Dear Geezers......

[Hellaride]

For starters I'm a 21 year old young lady, about to be 22. My whole life I have put aside my needs and wants for my family. Giving up a lot of things that help young adults grow. My question would be...How do I tell someone that I'm lacking in many areas, and not seem like some kind of loser????  

[otakuskater]

it's really hard to please parents, especially being obedient. just do your best. life is trial and error. learn from mistakes but don't do it again. best of luck.  

[Hellaride]

pd2care

Why do you feel you're lacking? Not being completely knowledgeable in all areas is called life. You are not lacking in all sorts of areas, I'm sure. We all lack in certain areas of our lives. Therefore you aren't a loser. No explanation really needed, in my opinion. If you feel you need to explain, just say it's something you're working on to improve in your life, next, as you were working on other things previously. Don't be so down on yourself. When you're ready to pick yourself up, and start doing things for you, and living your own life, you will. Just don't wait too long. Life's too short to follow someone else's dreams.

Very true. Thank you so much heart  

[Hellaride]

otakuskater

it's really hard to please parents, especially being obedient. just do your best. life is trial and error. learn from mistakes but don't do it again. best of luck.

Thanks. Yeah, I've always been a people pleaser.


@pd2care: Why I mean by "lacking" is just all the physical things, that guys expect women to know these days.  

[Hellaride]

pd2care

Hellaride

otakuskater

it's really hard to please parents, especially being obedient. just do your best. life is trial and error. learn from mistakes but don't do it again. best of luck.

Thanks. Yeah, I've always been a people pleaser.


@pd2care: Why I mean by "lacking" is just all the physical things, that guys expect women to know these days.

Oh hell. You don't need a boob job. You don't need to look like Barbie. Most men really don't want that in their woman. Yeah, it's great eye candy, but it's not fun to look at ALL the time.
I've been a people pleaser all of my life. I few years back, I decided I was a people, and needed to please me too. I'm not nearly as sick any more, more fun to be around, and just a happier person, in general. I do still strive to please others, but not if it conflicts with my own happiness. Don't make excuses for who you are. No one is perfect, and if a guy wants you to change your physical appearance, he's not worth your time of day. I've learned all this from experience, not talk shows. wink

lol. Thanks. It's not always easy to hear it. But it helps to be told straight up.  

[Tanuki Rei]

otakuskater

it's really hard to please parents, especially being obedient. just do your best. life is trial and error. learn from mistakes but don't do it again. best of luck.

That's my father. I've never been good enough for him. And even though I'm 28, he thinks he needs to tell me how I should feel.  

[KaShash]

If you are willing to ask, then you are not a loser. 3nodding The wisest people are those that know they don't know everything. wink

Ok, enough with nearly proverbial material:

If you have questions you're afraid to ask someone, PM me. I'll answer them as best I know how. 3nodding Sound good to you? smile You can even tell me to put things delicately, bluntly, factually, etc... whichever way. Doesn't much matter to me. smile  

[Eiji]

Any guy worth their salt wouldn't make an issue about you not knowing certain things.

The fun is in the learning after all.  

[KaShash]

Eiji

The fun is in the learning after all.

Oooooo, agreed. 3nodding xd  

[TamlinSan]

You are so young, don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you know and don't know!

I always felt inferior when I was in my early twenties. I always felt that people were judging me by my lack of experience. I even avoided having sex because I felt some guy would laugh at me because I hadn't had it before and I was "so old" to be a virgin. I spent all my time bending my own wants, needs, and wishes to be nice to other people, because I wanted to be a good person. My mother was the worst. She kept saying "do it for me" as if my keeping the stereo on in the car while I was driving her and her friends someplace was a horrible inconvienence and by sacrificing my own wishes would I prove I loved her.

It took years for me to realize that I was mistaken on all counts. I should have given myself more credit for what I did know and not obsessed over what I didn't. All my efforts to be nice only landed me with a continually heavier burden of feeling resentful that no one was being nice to me and loneliness as I isolated myself from people who might judge me.

I finally put my foot down. I took my mother aside and firmly told her as a grown woman I loved her but I wouldn't bend to her blackmail of "do it for me" because it made me feel bad when she did that. She listened and promissed she would stop it. She still criticizes, but now I feel on the same level and complain right back. Our relationship is stornger than ever because I'm not the good, little girl. I am a woman and I demand respect. (and a good bitching fight now and then)

I still haven't gotten over the nervousness I feel around other people, especially when it comes to sex because I feel even more ashamed now than I did in my early twenties that I am so very inexperienced. In hindsight, I should have put my anxieties aside back then and just relaxed and had a good time.

So I hope you can learn from my mistakes and my victories.  

[Lady_Niqui]

You don't need to tell anyone you're lacking in anything. Why should you? They are human too and they make mistakes. They are lacking in things too. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're less than them. It's a lie. They eat, sleep, go to the bathroom just like you do. So what if they make more money, when they die its not going with them. Treat people with respect and demand the same. You might not always get it but I bet you'll be alot happier than you would if you let people walk on you all the time.