cost-effective merchandise without sacrificing quality. You could call up the company and get coupons for an entire year towards the purchases.
I have frequent correspondence with a vendor from Nestle, who makes an assortment of baby formulas... They participate with state programs like "WIC" that allow their products to be accepted by the WIC program.. especially for those babies who are born with allergies...
Cost of medical appointments when you have no insurance... Now, I say this from up-to-date experience.... Each state, each City, each town charges different rates for office visits... its not all the same. I have three Pediatric offices that I do the billing for, PLUS I handle all of the State of NH Medicaid newborn claims...
A claim for "Attendance at delivery" alone.... is $350.00, thats hoping there are no complications with the baby or the mother. And that is not including the doctor-fees, hospital fees, then.. if you have insurance,... you may have to pay coinsurances and deductibles because you have a new family member going on coverage to which you have to satisfy a new deductible before the insurance covers the child... depends on the insurance as well, of course..
Late nights when the baby is crying, not in a sleeping pattern... breast feeding or bottle feeding, immunizations and the fussy baby, dealing with sick babies... Losing time out of work because State laws prohibit a child from attending day care with a fever of 101F or higher... contagious diseases like Chicken Pox that generally have no average time of duration... how to preplan ahead when you lose work because of this...
As a teenager, granted, they can juggle alot... truly.... but, when you add a pregnancy/child to that equation, juggling is not as easy as it was before becoming with-child. Teenagers dont have freedoms they used to when that baby is born. Im not saying this is the case for your son, but, most teens dont like giving up the freedom of being able to go out with their friends, grab a pizza at 11:00pm after a high school football game...
Its great he is stepping up right now and looking at things.. honestly.. it is.. but this hasnt hit him fully, and I would imagine it hasnt hit her fully either.
When some of the posters said "his life is ruined".. I dont believe they meant it as heavily-negative as some took it. They recognize as adults that this is now a life-altering event... the sacrifices that must be made to make this baby/child a number one priority is HUGE and not always an accepted task by teenagers. Again, Im not saying your son wont accept this, but, from the hundreds of patients I work with... I see a common trend in the majority of cases.
They both should be scared, and if they are, this will be good 'tackling fuel' to become more educated and in-the-know (sorry for the Waterboy reference, but it is so true).
I would highly suggest talking with a Family-Planning Counselor.. have the teens together in this... leave it up to them if they want the parents in there as well... if they dont, I hope you will respect their choice which Im sure you will. A Family Planning Counselor is trained in working with underaged parents-to-be and can help them get information on how to access the numerous amounts of services and agencies that are out there that can help. It is a TREMENDOUS asset to take advantage of.... your son and his better-half can call your local hospital's "Ask a Nurse" hotline and ask for any referral to a Family Planning Counselor in your area... Its a great tool to use.
The thing to remember here the most is that, your son chose to be up-front and honest with you. That is GOOD morals. He obviously was taught he could go to his parents with something serious and he chose well.
Some one had posted that he wasnt taught morals... I think that was off-color and unnecessary. That is casting judgement on a person and I think if people can step back (like I did), look at this picture that has been presented... obviously this teenaged son did what was right. We WANT our kids to come to us when times are challenging and hard. How can parents help our kids if they cant come to us comfortably?
Your son should be commended for being open and honest and stepping up and acknowledging this. I cant tell you how many teens AND parents I would love to give a piece of my mind when they just want to blame others for what happened and not deal with the current situation at hand.
Just my two-cents
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:44 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:53 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:14 am
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 12:30 pm
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Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:24 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:52 pm
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