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Ninja Partygrl rolled 7 100-sided dice:
98, 15, 17, 72, 67, 10, 63
Total: 342 (7-700)
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 Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 6:54 pm
Hey everyone. I have a poem I want you to read. Here it goes:
My love is dainty as a butterfly
My love as free as a bird
My love is beautiful like the evening sky
My love can't be expressed in words
My love is joyous as the sunshine
My love is somber as the rain
My love is like an apple pie
So sweet it numbs my pain
My love is burning as the sun
My love is frozen as the moon
My love wraps my heart up
Like a caterpillar's cocoon
Like it? Comment PLEASE! I want the criticism. Oh, and if you haven't already guessed, that poem is called "My Love", dedicated to Wimp. Thanx for reading!
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 12:37 pm
i love it...it is diff of wat i look about love^^
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Posted: Fri May 22, 2009 9:40 pm
It's a sweet little poem, hm as for criticism the first line felt a little condensed, but it's a wonderful love poem!
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 8:50 am
here is one I put in the arena but I am to lazy to type up a new one from my big book of poetry... so here it is... it is called Broken Thoughts
Thoughts
These are all I have
Many broken
For who will really listen
The only one around
who could listen
could understand
Couldn't
So I keep quiet
in the back of the room
If that one
would listen
would understand
Could my broken thoughts
Finally become whole
But they won't
It's been to long
So I keep quiet
In the back of the room
Always wondering
If it started differently
If it began with listening
with understanding
would I still be
The quiet one
in the back of the room
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 7:46 am
I am now going to comment on Party Ninja Girls
Awesome it is sweet and short and has a very nice flow.
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 5:41 pm
a poem i wrote about a boy i once knew.
Years long and lost now
Like a leaf gone with the wind
And I will never see you again
All the times I’ve spent with you
Mean nothing now
And the things we’ve done together
Don’t even mean anything
I thought I loved you
But I was mistaken
Had my heart
But now forsaken
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Posted: Tue May 26, 2009 8:12 pm
It is awesome I like it the flow could have some work but all in all the feel is still there.
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 1:01 pm
Obito319 It is awesome I like it the flow could have some work but all in all the feel is still there. mine?
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Posted: Wed May 27, 2009 10:07 pm
I have some poetry, i wrote it during class one day, i hope you like it. . .:
Dancing moon shadows
Upon illustrious crowns
Flowers dream by night
Shivering starlight
In some coldest parts unknown
No one to enjoy
Beautiful darkness
Envelopes my conscienceness
Creating new worlds
Cold siren windsong
Finding my wandering mind
A soft serenade
Deafening silence
Interupting mindful thoughts
Promises delayed
Melodic starlite
Musical strands of vision
A peaceful mindsong
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Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:08 pm
yes hannah lady yours
caroline: It is good, some of the lines don't feel like they flow that well mainly the end lines in each stanza but all in all I got the picture
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Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 4:31 pm
Obito319 yes hannah lady yours caroline: It is good, some of the lines don't feel like they flow that well mainly the end lines in each stanza but all in all I got the picture oh thank you. smile
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 1:00 pm
you be da welcomes hannah lady
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 8:57 pm
thanks, i did it as a school assignment, the lines were supplied, but thankies XD
i've done better i just need to find it (my familia moved recently sweatdrop )
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:03 pm
Ninja Partygrl Hey everyone. I have a poem I want you to read. Here it goes: My love is dainty as a butterfly My love as free as a bird My love is beautiful like the evening sky My love can't be expressed in words My love is joyous as the sunshine My love is somber as the rain My love is like an apple pie So sweet it numbs my pain My love is burning as the sun My love is frozen as the moon My love wraps my heart up Like a caterpillar's cocoon Like it? Comment PLEASE! I want the criticism. Oh, and if you haven't already guessed, that poem is called "My Love", dedicated to Wimp. Thanx for reading! Hey. Not bad, repitition is good, and you use it well. Your imagry, however, is just ok, and some are a lil cliche. Also, it's not like poetry ever has to stick to a pattern, but you start a pattern, break it in the second one, and keep it going, making the first stanza the one to stand out. Once again, not bad, but I think with a lil work, it could be great.
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Spring Blossoms and Youth
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Spring Blossoms and Youth
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Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 9:05 pm
caroline digllen I have some poetry, i wrote it during class one day, i hope you like it. . .:
Dancing moon shadows
Upon illustrious crowns
Flowers dream by night
Shivering starlight
In some coldest parts unknown
No one to enjoy
Beautiful darkness
Envelopes my conscienceness
Creating new worlds
Cold siren windsong
Finding my wandering mind
A soft serenade
Deafening silence
Interupting mindful thoughts
Promises delayed
Melodic starlite
Musical strands of vision
A peaceful mindsong Nice imagry...very nice...definatly an emo feel, however, and...well, emo poetry is kindof overdone, if that makes sense...and i think some things can be done to fix the flow though.
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