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Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:58 am
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Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 3:50 am
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Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 7:17 pm
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Veddhartha Oh gods. You're in a terrible situation. I do appreciate the fact that family is helping each other and you as a couple have taken them in. BUT. That should never be something that is taken for granted by those who reserve your help. Even if your boyfriend is promised to take car of his brothers, it should not go to the point where it is a burden that either of you can't carry. They do need to help themselves too and (excuse my French) goddamn respect you two for letting them live there. Its your house and your rules. That is so big thing that people deserve to be humble for it and at least help you with daily shores. It is much to have them under your roof - why on earth you also have to serve them. The way you represented it, it sounds like they are not either realizing or caring how much extra labor it gives you. To my eyes, that rudeness negates your obligation to help them that much. Enough is enough, and a promise loses its meaning if you and your boyfriends father are not least bit respected for your help. If case really is that your kindness and your bf's loyalty to his father is mistreated.... You don't have to put up with it. Try to keep your chin up, what you two have done has been praiseworthy. But no one has right to misuse you. Don't let that bring you down, if you don't want them to stay, you aren't committing a moral crime.
Well said, I agree completely. It's your roof, ad it should be your rules. Definitely put your foot down about yelling at your son, if she can't stop then she needs to find somewhere else to be. It's not fair to you, the others in the house, and especially not fair to your son. Maybe it's time to start looking into other ways to help them, such as trying to help them find new employment (if that is why they are there), any government assistance they might qualify for, and a new place of their own.
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Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 10:33 pm
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I agree with Veddhartha. I have been in a somewhat similar situation before and it was not fun. However, rather than it being me and my spouse taking people in, it was my mother and father taking family in. I was already living there... I hadn't moved out yet. Then my sister came in with her two kids and boyfriend, and then my brother. Everyone wanted to just lounge around and enjoy living in a place without having to pay rent or bills, but it was really taxing on my father. We had about 8 people in the house including children {sometimes 10 when my sister had her children from a previous relationship visiting for a while}, and my dad had to pay for each and every one of them without any help.
He put up with it for a while because it was his children, but when they started blowing their money on things they didn't need instead of trying to save up like he thought they were, it started becoming too much. Eventually they moved out on their own volition because having that many people living in a small space can get rather annoying. Right before they moved out, I remember a lot of yelling, stress, and drama. My mum and dad had even given up their room just to shut my sister up because she kept complaining about having to stay in the livingroom.... she acted like she owned the place and she deserved the best we had to offer. I have never wanted to punch a woman more than my own sister.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to help, but you should not let them walk all over you. It is -your- place and you are allowing them to stay out of kindness. If they cannot respect you, your home, and your family, then they do not deserve your kindness and they can go elsewhere.
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Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:57 pm
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Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:59 am
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Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:55 pm
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 3:33 am
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:29 am
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Harbone I think, first and foremost, you need to evaluate what effect this is having on your child. If constantly being chided by the sister is having a negative effect on your kids, then, for heavens sake take every effort to stop it! Don't worry about the sister pampering her child, just tell her, then and there, to leave yours alone... and make whatever ultimatums you have to make. Your child is what's important. Keep in mind, too, that the sister may not be able to perceive what her own child is doing wrong. We humans have funny blind spots when it comes to those we love.
We must remember in this situation, that not only the Mother's of all the children are involved. There's also a relationship between the brothers to think about. Perhaps it should not up to the mothers to sort out the situation. Perhaps it should be the brothers/fathers.
Not to be unkind, but perhaps your partner's brother needs to be informed of what's going on under HIS brother's roof. Then, it could be left up to HIM to remind HIS partner that they are guests, first and foremost. Perhaps he needs to remind HIS partner of this fact and that if SHE has a problem with either Parent or Child, then she needs to figure out whether she needs to find alternative accomodation.
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2009 9:23 am
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Posted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:32 am
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:52 am
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Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:37 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 28, 2009 12:14 pm
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Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:45 pm
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