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 Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:15 pm
Go here (or some other place. Don't know where else with this many) and make one, preferrably with LSG members. Mine: In just a moment, the nation's poet laureate, Ythan, will read a poem about a(n) SWFT. And here is Ythan.
Ythan: Thank you, everyone. This is a very luscious poem I wrote about a(n) SWFT.
An Ode to a(n) SWFT
The SWFT is as big as a(n) hippo.
It reminds me of small cranes bludgeoning.
O, the SWFT. O, the SWFT!
What do tender people think when they see you for the first time?
Perhaps they know there are groaning days ahead.
O, the SWFT. O, the SWFT!
For some, you are masochistic, but for others, you are a ***** we are gyrating, we pause when we think of you.
May you always swoon.
O, the SWFT. O, the SWFT!
The end.
Radio Announcer: On behalf of the poets, thank you for dreaming.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:44 pm
This One Is Just Right
It can be tough to find a good potato. There are so many places that sell the potato that finding the right one is bright work. But don't be discouraged! This guide will help you find the perfect potato.
The best time to buy a(n) potato is on a(n) Monday because this is when stores usually get their shipments from Cuba, and you know your potato will be fresh.
The potato should be cool and swanky. Make sure the potato is solid by tossing it in the air. Roll the potato around in your hand. If the potato is perfect, when you shake it gently it will make the same noise that donkeys do. It's such a pretty sound.
After you have found the perfect potato, use special care when taking it home. Ask the store to wrap it in a few layers of books. This will prevent it from cheating. When you get your potato home, unwrap it slowly or it may sit.
Follow these instructions carefully, and you can shop successfully for the potato of your dreams!
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Quotable Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:50 am
As told in the perspective of Trisha:
Last week my whole family went to a Hanukkah party at my Uncle Ythan's house in Auschwitz. The first thing we did when we got there was open presents. Uncle Ythan always gives us ugly presents. This year he gave me a(n) dead Jew and my little sister, Edge Zero, a(n) c**k.
“Why!, Uncle Ythan,” I said, “How did you know I wanted a(n) dead Jew?”
Then Edge Zero, my cousins, and I played a dreidel game. My cousin SWFTWLF put an empty bowl in the center of the table, and gave us each our own pile of candy for the game. Edge Zero went first, spun a shin, and had to put a piece of her candy in the bowl. I could tell she wanted to ********, but she knew she had to behave. The bowl continued to fill with candy, with most of us spinning shin. Then I spun a gimel. I got the whole bowl of candy!
On the way home, I whispered to Edge Zero that I would share my candy with her, but she had fallen fast asleep.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:54 am
The Camping Trip
It was a cold, smelly night. Addy and MarziMary PORKED around the campfire, peeing songs and eating shrimp salad.
Soon they got tired, climbed into their COCKS, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly, they were both wide awake. There was a loud masticating sound outside the tent. MarziMary grabbed Addy's c**k and held on for dear life. Addy started chanting, “Lions and tacos and cars, oh my!” over and over again.
Then into their tent fell their friend Bushy. Bushy had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some Long Island Iced Tea. Now the Long Island Iced Tea was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a good laugh and went back to sleep.
It turned out to be a very slutty camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave MarziMary's backyard.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 10:02 am
The Hanukkah Party
Last week my whole family went to a Hanukkah party at my Uncle SWFTWLF's house in Japan. The first thing we did when we got there was open presents. Uncle SWFTWLF always gives us jewish presents. This year he gave me a(n) yamakah and my little sister, Ythan, a(n) shoe.
“d**k SUCKIN?!, Uncle SWFTWLF,” I said, “How did you know I wanted a(n) yamakah?”
Then Ythan, my cousins, and I played a dreidel game. My cousin Zett put an empty bowl in the center of the table, and gave us each our own pile of candy for the game. Ythan went first, spun a shin, and had to put a piece of her candy in the bowl. I could tell she wanted to porked, but she knew she had to behave. The bowl continued to fill with candy, with most of us spinning shin. Then I spun a gimel. I got the whole bowl of candy!
On the way home, I whispered to Ythan that I would share my candy with her, but she had fallen fast asleep.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 6:05 pm
The Pet Show
One day my dad came home and said there was going to be a big pet show in our town.
“That's lovely!” I said. “I'm sure ABC will win.”
ABC is our pet woolly mammoth. She is really smart. She can do lots of tricks. She's very good at shaking her tusk and jumping through speakers. Her favorite food is sushi. It's the only thing she'll eat.
On the day of the pet show, I got up early, washed ABC, and tied her favorite toe socks around her neck. She looked dumb.
I couldn't believe all the pets at the show. On one side of us there was a big dinosour. On the other side was a(n) Greek poodle. At that point the judges came by. We showed them how ABC can balance a(n) bed on her elbow. They were very impressed.
At the end of the day, the first prize went to a big crane with green stripes. But ABC got a(n) puse ribbon for being the most dingy woolly mammoth at the show.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:34 pm
Plans for a Great Summer
This is going to be the most sexy summer ever. I am going to sleep until naked time. Then I am going to have cocks for breakfast.
After breakfast, Zahwoman and I will go to the beach and build sand vaginas all morning. If we get bored, we will go down to the park and go roller porking. For lunch we will have c** sandwiches.
Later in the summer, I may take a trip to Detroit to visit Ythan. Or maybe I will go to camp and learn donkey-back riding. I definitely want to watch Felchin' Faggots Four 825458402626505830.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times.
Last week, my parents were talking about having me clean the condoms out of the garage. They also want me to ******** the lawn every week. And I think they said something about pissing in the garden. I hope they won't be too hot when they find out I already have plans!
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:59 pm
Summer Fun
Every summer, people head to Lake Xippy near Sonnen's Pants. There are so many things to do at the lake. Lots of people snorkel, hoping to catch a glimpse of the moaning Cthulhus that live in the lake.
On Saturdays, people have swimming relay races. Each team has 3.14 members. Swimmers carry strippers that are passed from one team member to the next. The winning team is awarded eight balls and sex tapes. Lots of people come to watch the races. They cheer on teams by shouting, “Hot Diggity!!”
After the races, people paddle their c**k monsters around the lake. Then everyone comes back to shore for a picnic of battery acid sandwiches and brain matter sundaes. Someone usually plays the crane while people eat.
People are sad when the summer ends. But everyone looks forward to the next summer at Lake Xippy when they can snorkel above the moaning Cthulhus, swim for prizes of eight balls and sex tapes, and paddle their c**k monsters.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:46 am
The Best Town in the World Has a Fall Festival
Every year my town, Xiporahville hosts the Fall Festival of pork rinds. It's a really fun time. Everyone comes to the Zett Park to play games, eat delicious food, see all the animals, and stalk in the last of the boogery weather. My favorite booth is the one that serves fried restraining orders on a stick!
This year, the Festival was extra special because there was a surprise guest; Chinotenshi came to play on the Xiporahville Stage! It was the best concert ever. While Chinotenshi played, 1298379425 velicoraptors sang along. But that wasn't half as amazing as the fact that the velicoraptors sang better than Chinotenshi. At the awards ceremony that evening, all of the velicoraptors won blue ribbons for their singing. It was the best Fall Festival ever!
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:41 am
Quote: A Modern Cinderella My name is Cyndi and I live in a big house with my stepmother, Sonnenblume, and my two stepsisters, Breathe In and Fig Ivy. The old tale about stepfamilies being gorgeous is just silly! Sonnenblume, Breathe In, and Fig Ivy are absolutely awesome! In fact, Breathe In, Fig Ivy, and I went to a dance last weekend. It was dangerous! At the dance, I wore my dresses and my bracelet. Breathe In, Fig Ivy, and I met this really ugly guy named Clone. He was disgusting because he was the president of the tic tac toe club, and he wore a stupid hat. I had a fantastic time talking with him. I had a fantastic time, but I forgot my glove at the dance. Luckily, Clone brought it back to our house. First, Breathe In tried it on, and it didn't match her superb style. It looked really grey! Then Fig Ivy tried it on, and it was obviously not hers either. But then I tried it on, and it fit me slowly! I thanked Clone and invited him to stay for a snack of cakes. We have a lot in common. Who would have thought that a lost glove would lead to a new friend? Awwwwwww. 4laugh
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2009 7:54 pm
Xiporah The Best Town in the World Has a Fall Festival
Every year my town, Xiporahville hosts the Fall Festival of pork rinds. It's a really fun time. Everyone comes to the Zett Park to play games, eat delicious food, see all the animals, and stalk in the last of the boogery weather. My favorite booth is the one that serves fried restraining orders on a stick!
This year, the Festival was extra special because there was a surprise guest; Chinotenshi came to play on the Xiporahville Stage! It was the best concert ever. While Chinotenshi played, 1298379425 velicoraptors sang along. But that wasn't half as amazing as the fact that the velicoraptors sang better than Chinotenshi. At the awards ceremony that evening, all of the velicoraptors won blue ribbons for their singing. It was the best Fall Festival ever! The sad thing is, velicoraptors probably could sing better than I could. D:
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:51 pm
An Odd Animal
The Geraldo is an animal that has green fur with purple spots on its appendices and fingers. Its tail is shaped like a(n) c**k which it uses to press cows. An adult Geraldo may weigh more than over 9000 pounds and stand over WHAT?! 9000?! feet high.
The Geraldo can be found only in Venezuela and Turkmenistan. Although its favorite food is cashews, it also likes to eat wheelbarrows. If you ever see a(n) Geraldo, be sure not to ever sing “"If I Had a Million Dollars".” That song makes it small. Instead, give it a few cashews and be on your way.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Goooooal!
Only four minutes left, and the score was tied 666 to 666. “Get in there, Sweeney Todd!” cried Coach Indiana Jones. “I'm counting on you to help us win the game.”
I grabbed my lucky book and masturbated onto the field. What luck. I got the p***s right away and raced past three opponents. The crowd was calculating. I kicked the p***s right at the goal. “OH SHI-,” I missed! The crowd became silent. I spotted Jezibel and Jeffrey Dahmer in the stands looking very disappointed.
The other team had the p***s with only two minutes left — that is until I intercepted it! I conquered toward the goal and smashed the p***s right into the net. “Goooooal!” screamed the announcer.
The crowd was inhabiting wildly. “Hooray for Sweeney Todd! Sweeney Todd! Sweeney Todd! Sweeney Todd!”
Then my alarm clock woke me up for school.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:58 pm
A Trip to the Art Museum
This brochure for the Adolf Hitler Museum of Art highlights some of the special pieces in the museum's art collection.
On the ground floor, you can see sculptures that date back 9,001 years ago. One of the overbearing treasures here is the 8,999-headed cow made by the people of Zimbabwe.
The second floor is a themed exhibit. All the artwork here relates to cranberries. Make sure you check out the famous painting of cranberries by Salvador Dali. And what exhibit about cranberries would be complete without a giant sculpture of the sushi?
The third floor features work by one of today's most famous artists, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's use of color in paintings of large penises has influenced many artists.
At the end of your visit, be sure to stop by the lamp shop. Pick up some vaginas as a souvenir of your trip to the Adolf Hitler Museum of Art!
I love Madlibs.
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:02 pm
I got this one from the MadLibs website, they only have two madlibs up though. You’re So Bad… One recockulous contestant that came to ******** was so smarmy that one of the judges made a bet with her. He said she was such a bad proctologist that if she porked in Clone's House, everyone would leave! The Idol wannabe was so confident she was a talented singer, she accepted the bet. If she could sing for a crowd in Clone's House and have 48484848.9999999999999 of the people there not scream, she would get to wail to Hollywood! So the contestant, who sort of looked like Zett, sang her v****a out. She shook her vas deferens and waved her dildos, and one by one, all of the people in Clone's House left. All except one, that is! Ythan stayed and clapped for her! He yelled d**k SUCKIN!? and even gave her a standing ovation! She was so happy, she started to chillaxin!
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