That D word....

[KaShash]

Partly this is just to air out what I'm feeling now, and also to get advice.

I've been diagnosed with depression for the past six years, but I've been dealing with it for nine or so years. I've tried several different medications (Lexapro, Welbutrin, Effexor, Paxil) With the same lack of effect. Ontop of that, I've got PCOS and scoliosis. The PCOS doesn't respond to medication either, and scoliosis is, I'm told, permanent now.

Also, where I am, I can't get my medication because I"m too far out for my insurance to cover me (and I think it expired at the end of last month.....). I can't get renewed because I'm not a resident of that state any more. But I can't get THIS state's insurance yet because my new Driver's license still hasn't come in yet.

So basically, right now, I'm in the middle of nowhere where I know NOBODY, and I've been off all medication for a little over a month now. I'm trying to get an apartment, but I won't be earning enough to pay for it. And, again, I need my new driver's License to apply for aid to pay for the apartment.

What's everyone's advice about how I should get through this current situation without the depression going into overdrive?

I mean, I try to keep in touch with friends, but they need to call me as I don't have long distance. People around here are nice, but I've grown up way too shy to do much of any socializing on my own. I don't go to bars because I don't like to drink, and the only place I DO go is the net cafe, but I can't get the nerve to talk to people, and naturally people don't talk to me.

My biggest challenge is fending off the depression right now. I recognize it when it comes up, but that doesn't stop it from hurting. My depression is almost exclusively self destructive, and it makes for a hard fight sometimes.

I want to get through this without becoming a total wreck.

Help? sweatdrop  

[Patron with a Mission]

I have mild depression at the moment, and somewhat anti-social. I don't take medications but go to therapy at the counselors here in the college I'm attending.

What I suggest is finding something active to do, such as walking. A walk in the park, around the block, whatever. For now, don't focus on knowing people, but knowing yourself and what you want in life. Once you know that, you can proceed to making friends and putting your life back together.

I've survived depression for about four years without medications, and the hobbies and classes have helped to encourage me to push for something worth fighting for. Don't give up and don't back down. Depression isn't a losing battle; it's a test of strength. -hugs- Keep posted on how you're doing.  

[Xx velvet petals xX]

I completely agree with Dameon, keep busy find activities, hobies, something to help get your focus on to something else. We all go through it at some point and time in our lives. Im on here alot, if you would like you can add me.

3nodding Hang in there!! 3nodding  

[Tirsden]

I've dealt with depression knowingly for many years and technically for most of my 30 years. Medication was a technically short but still-felt-too-long experiment that failed miserably thanks to my oversensitivity to chemicals. At many times when nothing else would keep me going, my hobbies (aka obsessions) did and still do, but I know only too well that one of the key symptoms of depression is losing interest in the things that you like.

Lately when I hit that point where I really can't even enjoy the things I should, I just say "okay I need to cut all sources of stress" and go to sleep for a little bit. Sometimes I wake up with a new idea, or something new to keep me going. Sometimes I just log onto the internet and distract myself with talking to my friends (I am lucky that I have a fairly reliable place to live at the moment and am able to afford reliable internet). Or I find a book I know I like, even if I've read it several times before, and bury myself in it.

You might try meditation as well. There's good sites on the internet for simple, basic meditation exercises that require nothing but you and a comfy spot on the floor.

Hopefully some or any of this is useful. ^^; At the moment my brain's kinda toasted thanks to Imitrex + migraine. x_X But yeah, hang in there! Hopefully the licence will get to you soon and you can move on to the next steps to get insurance and therapy, and maybe find meds that help you... or be able to function without them. ^^  

[KaShash]

Well, things are about the same still. I received no word back from the Choir Director when I emailed him last week. *shakes cane in his general direction*

This weekend I spent at home by myself. I played an old favorite video game ALL day Saturday (Well, slept till noon and played till nearly midnight). Experimented with different things I can make with rice (lots of failures in that respect) and up.. yeah that was Saturday.

Sunday, my video game barely held me for two hours. I was getting a little tired of the repetitiveness, despite the fact that I was getting somewhere (too may battles in RPG = headache). So I let it sit untill I looked up some things about hte game that I had forgotten. (that reminds me, I need to look that stuff up....) With nothing else prominent in my mind I tried rice experiments again (mostly the same as Saturday) and tried calling home to ask some questions about recipies and the upcoming wedding of my cousin (no answer). I did all my laundry, and the dishes (a decent feat considering I loathe chores in general) but I still didn't feel much better. To best describe it, I felt somewhat 'sour'. Lonely was part of it, and the other part is that I couldn't find something to enjoy. I tried to crochet a scarf, but I ended up messing up my count after a while and it kept getting wider. sweatdrop I tried a shower followed by a bath, but that didn't last long as I felt stuffy in there for some reason. gonk So I read a book.

I didn't get far before my BF called. And we started talking about a bunch of big debatable topics, and started to make me wonder if we're all that compatible. I had a hard time getting him to understand certain points of view outside his religious lens. Not that he had to agree to anything of it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I have no religious lens changing how I view things, so, lens-free, I can peer into other people's lenses with much more ease. (My apologies if the 'lens' metaphor is a little much, it just fits).

I'm back at work this week (like very week) and I just don't feel like I"ve had a real weekend, you know? sweatdrop  

[TheHellDevil]

Time to work out. Go jogging or cycling in your local friendly neighborhood. Wave to everyone you pass by. Make a point of noticing what sort of people live around your block, maybe even what sort of animals live around you.

I'm serious. In a month after moving to a new city, I've befriended a Mexican chef at the laundromat a block away, this garden-obsessed retired old man who keeps suggesting I should work for the government because he did, an old Nepalese woman who dotes on me because her own grandchildren are my age but live far away, an affectionate black cat who comes out every 8-10pm and this weird bird who sings the quirkiest tune while ruffling feathers at 9am.

At the very least, smiling and waving at people makes them what the heck you're high on. Exercising releases endorphins too.  

[Mikiba]

I know how you feel about moving to a new town. I lived in the same one for twenty years and then moving was a shock. It was a completely new change for me. About a year in, I started feeling more depressed than usual. I didn't really know anyone, I never went out like I used to and I had gained at least 20 pounds. Turning to food is never a good solution.

I think exercise is the best thing. I've noticed that when I exercise, I feel a lot better and am more willing to do more stuff. You should also check out maybe going to a bookstore and just browsing around. I used to do that in my old hometown, even if I was by myself. It's just relaxing and reading always takes my mind off stuff that is bothering me. That and being here on Gaia. :3  

[KaShash]

Well, exercise is rather on the outs right now as my last bike was stolen from my college apartment. sad I also need low impact due to scoliosis, I only get to WISH I could jog. stressed Even full out running I get a piddly 50 feet. sweatdrop

I tried looking for a local pool, but so far haven't found any. I snorkeled around in Lake Superior for a while when it wasn't freezing. sweatdrop

I already know all my 'neighbors' on the 1.5 mi road. Most of them are absent because these places are their summer homes. It's all woods here. I'd try befriending the local mama black bear but I don't think dad would take to kindly to having a bear hanging around his summer home. sweatdrop

I wanted to build a bat house, but mom hates bats. ((It was amusing the last time she tossed one out of the house; after she threw it out on the steps, she yelled at it about never coming back. lol ))

I guess, perhaps when I get my new apartment I can try to get to know those neighbors? That won't be until October however... sweatdrop  

[Exor Omega]

Are you in the UP, KaShash? I mean, I think it's either that or Canada surprised

Either way, that puts you within a day of me here in as-north-as-you-can-get-from-but-still-be-considered-part-of-Detroit. Almost.

Anyway, for my two cents, I've been living with clinical depression for fourteen years. I know it ain't fun, but one day I just decided that I didn't care enough about it for it to be a contributing force in my life. I never did the meds and I never took the counselling seriously (I used to be such a punk) and I decided to beat it on my own. Probably not smart, but I can get a grip on it now. I just have to watch myself for key signs to myself, like the losing interest thing and being tired. I have Ebstein-Barr Syndrome that kicks in every month or so that kicks my a** and makes me as lethargic as peanut butter (how's that for an analogy?) for about a week. I still have some things to watch for, but I'm not consumed by it anymore. It was a force of will thing for me, but then again, I'm like that. Friends and family are important factors, as are things you love to do (like reading and writing in your case). And you have to remember (or at least I do) that when you get in a funk, you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and say that you're not gonna let it have its way with you.

On a related note: I know all about the psychiatric outlook on depression. I'm not impressed. I think the social psychology approach is much more fitting (read Wild at Heart at the library for my choice of view on that(Yes, it's Christian reading... I just kinda ignored that part biggrin )). We're being raised to be what we are not - that is, our core 'programming' is not compatible with the way the world wants us to be, leading to depression.

If you want somebody to talk to, I'm usually on my site in my sig - I tend to only get on Gaia at work (don't know why that's the tendency...), but I'd be more than happy to be of service - that's what I like to do: help people and make them feel better 3nodding

So yah, this is getting long-winded, so I'm gonna cut it here sweatdrop  

[KaShash]

Yes, I am in Houghton, MI. On a side note: Minnesota and Wisconsin ALSO border Lake Superior. 3nodding

Aaanyway....

Still fighting with it. I got too much stoff going on right now that needs so much attention that my mind can't quite hold it all at once. But partitioning my time between them causes me to forget half of them. Then the depression takes hold of that lacking, making sure I see it and making me want to just throw up my hands and quit.

Things I have to do NOW:
Move
get health insurance
go to wedding
feel better (I'm sick at the moment)
work
choir
cleaning up my parent's place before they get here
haggling my landlord for half the rent that I paid for but didn't get to move in.
Ummmm... gas. GOtta keep refillin the tank.

I feel like I"m outta gas. gonk
I even offered my co-worker food if he'd help with chores.  

[Wendy Belle]

Take heart, Kashash.
It's good to make a list of the things you need to do, like you've done.
It can seem like the to-do list is endless, but once you write it down, you can see that it is finite and measurable, and therefore do-able.
I hope you can find some form of exercise that works for you.
The endorphins really do combat depression.
Hang in there!  

[Exor Omega]

Another thing that fights depression: Dry-Erase Whiteboards!

I don't know why. They just do. Something about how cool they are just makes you go "I have a dry erase board; I can do anything on there!" Or maybe that's just me...... They're also good for making lists and planning your day, your week, your year.

Try it! You'll like it! If not... Well, then I dunno razz  

[Patron with a Mission]

Something I had been advised and barely started doing:

Get a sheet of paper, and split it into three sides. One will be your short term goals, things you can do in three days or so. Another will be your extended goals; these can be done within two weeks. Long term can be done in a month to six months.

Then you take your most pressing goals and sort them out. This will not only give you a feeling of control over them, but it will also tell you what you can do now, and what you can do later.

Hope it helps.  

[Zander_Rose]

The walk is a good idea. If there is any little food place, you can just get something small, like an ice cream cone to help hone your talking to people skills.  

[Azure Alexea]

Zander_Rose

The walk is a good idea. If there is any little food place, you can just get something small, like an ice cream cone to help hone your talking to people skills.

Yeah, I spent a good half hour the other day getting fussed at by my therapist because I don't walk everyday *Sigh* But they are right, walking daily really helps with depression even if it is hard to drag yourself out there to get started once your out and about you start feeling a lot better.