Hetalia-ish jokes?

[Japan-tan]

... so... jokes. *cough* Doesn't matter how dirty/lame you think they are.

If Russia tries to sneak up on Turkey from behind, do you think Greece would help? XD  

[catweasels]

Three jokes I remember hearing. Two from a friend, one online, and I can't help but mentally link all three to Hetalia.
They're all really lame, yes.

Note: I really don't care much for politics, so don't get all offended by the first. Then again, if you're reading Axis Powers Hetalia... -cough-
And the second one? Of course, the hero can't die! He's /the hero/.

1. Sarah Palin is sooooo fat, Russia can see her from his house!

2. A plane is flying over the ocean. There are five people on it: the pilot, a Frenchman, an Englishman, a Mexican, and an American.
As they're flying, the plane begans going lower and lower. So the pilot tells the passengers that one of them will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. The Frenchman offers to jump. He shouts "Vive la France!" and jumps.
For a while, things are fine. However, the plane begins flying lower and lower again. So the pilot turns and tells the passengers that another one of them will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. This time, the Englishman offers to go. He shouts "God bless the Queen!" and jumps.
Again, things are fine... but only for a while. Again, the plane begins flying lower and lower, and again the pilot tells them that one of the passengers will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. This time, the American shouts "Remember the Alamo!" ... and pushes the Mexican out.

3. A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are trapped by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets it, and cannibals eat him. The French asks for three girls. He has crazy sex with them, and then follows the German. The Russian asks: "Hit me hard, right on my nose." The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov (AK-47) and shoots all the cannibals. The mortally wounded chief asks him: "Why didn't you do this before we ate the German?" The Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!"  

[Madame Royale]

"Join the dark side.... we have Hetalia!"

rolleyes  

[Skizzors]

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.  

[x_LoveObject_x]

Canada-tan

3. A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari and are trapped by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request." The German asks for a mug of beer and a bratwurst. He gets it, and cannibals eat him. The French asks for three girls. He has crazy sex with them, and then follows the German. The Russian asks: "Hit me hard, right on my nose." The chief is surprised, but hits him. The Russian pulls out a Kalashnikov (AK-47) and shoots all the cannibals. The mortally wounded chief asks him: "Why didn't you do this before we ate the German?" The Russian proudly replies: "Russians are not aggressors!"

OH GOD XD That was the best!

I also love the cows one. The first time I read it I was so confused though XD -Slow sometimes.-  

[Sealand-tan]

because I love Polish jokes (I was brought up on them! XD my polish grandpa told them to me all the time when I was a kid...)

A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German
soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each
climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree
where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come
down."
The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next
tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Woo, woo, woo..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next
tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo,
moo..."  

[Russia-tan]

XDDD!! That one's mean Sealand...but I can't stop giggling! >w>

I ttly want to draw that into a comic. XDDD  

[Sealand-tan]

You should! XD It's scary but I think I can actually see Felix doing that XD  

[Russia-tan]

It's because it's unfortunately very fitting. XDDD;  

[Greece-tan]

Quote:

2. A plane is flying over the ocean. There are five people on it: the pilot, a Frenchman, an Englishman, a Mexican, and an American.
As they're flying, the plane begans going lower and lower. So the pilot tells the passengers that one of them will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. The Frenchman offers to jump. He shouts "Vive la France!" and jumps.
For a while, things are fine. However, the plane begins flying lower and lower again. So the pilot turns and tells the passengers that another one of them will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. This time, the Englishman offers to go. He shouts "God bless the Queen!" and jumps.
Again, things are fine... but only for a while. Again, the plane begins flying lower and lower, and again the pilot tells them that one of the passengers will have to jump or else they'll all crash into the ocean. This time, the American shouts "Remember the Alamo!" ... and pushes the Mexican out.

SFKJLKJLDF LMAO!!!!!!! XD
Oh god.... *wheezes*
Al you son of a gun you.... I heart you to DEATH.
Why so mean to the poor mexicanos?
Pfff....that's so American. =.=' Abuse the Mexican.
I bet he was Texan.  

[Japan-tan]

Sealand-tan

because I love Polish jokes (I was brought up on them! XD my polish grandpa told them to me all the time when I was a kid...)

A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German
soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each
climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree
where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come
down."
The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..."
The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next
tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Woo, woo, woo..."
The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next
tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up
there; come down."
The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo,
moo..."

OMG I wanna draw taht one too! XD  

[Lithuania-tan]

((OH GOD XD Poland up a tree mooing...

Liet: Sad thing... that's not one bit out of character for him... ))  

[xxKarachan]

Greece-tan

SFKJLKJLDF LMAO!!!!!!! XD
Oh god.... *wheezes*
Al you son of a gun you.... I heart you to DEATH.
Why so mean to the poor mexicanos?
Pfff....that's so American. =.=' Abuse the Mexican.
I bet he was Texan.

xD And I'm sure it won't help any if I tell you that my friend swears that Ivan must be the pilot.
And that they probably weren't REALLY losing altitude.

From there, we extrapolated... The Mexican spent a few years living in Cuba. The five of them are obviously going to visit Canada for something. Why the hell is the American flying over the ocean if he's visiting Canada?  

[zla kob]

So, did you hear about the Pole who broke his arm raking leaves? He fell out of a tree.

How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree? Wave at him.

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SUNFLOWER PICKS YOU.

That's all I've got.
gonk

 

[Mukuro-kun]

((I'm SO tempted to like, log onto Poland and totally harp on all of you. :U
*giggles* You guys should be happy I have a sense of humor. xDDD

Oh, and did you hear about the Polish fish?
It drowned.))