I need feedback from the women

[LolaLowRider]

I guess that the type of person I am I would not call a man that I had a casual relationship with for 3 months at 11pm his time, and especially not 2am my time. Suposedly knowing he is living with another woman. I have askd him to stop communication with her because it makes me uncomfortable, and that just made him more sneaky about it. Then I ask him to just have a conversation with her while I'm around. He won't!!! If it's innocent, and they are just friends, why not talk to her in front of me?  

[shall she sail seas]

Are you honestly going to further waste your time thinking "why"? Ditch him, find someone more deserving of your love.  

[immabee]

32_dragonfly

I guess that the type of person I am I would not call a man that I had a casual relationship with for 3 months at 11pm his time, and especially not 2am my time. Suposedly knowing he is living with another woman. I have askd him to stop communication with her because it makes me uncomfortable, and that just made him more sneaky about it. Then I ask him to just have a conversation with her while I'm around. He won't!!! If it's innocent, and they are just friends, why not talk to her in front of me?

because that's an unreasonable demand. people have their own lives and friends even when they're in a relationship. expecting him to do everything in front of you is ridiculous - he's allowed to have a private conversation with a friend, even if that friend has ovaries and yes, even if he used to date that friend with ovaries. you don't own him - you don't get to decide when and how he talks to the people in his life.

if his talking to her makes you uncomfortable, then you should have an open and honest conversation with him about it, like an adult. demanding that he stop speaking with her or only speak to her in front of you is out of line, in my opinion - he's not a child and you aren't his mother. if you two can't speak to each other openly and respect one another's feelings without resorting to demands then perhaps you should reevaluate the nature of your relationship.  

[daft persona]

lady ayami chan

I would if I knew that he wouldn't be put off by it. For example I wouldn't want to get him in trouble with his ex by texting that late (incase they were together). It really depends on your friendship with him at this point. if that is considered normal, friend, behavior between the two of you then sure - I would.

I agree with Mrs. Ayami chan.  

[Vaidurya]

First of all, guys have a LOT of ways for getting around OBSESSIVE girlfriends. Don't make him get to the point where he buys a phone to talk to you on, and a phone to talk to the rest of the women in his life. Are you going to ask that he block calls from his female relatives? Why not? You don't know them. They're COMPETITION, Right?

Ok, now that you've had a bit of a reality check, listen to this. If you're putting that much restraint on him, he's that much more likely to leave you. If you use an invisible fence, he's more likely to stay in your yard than he would with a rope he can gnaw through. If you are in a good relationship, why ruin it with petty drama? Is he the guy you're going to marry? If you don't feel that he is yet, then don't try to enforce rules on who he talks to as if you're married.

Heck, I ended up in a relationship after a 1-night stand, and I'm STILL with the guy. We're even talking about wedding plans, after we reach the milestone we've decided upon for that. So don't try to say that someone can't get to know a person in three months. If you couldn't get to know a person in three months, how could people who move around a lot get by? My entire family moves at least once every 2 years, and that's just the average of while I've been a member.

Calm down and let him talk to her when he wants, or, he might choose to move wherever she is. Don't give him a reason to think of you as "too much trouble" or "too high maintenance" because when you do, he'll ditch you like a bad habit.  

[LolaLowRider]

I've tried talking to him like an adult, but he refused to talk about it. How can a situation be resolved if we don't communicate? I really don't think it's the fact he's still talking to her that hurts me. What hurts is his actions. Not wanting to discuss the topic, deleting call logs, and text messages. To me those are the actions of a guilty man.  

[immabee]

32_dragonfly

I've tried talking to him like an adult, but he refused to talk about it. How can a situation be resolved if we don't communicate? I really don't think it's the fact he's still talking to her that hurts me. What hurts is his actions. Not wanting to discuss the topic, deleting call logs, and text messages. To me those are the actions of a guilty man.

or a man trying to get a nagging girlfriend to leave him alone. i used to date a really jealous guy, and it just happens that most of my friends are men. i would have to turn my phone on silent when i was with him, because every time i got a text from a guy friend (totally innocent) he would start asking all kinds of probing questions. since i didn't feel like being interrogated for doing nothing wrong, i just avoided the situation altogether. i dumped him pretty much for that reason - i don't deserve to feel guilty just for talking to my friends. neither does your boyfriend. you either trust him or you don't, and if you don't then you shouldn't be together.  

[LolaLowRider]

First thank you ladies for your replies. And I was right he was being a dog. She had no idea that we were back together. He was playing both sides.  

[TequilaRose]

if he writes you thats one thing... if you write him it should be at a decent time.... personally if you think you are just friends then act like you would with your friends.... but if your not satisfied with that then leave him alone. its not worth chasing a boy that goes back to his ex and doesn't remember why they broke up in the first place.  

[Pinkade]

Well think about how you would feel if some girl was texting your guy. You said it was only casual so leave it at that. If he textes you then let him know you don't feel right about it seeing he is back together with his ex. Men will play you for a fool every time if you give them the opportunity. Remember your not there and you really don't know what he's up to. If he really likes you and her he'll say almost anything until he's ready to make a decision on who he really wants.  

[154573]

If we were really good friends and I was going through a crisis and I had no one to go to, yeah I would.

Though from the gf's perspective I wouldn't blame them for being suspicious. *shrug*  

[Serenity Celestial]

Hey if you want to talk to him I say yes, He is a friend what is the harm in that?  

[Creator Nan]

Think about it this way, is this a man you trust and want to marry? If not, move on and don't move in with a man until the commitment is made. There are alot of mistakes that get made by people who live together without any commitment to each other, girl ends up pregnant, guy leaves and woman is alone with baby. Happens Alot. I only speak from experience, not to be condesending. I got lucky with my second relationship. Got married and have had no trouble with the commtment department, kids and all; 14 years now.  

[Lady_Threnody]

Personally, I would respect the fact that he has a girlfriend and will text him at a reasonable time rather than 2am (which is a time he would be spending with his lady if he wasn't working at that time). Seriously, its a respect issue here.

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."
~Anonymous
[ No, you can't use my tribal images.

 

[Patron with a Mission]

32_dragonfly

Trying to get a handle on a situation, but I need to be clear on this issue. Ladies please give polite, and honest feedback. We are all adults here.

Say you dated a guy casually for about three months. You went out of state to school, and he got back together with his ex.
If you knew he was with his ex would you call him or text him at 11pm (his time), 2am your time. If you were just friends?

I wouldn't bother. Since it's a casual dating situation, there's not really any need to talk until the following day, when you'll be awake and rational.

Then toss him out the door if you don't wish to be girl number two in his life.