Is my life style a waste of time?

[Kisaki Kitsune-Hi]

Okay so, I have a problem. It's not a huge problem I would say, but it is causing me some distress.

See, my husband and I have been married for 2 years. In that time I have held 1 job (which lasted a week, it was a voluntary thing basically) and that's it.

While my husband is at work, I clean house and take care of all the chores. The only thing he does is take out the trash (sometimes) and I'm okay with that.

See, I don't work for a few reasons:
1) I have a huge problem with athority (it may sound immature, but it's the truth)
2) I get really stressed out when I feel forced to do things things that make me unhappy (my husband loves -and I mean loves- to work, I don't)
3) When I work I get exhausted and don't want to clean or do anything.
4) Last but the most important reason, I love to draw and write, and I do so in my spare time. But when I work I can't think about anything but work and I can't be creative.

Art is really important to me and it's what I want to do with my life. The thing is, lately I've been feeling guilty about not bringing home any money. I feel like sometimes I'm wasting my time, like maybe I'm too old to want to keep chasing a dream that may never happen. (I want to make a living off writing and art)

My husband is okay with me not working right now, but alot of other people see me as lazy or whatever. So, should I keep chasing down what I've always wanted in my life, and one day become a success? Or should I suck it up and be another cog in the machine? Am I wasting my life?  

[Harbone]

Uhm.... you're a housewife. It's not a waste of time, it's just one of the lowest-paying positions in history.

I can see why you feel nervous, though. Right now, people in the US are mainly valued by the money they make, although we do blow lip-service at other ideas of human value from time to time.

Anyway, you're doing better than me. I don't keep up on my chores very well!

And for heaven's sake, if your partner/husband/significant other is okay with you doing art and taking care of the house, screw what anyone else thinks.

Be thankful you're a woman. People look at you REALLY funny when you're a guy with the lifestyle you just described.  

[queen of qeeks]

Harbone

Be thankful you're a woman. People look at you REALLY funny when you're a guy with the lifestyle you just described.

That's quite a sexest thing to say. Why should it be okay for a woman to be at home and not a man? Silly silly.

In any case, I think that if you're content and your husband is content, then there is nothing to worry about. Money doesn't equal happiness, and if you've got that, then you're set. Plus, when you start making money off of your dream, you'll feel amazing and be glad you never gave up because of something as dopey as money. smile  

[Wixandrettas]

queen of qeeks

Harbone

Be thankful you're a woman. People look at you REALLY funny when you're a guy with the lifestyle you just described.

That's quite a sexest thing to say. Why should it be okay for a woman to be at home and not a man? Silly silly.

In any case, I think that if you're content and your husband is content, then there is nothing to worry about. Money doesn't equal happiness, and if you've got that, then you're set. Plus, when you start making money off of your dream, you'll feel amazing and be glad you never gave up because of something as dopey as money. smile

Actually that is not a sexist thing to say because in today's society/generation, it would be viewed as that... traditionally the woman stays home.

Its not unheard of for the husband to stay home, but I will tell you what IS Sexist... Men make a higher salary than women, and it would make more sense for a woman to stay home if the man can make enough to support the entire household.

Men making more moolah than women is sexist, not the comment that Harbone made, really.

FOR ME: Personally, I dont believe in staying home. I dont believe in putting that kind of financial responsibility on my husband/partner/spouse. With today's market and industry being unsteady, I never know if my fiance will get laid off.... If I am working, I look at this as having "Financial Backup"

I love working and love the work that I do. I have a very good working relationship with management and have helped to make changes to existing policies and procedures of our division, which in turn has helped to make a difference. I went to college so I could have a career to start with, and will consider going back to college again to earn another degree to help enhance what I already have.

So for me, staying home is not an option. I prefer to earn my own keep/way.


And that is ok, just like it is ok for others (men OR women) to consider staying at home. So long as it works out for the both of you, it shouldnt matter... but... I dont believe in the majority of what you said about working-in general. You dont have enough experience in the working-world to actually come to this conclusion and not every company/business is like the way you have described it. Having that mind set, sets you up to fail and be miserable.

We both work, we BOTH do the cleaning, while he does the grunge work of repairing our cars, I can get laundry/grocery shopping done in that same time. Not to mention, I like clean laundry.. I can just imagine his grubby hands on my towels... I would have to kill him! LOL

When the time comes that your husband is NOT ok with you being at home, you should look at the fact that eventually you will have to work, and you will need to look at jobs that you can learn how to work with authority. If you are an excellent working individual.. then you wont have problems with management.

I could be sitting back and taking your comment of "I have a huge problem with authority" as a personal attack, because I am a level of authority where I work.. but Im choosing not to, because clearly not every person is like that. I work in Finance doing Medical Billing and Collections. I review to make sure we have received ONLY the money that we are entitled to by the insurance companies AND the government... Out of the 57 insurances out there, I am in charge of 11 companies, and they are all federal insurances (medicare, medicaid, tricare, martin's point, VA/ChampVA), billing, collections, appeals, meeting with federal judges... People come to me as their Medicare consultant because they want to make sure they are doing things correctly... I take pride in my work, and it shows in the way I work with my team.

Just sounds like you need to remember that not all of us managers are bad to work WITH.....  

[Apex_the_Seahorse]

I say that if you and your hubby are happy with it, that is what is important. To heck with what everyone else thinks. Contrary to what others may think, people do not fit in a box. Do what is best for you and your family. I would suggest, however, that maybe you can find the adventure, purpose, and validation you are craving through your hobby....Ever think of taking art or writing classes? Who knows, it could lead to a career you can sink your teeth into.  

[Kisaki Kitsune-Hi]

Alexandretta

queen of qeeks

Harbone

Be thankful you're a woman. People look at you REALLY funny when you're a guy with the lifestyle you just described.

That's quite a sexest thing to say. Why should it be okay for a woman to be at home and not a man? Silly silly.

In any case, I think that if you're content and your husband is content, then there is nothing to worry about. Money doesn't equal happiness, and if you've got that, then you're set. Plus, when you start making money off of your dream, you'll feel amazing and be glad you never gave up because of something as dopey as money. smile

Actually that is not a sexist thing to say because in today's society/generation, it would be viewed as that... traditionally the woman stays home.

Its not unheard of for the husband to stay home, but I will tell you what IS Sexist... Men make a higher salary than women, and it would make more sense for a woman to stay home if the man can make enough to support the entire household.

Men making more moolah than women is sexist, not the comment that Harbone made, really.

FOR ME: Personally, I dont believe in staying home. I dont believe in putting that kind of financial responsibility on my husband/partner/spouse. With today's market and industry being unsteady, I never know if my fiance will get laid off.... If I am working, I look at this as having "Financial Backup"

I love working and love the work that I do. I have a very good working relationship with management and have helped to make changes to existing policies and procedures of our division, which in turn has helped to make a difference. I went to college so I could have a career to start with, and will consider going back to college again to earn another degree to help enhance what I already have.

So for me, staying home is not an option. I prefer to earn my own keep/way.


And that is ok, just like it is ok for others (men OR women) to consider staying at home. So long as it works out for the both of you, it shouldnt matter... but... I dont believe in the majority of what you said about working-in general. You dont have enough experience in the working-world to actually come to this conclusion and not every company/business is like the way you have described it. Having that mind set, sets you up to fail and be miserable.

We both work, we BOTH do the cleaning, while he does the grunge work of repairing our cars, I can get laundry/grocery shopping done in that same time. Not to mention, I like clean laundry.. I can just imagine his grubby hands on my towels... I would have to kill him! LOL

When the time comes that your husband is NOT ok with you being at home, you should look at the fact that eventually you will have to work, and you will need to look at jobs that you can learn how to work with authority. If you are an excellent working individual.. then you wont have problems with management.

I could be sitting back and taking your comment of "I have a huge problem with authority" as a personal attack, because I am a level of authority where I work.. but Im choosing not to, because clearly not every person is like that. I work in Finance doing Medical Billing and Collections. I review to make sure we have received ONLY the money that we are entitled to by the insurance companies AND the government... Out of the 57 insurances out there, I am in charge of 11 companies, and they are all federal insurances (medicare, medicaid, tricare, martin's point, VA/ChampVA), billing, collections, appeals, meeting with federal judges... People come to me as their Medicare consultant because they want to make sure they are doing things correctly... I take pride in my work, and it shows in the way I work with my team.

Just sounds like you need to remember that not all of us managers are bad to work WITH.....

Sorry if I didn't sound clear. I have only had one job since we've been married. I had my first job at 16 while I was still in school, and I had to quit to save my art grade. I worked after I graduated and was pretty good at the jobs I held. I have worked in 2 warehouses and 2 fast-food/resturaunt places. So, I worked steadily until I was 21 (I'm 23 now) and quit my last job I had before we were married because we moved to another town.

So, I think I have enough experience to know that I would rather make scratch off my own stuff than making money doing what others tell me to do. My whole point is that I feel trapped when other people have a hold over me. I don't know why I'm like that, maybe because my parents worked all the time when I was growing up and they would come home all stressed and pissed off, so I always got the impression that work sucked.

I guess non-college laborers feel a little different about things than college grads. No offence or anything, I think college is a great thing, if you can afford it.

Plus I don't think having a problem with authority is a bad thing. Some people just don't like to take orders from people who abuse their power (my first warehouse job-where I was stalked by my manager-proved that point). Your right though, not all authority figures are like that so I probably am being biased. But I'll go back to a job like that and put up with the bull when I need to, and not a moment sooner.  

[Taxi Mama]

Since you know you CAN work if you need to, I think it's fine not to if you don't. If anybody gives you grief about it, smile and say you feel SO lucky to have such a wonderful life!

I am currently working for my husband, in our home office, and he pays me $200/ month to do a couple of hours of paperwork and bring him grapes every day at 2:00. We're happy, and my real friends know what's up and are happy for us.  

[charamath]

What kind of art do you like to do? If it's something you are really good at, there are routes to make money off it. I work from home selling my artwork and the pay is great (well, not right now because of the damn economy). But I definitly know how you feel when it comes to other people. I lost the only person suppourting my decision. My entire family considers me 'unemployed', even though I make more money then several of them in their miserable, day-to-day desk jobs. Some people may never change, but if you could sell it, it may boost your self esteem with your relationship.

As for issues with authority, it sounds like your jobs haven't been that great of jobs to even think about creativity. I've been working since I was 9, and with every job I had I hated being told what to do- so I worked HARD so that I'd end up in one of those authority positions within a few months (thus not having to listen to anyone harping at me!). Once you're there, creative thinking seems to come with.

And be happy your husband is suppourtive! That's a rare thing these days!  

[Mikiba]

Other people are always going to offer their opinion on what they think is right. There are a lot of women(and men!) like you who stay home and take care of the house while the husband works. I know a lot of people who would love to be in your position and not do anything and take advantage of the fact that their husband is working, but you sound like you feel more guilty than you should be.

That being said, maybe look into a part time job? Something that won't be hard and something fun. Perhaps even look into joining a quilting club or volunteer somewhere. There are a lot of things to do that won't take you away from your home life. Don't be ashamed that your lifestyle is that way. People are always quick to judge. :/  

[Kisaki Kitsune-Hi]

Mikiba

Other people are always going to offer their opinion on what they think is right. There are a lot of women(and men!) like you who stay home and take care of the house while the husband works. I know a lot of people who would love to be in your position and not do anything and take advantage of the fact that their husband is working, but you sound like you feel more guilty than you should be.

That being said, maybe look into a part time job? Something that won't be hard and something fun. Perhaps even look into joining a quilting club or volunteer somewhere. There are a lot of things to do that won't take you away from your home life. Don't be ashamed that your lifestyle is that way. People are always quick to judge. :/

Thanks for all your advice and insight everyone! I don't feel as bad now that I see it from different angles.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Alexandretta

what IS Sexist... Men make a higher salary than women...

rolleyes

Men actually do not make a higher salary than women. If you research it {as I have}, you will find that a woman with the same position, experience, work ethic, and education as a male will make the same {or sometimes more due to employers feeling the need to make nice with the females to avoid any accusations of sexism} as a male. The statistic of men making more comes from taking the average of all female salaries and comparing them with the average of all male salaries. This comes from the fact that women will take maternity leave and the tendency for them to choose lesser paying jobs for the security, environment, and flexible hours. Men {in general} take on higher risk jobs with horribly long hours and a stressful environment, which pay higher due to their unpleasantness. In the instance a woman were willing to put herself in such a job, she will be paid just the same as a man.

As for the staying at home subject of the original post, there is nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of people in today's society tend to look down upon it for various reasons, but really, if you are doing fine on one income and your spouse is comfortable with you staying at home, then I don't see a need to force yourself to work. In reality, I actually think it is better if only one partner works. Though taking care of the house {and in some cases, children} does not pay money, that does not make it any less important of a job. Both partners working and doing house work creates a higher level of stress in the relationship and on the individuals, and decreases the amount of time that you get to spend together and relax.  

[Wixandrettas]

ThisEmptySoul

Alexandretta

what IS Sexist... Men make a higher salary than women...

rolleyes

Men actually do not make a higher salary than women. If you research it {as I have}, you will find that a woman with the same position, experience, work ethic, and education as a male will make the same {or sometimes more due to employers feeling the need to make nice with the females to avoid any accusations of sexism} as a male. The statistic of men making more comes from taking the average of all female salaries and comparing them with the average of all male salaries. This comes from the fact that women will take maternity leave and the tendency for them to choose lesser paying jobs for the security, environment, and flexible hours. Men {in general} take on higher risk jobs with horribly long hours and a stressful environment, which pay higher due to their unpleasantness. In the instance a woman were willing to put herself in such a job, she will be paid just the same as a man.

As for the staying at home subject of the original post, there is nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of people in today's society tend to look down upon it for various reasons, but really, if you are doing fine on one income and your spouse is comfortable with you staying at home, then I don't see a need to force yourself to work. In reality, I actually think it is better if only one partner works. Though taking care of the house {and in some cases, children} does not pay money, that does not make it any less important of a job. Both partners working and doing house work creates a higher level of stress in the relationship and on the individuals, and decreases the amount of time that you get to spend together and relax.

My previous work was within the walls of Department of Health and Human Services, which works in a cooperative function with Department of Employment Security..

It has been proven, that in the majority of industries and specialties, that men are paid at higher salaries than women. I encourage you (or anyone), to do some research also in to the legal systems... Walmart just recently settled on a lawsuit concerning a woman who worked as a Pharmacist... She learned that her male counterparts were earning a significant salary higher than hers... when she addressed this fact, it wasnt addressed at all.. in fact they made her life miserable for discovering this piece of information. This woman took the corporate giant to court and won a gender discrimination lawsuit and was able to get equal pay...

I personally work with one of many Clinicians, a particular Physician Assistant comes to mind. I do the medical billing for 8 of the offices that she currently works in...out of 70 total. Being someone who has come from overseas (she is an Irish woman), despite the fact she came to us with more advanced medical training, she doesnt earn what her education warrants, as compared to her american counterparts here. They found this issue out, talked things through with Human Resources, and was told she needed more courses to take in order to meet that classification of pay. She exceeded the standards of American Medical studies ten-fold. She consulted a lawyer, and found that she should have been earning more than the fellow american PA's in her department according to her level of education, and credentials as well. The hospital freaked out thinking there was going to be a major lawsuit... She stated that she didnt want to sue for discrimination, she only what was rightfully owed to her in compensation.

CNN did wonderful research on this very topic, I want to say a little over 8 months ago, or so. It is very fascinating reading from their research as well.

Believe me when I say, I have researched it, because I was previously a federal employee. I know first hand from 'the inside', as well as working in a very large industry at this time, seeing it happen. It does truly happen.  

[shall she sail seas]

To add to what Mikiba said, since you're into the artsy type of stuff, you could probably start your own business from home doing commissions and/or selling arts and crafts to local artisan stores.