Adoption

[Azusanga]

PLEASE NOTE THAT I WISH TO NOT OFFEND ANYONE WHO HAS/WILL/WAS ADOPTED.


I know, I know, this is probably not a very thought about topic but..

=what are your views on adopting children from other countries?
=should people who can afford to easily and effectively raise a child be allowed to throw their child into the adoptive system willy-nilly?

MY VIEWS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
=I personally do not approve of adopting children from other countries. I realize that people want children from other places, that they want to help others in need. HELL-OH-OH. Because there are NO children in the US (or wherever you live. US as examples since I lives there.) with a cleft palate. There are NO children here of other nationalities. There are NO children here who need your help because they have no legs, because there momma can't afford gruel. Ugh. If you're dead set on adopting from other countries, whatever. Why not help people who need it here too? We have thousands on the streets and in that hellish system- why not change it?

=Nope. They should go through extensive testing and then be interviewed on why they truly want to give up this child. A teenage mother whose parents are wealthy and live in a large home? Keep it for ******** sake!  

[Akarui Mizu]

If you give up a child for adoption it should be because you know you cannot support it and it would be better off with someone that actually can take care of them.

I don't mind adopting from other countries but yes I agree that there are plenty of children in the US that need help to ( I am also from the U.S by the way)

Adopting from other countries isn't such a bad thing. You could be saving a child from a life of illness and poverty.

A potential parent should definitely be interviewed ( god knows how many people adopt children for the wrongest reasons) to make sure that they will be a responsible parent.  

[Matron Mord Sith]

I'm never going to adopt. I hate kids  

[finalfantasyfreak1O1]

Im not sure of my feelings for adoptting from other countries.
But i do know i want to adopt all of my children.
It sounds to painful to give birth to a child and i want to give a home to a kid who needs one not just bring more kids into the world.
Also im positive i wont get married.
Guys dont like me.  

[Kaiyle Brightblade]

It can be hard to adopt a child. Its a very complicated procedure. If you can't adopt a child from America, why not save a child from a life of poverty overseas?  

[pidgezero_one]

I believe that every child in the world deserves to have a family, so I am not in favor of (or against) adopting from any one country over another.  

[Lieutenant Shotgun]

I think adopting someone is a good thing, but giving them away in the first place is terrible. Unless they may have a better life, I think it's terrible. If you don't want the kid so you put it up for adoption, then you should've tried to have an abortion (I will no be debating about that statement thank you very much), tried not to get pregnant in the first place, or some third thing I haven't thought of yet.  

[Lieutenant Shotgun]

finalfantasyfreak1O1

Im not sure of my feelings for adoptting from other countries.
But i do know i want to adopt all of my children.
It sounds to painful to give birth to a child and i want to give a home to a kid who needs one not just bring more kids into the world.
Also im positive i wont get married.
Guys dont like me.

@all bolded: Pain... yeah, I agree with you. I don't want to lose my viriginity because of the possible pain. It's like a phobia.

Then, you'll probably get married. Someone is bound to like you someday.  

[AriaStarSong]

I might be offering a slightly different perspective here. Bear with me, a lot of this is personal experience, and therefore not necessarily every case.

My best friend is adopted. She was a "local" adoption, meaning that she was born in the USA, and actually in the same city that her adopted parents (henceforth referred to simply as "parents". Biological parents will be referred to as such or as "birth mother/father")

On adopting from other countries:

Adoption is a complicated process. It is Very Very Very expensive. At the time my best friend was born, I believe it was about equivalent to the fees you would normally pay throughout pregnancy, with all of the prenatal exams, the ultrasounds, and then the hospital visit for the delivery. From what I understand, it is much more now. I can't give you a figure, because I don't have any idea. I just know that it is horrendously expensive. International adoptions are even more. I believe someone told me that it was somewhere around $50-75K to adopt a child from China, but that could be wrong.
Many countries that previously allowed international adoption are now putting a halt to it. Romania is one. It was one of the requirements for them to join the EU because international adoption (children from that country being adopted by people in other countries) implies instability in the economic and governmental structures. Basically, it says that they are not able to take care of their own problems and have to send them off to someone else. Ending international adoptions in Romania, however, caused their already packed orphanages to overflow, and the level of malnutrition to skyrocket. Basically, Romania's desperate need to get into the EU has ******** it's children over. Seriously.
But that's another topic altogether really. Sorry for the tangent.

There are thousands of children in this country ("locally") that need families. These children are no more or less in need than those from other countries, and it is no more or less noble to adopt locally than it is to adopt internationally. However, there are some drawbacks.

Local adoption can be heartbreaking. It is sad to say, but the American legal system wants to see a child with its biological parents if at all possible. I have heard of a family with a 10 year old adopted boy. His mother was strung out on drugs when he was born and gave him up for adoption. After she got cleaned up, she sued to get custody of the child. And won. The parents had to surrender the boy that they raised for 10 years, who had been a part of their family and who they loved more than anything. It doesn't happen often. But it does happen. The risk of this in international adoptions is considerably lower.

Rich people putting their kids up for adoption:

I have to completely disagree with you on this. I respect your right to your opinion, but I do not agree with it in the least. Anyone who does not want to be a parent, is not going to make a good parent. There are people who want to be parents who would jump for joy at the chance to adopt a healthy child.
Here's the part where my friend's story comes in.

My best friend's birth mother went through a divorce during her pregnancy. It began before that, but was finalized while she was pregnant. The pregnancy was a result of an affair with another man who was also going through a divorce at the time. He and his wife reconciled. My friend's birth mother and her ex husband did not. Her birth mother already had a son, and was financially stable enough that she would have been able to raise another daughter. However, she wanted her daughter to grow up with a family. Her family participated in what is known as an "open adoption". My friend has always known that she was adopted, and has always had contact with her birth mother. At first, it was only letters, and her birth mother was very good about not pushing for information, visitations, pictures, or anything. My friend's mom was very good about sending her pictures and updates, because they knew how hard it was for her to give up her daughter. Her little sister's birth mom was a little pushier, wanted phone numbers, e-mails, things like that, but my friend's birth mom was happy to go at her pace. They met for the first time when she was 15. I met her last summer while we were on a road trip together. She is a very nice woman. I see a lot of my friend's wonderful traits in her.
Would my friend have preferred it another way? When she was younger and she'd get angry at her parents, she might have, but those were just a small child's whims. She knows that she has had so many more opportunities because of her family. She loves the life that she has lived, and loves her parents and her younger sister and all of the extended family that goes with them. I love them as well, I've been "adopted" into the family, lol.

So no, I don't think that people who are capable of raising the child should have to "buck up" and deal with it. Sometimes things happen unexpectedly. Birth control fails. People who were told that they were infertile miraculously conceive. And accidents happen. People make mistakes. I do think that people need to take responsibility for their mistakes, but I don't think that it should have to change the entire course of their lives. I personally do not agree with abortions (I am pro-choice, because I think people should have the right to an option, but I do not agree with them) and I don't think they should be considered an option to "fix" a mistake. There are people out there who want to raise a child and love it and support it. Why not give them a chance, if you don't want to yourself? My friend's parents are wonderful parents, but her mother had a hysterectomy when she was young and could not have any children of her own.

Requiring a potential parent to meet certain requirements to put their child up for adoption seems similar to having requirements for an abortion. Would you say the same for a person aborting their child? That if they have the money to raise them, they should not be able to? As much as I don't like abortion, I believe it should be equally available to all women, not just those on a higher or lower economic level. The same should be true for adoption. Is a child growing up knowing that they are unwanted really so much better than a child growing up in poverty?  

[eccentricanomaly]

I don't really see anything wrong with adoption.


My dad was adopted. He doesn't mind it.

He adopted 6 of my half siblings.
Not at birth, though . . .
Five were through marriage.
The other was my one sister's best friend who's mom ran off with some dude when she was 14, I think.

Also, just because you're finacially stable doesn't necessarily mean you're emotionally stable. Both are important.  

[Lieutenant Shotgun]

Eccentric, I don't understand this:

eccentricanomaly

My dad was adopted. He doesn't mind it.

He adopted 6 of my half siblings.
Not at birth, though . . .
Five were through marriage.

If someone gets married to someone who already has kids, it's not adoption. Or is it? I'm not too sure. However, if the original parent didn't adopt the children, then it's not really an adoption, is it? Legally, maybe, but family-wise, it really isn't.  

[broken_bleeding_angel]

Lieutenant Shotgun

Eccentric, I don't understand this:

eccentricanomaly

My dad was adopted. He doesn't mind it.

He adopted 6 of my half siblings.
Not at birth, though . . .
Five were through marriage.

If someone gets married to someone who already has kids, it's not adoption. Or is it? I'm not too sure. However, if the original parent didn't adopt the children, then it's not really an adoption, is it? Legally, maybe, but family-wise, it really isn't.

If you're parents get divorced and re-married, and the one of them has young kids. Then technically they can still be adopted and take the last name of either parent.  

[eccentricanomaly]

Quoting isn't working . . .

But anyway.
Complicated family.
My dad married someone who had kids, making him their step father.
Then, he went to court and legally adopted them.
Then got divorced and took custody of the kids.

If the court thing hadn't happened, it wouldn't be considered adoption, but since it did, it does.  

[delete_my_existence]

why make kids of your own when the world is already over-populated and there are so many kids without home already.. just pick one, from anywhere. neutral  

[whatagirlwants]

While I see your point I must say I do not agree. Yes our system is not perfect but to say its hellish is a far stretch. I am aware abuse of all kinds happens to foster kids and that being moved from family to family is psychologically damaging. However it is nothing compared to the orphanages of most countries, the poorer the country the worse it is. In many countries around the world children are being put down because they are "unadoptable" and the government can't afford to feed them. In other countries they aren't being put down just neglected and abused until they die. Most often these are special needs children.

That is where I come in. I want to start a non profit just for these children. I want to build a massive facility on the land my husband and I will inheirit that will give the children all the opertunities special needs children have here and permanant home. However all the children will still be up for adoption. If we cannot use the land or have to wait for my MIL to die then we build orphanages in their home countries with the best facilities we can. We will act as a middle man doing all the hard work between the families and the government to get them their children at the lowest price possible...remember non profit. This is my calling in life. All adoption I make will be overseas and all adoptions through me likewise and they will all save lives.

I am not saying that there are not special needs orphans here and that they do not need homes but they are in far less danger of dieing for being born different. Also devil's advocate on the part of the adoptive parents. The reason there so many kids here that need homes is not a lack of parents but a lack of persons willing to take older children. The waiting list to get a baby is a mile long here. So many adoptive parents look overseas where orphanages are over flowing and they can get a baby with little to know wait. My aunt adopted 3 kids. Her first was from Korea she waited a year and a half for him. The whole time she was on the Korea list she was on the American list. It wasn't for another 3-4 years that she was matched with an American baby and it was her nephew. She later adopted his sister.

ALL adoption is a beautiful thing.

As for parents putting kids up for adoption when they can afford it I will get a little person. My parents have the same opinion. They could afford to have me but they didn't want me. If you want more details on them you can read "I need a shoulder" on the main page. I grew up hated and knew it. I dreamed of being taken away and adopted. I wanted to go into the foster system. If someone is unwilling to be a loving a parent than they are not capable to do it and they should be allowed to put up the child for adoption. Someone should be forced to get an abortion because they do not want to keep it. Also if someone is raped and gets pregnant and chooses not to get an abortion should that person be forced to keep a child they will never love just because they can afford to?