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This is pretty darn good, could use quite a bit of work though.
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Total Votes : 6


x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire

PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 3:32 pm


Chapter 1


It was a midsummer night, and Danielle decided to leave her window open for the night because it was cool outside, with a steady, gentle breeze. As Danielle drifted off into sleep a lone figure came through her open window. He was dressed in black, hood and all; you could not see his eyes, as if he had none. The man also wielded a knife; it was golden and shaped in the likes of a lightning bolt. As he raised the lightning bolt shaped knife to strike the blow that would end this young girl's life. Then suddenly out of absolutely nowhere there was a bright blue flash. The man dropped dead on the hardwood floor, and Danielle woke up startled as another man appeared out of the shadows and stepped into the light. This man, or should I say, boy, for he was only a few years older than Danielle, was very handsome. He had light, fluffy blond hair, and cold, clear, ice blue eyes that were filled with hate, love, and knowledge. He came and sat at the edge of Danielle's bed and said, "Don't fret I am here to help you."

"Help me! Help me! You just killed a man who is now dead on my bedroom floor, and you say that you are here to help!" replied Danielle in a harsh whisper.

"That was an assassin, who was sent here to kill you, you should be thankful that he's dead and you're not," said the young man calmly.

“Well, may I at least have my savior’s name?” asked Danielle politely.

“Ah, Chosen One, I am your protector and you may call me Enusaysha. Enu, for short if you like,” replied the young man.

“Thank you, Enusaysha, but I must ask did you just call me ‘Chosen One’?” asked Danielle puzzled.

“Yes as a matter of fact I did. Hold out your arm for me please,” said Enusaysha, and the girl did as she was told, “Thanks,” he told her. “See, you now have the mark of a dragon, also, do you notice anything missing from your bed?” Danielle looked at her arm, and there she saw a tattoo, or that’s what some would call it, of a dragon. It was a deep, dark blue, with eyes of red. The detail of it was phenomenal. Then she looked around because Enu said that there was something missing from her bed. She noticed almost instantly.

“My white tiger! Where is it?” she directed that last question towards Enu. Enu just smiled at her and he began to transform before her eyes. It started with the teeth and ended with the tail, and before her eyes Enusaysha had turned into a real, and very alive, albino tiger. He jumped up on her bed, laid down, and the in the next instant Danielle’s stuffed albino tiger appeared. Danielle panicked and then something in her head said, I am still with you. Danielle soon convinced herself that it was all just a dream and she went back to bed.

Danielle woke up to the buzzing of her alarm clock, just as any normal weekday. She got up and went to her closet to pick out her cloths, then she had a weird itch in her left arm and she looked at it. Danielle almost fell over as soon as she saw the tattoo on her arm and she soon realized that last night wasn’t just a dream, it was real.
Thank God that I like long sleeved shirts, Danielle thought to herself, and she took a long sleeved shirt and some jeans out of her closet and went to the bathroom to take her shower. As she was doing her hair, Danielle wondered how on earth she would keep this a secret forever.

Three months went by without her secret getting out, and Danielle was now backing at school with all of her gossiping friends. Danielle was now a freshman in high school and it was hard to escape revealing her secret. Enu had not talked to her for around a month and she was worried that he had left her to figure this entire thing out on her own. During lunch Danielle went to go and use the restroom, and as she was washing her hands her worst enemy walked into the bathroom. Danielle didn’t even notice until she said something.

“Hello, Danielle,” said Emily threateningly. Emily looked at Danielle’s arms and was completely speechless when she recognized what the symbol on her arm was. Danielle jumped and covered her arm as quickly as possible completely shocked of who just walked in.

Of all the people to find out about my arm, Danielle thought, I’ll just have to keep it cool. “Oh, hi Emily,” replied Danielle in a distant tone, “How’s the better half of you?”

“You mean Ryan? Well, he’s fine I’m guessing,” said Emily, actually sounding nice towards Danielle, but Danielle thought it was just a facade.

“Oh, that’s good, well see you around I guess,” said Danielle as she walked out of the restroom.


Chapter 2

“Ryan! Ryan! Come here quick!” screamed Emily.

“What do you want?” whined Ryan as he slowly walked down the stairs.

“You know Danielle right? Well, I walked into the bathroom at lunch today while she was washing her hands, and guess what she had on her arm!” said Emily breathlessly.

“What?” replied Ryan, obviously uninterested.

“She had the same exact ‘mark’ on her arm as you do, except hers was different colors,” said Emily, then she noticed that Ryan was suddenly interested.

“Really?” asked Ryan, “Did you say anything to her about mine?”

“No,” replied Emily in a disappointed tone, “she looked like she was shocked enough that I walked into the bathroom while she was washing her hands, that I didn’t even say anything to her about her own mark.”

“Emily, how many times do I have to tell you that if you ever see anyone, anyone at all with the same mark as me, no matter who they are or how they look, that you should tell them to come see me immediately?” Ryan said hotheadedly.

“Yes, but if you saw the look on her face you would have kept your mouth shut too!” said Emily.

“Fine, then I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” said Ryan




“Danielle? Danielle! Hey, wait up!” Ryan screamed down the hallway. Danielle stopped and went red as soon as she saw him, and all of her friends just disappeared, because they knew that she liked him.

“Yes?” asked Danielle as soon as he reached her.

“I really, really, need to talk to you, but not here because there are too many people around,” said Ryan in between breaths.

“Okay, so what are you going to do about it if we can’t talk right here, right now?” inquired Danielle.

“Well,” Ryan said as he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, “here’s my phone number and address, call me before you come over because I have something to show you.”

“Alright, then I’ll call you later after school,” said Danielle. As soon as Danielle turned around she went an even deeper shade of red because everyone in the hallway was staring at them.

As soon as Danielle got home from school that day she contacted Enu. How she did that was by concentrating all of her thoughts toward him, and he seemed to kind of wake up.

“Yes, Danielle?” asked Enu.

“Looks like I finally figured out how to get to you, but that’s not the reason why I’m talking to you right now. The reason why I’m talking to you right at this particular moment is, is that somebody else, besides us two, knows about the mark of the dragon,” said Danielle desperately.

“Ah, it is destiny Danielle, your future lays at your feet, now it’s up to you to walk it,” said Enu politely tuning out of the conversation. Danielle gave a deep sigh and pulled out Ryan’s phone number out of her pocket. Well, I guess he should be home by now, thought Danielle as she dialed his number.


CHAPTER 3

“Hello?” answered a voice.

“Hi, umm, is Ryan there?” asked Danielle.

“Yes, hang on a second let me go get him,” replied the voice that Danielle recognized now as female.

“Hello?” answered another voice, distinctly male.

“Ryan?” asked Danielle, reassuring herself that it was actually him.

“Oh, is that you Danielle?” asked Ryan.

“Yup,” said Danielle.

“So, how are you?” asked Ryan.

“I’m good, what about you?” replied Danielle.

“Good. Hey do you think you could come over in about 15 minutes it’s really important that I speak to you face-to-face,” said Ryan.

“Yeah, just let me ask my parents really quick, okay?” said Danielle.

“Okay,” said Ryan.

“Hey mom!?” screamed Danielle down the stairwell.

“What?” screamed Danielle’s mom back up the stairwell.

“Can I go over to a friend’s house?” asked Danielle

“Sure, just be back before dinner, okay? Oh, and take your cell phone with you too!” said Danielle’s mom.

“Okay, I’ll be back later!” yelled Danielle as she walked out the door.

Danielle rode her bike to Ryan’s house because he lived in her neighborhood, and on her way she stopped at her cousin’s house to say hi, but she left right away. Danielle got to Ryan’s house about 10 minutes later because, even though Ryan lived in the same neighborhood as Danielle, he lived on the totally opposite side of the neighborhood, and their neighborhood was gigantic. As soon as she pulled up to the house with her bike, Ryan was bursting through the door to greet her.

“Danielle, just so you know my parents think that you are my new girlfriend, so you might want to go with that, otherwise they’d think I’m cheating on a different girl or something like that, so just act like you’re my girlfriend, okay?” whispered Ryan in Danielle’s ear.

“Sure no problem,” said Danielle.

“Thanks.”

Danielle walked into the house just to find out that it was very much like her own home. It had ceramic tiling in the hallway that lead to the kitchen which also had the same tiling, in the dining room there was hardwood floors with an antique dining set, and in the family room there were two leather couches and an HDTV. All of the walls had not yet been painted in the downstairs, but upstairs it was like an explosion of color. The walls were painted in all different colors and had a lot of funky shapes that twisted and turned into one big masterpiece. Ryan took Danielle up to his room, which was the plainest of them all, with solid blue walls and a comfy-looking bed with down pillows.

“Look, we need to talk,” said Ryan as soon as he shut the door.

“What do we need to talk about?”

“Well, Emily kind of told me about your mark and I thought that I should talk to you about it.”

“What? She told you about that? Why? Why would she do that?”

“The reason why is because of this,” Ryan then held out his arm for Danielle to see his mark. It looked exactly like Danielle’s except that it was red with violet eyes, not blue with red eyes. All Danielle could do was stare at it, but then her arm started to burn fiercely and she could ignore it no longer. She then rolled up her sleeve and held her arm next to his and watched in wonder as the two dragons detached themselves from Danielle’s and Ryan’s arms. When the dragons were fully detached they planted themselves on the palms of their masters’ hands.

“We must keep them a secret and bring them wherever we go, and we must feed and nourish them until they are fully grown.”
“How do you know all of this?”

“My protector told me, rather, she gave me riddles to figure it out on my own and she the last thing that she said to me, which was about a week or two ago, was ‘There is another, and when that other comes, she will be able to wake the dragons,’ so I immediately figured what that riddle meant, and started talking to all the girls in the school who always covered their arms,” explained Ryan, “and when Emily told me about your arm, I was practically in shock because I didn’t even know who you were until she pointed you out to me.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know it's nowhere near finished but I need to know what other people think of it! So please comment!! heart
PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:52 pm


Bump

x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire


Rita Von Adler 009

PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:16 pm


"My world have end
Gambate 3nodding

she whisper softy.... my world have end"
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 2:48 pm


Bump heart

I will try harder. Thank you.

x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire


Symbolon

Blessed Cleric

PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:27 am


The storyline is good- the writing style is a bit dry, though, and if you could work the style a bit it would be phenomenal.
PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2009 1:14 pm


I thought it was pretty good smile

ritchiegirl41


x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire

PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 8:00 am


Thank you.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2009 9:02 am


Simply amazing, good job

shinora96


x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire

PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:18 am


biggrin Thank Yoo blaugh
PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2009 5:11 pm


its good =]

Cutegirl2160


iiEmoWaffles

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 6:25 am


2 words...... Aw-Some!!!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:48 am


heart

x0StrawberryLemonade0x

Partying Millionaire


Watch_Your_Language

PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 2:26 pm


Intrestin 10/10
Reply
[15]~ Stories ~

 
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