Welcome to Gaia! ::

To start off; I'll explain the chain of events that led me to asking for advice.

Well; to start off with; I was dating my boyfriend (Who is now my ex) For three and a half years. Since my freshman year in highschool. We started off as best friends; and he had a girlfriend when we were friends. One day he got dumped by her; in a dear John letter. He was so upset; so I was there for him; like a friend would be. One thing led to another; and we ended up starting to date.

Then he changed.

He would make sexually related jokes, ask "Jokingly" if I wanted to get "Knocked up", and touch me against my will where I did NOT want to be touched. Things went downhill even worse. He would start stopping calling me; never texted me, and he was always "at a friend's house". That's not the worst part though.

He expected me to stay pure to him; which I did! I didn't even THINK of dating anyone else while I was with him, and then one day; he came over and said we needed to talk. I figured it was important; and I knew the horrid beginning of the conversation with those four words: "We need to talk".

Honest to say; I wanted to dump him, because at this point; I had a feeling he was sneaking out and having sex with another girl. It wasn't an assumption either; because he admitted to it, and said he'd been having sex with her for three weeks before he dumped me!

Anyway; a few months passed and I hadn't heard from him. Turns out; the week before he dumped me; he hooked up with YET ANOTHER girl. At this point I was p/o'd. I was pure, i kept my purity promise; I even lost some friends over him.

He called me a few weeks ago; and I was literally crying on his shoulder; over the whole stress of the thing. I told him I needed him, I would do anything for thngs to go back to the way they were before we broke up. And then he said the most horrible thing Ive heard out of his mouth. He said; "Well if things between my girlfriend and I don't work out; you know I'll be coming back to you."

I wanted to slap him and say: "I'M not a playtoy! I'm not just here for you when you're bored of your girlfriend! I AM NOT the girl you can dump at the drop of a dime, to have sex with another! You are disgusting!"

But I didn't...

I seriously wish now that I had; because he's gone so downhill since we broke up. He started smoking again, he's drinking again, he's speeding and drunk all the time; and he even "Joked" about smoking weed! I AM SERIOUSLY worried!

I mean I know I shouldn't be since it's not my problem anymore but I don't know what to do! Any suggestions on how I can help him? Or get him out of my life completely? I'm SICK of being used....

I'm considered gaia mom because of my age and that I am in college. Do not even give him the time of day. All he wanted was one thing. Don't give it up to him. To put it quite seriously and hard to here, he just wanted to get into your well... If he really loved you, there would be patience. He is just clearly being an a*****e. sorry for the language. Do not hurt yourself by getting pregnent. Your goals are much more important. Forget about him. A true man will come along when you least expect him, most likely in college or further on. Don't worry, love will come your way. 3nodding

Don't pick up the phone, just ignore him. Especially if you don't want to have this person in your life. Cut all ties.

But, if you earnestly want to help him...SLAP SOME DAMN SENSE IN TO THE BOY! I mean it, sit down or when he's on the phone--and sober--just tell him what's what. He wouldn't call you and want to talk to you unless he felt you were a "safe person". He obviously is starved for your attention, so give it to him but, on your terms...tell him what he needs to hear.

Don't even give him a second thought, he is trying to manipulate you by making you feel guilty or like you are responsible for his actions. He is responsible for his behavior and you don't need someone that narcissistic and emotionally abusive in your life. You are not responsible for saving him, it's not your job, much as you may want to it isn't worth sacrificing your own well being for someone who doesn't really want to change.

Just forget about him. He dumped you, so you shouldn't be worrying about him screwing his own life up, and dont let it effect you.
If you do want to give him a wake up call and make him see sense, then i suggest a good knee to his nut sack. He wants to go around screwing girls? Then hit him where it hurts. Trust me, it worked on my ex boyfriend

Let me get this straight: He verbally and sexually harasses you, cheats on you twice, dumps you, and now wants to use you as a FillerGirl to repeat the same things.

Ah, no. You don't help him. You're not the one to help him. You tell him exactly what you said; that you are a person worthy of respect, and deserve to be treaty so, and will not tolerate being manipulated, cheated on, harassed, and used.

And then you don't talk to him again. No matter how much he says he will change or has changed.

I have to agree.

I'm very sorry about what happened. I guess some people just turn out to be jerks.

If he treats you that badly, you should get him out of your life. I know this might be hard but really I think thats the best thing to do.

Because you are worried about his drug problems, I recommend you tell his parents or some adult that will take action about how bad the situation is. This serves two purposes:
1. he will get professional help
2. he will not want to talk to you. This is what you want.

If he threatens you or you are worried about him threatening you, immediately tell your parents or an adult who will help.