Noncustodial Parent & my serious issue

[Shinigami Unity]

Alright - here's my little sob story. I have two children who I have raised pretty much by myself. I left my husband in 2007 because I finally realized that he was abusive (ie I was a moron) and I took my kids with me.

He had no solid visitation with them until I pursued child support. Then he demanded to see them 50/50 so he wouldn't have to pay me child support.

Since he abused me in pretty much anyway possible and has serious issues with little girls (ie *****) I tried to fight him for sole physical custody of my children.

The problem with that was that I was a welfare Mom making $9/hour. He had rich grandparents so he could afford to pay more attorney's fees than me. And before you ask - no there isn't much help in ND for legal fees even in a domestic abuse situation.

So he got sole physical custody of my kids (joint legal). I have visitation and I pay child support.

I do not have benefits available to me -he does. He refuses to cover them under his insurance policy. He makes to much to qualify for MA. When I had insurance, I had them covered.

My son has seriously bad seasonal allergies and asthma. My ex husband refuses to take him to the doctor. His reasoning is that "seasonal allergies are not that bad" and he has never seen my son have an asthma attack (because my son has no physical activity at his dad's).

Since I have asthma and severe allergies, I can tell what's making my son feel worse than crap. I can hear and understand what's happening to his airways. It's not just a case of the sniffles - my son is drowning in snot. His airways are constricted - his face is so puffed up - and his vision is so poor from the allergies.

I can't afford to take my son to the doctor if the hospital decides to charge me for it. But I'm worried not only for his life but for how bad his quality of life is.

What should I do?  

[bandaidd]

There are very few options available that I know of, sadly.
1. In many areas there are medical clinics available on a pay as able basis. You have to demonstrate your income, but many people are seen for free.
2. The next option and more painful to do would be to call child protective services and explain the situation to them. They will investigate the situation and insist that the child receives medical care. This will put the ex on the defensive and he may resent it, but the child's welfare needs to be the chief consideration.
3.Other and more difficult option is to appeal for custody on the basis of his not meeting the child's needs. Tough and expensive road. I am a legal moron, so I wouldn't know where to start on this one. Just know it has been done before.

Best of luck from one caring parent to another.  

[StateAlchemist Natsu]

I'm so lucky I have a cousin-in-law and a friend's father who are both work in the legal system... I asked both (Not that hard family always answer for me), the later contact was a bit harder to get a hold of) but they agree get those steps going your children's lives are in danger by the simple fact that you can't get them to a Doctor and he won't do anything to help.

And because of what you said here I would fight tooth and nail to get those kids out of his custody, I also doubt that you should let your Ex have anything to do with your kids I'm sorry I know they have a right to see him but it won't take him long to turn to the children. I have been sexually molested and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop so that my father can go back into jail, I unfortunately believe that is his new wife's grandkids that are going to be next.

Do anything and everything in your power to get those kids to safety  

[iggies]

First, you are not a moron! Abusers know how to groom the victim, know how to isolate...if anything I am so proud you saw and got out.

I hate how the law doesn't see that an abusive ex will more than likely hurt the kids. I'm sorry he had money to help. I don't know enough about the law but I would think that he is endangering the one with asthma (I have asthma and allergies as well). See if there is anyway to have him be checked on, monitored by Child protective services.

My heart goes out to you and your kids and I sincerely hope the best out come for you all.  

[Siumbering Princess22]

I feel so sorry that this is happening to you. I can't imagine how painful this must be. Though I have no advice. I do wish you luck, and you will be in my prayers. This is why I won't go for child support from my daughters father. Because then he will have the right to ask for visitations, and more times then not these men who aren't in your childs life initially only wanna be part of it once you take them for child support to get back at you. So I'd rather just rough it, and do it on my own.

But good luck to you, and I will pray for you and your son.  

[Patron with a Mission]

Grab them, get out, and make sure he never has a chance at them again.

Those would be my words. But if you are unable to do any of the above, go ahead and get him over the counters at least to alleviate some of them symptoms in the meantime if you are unable to do anything else. That's the only thing I can really think of. Most are chewable and easily are hidden if the need is there.

Hope everything works out.  

[Sweet_lil_tomboy]

So many opinions, some good and some bad. I was in your situation. My ex-husband had full custody of my kids and I was paying child support to him.
First of all, there are clinics that will work on a sliding scale depending on your income and in most larger areas there are free clinics held on specific nights for a specific times. Call your local hospital and get information on these programs for your area. Take your son in and have him examined, get a copy of the medical report when you are done. Take that into the court and petition the court for custody based on neglect. If you can prove that he is not providing proper care for your children then you should be able to get custody no matter how much money he throws at the attorney.  

[Shinigami Unity]

Thank you, everyone. heart

Yes - I had a talk with my son's school. I guess this isn't the first medical issue with my child. On two occasions since my ex-husband has had custody of my children he has sent my son to school with fevers in excess of 103F. The school had to call him and force him to take my son home.

I thought about it and realized that my son's health and happiness is more important to me than anything.

I am going to take him in and get the paperwork rolling. Even if it means that I have to forgo groceries for a week or two, at least I can get medical personel backing me up (along with the school) and hopefully I can get my kids back.

Even though it has been 7 months since I lost custody of my kids, I'm still not over it. I am devastated. I cannot believe how laxed the legal system is about abusive people.  

[Sweet_lil_tomboy]

Abusive people know how to manipulate others. Unfortunately no one is immuned.
Good luck Sweetie.