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 Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:41 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:44 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:19 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:36 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 9:52 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:57 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:13 pm
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A traveling salesman's car broke down on a deserted road. He had noticed a farm house a ways back and decided to seek help from the farmer. When he got there, the farmer informed him that the nearest garage wouldn't open til morning but he was welcome to spend the night.
That evening, the salesman noticed the strangest thing. In the corner of the room, a three-legged pig was reclining on a blanket. And every so often the farmer would call the pig over to him and pet him and give him little piggy snacks.
Bursting with curiousity, the salesman asked of the farmer, "May I ask what is going on with that pig? And if I may be so bold, what happened to his fourth leg?:
The farmer, clearly pleased to be able to tell his story, informed the salesman. "Why, that pig is special! Why, he saved my life two times!
The first time, I was out plowing in the field and my tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. Why, that pig dug the dirt out from under me, pulled me out by my collar with his teeth, than went and got the wife from the house.
The second time, the wife and I was sleeping soundly when that wonderful pig starting squealing to wake the dead. When I got up to see what was going on, I saw that the house was ablaze. I was then able to put out the fire! Why, not only did that pig save my life and that of my family's but he saved my house as well!!!!"
The salesman was stunned, and proclaimed that the pig was indeed special. "But, that doesn't explain why he only has three legs..."
The farmer looked at him and exclaimed, "Why, a pig that special, you wouldn't expect me to eat him all at once, now would you?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:52 pm
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Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:38 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:46 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:14 pm
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Please correct me if this isn't PG-13, but I'm pretty sure it is.
Its a long one.
A new year starts and all the freshmen students are arriving and meeting they're dorm mates for the first time in dorm #B2 is a young intelligent diligent student by the name of Al Gore and his Studly dorm mate Bill Clinton, as the semesters go by the two become good friends and the regular rules are applied.
Bill says "If there's a white sock on the door knob it means I'm busy, so if you wouldn't mind wandering around for a couple of hours that would be great."
As it turns out every other day there's a white sock on the knob and Al is forced to take many lonely walks, after every walk as he returns he always seems to catch Bill's "study" partners leaving and every night its a different partner. so one day Al asks, "Bill how do you do it? how are you able to get so much Tail and with all manner of women? I've tried and tried and failed everytime!"
Bill Answers, "Its an old Idaho secret, the next time you go out on the hunt, take one of these" Bill thrusts a large potato into Al's hand, "And shove it down your pants! Then you just gotta work the room till you get a bite and then reel her in." He says with great self pleasure.
So the very next day Al goes out with Bill and they split up for the night, Bill says he'll go to the girl's house to play so Al can bring whoever he meets back to they're place.
Around 2 am Bill is on his way home after a night of make believe farm yard fun, and he bumps into a a depressed looking Al just wandering away from the Bar they both went to hours ago, "Whats up Al?" Bill asks
Al replies, "I don't understand, I did everything you said! But the response was even worse this time!"
"You used the potato right?" Bill asks
"Yeah! Look its right there!"
"Oh Al," Bill says shaking his head, "you're supposed to put it in the front!"
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 am
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:23 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:01 pm
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:06 pm
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Reply
