Becoming a nonparent

[Shinigami Unity]

I am a mother of two children - a 7 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I had my son very young (at 16) and my daughter at 22. I've been going through a divorce for about the past year and a half.

My husband was abusive towards me but I never called the police. Because of that, I cannot use that in my divorce. He doesn't want to pay child support so he's fighting for custody of my children.

He sabotaged my daycare and caused me to lose my job. Becasue of ongoing issues with daycare, my provider decided to write a long letter defaming me as a parent.

I lost custody of my children.

I'm not a bad mother - I take them to all of their medical, dental, vision, counceling appoitments. I make an effort to teach my kids manners, morals, etc. We encourage learning and go to all kinds of field trips together. (my ex does none of this and has no interest in doing so)

I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore. I feel alone and without a family. It's almost like someone's died. The only thing that's ever made me truly happy and feel complete was having my two kids.

How do I fill this hole?  

[Filia_Nox_Noctis]

*hug* i can't really help you i just know that to lose my daughters would kill me. my advice is stay strong and hope that the govt./ your daycare provider figure out that they screwed up and work to get your kids back as hard as you can my thoughts are with you  

[Wendy Belle]

My heart goes out to you! You are still the mother of your children and always will be, whether they are living with you at the moment or not. Just keep loving them and being the best mother and woman you can be, and work towards getting custody back. Be positive, be strong, and never give up. I am praying for you!  

[Mikiba]

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you. But find some comfort in knowing that everything will eventually work itself out. You will find a new purpose in life and your ex will get what is coming to him.  

[Shinigami Unity]

Thank you. I've been feeling really down on myself since this happened. crying  

[Call Me Issa]

*huz* My heart goes out to you. I can say from personal experience that when my ex husband tried that during our divorce, I gave up my rights to child support because he scared me silly with talk of taking my children (he had more resources for a decent lawyer than I) and that solved that. If thats the only reason he wanted them perhaps that would change his mind? I'm sorry I can not be more helpful. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember that you are their mother no matter where they live and your children will know you love them regardless of how often they are with you. At least someday they will old enough to decide with whom they wish to live. Be well.  

[Taxi Mama]

1. Hang in there! Be there (and be positive) for your kids every moment you can be, and know that is the best thing you can do for them. The relationship continues, and they will know you are a good mom, even if nobody else does.

2. Grieve... this is a completely valid loss, and you Get To Grieve! If you find another mother who's been through a custody battle, trade sympathy & affirmation.

3. Fill the empty hours with self-improvement you wouldn't have time for if you had custody. Such as: take a class, join a club, take up a hobby, get a better job, go on a diet, volunteer, go on a date ... anything that you'll feel good about having done.

In a year or two, it will still be a heartache that'll bring tears to your eyes out of nowhere, but it will no longer be a hole in your heart and life. Hugs and good luck.  

[Shinigami Unity]

Taxi Mama

2. Grieve... this is a completely valid loss, and you Get To Grieve! If you find another mother who's been through a custody battle, trade sympathy & affirmation.

Thank you. You're the only person who's mentioned grieving. I've been feeling silly this whole time for being upset - even though I plan on doing everything I can possibly do for them.

Thanks. whee  

[Taxi Mama]

Shinigami Unity

Taxi Mama

2. Grieve... this is a completely valid loss, and you Get To Grieve! If you find another mother who's been through a custody battle, trade sympathy & affirmation.

Thank you. You're the only person who's mentioned grieving. I've been feeling silly this whole time for being upset - even though I plan on doing everything I can possibly do for them.

Thanks. whee

You are welcome. My ex threatens to keep my kids every summer, and I know how it makes me feel!  

[rainbowlady1]

Your son is old enough to remember ... I remember when I was seven and there is a good possibility he will remember too .... remember the hugs and kisses of mommy ... and how daddy treated him ..... and when they get older, he can answser questions that your daughter might have about it ... it will work out, it will just take some time ...

Karma has a way of biting someone in the butt ... what goes around comes around and the truth will be made known. ... In the meantime I'm saying prayers for your wellbeing. It's hard, but know people care .....
Yes, do your grieving and cry it out if you need to ... that is very healthy and normal ... don't bottle it up or stuff it away ...

Just keep loving them as much as you can and show them by your actions how much you love them.