Corporal Punishment

[MHHornfreak]

So i saw a thread in the main forums about kids behavior these days and thought about the old days when it was okay to hit your children. I know this is a bit of a touchy subject to some people but i think it helped keep me in line when my parents would threaten to hit me.

I just want to know other people's opinions on this subject.  

[Liriel_the_Dark-Maiden]

I and my siblings were spanked whenever we got in trouble. My opinion is that kids nowadays don't get punished enough if at all! As the saying goes: "Spare the rod, spoil the child".  

[immabee]

i think physical punishment like that is a rather quick and easy solution to the very difficult task of raising a child. i don't think all people who spank their kids once or twice are abusers, but i don't think it is the most healthy or even effective way to teach your kids about the nature of pain and violence. i was brought up to be an obedient, intelligent, polite child without ever having a hand raised to me, and i plan to raise my children the same way.  

[charamath]

I believe spanking is definitly in order for some kids. Then again, my parents beat the crap out of me and my brother growing up. We grew up well-grounded, but it damaged us emotionally more then a little. Open-handed only, and not on the face.  

[Demona_Darchanjel]

If you have an unusually rowdy and dis-obediant child I think spanking is in order, not an all out beating but a spanking on the a**. I see a lot of kids these days who could use a good spanking, because they are spoiled rotten or their parents are simply too tired and afraid of getting in trouble themselves for properly making a child behave. When spanking didn't work on me anymore as a child, my parents instead used psychological warfare and made me feel like crap all the time. This did a lot of emotional damage, where as the spanking just made me cry a little if I didn't wind up laughing maniacally for some odd reason.  

[TheHellDevil]

Under most circumstances, no corporal punishment. If you use a certain method too much, it starts to lose its effect. I'd consider corporal punishment as a last resort or something very serious (e.g. playing with fire and almost burning the house down). Grounding doesn't work either. I'd personally punish a child based on the mistake he/she makes (e.g. mopping the floor after walking around indoors with muddy shoes).

Personally, I've lived through a harsher childhood than what I'm prescribing for my future children. It's actually made me quite morally sound and willing to accept most things in an agree-to-disagree way since a lot of the time, I didn't receive an explanation for what I did wrongly. I guess the greater issue here is how much attention a parent gives to their children rather than the different methods of punishment.  

[lunaci]

I believe that spanking a child is necessary, but one should also keep in mind that the child may act out for unseen reasons. Some children may act out because they really need to talk to someone about whatever issue they have. They may feel that their parents are not a good choice and their friends aren't much more helpful. They may need to see a counselor or therapist (not necessarily a psychiatrist unless they need meds).

I'm not saying most of the children fit the description, but I am saying that you should observe your children to see if it is merely just a matter of discipline.  

[Mrs_Black_Bear]

I am all for spanking, due to my observations of two young cosins of mine, one which was spanked and is an obediant and respectful child while the other was not spanked and was alowed to get away with too much stuff who is a complete horor of a child though he is getting better slightly, hell I am of the mind to put mr punishment back into school, go capital punishment...  

[Ellemir]

Mrs_Black_Bear

hell I am of the mind to put mr punishment back into school, go capital punishment...

Just a side note on that comment there, I read somewhere that the Marquis de Sade attended a school where corporal punishment was very much allowed and very public - spankings for bad boys on a dais while classmates watched.

If corporal punishment is to be reintroduced into the public school system, then it has to thoroughly regulated and all that jazz.

*Edit I thought it would just be funny to bring up the Marquis de Sade because, that's just how I roll. heart  

[ThisEmptySoul]

immabee

i don't think all people who spank their kids once or twice are abusers, but i don't think it is the most healthy or even effective way to teach your kids about the nature of pain and violence.

This pretty much sums up my thoughts. Spanking should be more of a last resort when you don't know what else to do, I think... I would personally try to avoid it at all costs since it is not nearly effective as people give it credit for.

I was spanked as a child, but I in no way give that credit to how I am today. I remember how being spanked made me feel. It did not make me want to be more obedient... as a matter of fact, it made me want to act out even more just to spite my parents for hurting me. I wanted to cause them annoyance, pain, and discomfort for having hit me. I was not spanked much, but very quickly it went from me crying and regretting what I did to gritting my teeth and plotting revenge... I did not even hardly feel the spanking at that point, just incredible anger. Luckily, my parents were wise enough to realize this was getting them nowhere and switched to other means of discipline, such as chores, gounding, being sent to bed early, no dessert, etc. If I had been spanked more, I probably would be worse than I am now... I was actually a pretty well mannered child in spite of spanking, not because of it.

My spouse remembers how spanking made them feel as well. Their parents spanked them a whole lot more than I was spanked, and it in no way stopped behavioral issues. Spanking only made them angry and fearful. Even now, my spouse has some of the issues that they were spanked for as a child {most specifically procrastinating}. So in both our cases, spanking did nothing for enforcing discipline.

I think what's more to blame for today's unruly kids is neglect, and being rewarded for bad behavior. Though many parents still tell their kids about Santa and tell them to be good or they won't get presents, regardless of how the child actually behaves, they get the same amount of presents. There's also those that will buy their child anything just to make them stop crying or annoying them in some way. I've seen my sister do this. She spanks her kids, and they're still brats because she will do whatever it takes to make them stop bothering her. If it means giving them sweets {even if they've already had a lot}, then she'll do it. She'll yell at them and spank them, but they know they can still get away with things if they go about it the right way because she has rewarded them so many times in the past.  

[Miniar]

My belief on the subject can be summed up in a few sort phrases.
-Punishment should fit the crime. "Go to your room" doesn't quite seem to convey "punishmen" for setting fire to the neighbours dog, 'specially if that room has a TV, buckets of toys, a computer, and verious other sources of entertainment.
-"A spankin" can be one little "bap" on the behind. Just because I feel some children deserve a spanking doesn't mean that I'm stating that they should be beaten. Sometimes one is enough.
-Empty threats are utterly and completely useless child rearing tools, if you say "or I'll spank you!" you better damned well be ready to follow it up with at least one whap!  

[Taxi Mama]

Every child is different. Some react well to the instant rebuke of a slapped hand or thigh, whereas others get angry & resentful. My daughter sees every interaction as a power struggle she can win. Once she turned 3, she would escalate her defiance if I spanked her. So I tried putting her in her room and holding the knob (as if it locked). She panicked and cried and begged to be let out, so that's the punishment I used for defiance, from then on (one minute per year of age). I did spank her one last time... she was 13 and I'd told her to clean her room. She told me it was her room and she didn't have to clean it if she didn't feel like it. I grabbed her down off her top bunk, pushed her face-down onto the floor, and spanked her naked thighs ten times (open handed). Then I explained loudly that it was MY house, MY rules, and NOTHING in it was hers, not even the bed she slept in. I can't say it was my smartest move, but she never again acted like she thought I couldn't boss her.

My son normally responds with renewed obedience to ANY non-verbal signal reminding him to get back in line. One odd thing, though. Every now and the, he flies into a freaking panic when he's not allowed to do something he was expecting... and spanking doesn't affect him then. Nowadays, I make him go to his room until he can converse. But before he could control himself, I'd pick him up (careful so he couldn't kick me), put him face down on my bed, and pin him there by lying on one arm and leg. He'd thrash and shout for several minutes, and then fall deeply asleep. He'd be his sweet obedient self when he awoke, ready to explain why he was disappointed.

So I guess my conclusion is... spanking is just one tool in my parenting tool box, and I am willing to use it if it suits the job.  

[Wixandrettas]

I guess I am the opposite...

I grew up having the s**t literally kicked, punched, slapped, pushed and yanked from me.

Both my parents were born strict Catholics and reminded me of that, of how 'it is supposed to be done'... I remember nights when they would spank me so hard, I had no feeling in my legs and couldnt sit down for at least three days... I remember so many horrible nights of both of them literally beating me with closed fists.

I resented them for it especially when my sister was spoiled with just about everything. She was never hit, never punished... and never had to be told by her parents how ugly she was, and how a shred-of-life like Melanie deserved to be beaten some sense. And then, seeing the grin on my sister's face.

I was served alcohol by my father many times.. and if I grabbed too many, he would hit me like he would a guy in a bar. I would wake up in a pool of blood and vomit after that.

Later, we found out that my sister was being molested, had a minor drinking problem as the result of him intoxicating her to have sex.

I had developed a severe drinking problem, had a psychological break down of an identity crisis, and it finally came out that I was abused. Gee, real shock.

They incarcerated my sister to a group home and therapy clinic for years. Was released when she was 18... now, at the age of 33, she still has contact with her Father, who still abuses her to this day.

Me, at age 34, based on what I had to go through, I refuse to do any type of corporal punishment.

I dont believe in hitting any child, any age for any reason. I feel it conveys a negative tenor, a level of fear unexplainable that, as children, they need to know that they can go to their parents even if it is one of the world's worst things that could possibly happen.

For me, what message would I be giving to my daughter if she was scared shitless and couldnt come to me over something that is so important, because of the physical punishment she received recently? Im actually crying at the thought right now as I type this...

When I think about my Grandparents who raised me (thank you Courts for keeping me with family), and loved me, and who were able to teach me the error of my ways without beating me up, I grew up wanting to raise any child that I had the way my Grandparents did it. It was explained to me, choices and consequences, and trust me.. when they were mad, they let me know it, but they never hit me, never yelled at me, but they let me know if I had done something to upset them or let them down... But they took the time to talk with me, had the patience I needed to learn and to learn from doing it again...

Thats what I needed as a child growing up... I didnt need parents beating me up, smacking me, spanking me.. it was horrible. But, my Grandparents picked up the pieces... I will always love and honor them for the choices they made.... because they helped to influence the parenting skills I needed to raise my daughter. Grandpa, may he rest in peace, I miss him so much. He died almost four years ago, and out of 36 grandchildren, I was the only one who would visit him willingly... I always thanked him for memories I had of his teachings...

Grandma who is probably basking in the heated swimming pool (spoiled brat), we always talk with each other, still to this day. She had lunch with both my daughter and I when she visited a couple of months ago, and she commented on how "Melanie, you have raised a fine daughter, I am so proud you chose a different path than what your parents taught you"... My daughter knows what I went through and I made a promise that I would never use any form of physical punishment: she brought that up at the table... Grandma told her "if I did my job, that means your Mom is doing her job because it shows in how well behaved and respectful you are as a teenager."

I cried (crying now while typing)...

While I can respect people's remarks here and it is clearly your choice.... For me, I choose not to because I remember the fear, the pain and the psychological suffering I had as a child/pre-teen. I went through alot of therapy and the love of my Grandparents who I declare still to this day, my parents who had the courage to step up and to love/guide/help us through...without raising a hand or administering fear. Im a better person today because of my grandparents, and I feel like Im a much better Mother to my daughter, thanks to choosing not to put Ariel through any of it from any level.  

[MHHornfreak]

Alexandretta

I guess I am the opposite...

I grew up having the s**t literally kicked, punched, slapped, pushed and yanked from me.

Both my parents were born strict Catholics and reminded me of that, of how 'it is supposed to be done'... I remember nights when they would spank me so hard, I had no feeling in my legs and couldnt sit down for at least three days... I remember so many horrible nights of both of them literally beating me with closed fists.

I resented them for it especially when my sister was spoiled with just about everything. She was never hit, never punished... and never had to be told by her parents how ugly she was, and how a shred-of-life like Melanie deserved to be beaten some sense. And then, seeing the grin on my sister's face.

I was served alcohol by my father many times.. and if I grabbed too many, he would hit me like he would a guy in a bar. I would wake up in a pool of blood and vomit after that.

Later, we found out that my sister was being molested, had a minor drinking problem as the result of him intoxicating her to have sex.

I had developed a severe drinking problem, had a psychological break down of an identity crisis, and it finally came out that I was abused. Gee, real shock.

They incarcerated my sister to a group home and therapy clinic for years. Was released when she was 18... now, at the age of 33, she still has contact with her Father, who still abuses her to this day.

Me, at age 34, based on what I had to go through, I refuse to do any type of corporal punishment.

I dont believe in hitting any child, any age for any reason. I feel it conveys a negative tenor, a level of fear unexplainable that, as children, they need to know that they can go to their parents even if it is one of the world's worst things that could possibly happen.

For me, what message would I be giving to my daughter if she was scared shitless and couldnt come to me over something that is so important, because of the physical punishment she received recently? Im actually crying at the thought right now as I type this...

When I think about my Grandparents who raised me (thank you Courts for keeping me with family), and loved me, and who were able to teach me the error of my ways without beating me up, I grew up wanting to raise any child that I had the way my Grandparents did it. It was explained to me, choices and consequences, and trust me.. when they were mad, they let me know it, but they never hit me, never yelled at me, but they let me know if I had done something to upset them or let them down... But they took the time to talk with me, had the patience I needed to learn and to learn from doing it again...

Thats what I needed as a child growing up... I didnt need parents beating me up, smacking me, spanking me.. it was horrible. But, my Grandparents picked up the pieces... I will always love and honor them for the choices they made.... because they helped to influence the parenting skills I needed to raise my daughter. Grandpa, may he rest in peace, I miss him so much. He died almost four years ago, and out of 36 grandchildren, I was the only one who would visit him willingly... I always thanked him for memories I had of his teachings...

Grandma who is probably basking in the heated swimming pool (spoiled brat), we always talk with each other, still to this day. She had lunch with both my daughter and I when she visited a couple of months ago, and she commented on how "Melanie, you have raised a fine daughter, I am so proud you chose a different path than what your parents taught you"... My daughter knows what I went through and I made a promise that I would never use any form of physical punishment: she brought that up at the table... Grandma told her "if I did my job, that means your Mom is doing her job because it shows in how well behaved and respectful you are as a teenager."

I cried (crying now while typing)...

While I can respect people's remarks here and it is clearly your choice.... For me, I choose not to because I remember the fear, the pain and the psychological suffering I had as a child/pre-teen. I went through alot of therapy and the love of my Grandparents who I declare still to this day, my parents who had the courage to step up and to love/guide/help us through...without raising a hand or administering fear. Im a better person today because of my grandparents, and I feel like Im a much better Mother to my daughter, thanks to choosing not to put Ariel through any of it from any level.

I am very touched by this story and shed a tear reading it.
I respect you for your choices and understand why you do not physically punish your child.
i'm sorry you had to go through what you did and commend your grandparents for being so kind to you.  

[Reggiehaha]

My father was the one to deal out the spankings and screaming so loud in your face that spit flys at you. My mother on the other hand dealt with problems with love. She'd talk to you about how much she cares and tell me that she doesn't get mad at me, just disapointed. I kept out of trouble most of my life due to the thought of breaking my poor mom's heart and I believe has made me a better person as a result. My father always made me worry that I was in trouble for some reason. If he'd be drunk he'd sometimes spank me for some reason and I wouldn't know what was going on at all. Even after he stopped drinking he was a very bitter person unless everything was going his way. Him and his wife even took away my box of condoms when I was 13 and said I'm too young to have them. Glad I didn't get anyone pregnant, lol. But punished for condoms? His new wife was a hardcore roman catholic. Ironically she was the person whom I learned the best ways to swear at people so you really make an impact on them. She even slapped me in the face pretty good there one day. It really had a negative effect on me. I'm always worried about something or have a nervous feeling. I've got a good head on my shoulders but I feel like it made me fragile emotionally. That's why I think children should be raised with love and support not anger and hate. Pick on someone your own size, there's good ways to deal with bad behavior but teaching children how to be violent is a little extreme. My opinion of course.